Category Archives: Jealousy

Problems with Unfounded Jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes relationship jealousy becomes pathological.

Jealousy in relationships can go from mild to off the scale, stalker type, pathological

jealousy. A little bit of jealousy seems to strengthen relationships. It’s nice to know that your partner wouldn’t want to lose you to a rival.

The level of jealousy in a relationship is affected by the level of trust. If one person in the relationship is untrustworthy, has cheated in the past, trust will be one of the casualties.

Excessive jealousy can become dangerous, even abusive. In some relationships, partners are jealous even when the facts give them no reason for the extreme level of jealousy they experience. A pathologically jealous partner may spy on their mate, going through their email, checking their phone messages, and even following their partner around town. Excessively jealous partners are known to become violent and abusive.

Excessive jealousy is often reported among men in troubled relationships where it may lead to domestic violence. Pathological jealousy is often coupled with serious impairments. Drug use, alcoholism, and past histories of troubled relationships increase the risks. Unreasonable jealousy is also commonly reported among older adults with cognitive impairments. In Alzheimer’s and other dementias, the impaired person may believe their partner, who was also their caregiver, is cheating on them even when that partner is present all day long.

Intense love does not cause jealousy.

Jealous people often alibi their behaviors by saying they love the other person. Excessive pathological jealousy is not about the one who is loved. Jealous people’s behavior harms their partner and their relationship.

The sort of mild relational jealousy seen in loving couples results in increased attention and efforts to strengthen the relationship. Pathological jealousy results in harming your partner and efforts to control them.

Jealousy is caused by the fear of loss.

Sometimes feelings of jealousy can be functional. Jealousy’s role is to warn you when a close relationship is in jeopardy. If your partner is spending a lot of time with someone else, this may pose a threat to your relationship. Jealousy is not restricted to relationships that may turn sexual. If your partner or someone close to you become emotionally close to another person and shares with them things about you and your relationship, this can damage your intimate relationships

Jealousy is the result of insecurities.

People who are high in jealousy are insecure. They commonly believe that their partner would have many more opportunities to find a new mate then they would. That may not want their partner to leave the house and become easily upset if their partner looks too attractive. They become angry potentially violent if their partner communicates with other potential mates.

Jealousy may stem from unmet childhood needs.

Some people are chronically high in the trait of jealousy. Their high trait jealousy may be the result of adverse childhood experience which leads to mental health issues we call “attachment disorders.” If your close relationships in childhood did not meet your needs, you may feel insecure and doubt your close relationships as an adult. People who have experienced high levels of jealousy and past relationships need to work on themselves and their feelings of insecurity.

Jealousy jumps to conclusions.

The more jealousy-prone you are, the more likely you are to interpret normal events as posing a threat to your relationship. If your partner gets an occasional email or text from another person that shouldn’t trigger automatic jealous thoughts. If when your partner’s late getting home from work you assume their meeting someone else your mind may be taking you in a very bad direction.

Jealousy assumes the worst.

Jealous people are constantly looking for evidence to confirm their preconceived bias. If your partner talks to someone on the phone you assume they’re trying to make a hook up rather than assuming this is work-related or concerns financial transactions? When “Sarah” from the insurance company calls for your husband you assume it’s because she’s flirting or you think it is about an insurance policy?

Low self-esteem fuels jealousy.

People who are low in self-esteem are often high in jealousy. Their underlying assumption is that if they lose this partner, they would have trouble finding another, while they believed that their partner has lots of choices of desirable mates. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s more difficult to believe that your partner wants to continue this relationship.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.  

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Managing Relationship Jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Relationship jealousy is a major reason people seek marriage counseling.

Jealousy can destroy your primary relationship. Couples who come in for

relationship counseling, are commonly plagued by jealous behaviors. Often one of the parties believes the other is having or has had an affair. Sometimes it’s this discovery of the affair the brings the couple in to see the marriage counselor. Other times the truth of the affair comes out as the couple explores their jealous feelings.

The most destructive type of jealousy is the pathological, delusional variety of jealous, in which one partner is constantly checking because they believe their partners are cheating despite a total lack of evidence. If you do not manage this extreme variety of jealousy, it can escalate to violence, police involvement, restraining orders, and can bring an end to the relationship.

Before coming to counseling, many couples have tried coping with jealous feelings by using unhelpful coping strategies.

Jealous couples may deny they have a problem.

Some couples have an unspoken agreement that they will pretend the jealousy between them is normal and not a problem. When the jealousy is largely on one side, more commonly the male, that partner frequently will deny that they have a problem with jealousy and will blame their partner. The jealous person may refuse to take responsibility for their jealousy and tell their partner “you make me jealous.”

Stonewalling and refusing to talk, will make jealousy worse.

A common way jealous people avoid looking at their part in the problem is to refuse to talk about it. Refusing to discuss problems is very destructive of close relationships.

Seek revenge on your partner or rival doesn’t help jealous feelings.

An unduly jealous partner may drop in on their partner at work, destroy things and try to prevent the object of their jealousy from being able to see or to talk to the person they perceive as their rival. I’ve witnessed jealous people, both men and women, show up at a class and threaten or attack the person they believe to be flirting with their partner.

If jealousy is a problem in your relationship, seek help.

Don’t wait to deal with jealousy in your relationship until it escalates into violence, legal involvement or destroys your relationship. When couples come to counseling and jealousy is an issue there are several things the counselor will look at. Is the jealousy problem a couple’s issue, the result of poor communication or disagreements about appropriate behavior?

When a couple first gets together a shy or insecure person may be very attractive to an outgoing, friendly, person. After a while, what they like the attention, they become jealous when their partner acts in precisely the same that originally attracted them.

One other thing the counselor needs to rule out, sometimes the feeling of jealousy is well-founded. Your partner’s behavior may be a genuine threat to the relationship. Sometimes the causes of jealousy are your partner’s inappropriate close relationship with another person. Jealousy may be well found if your partner is having an affair.

Here are some of the techniques counselors might use to help couples deal openly and honestly with the issue of jealousy.

Talk openly and honestly about your feelings of jealousy.

Not talking about things leaves the imagination to magnify insignificant events into horrific threats. Rather than letting jealousy poison your relationship the jealous person should explain when they are jealous and what is making them feel jealous. It’s important for the jealous person to take ownership of the feeling rather than to blame their partner by saying “you make me jealous.”

Requesting reassurance from your partner may reduce jealousy.

It can be helpful to the jealous person to hear from their partner that their relationship is intact. Hearing that your partner values the relationship and is willing to do things to make you feel less threatened and more secure can help reduce feelings of jealousy.

You may need to reevaluate your relationship.

When a partner can’t reassure you or is unwilling to stop seeing the person that is causing your jealousy, one or both people may need to reevaluate this relationship. If your partner insists they will continue to see someone else, there may be good reasons for your jealousy. Sometimes the feeling of jealousy is trying to tell that there is a real threat to your relationship.

Reduce jealousy by questioning your assumptions.

Many feelings we call “negative feelings,” are based in reality. These feelings tell us that something bad is or has happened. Other times, however, those negative feelings you are experiencing are the result of a lot of “unhelpful thoughts” you are having. Rather than assume that your partner’s jealousy means your relationship is threatened; re-examine those beliefs. Be very careful about jumping to conclusions. People with a bias towards jealousy, anger, anxiety, and depression, are likely to perceive everything is being much more significant and much more negative than it is. If jealousy is troubling your relationships, consider working with a professional to see if you have reason to be jealous or you are making faulty assumptions.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.  

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Types of Jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

There’s more than one type of jealousy.

When you hear the word jealousy, most people think about jealousy in a romantic relationship. That’s not the only type of jealousy that affects humans. Jealousy is a complex reaction to relationship threats. Being in relationships with other humans has lots of advantages. Groups of humans protect each other.

Relationships are inherently rewarding, producing feelings of affection, intimacy, and belonging. Anything that might undermine your relationships is likely to produce strong feelings, thoughts about the meaning of this relationship threat, and behaviors to respond to those threats. Jealousy can begin very early in life, and how it’s experienced change across the lifespan

Sibling jealousy.

Sibling jealousy, sometimes called sibling rivalries, is extremely common. It is generally in the mild to moderate severity range and rarely becomes a more severe morbid or pathological jealousy. Sibling jealousy in children is frequent, pervasive, and easily activated. The immediate cause is usually a lack of attention towards the jealous child or their perception that there is favoritism towards the other child.

For some children, this is easily resolved. Unresolved sibling jealousy can lead to serious problems later in life. Some adults continue to argue with their siblings, and the expression “mom always liked you best” is the classic example of this.

Our early family experiences set the pattern for our reaction to jealousy caused by relationship threats. Children compete for mom, dad, or another caregiver’s attention. The recent increase in blended families with their step-parent, step-children relationships, reveals how important relationship security is to humans and how jealousy grows in response to relationship threats.

Friendship jealousy.

In early childhood, everyone had, or wished for, a best friend. When those relationships were dyads, just the two of you, they tended to be stable and long-term. Add a third person, and the best friend relationship becomes unstable. Children often compete for friendships and demand exclusive attention. “It’s either them or me” is the slogan for early friendships.

Romantic jealousy.

Jealousy in romantic relationships is easily activated. A person with good self-esteem is likely to respond to threats in their relationship with partner retention efforts. If you think your partner may be looking at other people, you spend more time with them and make more efforts to impress them. You may try to scare off that other person or tell your partner they can’t have it both ways.

Morbid or pathological jealousy.

This is the most serious manifestation of jealousy. It may lead to stalking or acts of violence. This serious condition is most often associated with romantic relationships but can occur in any of the varieties of jealousy. People who develop pathological jealousy are likely to suffer from low self-esteem. When someone believes, they would have trouble attracting another partner, but their mate has many options, they are more likely to respond with angry, controlling, or violent behavior.

Professional jealousy.

Professional jealousies can lead to all sorts of workplace conflicts. Professionals competing for the attention or rewards from third parties can undermine the effectiveness of the school, business, or other entity.

Delusional jealousy involving neurocognitive problems.

This condition is associated with Parkinson’s, dementia, treatment with a dopamine agonist, alcohol addiction, and stimulant abuse disorders. It often coexists with hallucinations and increases the risk of violence towards caregivers.

People with neurocognitive disorders can become extremely fearful of losing a relation. They may begin to accuse their partner of having affairs, and they will come to believe these affairs are taking place even when the partner is almost never outside their sight.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.  

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Delusion or reality?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Delusions.

Delusions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes delusions get people into trouble.

One problem area for mental health is distinguishing between delusions and reality. If

something is highly unlikely and yet despite mounds of evidence that can’t be true, that someone still firmly believes in its truth, it’s likely to be a delusion. Unfortunately, one person’s belief may be another person’s delusion. Disagreements about the truth often result in violence. After there’s been a violent incident, the question often arises why hadn’t someone spotted that person who was likely to become violent?

Identifying when someone is delusional is the first step. Figuring out when that delusion will lead that person to violence is a much more difficult task.

Defining delusions.

The technical definition of delusions is fixed beliefs which people are unwilling to change even when presented with evidence to the contrary. The harder it is to tell what is truth and what is delusion, the more likely it is to result in violence. Religion and politics are two areas particularly prone to disagreements that lead to violence.

Here’s a list of the recognized themes of delusions.

  1. Someone’s out to get me, technically called persecutory delusions.
  2. Grandiose delusions, the person believes they are special and have exceptional abilities.
  3. Love and sex delusions are technically called erotomanic delusions, during which the delusional person believes someone is in love with them or wants them sexually.
  4. Nihilistic delusions involve the fixed belief that a major disaster will occur.
  5. Delusions regarding health and body functioning are called somatic delusions.

Is that delusion bizarre?

When other people in your culture don’t believe, something could happen, it would not be a normal experience for them. Common examples of beliefs that would be considered bizarre delusions include the idea that someone is beaming thoughts into your head or removing your thoughts. Some people also believe that an outside force is controlling them.

The problem with diagnosing delusions.

Delusions can occur in the course of several mental illnesses. There is also one specific category titled Delusional Disorder (F-22) which is a catchall for several distinct kinds of delusions which occur outside the course of another mental illness.

One type of delusion which results in a lot of problematic behavior is the delusional form of jealousy. Jealousy is a complicated topic; not all jealousy is delusional. But delusional jealousy, sometimes described as morbid or pathological jealousy, can result in stalking and interpersonal violence.

In upcoming blog posts, we will look at delusional disorder and then some of the varieties of jealous behavior, when is jealousy good for relationships, as well as how and when jealousy becomes dangerous.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Causes of jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Jealousy results in many referrals for counseling.

Jealousy, like it’s relatives anger and loneliness are not specific mental health diagnoses. We often think of these as feelings, but all three also include thoughts and behaviors in addition to the feelings. Sometimes jealousy is the reason people come to see a counselor, other times the stated problem is something else such as “poor communication.” Under that other issue, the counselor is likely to find unaddressed jealousy. Jealousy, like anger, may also be a symptom of an underlying serious mental illness. Here are some of the diagnoses, and relationship issues that may be causing jealousy.

Substance Use Disorders cause jealousy.

Using and abusing drugs or alcohol alters people’s feelings and thoughts. Under the influence, people are disinhibited and more likely to act on their feelings of jealousy. The drinking and drug use lifestyle also puts people at risk. When under the influence and disinhibited, people are more likely to act on their sexual, cheating, desires. Having substances in the bloodstream affects memory and cognition resulting in people believing things that never happened. The substance using lifestyle also results in trauma or having to do things to get your drugs that you would not do clean and sober.

Psychosis and Delusions Disorders increase jealous thoughts and behaviors.

People hear and see things that are not there are at risk to misinterpret those hallucinations. The one specific mental illness which includes jealousy as a specific symptom is Delusional Disorder, jealous type. People who have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, some people with bipolar disorder, and severe major depressive disorder with psychotic symptoms all may experience delusions. Delusional beliefs that others are treating them badly or that their partner is cheating on them can be common with severe mental illnesses.

Jealousy is common in Neurocognitive Disorders.

People with neurocognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or other forms of dementia are likely to feel their relationships are threatened and begin to believe that their partner may be cheating on. These kinds of solutions are especially hard on caregivers who may be with the demented person almost every hour of every day but still are faced with jealous accusations of infidelity.

Reactive Jealousy is the result of real events.

Reactive Jealousy is probably the easiest variety to understand. If your partner has had an affair or several affairs, it is understandable that you might become jealous. Couples often disagree on what behaviors constitute cheating. Men are more likely to become jealous if they believe their partner has been physically intimate with another man. Women are more likely to become jealous if their partner develops a close emotional connection with another person.

The risks of an affair affect the two genders differently. Men have historically been concerned that they might have to support the offspring fathered by another man. Women are more likely to fear that if their man becomes involved with another woman, he will spend money, economic resources, on that other woman thereby depriving her and her children of needed support.

Pathological Jealousy is the most dangerous.

Pathological Jealousy is believed to arise when one partner believes they are less desirable than their mate. If a man believes that his female partner has lots of men interested in her while he thinks if he loses her he will have difficulty finding another mate, he is likely to become jealous and try to control her access to other men.

Pathological Jealousy is the type most likely to result in violent, controlling behavior. People who are pathologically jealousy may become stalkers or engage in violent attacks on their partner or perceived rivals.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

That thing called jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is jealousy a good thing or a bad thing?

Jealousy is a complicated subject. When the word jealousy is used, most people think immediately about their romantic partner relationship. It appears that certain expressions of jealousy can strengthen some relationships while other expressions can destroy your relationships. Clients who come to counseling because of jealousy, usually have been harmed by a jealous partner or they’ve been required to get counseling because their jealousy has led to violent, aggressive actions.

Sometimes people go out of their way to make their partner jealous. It is an ego boost to know your partner will become jealous when that cute guy or gal pays you some attention. Other times excessive jealousy can destroy a relationship when it moves from expressions of affection to controlling behaviors or even violence.

How your partner handles jealousy is largely about them, not about the facts of the situation. Let’s look at the nature of jealousy, how jealousy operates, and how it might have both good and bad expressions.

Jealousy is more than a feeling.

Researchers find that this thing we call jealousy includes thoughts, emotions, and actions. In its simplest form jealousy thought that you have lost or are at risk to lose something, usually another relationship to a rival.

This thought that someone might be taking away your relationship can trigger feelings of fear, grief, and loss, or anger. People who experience a threat to their relationship may become anxious, depressed, or may be driven to attack the perceived rival. These feelings become the basis for actions.

The difference between envy and jealousy.

Envy is when one person wants what another person has. If your neighbor has a luxury car, you want one as good or better. If your neighbor has an attractive partner, envy would mean you wanted an attractive partner also. Someone who is envious of you wants something as good as or better than what you have. They do not necessarily want to take what is yours.

Jealousy involves three or more people.

Jealousy stems from threats that some will take away your relationship with another person. There’s a belief that jealousy fills an evolutionary function in humans, probably in other animals also. Expression of jealousy, the behaviors, function to prevent mate poaching. Jealousy, that possibility of losing a relationship, affects males and females differently.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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