Category Archives: Emotions and Feelings

Happiness Secrets.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Happy people know and practice these secrets.

Happiness is not an accident. Being happy is not about luck. There are happy people in the humblest of situations and miserable people in mansions. Mostly this is about your attitude and developing the skills to keep your life in balance. Below is a list of happy life secrets gleaned from a variety of sources. You can have these as my gift to you. Pick through the list and see which happy life skills would benefit you and then adopt those principles today. Most of these are skills. To be effective you can’t just do it once. Being happy is something you should be practicing every day.

Happy is a choice.

You can stay sad, angry, or unhappy as long as you want. Being happy is less about what you have and what happens to you, and much more about how you decide you will react to the events of life.  Make a choice today that you plan to maximize your happiness.  When you look down you see the dirt.  When you look up you see the clouds and at night the stars.

You can be miserable if you chose.

Pain, that stuff comes and goes. Some people get way more than their share and others not so much, but the happy person learns that the pain is out of their control but the suffering is voluntary. You can make the worst of the situation or you can look for the gemstones that come mixed in the gravel of life.

Happy people study to become happiness experts.

An expert can see things other people miss. A finish carpenter will spot a flaw in construction as soon as they enter the room. Others will never notice that flaw. The happiness expert studies happiness, they can recognize it far off and they are practiced at scooping up and holding on to those little doses of happiness that run by each day.

Look for happiness every day and everywhere.

Happiness is a shy creature.  It is often hiding, mixed in with the activities of everyday life.  Make it your task to spot those fleeting glimpses of happiness.  Collect those happiness sightings the way a bird-watcher collects records of having seen a rare bird.

This is a real life, some days are happier than others.

Some days are inherently happier than others.  When there are less happy days make sure to remind yourself that there will be more happy days to come.  Stay open to the possibility that tomorrow something good might happen to you.

Life isn’t always the way you want it. You chose your attitude.

Be careful to not get hung up on the things that you don’t have, or the things that don’t go the way you want them to.  There will be times in life when things don’t go your way.  You may not get to choose the events but you do get to choose the attitude you take towards them.

When you are in a hole, stop digging.

When you find that the things you are doing are making your life worse stop doing those things.  Most of us have a hard time letting go of things that are not adding to our happiness.  Bad habits, drugs, and alcohol, gambling, don’t make you happy.  Don’t spend a lot of time on people who are negative and drag you down.  Dispose of the things in your life that are holding you back and treasurer the things that make you happy.

Divorce perfectionism.

Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness.  Chasing being perfect is a great mirage.  Trying to be perfect leaves you unsatisfied with whenever and wherever you are.  Be kind and accept yourself just the way you are.  A focus on your flaws robs you of the joy of the things that you do well.

Go on a low-stress diet. – Stress is about attitude.

Life can be stressful.  Both the good things and the bad things can make you feel stressed.  Learn to not stress yourself out over things.  Accept what is.  Resolve not to stress yourself out over things which are outside your control.

Keep your life in balance.

A happy life needs to stay in balance.  You need time for family, for friends, for work and most importantly for you.  Take care of your body, your mental health, and your relationships.  You need some money for basic necessities but you also need to occasionally spend a little on yourself and your enjoyment.

Laugh and learn every day.

To be happy you need to practice every day.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  Learn to joke and have fun.  Learn something new every day.  Make life a great adventure, not a drudgery.

Happy people take risks.

You need to take some chances, stick your neck out, and see what might happen.  Sometimes to find happiness, you have to run the risk of enduring some pain.  The turtle who keeps his head in the shell never gets anywhere.  You will never know the things you might be great at and that might bring you great joy until you have tried them at least once.

Tackle the hard stuff first.

As long as there’s something hard or unpleasant waiting for you, it’s hard to enjoy your day.  Tackle that difficult project first thing the rest of the day gets easier.  Start your day by dealing with something difficult or unpleasant and you will enjoy everything after.

Let it go. Don’t hold onto the bad stuff, grudges, and arguments.

Your negative emotions will poison you.  Anger, fear, or resentments can sicken your life.  Let go of all the things that you may be holding against someone else and you will lighten your load and reduce your baggage.

Share your happiness, there is plenty to go around. Encourage others.

The more you share happiness the more there is.  Smiling at others will make you feel happy.  No matter how much happiness you give away you will always have some left.  People who are stingy with their happiness find they run out quickly.  Be careful not to equate sharing happiness was spending money or doing work for other people.  You can use money, to create things which make people happy, but more money does not mean that you are able to buy more happiness.

Get honest with yourself.

You may be able to fool other people, but if you want to be happy stop fooling yourself.  Tell yourself lies and you will be in the most unhappy relationship possible.

Happy people can accept help.

Doing for others can make you feel happy.  Don’t cheat others out of the opportunities to feel happy by helping you.  Happiness is one of those things that the more you give it away the more you have.  There’s nothing wrong with allowing other people to help you.  Learn to accept help graciously with a thank you.

Love Your Life.

To enlarge your happiness, develop a love of life and a joy of living.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is empathy?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What is empathy?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Why is empathy in short supply?

Empathy is a vital ingredient in modern life.

Empathy is described variously as, understanding another’s feelings, the ability to

identify with and understand somebody else’s feelings or difficulties or the abilities to put yourself in the other’s position. It can have to do with both cognitive understanding and emotional experience.

Empathy is considered a fundamental skill for beginning counselors to have or to develop. I looked this word up in my 1898 Century Dictionary and Cyclopedia only to find – it’s not there!

The word empathy was introduced into the English language in the year 1908.  It came from a German word which had come into use extensively in the 1870s.  There was clearly a need for a word that more accurately expressed this concept.  Originally the word empathy was closely related to sympathy but went beyond the concept of feeling sorry for someone.  Empathy came to mean a ‘felt sense” or an understanding at a deeper level.

Today this word is often used to denote the ability to understand and experience what someone else is feeling.  To really feel empathy and you needed to not only understand what the person may be thinking but what they may be feeling.

In order to develop your understanding of the skill of empathy take a look at the list below of ways to tell if someone is truly empathetic.

Empathy is seeing life through someone else’s eyes.

Empathy is not simply saying I know what you mean or I understand what you are going through.  It is that true desire to actually be able to put yourself in the other person’s position and see what they’re seeing in the way they are seeing it.

Empathy is being genuinely curious about others.

People who are high in empathy are genuinely curious about other people’s lives and what it would be like to live life the way that person lives.

Empathy wants to understand not judge.

To have empathy you have to suspend judgment.  The people who are high in empathy make the effort to understand the other person, their life situations, and what they have gone through.  The goal of empathy is to experience what it would be like to be that other person.

Empathy values the other person’s experience.

Having empathy places a high value on other people and their experiences.  People from other backgrounds can have important contributions to make to our understanding of the world we live in.  An empathetic person does not look for ways to make the other person more like themselves.  They look for ways in which that other person’s thinking and behavior make sense, given their life experiences.

Empathy is a mirror that reflects what is inside us.

As you seek to practice empathy for others you are likely to discover that it says a lot about you.  Looking and listening to other people’s life experiences evokes emotions deep within ourselves.  Much of what we may be feeling about someone else reflects what we would be feeling in that situation.  Deep empathy moves beyond our own experience and attempts to experience things from the others point of view.

Empathy understands feelings as well as facts.

Empathy is about more than simply understand the facts and the situations of someone existence.  The highest form of empathy is to seek to understand how someone feels.  This goes beyond thief understand of facts of someone’s life, to how that person interprets those facts and the feelings those situations result in.

Have you developed your skills for experiencing empathy?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

How to become more positive.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy man

Happiness tip – be positive.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Want a more positive life, try these happiness tips.

Positive people are a lot happier and more productive than people who see everything in a negative light.  Pessimistic people like to say they’re just being realistic. It is possible to be very positive and still see life in a realistic manner.  Being positive also has the side benefit of making you more fun to be around.  Take a look at some of these positivity tips and see if applying them to your life would be beneficial.

1. Be kind to yourself to become more positive.

Cruelty makes the world an awful place.  Being cruel to yourself is a very unhelpful practice.  Begin your efforts to be more positive by being kind to yourself.  As you began to treat yourself better it will become easier and easier to treat others well.  Kindness is a close cousin to positivity.

2. Use positive affirmations to multiply your positivity.

The things you say to yourself, about you, have a habit of coming true.  Adopt the practice of using positive affirmations.  Each day, tell yourself something positive about you.  Find positive sayings that will motivate you to do your best.  Make sure these positive affirmations are things you really believe are possible.  Positive affirmations can do a lot to motivate you.

3. Giving yourself credit for things well done builds a more positive outlook.

Make sure that you recognize the things that you do well.  Believing in yourself and accepting credit where credit is due are parts of becoming more positive.  Are you one of those people who find it hard to accept a compliment?  There’s nothing wrong with accepting praise and compliments when they are deserved.  Becoming willing to recognize when you’ve done something well is one of the steps along the path to a more positive life.

4. Develop a positive support system.

The more you hang out with people, the more you begin to adopt their habits and attitudes.  To be one of the positive people make sure that you hang out with other positive people.  Work on enlarging your support system.  Surround yourself with people who will support you in being more positive.

5. Take responsibility for your life.

There may be many things in your life over which you have no control.  Two things you do have control of are your attitude and your actions.  No one but you can truly make you happy.  While they may set situations in motion, situations better to your liking, you will choose whether to be happy or to be disappointed with what they have done for you.  The happy, positive life is a matter of personal responsibility.

6.  Please yourself first for a more positive life.

No matter how hard you try there are some people you will never be able to please.  Work on doing the things that will please you.  If you don’t please yourself no amount of doing and pleasing others will make you happy.  Being positive enlarges your happiness.

7. Get clear on your yes’s and no’s.

Do the thing you want to do. Say no to the things you don’t wish to do.  Get clear on which is which.  Positive people stay positive by eliminating that negative and those no’s from their life.  Spend your time on the things you really want to accomplish for a more positive life.

8. Focus on the lesson you learned not what you did wrong.

Don’t make the mistake of focusing all your attention on your errors.  Part of the process of learning is making mistakes.  It is OK to be less than perfect.  What you do need to do is make sure that you learn from the mistakes as you make them.  Positive people believe that mistakes are them learning another way that won’t work.

9. Plan, not ruminate, to be more productive.

Don’t spend a lot of time going and over and over things that happened in the past.  Avoid a lot of time worrying about things that might happen in the future.  Keep your focus on the present moment and on planning for what you are going to do.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

9 Ways to make new friends.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

group of friends.

Friendship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Getting good at making new friends.

Many people find that it’s very hard for them to make friends.  Very few people tell me that they have too many friends.  Making friends is a skill and like any other skill, you can learn or improve your ability to do this.  If you have ever thought that you would like to have more friends take a look at the list below of ways to improve your friend-making skills.

1.  Friends are made around shared activities.

Want friends, you need to get out there. Most friends in life are the result of things that you do with others.  People make friends and schools from kindergarten all the way through graduate school.  Sometimes we make friends at work.  The who join a club or have a hobby often make friends as a result.  If you decide that you would like to have more friends than the first step is to get out there and be in places where you will meet people who might become friends.

2.  Introduce yourself if you want to make friends.

If you want to make friends don’t hold back waiting for others to approach you.  The fastest way to break the ice and create friendship opportunities is to be the one that puts your hand out and introduces yourself.  Remember there may be other people there who would like to find new friends also.  They’re waiting for you to be the one to make the first move.

3.  Asking people about themselves starts friendly conversations.

Most people’s favorite topic is themselves.  One really quick way to get a conversation started is to ask someone about themselves.  Try to avoid overly personal questions.  Ask simple and easy questions that might get the conversation rolling.  Good conversations develop and strengthen friendships.

4.  Give others sincere compliments.

Make it a point to give sincere compliments when you see someone or something that you like.  Avoid overly sugary and insincere sounding compliments.  Letting someone know that you like are appreciate what they have done is a great way to open up a conversation.  Don’t be stingy with sincere compliments.  Develop a reputation as someone who appreciates what others do for them.

5.  Hear them out to create friendships.

Make it a point to listen to what the other person is saying.  Make sure they’ve finished their statement before you interrupt and begin to comment.  People who are good communicators develop friendships.  The key to the art of communication is to understand what the other person is saying, not to force them to understand what you mean.

6.  Get clarification.  Don’t assume you know what they are talking about.

In any kind of conversation, it’s very important to be sure you accurately understand what the other person is saying.  Ask for clarification.  Sometimes it helps to summarize what they are saying.  Pay special attention to the feelings behind the facts.  Knowing why someone feels what they feel will help you to understand them as a person.

7.  Ask potential friends about their opinion.

In the beginning of a relationship, it is more important to ask other people about their opinion that it is to express yours.  Find out what this other person thinks about things.  This will help you decide if this is someone you want in your life or someone who you should avoid.

8.  Stay in contact to strengthen friendships.

When you meet someone you think is a potential friend don’t let it end with that first meeting.  Make an extra effort to get their phone number or other contact information.  Find a reason to make a second contact.  Look for other opportunities to do something together again.  It takes repeated contact to turn an acquaintance into a friend.

9.  Give as much as you take to maintain a friendship.

At the beginning of new friendships, it is important that they be reciprocal.  Make sure to avoid relationships with people who may be out to use you.  Be careful about pursuing friendships when you’re only desire is to get something from that other person.  The best friendships are ones where you would feel comfortable doing for them and expect that they would do the same for you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Values.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Values.

Values

“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.”

― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”

― Albert Einstein

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”

― Mark Twain

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Optimism.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Optimism.

Optimism

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

― Winston S. Churchill

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“You’ll never find a rainbow if you’re looking down”

― Charlie Chaplin

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Determination.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Determination.

Determination

“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”

― Winston S. Churchill, Never Give In!: The Best of Winston Churchill’s Speeches

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

― Leonardo da Vinci

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Free happiness hacks.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Add to your happiness a little at a time.

Being happy doesn’t require a lot of money. It requires developing a few happiness skills. Happiness doesn’t come from accomplishing one grand goal.  You build happiness a little at a time each day.  Try adding a few of these happiness hacks to your life each day, and watch your total happiness grow. Which of these happiness skills should you be practicing?

Get adequate sleep.

People who fail to get enough sleep become irritable and grouchy.  Lack of sleep is a prime cause of mistakes.  People who get enough sleep are better able to handle life’s problems as they come along.  People who are chronically sleep-deprived are at increased risk for depression and other mental health issues.  You will spend more time sleeping than you will expend on any other activity in your lifetime make sure you do a good job of sleeping.

Love what you do.

Second, behind sleeping will be the amount of time that you will spend working.  All other activities will receive smaller amounts of your time.  If you enjoy what you do for a living it will go a long way toward making your life happy. Don’t expect those few other hours of your life to generate enough happiness to make up for working at a job that makes you miserable.  People who work a job they enjoy are doubly blessed.  They get to enjoy what they do while at work and they get to enjoy the things that the money they earn at work will provide for.

Become a happiness expert.

Happiness is one of those emotions that may be hard to spot if you haven’t made a habit out of recognizing it.  There’s a thing called the expert effect which says that it’s hard to recognize something if you don’t know what it is.  To have more happiness in your life, make it a project to study happiness so you will recognize it when it crosses your path.

Make lists of what you have, not what you are missing.

Many people have long lists of things that they don’t have.  If you stay focused on the things that are missing in your life you create a life full of scarcity.  The happiest people are the people who spend the time to notice all the wonderful things they do have.  Make it a point to develop a gratitude list.  Give thanks for the wonderful things that you do have in your life no matter how small those things are.  People who are grateful for what they do have, find that they can be happy even in tough times.  Those who are focused on what they don’t have will find that they will never have enough things to make them happy.

For more happiness be yourself.

Happy people are fully themselves.  Learn to accept yourself the way you are.  Do not try to be someone else.  People who are genuine and authentic find it easy to be happy.  Those who are constantly trying to be someone are something other than themselves find the task impossibly discouraging.

Let others be who they are.

Happy people are able to accept others as they are.  If you’re constantly insisting that other people need to change for you to be happy you are creating your own unhappiness.  Accept other people as they are.  That does not mean that you need to let everybody into your life or associate with them.  Just accept people for who and what they are and stop upsetting yourself when they don’t meet your expectations.

Plan on having a good day.

If you tell yourself that you will have a bad day you will create that bad day.  Tell yourself that you plan to have a good day and no matter what happens you are likely to recognize those small pleasant events.

Stop comparing up.

Stop comparing yourself to other people.  There will always be someone richer, more powerful, or smarter.  Be OK with who and what you are.  Let other people be who they are.  You should not compare yourself in your gardening outfit was someone dressed to attend a fancy event.

Embrace your flaws, stop trying to be perfect.

You are a human being.  You are required to do things, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes.  Nowhere in the rule book on being human does it say that anyone is expected to be perfect.

Stay in the present.

Avoid focusing on the past, it is gone.  People who stay stuck in the past are unable to live in the present.  The more you ruminate about the past, what shouldn’t have happened, the more depressed you become.  People who are constantly thinking about the future, what might happen, become highly anxious and unable to be happy in present.  People who are successful and living in the present are the happiest people.

Do more of what’s working.

Unhappiness comes from not learning from your mistakes.  Happiness is a result of discovering those things in your life that are working and doing more of them.  Constantly be on the lookout for those things that you are doing that are creating positive results.

Find your passion.

In your work, your relationships, hobbies, and all other activities pursue your passions.  People who devote themselves to the things that they feel passionate about derive great pleasure from doing them.  Whenever it is that turns you on, as long as it does not harm others, do more of it.

Allow others to be wrong.

Happy people are content to allow other people to be wrong on occasion.  Keep open the possibility that there are times you will believe something which later turns out to be incorrect.  Let other people be wrong also.  Don’t feel the need to correct others.

Pick wise goals.

Before you give a lot of time and effort to pursuing a goal make sure that goal is worthwhile.  Turns out that happiness is more about achieving good goals than about accomplishing everything.  Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.  When your goals are good and wise, any progress you make towards them will make you happy.

Keep your life in balance.

A happy life is a life that is in balance in all areas.  No one part of your life should take over.  Keep your work, your family, your self-care, and all other parts of your life in their proper balance and you make it easier to have a happy life.  In other posts, we will talk more about the various parts of your life and how to keep those all in balance.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Curiosity.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Curiosity.

Curiosity

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

― Albert Einstein

“Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.”

― Samuel Johnson, Works of Samuel Johnson

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

― Walt Disney Company

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why you should talk to yourself.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Talking to yourself, especially out loud has some benefits.

Girl talking out loud.

Girl Talking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

People who talk to themselves out loud can make people around them very nervous.  When we think about somebody who is talking out loud many people are likely to think of the psychotic person who was speaking to the voices or the disturbed person who is rambling on and on for no particular reason.  There can be some very definite positive benefits to talking to yourself.

Children are particularly likely to be talking to themselves out loud.  They have not yet developed the skills to self-monitoring and only speaking out loud when they are alone.  If you find that you are still talking out loud to yourself, this does not necessarily mean that are losing your mind.  But it may mean is that you have something very important on your mind and are forgetting to self-monitoring for other people around.  Below are some reasons that speaking to yourself out loud may be helpful.

You become a better public speaker.

Many famous public speakers began by practicing their speeches out loud.  If you know that you’re going to need to make a presentation, it can really improve your performance to practice that speech out loud.

Talking to yourself out loud reinforces memories.

If you just heard something and you need to remember it, saying it over and over again to yourself can help.  Going over a chain of events A happened and then B can help you to remember those events in sequence.

Talking allows you to practice what you are going to say.

Sometimes we know we’re going to have to have one of those difficult talks with someone.  It’s important to get the words just right.  Practicing what you’re going to say can help you identify things that may come out other than the way you want them to.  Listening to what you have to say can help you find just the right way to convey that information.

Talking to yourself helps you learn the step of a process.

When you’re trying to learn a new procedure and there are several steps, it can help you to remember this process if you repeat each step as you do it.  In skills training, the trainer may initially repeat the steps out loud to the client.  They will then have the client do the process while repeating the steps out loud.  Finally, the client repeats the process while saying the steps silently in their head.

Talking aloud helps to clear a crowded mind.

People with very active, busy minds find that it can be helpful to clear that mind by going ahead and saying the things that are bothering them.  Sometimes this can be an automatic unconscious behavior.  While this is helpful to the person with a busy crowded mind it can be upsetting to others who might accidentally overhear.

You develop storytelling skills.

Good storytellers practice telling their stories over and over.  If you’re going to be telling that story out loud to others it’s best to practice the story out loud.  Highly creative people often tell themselves stories. Sometimes when they’re alone they tell them out loud.  As you develop your storytelling and your self-monitoring skills you are likely to learn to tell the stories with your mouth closed and the words retained in your head.

You develop a supportive relationship with yourself.

You’re going to spend a lot of time with yourself.  Work of becoming your own best friend.  One way of becoming supportive of yourself is to have those self-talks that you wish you could have with other people.  The more you practice these self-talks the better you will be able to contain them within your head instead of having them leak out and others hear them.

It helps you to focus on a task or conversation at hand.

Sometimes we repeat things out loud during a conversation with another person.  It can help to confirm that we’ve heard things accurately.  You can also use talking aloud to help you focus your attention on what is being discussed or what you need to do.

It improves self-monitoring skills.

People who are working on their self-monitoring skills may find it useful to comment on their activities as they do them.

Self-talk helps you self-soothe.

When you’re feeling upset or on edge talking to yourself can be helpful.  Remind yourself that you are safe.

You improve your creativity by exploring possibilities.

Creative people may find it useful to have these conversations out loud to explore possible conversations.

So if you or someone in your life makes a habit of talking out loud consider whether this is a helpful skill or a lack of self-monitoring.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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