New Year’s resolutions
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Why I decided to give up making New Year’s resolutions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

An alternative to New Year’s resolutions.

I’ve tried making New Year’s resolutions more than once. Most of those resolutions are forgotten by the second week in January. Every year, right around New Year’s, many people make New Year’s resolutions, most of which last only a few days. I found a much more effective tool to shape my life in the directions that I wanted to go.

I decided against making a bucket list.

I considered writing out a bucket list, but I concluded that that’s a very negative way to look at things. I don’t know about the rest of you, but for me, envisioning a list of things I have to get done before I die is just too much pressure. I have no intention of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but one never knows. The trouble with the bucket list is it’s too much like the way I used to use to-do lists.

Is your to-do list your friend or your enemy?

A bucket list is very much like that list of things I need to do each day. Those to-do lists were really beating me up. Every night before I went to bed, I would make a list of things I needed to do the next day. Why did I write to-do lists out each night just before bedtime? My plan was to empty my head so my brain could stop thinking about tomorrow and allow me to get some sleep tonight.

The following day, I would struggle all day to finish those ten or twelve things on the to-do list. If I was lucky, I accomplished at most two or three. That left me feeling more like a failure than like someone who accomplished a lot. I decided that instead of a list of things I needed to do tomorrow, I would create a list of things I wanted to do. Now, if I finish three things that I want to do each day, I feel good about my day, even if there are a whole lot more things left on the list. So how can I apply this process to the idea of a bucket list or, more importantly, to my scads of New Year’s resolutions, which never went anywhere?

Try creating a life list.

A few years back, I decided to create a life list. I read a lot, and I came across this idea somewhere. Can’t remember where. But I thought this was an idea I could apply to all those abandoned New Year’s resolutions.

I have a binder on my desk, which I use to organize my life. One section includes the counseling and coaching appointments I have each day. Another section consists of a calendar of blog posts and when they will be published. I try to stay up to date on that list, although in the last few years, through the pandemic and the aftermath, writing blog posts has had to take a much smaller priority.

One section in that binder is now devoted to my life list.

I set aside one section in my trusty old binder for my life list. Whenever I get an idea for something I want to do, I write it down there. Every time I do one of those things, I cross that off the list. It doesn’t matter whether the thing I want to do is a small one or a large one.

One day, I was watching a TV show, and they were talking about eating kiwifruit. It occurred to me that I’d never eaten a kiwi. So, I put it down on my list. The next time I went to the grocery store, I bought some kiwifruit and put it in the refrigerator to chill. The following day, I ate my kiwi. One thing I scratched off my life list having done something I wanted to do.

One of the advantages of having a life list is that it doesn’t matter whether the thing you want to do is small or large. Whether it’s eating a new food, writing a book, earning another college degree, or just taking a two-hour class, any goals I come up with get written down. Every time I complete one, I scratch it off.

Reaching these goals may require various processes. One thing I learned about making my life list was to keep the goals very small and specific. Writing a blog post about New Year’s resolutions is much easier than writing an entire book on setting and keeping those resolutions.

To be perfectly honest, the last time I reviewed that life list, I crossed a few things off the list that I hadn’t done. Just because I think I might want to do something doesn’t mean I have to do it. I can cross something off the list at any time. Changing my mind about something on the life list feels much better than saying I gave up on one of my New Year’s resolutions.

Shifting your thinking from a list of things you must make yourself do to a list of things you want to do makes it much easier to manage. What do you think of this idea? Are you ready to give up making resolutions you know you won’t keep and start doing more of the things you want to do?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

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