Tag Archives: Children

More child sexual predators?

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Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Have you lost track of the number of reports in the news of people abusing children? I know I have. One topic of discussion around the water coolers and in the media these days is the number of these reports and the number of times the thing we fear most, turns out to be true. Which makes one wonder- is there more child abuse, especially child sexual abuse, going on these days?

We are correct to distrust reports of more – or fewer predictors these days. More people being arrested does not mean more incidents. It is very likely that children have been victimized since time began, which is not to excuse it, just to say we can’t be sure there is more going on now. But the number, frequency, and severity of children being abused are beyond troubling.

With children, professionals like myself are what is called “mandated reporters” which means if we know or reasonably suspect someone is harming a child we are required to report this. From the number of adults who end up in therapy as a result of being victims of sexual abuse, it seems clear that this has been going on largely overlooked for a long time. Mostly we don’t like to think that someone who is working with children might be harming them. The stranger molester is very rare, most of the time the person harming kids is someone that is close to them and is respected by the community.

Beyond the pain of the first abuse, most adult victims will tell you the most painful part of being a victim was the number of adults who dismissed the claim or covered up for the perpetrator. I read that one child victim was punished for “making stories up” about his abuser. Years later we find out that this victim was telling the truth but was intimidated by adults into silence.

The shocking thing about so many of these reports of an adult sexually abusing a child is not just that the incidents are occurring but that the activities have gone on for so long, involved so many children and the perpetrator was allowed so much access to children. There may be some societal changes that account for this.

We live in a more anonymous society than ever before. This is the first time in the history of the world that the majority of people on earth live in large cities instead of rural communities. In the small town, there was always someone who was considered “weird” and the children were told to avoid them. This may not have protected anyone. Kids back then disappeared and things happened to them on the way home from school but we felt safer then, thinking that by avoiding certain people we were keeping kids safe. Today we have little idea who lives next door let alone on the next block.  We also know very little about public figures like the teacher, pastor, or priest.

Some people think that putting lists of child predators online will help reduce children being victimized. This process has proved inefficient in practice. I was at a county fair a while back. It was a relatively small county. The local police had a map in their booth with pins showing the location of registered sex offenders. In this one small town, there was no street that did not have a pin within a block or two. The sex offenders we know about are everywhere. What about the ones we won’t know about for years to come?

There is some likelihood that in times past most predators were solitary creatures. They were afraid to let anyone know their secret. That reduced their ability to abuse children and may have limited the number of victims. You don’t share secrets in a small town where if one person found out your secret everyone might be out to get you.

There was also a lot more social disapproval of people who might be abusing a child especially sexually. There were and still are families in which child sexual abuse is a family tradition. Older relatives abuse children and the parents who were abused themselves cover it up. More than once an adult has cried while talking about their child’s victimization and then they told me they had been a victim themselves, sometimes the adult was molested by the same uncle or cousin that had now molested their child.

In addition to the reduced social disapproval, these days it has become easier for predators to find others who approve of their behavior. They are able to connect via the internet and other electronic media. Children who don’t understand victimization, we all think things won’t happen to us when we are young, put themselves in risky online situations.

The increase in pornography and sexually explicit materials makes deviant behaviors look more normal. A few years back people who wanted sexually explicit materials had to go to a particular store and buy something that was kept under the counter. By today’s standards, most of that stuff was pretty mild. Today situation comedies have more sexual content and more violence than the girly magazines used to portray. Violence and sexual content are a lot more interesting to watch most of the time than normal behavior. If you watch a lot of violence or sex it is easy to get a distorted view of reality and think that things are normal that in times past were clearly off-limits.

The widespread abuse of stimulants has added to the problem of inappropriate sexual behavior, especially the increase in hypersexuality. Meth users report that under the influence they felt extreme sexual urges and participated in sexual acts that when off drugs they would never have considered. Much, but not all child sexual abuse is reported to be connected with drug abuse.

If it were possible to put aside the emotional cost of child mistreatment, which is not possible for most of us, there is still a huge monetary cost to society. According to the CDC, a single year of child abuse costs society over $200,000 in additional lifetime treatment costs. That is more than the cost of a stroke or most physical diseases. More years of abuse means more pain and more expense. We also know from studies of PTSD that the sooner someone gets treatment the less likelihood there will be a severe permanent disability. This makes the early detection and treatment of abused children all the more important.

So this blog post is running long.

The point of all this is that there may not be any more people who are having urges to sexually abuse children now than in times past. What we are seeing now are more cases involving people we all thought we could trust. There are societal factors that may be reducing the inhibitions of people who have these urges. These incidents can make us start to fear and distrust everyone. Some of these cases involve large numbers of victims and have gone on over long periods of time. Being a victim of abuse causes lifelong suffering and we as a society need to do more to prevent and treat these victims. The questions before us are how to prevent or reduce the number of these incidents and do we as a culture have the will to use resources to heal the victims?

Any thoughts on this?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Improving Relationships – Changing Others Part Two – Encouragement

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Couple

Relationship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Using Encouragement to create change.

One way to improve relationships is to encourage others to do the things we want them to do. This is true whether the relationship we are talking about is a romantic one or the parent-child type. Last time we started to talk about the use of rewards to increase positive behavior. Professional behavior modifiers call this approach the use of positive reinforcement. When we say rewards, lots of people think of tangible things. But positive reinforcements include lots of things that are not physical, like praise and encouragement.  There are some guidelines for using positive reinforcements. Correctly used they are powerful but incorrectly applied they will disappoint.

Marriage counselors stay busy with couples whose main ways of trying to change their partner is to argue, fight, and complain. Researchers like the Gottman’s tell us that for a relationship to be satisfying the positive interactions need to outweigh the negative by a wide margin. But not all positives are created equal.

For positive reinforcement to work, you have to pick the right reward. Chapman wrote a book applying this principle to couples called “The Five Love Languages.” The premise is that different positive rewards say love to different people. So if your partner feels loved when you praise them and you try to make them feel good with gifts, you two are speaking different “love languages” and as a result, your positive reinforcement is not going to work. For the full list of languages and applying them, you might want to read the book.

One important rule for using positive reinforcement is to pick the right reward. Say your child really likes playing video games. He hates doing his homework. So you tell him if he does all his homework this week you will get him a gift on your way home from work Friday. One your way home you stop at the toy store and find him a gift, a new book called “Doing Math the Fun Way.” Is this likely to make him happy? Will he be likely to do his work the next time? You picked the wrong reward and it looks more like punishment, more homework, to the child.

Men are particularly prone to falling into this trap when “positively reinforcing their partners.”  If you decide to make her happy by buying her a box of candy, that might work. But if you bring her a gift two days in a row, presumably before she has eaten very much of the first box, will that be positively reinforcing? The second box will get a lot fewer results than the first. Now, what if she is on a diet and just lost some weight, should you bring candy? This is more likely to end in an argument than to increase positive interactions.  Pick the right reward.

Now there are times when a given reward works better than others. A drink of water works better when you are thirsty than when you just finished drinking something. Bars put out salted snacks for just that reason. So if someone has been without the reward for a long time it is more rewarding. After going without their phone for a while a kid is willing to do a lot more to get one than if you just took it away yesterday and they are still mad. The principle here is, don’t overuse a reward and use them at the times they will have the most impact.

You take your child out for a treat, a special time together. That should be really positively rewarding. You go to the mall and walk around. Malls are frequently very positively reinforcing for adolescents. Your child lags behind. As you offer to buy them a particularly popular piece of clothing, they burst into tears.  Trip over. You head home. Once home you set the child down on the couch, time for a talk.

You explain to the child that you can’t understand why they got so upset. You were trying to positively reward them for all that hard work and their good grades. Your child goes storming out of the room, doors slamming. You look over at your partner. What went wrong? “The new report card came in the mail today.” your partner says. “Four F’s this time.”  How did you go so wrong?

Positive rewards have to occur very soon after the action you want to increase. The shorter the time between the action and the reward, the more reinforcing it will be. You should have done the trip immediately after the last report card when there were some good grades to reward. By waiting so long you let other actions good and bad happen in between. Now the reward looks like a punishment. The sooner the reward is given the larger the result.

How long do you have to keep the positive reinforcement up? People are afraid that once they start it they may need to keep it up forever. There are two ways to get past this. Create a set of instructions that the person whose behavior is being changed can repeat to themselves. Kids learn to repeat these instructions as they do the task and then they can positively reinforce themselves with the knowledge that they did the task well. Look for natural reinforcers in the environment. Humans are social animals, we like others to like us. Once a positive behavior is created the positive reinforcement can be changed from a tangible reward to things like verbal praise. Eventually, smiles may be enough to reinforce the new likable behavior.

Positive reinforcement works not only for changing others but also for changing yourself. If you have embarked on a program of self-change remember to give yourself frequent, positive reinforcement for the progress you are making. Sometimes positive reinforcement backfires and creates a huge negative response. Why?

More to come on behavior modification and changing yourself or others.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

My plans for the end of the world

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Planet Earth

Earth.

As we transition from the year 2011 to the year 2012 many of you are recalling the news that this year is slated for the end of the world. Now those of you familiar with the old prophecies should be relieved to know that they did not predict an end to the earth! What was predicted was an end to some entrenched social and political systems. For my way of thinking that will come none too soon. The last few years we have had way too much bad news and it is time for us to start planning to do some things differently.

Back in the sixties, we wanted to change the world. That didn’t go so well and what we found was the only thing we could really change was ourselves. So for 2012, I will work on being the change I hope for, changing myself. On difficult days I will be content to just change my socks. I am not expecting much in the way of political change, we shall see, we shall see – about that. What happens in my house, my office and my town are, after all, more important most of the time than anything done in a capital somewhere.

As you saw by my last post I am not big on resolutions. In the past that just set me up for disappointment. So here are some of the things I plan to do during the next year while waiting and hoping for some improvement in the human condition. Mostly I plan to start small.

Through the year I will make an effort to try to be of service to as many people as I can. Mostly I will do that by doing the work I have been doing for a while now and hoping that sometimes I will be rewarded for my efforts with that green energy we call money and other times maybe the reward will be the good feeling that comes from helping others. Occasionally we are blessed to get both. Anyone interested in joining me in this effort? If we all do our best then should the world come to an end we can feel good about our efforts. If the end of the world fails to materialize, as it always does, then well – there is always next year and in the meantime, we can feel good about ourselves.

Over the next year, my plan is to write posts for this blog at least twice a week. Some weeks there will be more. Last year there were about 40 posts, part of my learning curve. Next year we will aim for a hundred or more. Since it is not polite to fill anyone’s inbox with blog posts I will endeavor to restrain myself and post no more than once a day. That sound fair? The key word here is “try”, as I find that restraining my urge to share is almost as difficult as getting the ideas to write about.

My posts are mostly things that counselors and therapists might talk about, current trends and topics. I do plan to write the posts in ways that will be of interest to consumers or clients so there is a minimum of references and citations. Just enough sources will be included to show whose ideas I am exploring here. If I leave out a source you are interested in please let me know and I will dig it up for you when possible.

In case any of those infectious journalists stumble in here, this blog is not meant to be journalism, not sure any of it is really news. It is meant to be opinionated, mine especially but reader’s opinions are valued also. Think of this page more like letters to the editor and the opinion page than page one. I hope you will all enjoy the next year of this blog and feel free to participate.

Most of the topics cover mental health, substance abuse, parenting, and the journey toward having a happy life. Sometimes I feel the need to get political, sometimes there will be things I just find humorous. Most of the time, humorous and political turn out to be the same thing.

The topics currently on the agenda for blog posts, which I will try to mix up to be of interest to as many people as possible are:

1. Change and how we do it

2. Recovery and resiliency

3. Bipolar disorder and some of the newer research in that area

4. Behavior modification and ways to help kids grow up happy

5. The process of writing this blog and the other writing I am doing

Anything else you think needs to be added to this list? Thanks for reading this blog and here is wishing you a happy life and a joyful year.

David Miller. LMFT, LPCC

NO, NO, NO – Learning NO!

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tree with just say no

Just say no.

Saying No.

Despite its short size the word NO is one of the most difficult words in the English language to understand. Ask any school teacher and they would swear that most of their students had never heard the word before. Parents spend the first couple of years of their child’s life trying to teach the child the meaning of the word NO. Then they spend the next few decades wishing they had never taught the child that word. Aside from the obvious benefit of stopping a child’s unwanted behavior, are there any reasons a parent should ever teach their child NO? If they should teach the child this word, are there any rules to stop the child from practicing this new word on their parents?

Some parents avoid using the word – NO, altogether. This word is taboo in their house. You can spot their children in any mall in America. They seem to have heard that we are not supposed to say the “N” word anymore. Do you think people are getting confused by this? Some people seem to have no problem teaching their children the other N-word but they forget to teach them NO. There is nothing worse than an adult with a limited vocabulary. Make sure NO is in your child’s lexicon.

Parents are forewarned – you have to say NO to your child so they can say NO also. Parents don’t often like it when kids say NO to things the parents have told them to do. We expect them to say NO to negative things like drugs and dangerous friends later on in life. So yes, they need to know the NO word, and what it means. Please, parents, don’t leave this task to the child’s teacher. By then your child is in trouble, and they probably will find it much harder to learn NO in a jail cell than in your home.

So teach them the No word. But don’t stop there. They will need to practice using this word. At first, they will get this vocabulary lesson wrong. They will think the NO word means the parent shouldn’t do something or that they don’t have to do what parents said. Encourage them to say NO to themselves. “No, I shouldn’t do that.” Learning to say NO to themselves helps them establish self-control.  But learning NO won’t be enough.

You also need to teach your child YES. If everything they ask for or say is greeted with a NO they become negative people or worse yet they start ignoring you when you say NO. No is meaningless without YES. Just for the record very young kids develop parental deafness if you say NO too often. So expand the vocabulary lesson. Try “don’t do that,” “that is dangerous,” “stop” and other synonyms. And try other languages.

Now by other languages, we are not talking German or French, but you could try that if you want. Most parents, mothers, in particular, use nonverbal language. In mommy speak this is called “the look.” You can also communicate the same message using “the voice.” Rather than yelling ever louder, there is a limit to how loud you can go – try talking in a – slow – low tone of voice. Most kids quickly get the idea that “the voice” means they are about to get in deep trouble.

A well-connected child, one who got praised for pleasing their parents would rather get a spanking than “the look” or “the voice.” So much the better, you get your point across and save your hand and the visit from the child protective services folks.

On that subject, some parents substitute spankings for teaching their child the – NO word. This is not a good idea. What you teach your child is not the word and the idea of “NO” but the idea of “to get what you want hit.” A teenager can hit really hard, as parents who have mistakenly thought that hitting could change behavior have learned. Teach them the “NO” word.  It is less painful all around.

One caution about saying “NO,” too often or too loudly. This word is like a flashlight; use it a little and it sheds some light on the subject, leave it in use too long and it stops working. Use NO only when it is really needed and use substitutes often. Other options with young children are “it will make you sick” or “you will poke your eye out.”

Some behavior books like Sears and Sears in The Discipline Book relate all this teaching of NO to very young children. You would think that it would be harder to teach it to young kids and it should get easier as they get older. That would be so wrong. For some reason two and three-year-olds pick up the word NO quickly. By thirteen most kids have lost the ability to learn that word altogether. So start young but don’t give up. With older kids, you may need some other techniques to convince them NO means NO. Teenage girls especially need to learn this, otherwise, how will they be able to teach it to their boyfriends?

So here is hoping that your child will be a vocabulary expert, knowing and using the word “NO” and all its synonyms correctly. More to come on changing kid’s behavior, resiliency, and recovery.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

They’re misbehaving – again

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

People fighting

Bad behavior.
Photo courtesy of pixabay

Lots of conversations are going on about kids and their behavior, for good reason.

We see some mighty atrocious behavior every day. Sometimes the poor behavior is by teens, other times it is by their parents. It would be easy to blame the kids acting up on their parents, but that isn’t always the case. Good parents sometimes have poorly behaved children, and when that happens the parents start asking about how do I get my kids to behave. Just for the record, there is also a connection between children’s behavior and resiliency later in life.

Studies of resiliency – that ability to bounce back from trials or not be harmed by them report that relationships, especially with parents, have a big influence on future resiliency. One sometimes overlooked part of this parental influence is the way parents use discipline. Now don’t get excited just yet. The researchers use the word discipline in a different way that a lot of other people do. By discipline, they don’t just mean punishment. They also mean rewards and praise and all the things you do to tell the child when they are doing the right thing.

One analogy is that you don’t shape a garden plant only by pruning. You need to do some staking and directing in the way you want the plant to grow. Some adults think the way to make a child fit the mold they envision for them is to break them into pieces and then pour the parts into the mold. This does not work. It inspires resistance and rebellion and in the more severe cases becomes downright abusive. We might think of discipline more like sanding down the rough edges of a child’s personality so they are more socially acceptable. There are certain natural tendencies; some kids are more active than others, some like licorice, etc. You can’t train all the personality out of a child. But then who would want to?

Now some parents think the way to have a good relationship with their child is to let the child do pretty much what the child wants. This does not generally make for a good relationship. Kids who have no or minimal rules don’t learn to follow what they are told. In short, the parents have no control over the child.  You might think this would lead to the child having more control over them but in most cases, it results in just the opposite. As adults, these people often say they are afraid they will not be able to control themselves. If your parent could not control you maybe you are uncontrollable. Kids need limits and structure so they will learn to stay inside the limits. They need parents to teach them how to control themselves and make good decisions. Kids need parents to teach them self-control.

Now one mistake new parents make is to try to teach lessons the child is not ready to learn. Coaches do not begin by teaching advanced skills, they start with the basics. In learning to play chess you are not taught multi-move openings – you start with how the pieces move. But parents often try to teach the proper use of silverware before they have taught the child not to climb on the table. This makes for upsetting dining out for the family and the people at the next booth.

Now the earlier you start training a child in good behavior the easier it is. I am not one who thinks that a person is ever too old to learn socially acceptable behavior but if you don’t teach it to your child someone else – like his parole agent, may need to step in and teach them.

One trap parents fall into is to yell, the worse the child gets the louder and longer the parent yells. This results in a condition called “parental deafness” this is similar to another medical syndrome called “married-man deafness syndrome” which I have written about elsewhere, only parental deafness develops at a much younger age. For a good description of “parental deafness,” you might want to check out “The Discipline Book” by Sears and Sears. They talk a lot about the way to teach a young child to behave. Most of the time I see older people, teens, and even adults who were cheated out of their lessons on behavior at a young age and now need some remedial work on behaving.

So the conclusion is: Children who are taught socially acceptable behavior at a young age are more able to control their own behavior at a later point in their life. And good self-control is one factor in being able to recover from the bumps in life’s road.

In future blogs, I plan to write more about behavior, resiliency, and what to do if you were absent the day these lessons were taught. We should also look at some of the things you can do if you are responsible for some remedial education on behavioral control. So what do you think about discipline, behavior, and its relationship to resilience?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

You are not playing enough. Neither are your children.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Children Playing.

Children Playing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How often have you heard “Stop playing around?”

Is some adult’s voice from your past playing in your head right now as you think about that? Do you ever say that to your child or someone else? Well, knock that off.

The truth is we all need to play more and so do our kids. Now I am not talking about the high-pressure play of organized sports. We are hearing about a lot of kids getting injured playing competitive sports. That is not good for them and despite that delusion of our athletic prowess most of us older folks are not up to that stuff either. I am not thinking of the high dollar sports that are now a business and not fun. What I am suggesting is we all need to do more running and jumping, laughing, and having fun.

For a while we had a movement called the “new games” movement which said that games had become too formalized and rule-bound. People watched them instead of playing at them. So they started inventing new games with different rules. The fun was in trying something different.

Now some of you are saying we need to be serious, kids should learn the academics. No time for play in a well-organized society, except for a few professionals we watch occasionally. That would be all wrong. Kids who play around as children very often do better later in life than their serious compatriots. Let me tell you a story.

There was a school that assigned a teacher to a special education class. That class had such a reputation for not behaving that they were banned from the school-wide assemblies. But this teacher thought it wasn’t fair that her class couldn’t go and all the other classes got to. The other teachers made their class’s line up and march to the multiuse room for the assembly. They were certain that those special education kids could never stay in line long enough to get lined up. And if they were able to line up by some bundle of luck, they were sure to move around and disrupt the assembly. The newly assigned teacher had a different idea and she had a solution.

She did not march her class across the school in single file formation as the other teachers did. She had her class run, as fast as they could, laughing all the way, around the entire school grounds. Only when they had run as far as they could, did she line them up for the assembly. And the shock was, that after a good run those kids were better behaved than the other classes. The teacher was Violet Oaklander, and her book “Windows on Our Children” is a classic on the use of art and play as therapy. But there is more to the story of why play is good. We now know it is not only useful for treating children therapeutically. Play is also necessary for normal development.

Children’s unscripted play is important in developing skills that will increase learning in other areas and will be useful in later life. Play is useful for alerting, improving attention, and for helping people organize their thoughts. It is also calming for most people. Some adults are afraid that play might “wind kids up.” It may improve alertness; I wouldn’t recommend it just before bedtime. But before class, it is likely to improve performances not prevent it.

So if we have overactive disruptive students, what do some teachers do? They take away recess and keep the kid in. This is precisely the wrong approach. Please, no emails – you don’t understand – we need to maintain control. FYI, I teach also, I know the problem. But when students get restless then need more breaks and physical activity, not more amphetamine.

What else does play accomplish? Old fashion imaginative play also improves the ability to make use of the senses. It improves balance, fine motor skills needed for writing and the list goes on and on. There are also play activities that improve the auditory and visual senses, just the skills needed for effective learning.

The list of skills that might be improved by active play is too long for me to include here. Even video games when used in moderation, have some benefit in improving hand-eye coordination. Remembering I am not a big fan of robotic video game playing. I have seen too many video game addicts.

But Folks that’s not all!

Play improves the ability to bounce back from life’s stress and trauma. Various play activities have been shown to improve recovery and resilience. There is more to the topic of resilience and the ability to bounce back than just play. One of these days I plan to write more about why some people are able to bounce back from all the bumps in life’s road and others don’t seem to have those skills. I was researching the topic of resiliency and recovery when I came upon all the reports of the benefits of more play.

Hum – just might be a book lurking in that topic. Stay tuned for more on the resiliency angle.

So I hope you have gotten the message. Get out there and play some more. And encourage your kids to play more also. You might even get radical and try playing with your kids.

Is anyone reading this? What do you think about the topic of the need for more play?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Teens, drugs and resiliency

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Teenagers.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some new developments in the area of teens, drugs, and resiliency

Energy drinks:

These drinks have been involved in a large increase in hospital emergency room visits. Many young people and some adults think that energy drinks since they are sold in food and convenience stores are safe. Maybe they are in and of themselves but the way many people are using them is not safe. In a five-year period, hospital emergency room visits involving energy drinks have increased more than 1,000 % from just over 1100 to 13,000. The majority of these incidents, more than half, involved using energy drinks with drugs and alcohol. Males were more likely to mix energy drinks with illegal drugs and alcohol while females mixed them with prescription drugs.

A single can of the stronger energy drinks contains up to ten times as much caffeine and other stimulants than a caffeinated soda. People who consume energy drinks with alcohol are more likely to be involved in accidents as they do not feel impaired and over-estimate their abilities to drive or engage in other dangerous activities. The full report is available from SAMHSA, in the DAWN report (Drug Abuse Warning Network.)

New synthetic drugs.

In the race to create new drugs and the efforts to control or ban them, we are not sure who is winning. These products often sold as “bath salts” or incense but commonly abuse by younger consumers by smoking, continues to be a problem. Despite analog and similar laws that say that even if you paint the duck red it is still a duck, manufacturers are finding ways to make and market new synthetic drugs that are different enough to escape the net of banned substances.

Join Together, (join together at the partnership at drugfree.org.)  a great source of information on the latest drug trends, reports that 43 states have laws regulating synthetic drugs. Some laws list specific chemicals as illegal. The manufacturers of synthetic drugs keep changing to new chemicals, not on the list. Other localities have listed categories of chemicals as illegal. Under these laws, prosecution is more difficult as the chemical may have legitimate uses that are not related to drug abuse.

Occasionally one of these new synthetic drugs results in a rash of hospitalizations or even deaths. Often these incidents are confined to a small area or a particular supplier of the product. The risks here are real but the problem keeps changing.

Volunteering reduces teen drug use and increases resilience.

In a previous blog, I wrote about the role of sleep in reducing teen problem behaviors and increasing resilience. There is more.

Another simple low-cost prevention measure for reducing teen drug use and improving resilience has been found. Surprising how simple some of these ideas are. The report, again by Join Together staff, reported that kids who regularly volunteer to help others are less likely to use drugs and get into trouble. This sounds a little twelve stepish.

The study they reported about was conducted with rural teens. Rates of drug use among rural teens are rising rapidly. No folks you can’t protect your kids from drugs by moving to the country, and the country folk isn’t just drinking whiskey anymore.

The economy and government budget cuts have reduced or eliminated many after-school programs and activities for kids. There are almost always opportunities to volunteer to help others. Not only did volunteering to help others reduce rates of teen drug use, the results continued into their young adult years, possibly beyond.

Food is also a treatment for teen drug use and promotes resilience.

While I am on the subject, I recall a study that reported that teens that sat down around one of those old fashion dining room table things, no T. V. mind you, that is kids who regularly eat dinner with their parents, they have fewer drug problems, better grades, more resilience and so on.

The conclusion

The risks and dangers for kids continue to grow. We can’t always protect them, probably parents have always been less able to protect kids than the adults would have liked. What we are seeing are research studies that show what a lot of folks always knew. Plenty of sleep, regular family meals, being taught right from wrong, and volunteering to help others, all these things result in a teen who is less likely to take excessive risks and more likely to develop resilience and bounce back from adversity.

Till next time, I will keep working on that elusive book and writing this blog. Your comments are welcome. What do all of you think about adolescent drug use, risk, and resilience?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Treatment for teen’s risky behavior

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Teens

Teenagers.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

An amazing discovery in the treatment of risky teen behavior was reported over the last several weeks. It went largely unnoticed by most mainstream media.

Furthermore, one single treatment has been shown to have high efficacy in treating teen risky behavior. It is extremely inexpensive and can be obtained and applied without a prescription. The treatment, while often resisted by teens with high-risk behaviors, has been shown to not only be effective under a wide range of conditions but to treat a large number of undesirable teen behaviors at a very minimal expense.

In a startling report, two researchers for the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta Georgia found after studying data for over 12,00 U. S. high school students that a single deficiency coexisted with a huge increase in teen’s risky behavior. While the government report was reluctant to say that this deficiency was the cause of risky teen behavior, they speculate that this one key ingredient might reduce overall risk-taking in teens significantly.

Unfortunately, this key ingredient cannot be prescribed directly because it is not USDA approved for over-the-counter sales and is, in fact, available without a prescription. This one single item, not yet patented by a drug company, is available to almost all U. S.citizens for free.

High School students who were deficient in this one key item, and almost 70 percent of our teens were deficient, were almost two times more likely to be smokers. A continued deficiency if this ingredient, reported being necessary for happiness, resulted in a 50% increase in marijuana and alcohol use.

Long-term deficiencies in this factor were correlated with a huge increase in teen sexual activity. That was surprising since we most often have studied added factors that might cause an increase in sexual activity. Not many people would believe that a deficiency in a single ingredient necessary for life might increase the sexual activity of teens.

But wait – there is more, this deficiency doubled the risk for a suicide attempt. It was also related to getting into physical fights and being sad and hopeless. Kids who had this deficiency were also likely to be overweight, get less exercise, and generally have a less healthy lifestyle.

So what was this deficiency? And how can we supplement teen’s lives to overcome this insufficiency?

The deficiency was a lack of sleep! Sleep deprivation was significant in kids with all these problems. And the one simple cure was more sleep!

Now teens will resist sleeping more, especially sleeping during the night. It appears that most teens are truly nocturnal creatures. More than one adolescent who was brought in to the psychiatric facility has confided to me that they rarely get much sleep at night. An increasing number of kids have T. V.’s and computers in their bedrooms. Many are online texting friends or playing games until close to morning. They have to set alarm clocks to wake up and even then they often can’t quite get it together in the morning.

Eventually, a teen who stays up most of the night finds they can’t function in the daytime. They are at risk to fall asleep at school, cut class or just plain be grouchy and get into fights and other negative behavior.

So it just might be that one thing a parent might do to improve their teen’s life is to make sure that child is getting enough sleep, even if that means restricting electronic avoidance of sleep.

Be careful if your teen has been avoiding sleep on a regular basis. If you suddenly try to take away their electronic addiction your teen may go into electronic withdrawal. During withdrawal from electronic sleep avoidance teens have been known to become grouchy, throw things break things, swear or even threaten to harm themselves or others. In extreme cases, you may need professional help to get the teen back on a night-time sleep schedule. But if your teen is having difficulties in life you just might want to examine their sleep habits and see if more sleep might improve their mood and behavior.

More sleep might improve your mood and emotions also. What do you think?

Till next time. David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Three-year-old judge decides right and wrong

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

child

Child.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

6 ways to tell right from wrong.

Preschool kids seem to be so very good at telling what is right or fair. They tell us often enough – “That’s not fair!” So how come they so often do things that we say are wrong? Maybe we should appoint three-year old’s to the Supreme Court? Is the understanding of right and wrong something people are born with or do they learn it? And if they learn moral values, how do they learn it?

In the early grades the ways in which kids decide the difference between right and wrong starts to change, at least for some of them. It is important to understand how it is that people learn right from wrong. Why some don’t seem to learn might also be a good thing to find out.

People who study child development probably learned about some theories of how an understanding of right and wrong developed. Counselors are often taught about the stages of moral reasoning, in some developmental classes and then seem to promptly forget it once they start working with real clients. But isn’t right and wrong, and conflicts over how that should be decided one major reason we see clients in counseling?

Lawrence Kohlberg researched and wrote about moral development. So did Lickona who wrote a very readable book “Raising Good Children.” I would recommend it to any parent struggling to teach their child the difference between right and wrong. Somehow all this work is getting forgotten despite the constant reports of high crime and failure of discipline in the home and school. We spend a lot of time these days emphasizing math and science in schools, but less and less time in our homes and schools is spent on right and wrong. So how is a sense of right and wrong likely to develop? Let me give you a brief description of Lickona’s ideas as I remember them. For the full details you might want to look for the book but here is my short version of the 6 stages of moral reasoning as I understand them. Lickona numbers the stages zero to five. The fact that he arranges them this way does not mean everyone agrees that a lower numbered stage is, in fact, better than another stage with a larger number.

0. Getting what I want is fair!

This is the default way of deciding right and wrong. It’s not fair – I wanted ice cream and I didn’t get any. Some people seem to be able to go through their whole life thinking this way. They take what they want and that is fair to them. Some of them go to prison. Some learn to hide what they are doing. Some of these folks end up elected to public office or working on Wall Street. These folks make lawyers rich when they try to get out of trouble for doing what they want. If we don’t want more of these folks around we need to work on teaching kids the more advanced ways of deciding right from wrong, or we need to build more prisons.

1. The teacher said – the authority approach.

Some kids learn this at home before they go to school, for a variety of reasons. Most kids learn this in school. It starts by learning to do what the teacher says. Eventually, the appeal is to some higher authority like the principal. Some people get really legalistic. It says on the page — of the revenue code, that I can do this so it must be right. In some places, with statute law, if there is no law against it, you can do it. In most places in the United States, we have the common law which says you should use common sense unless there is a law otherwise. Then we have lots of layers of appeals courts because we are so short on common sense. We see lots of people who appeal to religious writings as their rule book, sometimes to good effect and sometimes to some awful results. The problem here is not especially with the particular religious writing, but some of the bizarre ways people can interpret those writings. The philosopher, Charles Shultz once reported, something to the effect that “There is nothing in the book of Leviticus that prohibits the wearing of contact lenses.” See how hard I am trying to be politically correct here?

Some people would separate “The Teacher said.” part, from the “The rule is.” Both are resorting to authority but one is putting your faith in a person and the other in some specific set of rules.

2. One hand washes the other.

This commonly heard, usually, in business, expression says right and wrong is something we trade.  We take turns. Most kids learn this on the playground really fast. If you don’t take turns with the ball you may not get to play at all. In Congress, this is called trading votes. You vote for my bill and I will vote for yours. It is pragmatic, gets things done. But is it the best way to determine right and wrong? We need to study this. Send me a million or so in federal money and I will be glad to work on this approach. At a million dollars a year we may need years of study. See how problematic trading one thing for another might be as a way to separate right from wrong?

3. I want you to like me.

So if I want you to like me I should do what you think is right. This is the “what will people think of me” approach. This type of social conformity can keep people acting in a socially positive manner – sometimes. The issue here is what people’s opinion do I care about? This goes to the discussion of peer pressure which I wrote about in an earlier blog. Take a look at that one – now if you want, it’s ok. I can wait here while you look.

You back? So you see that if my peers are good law-abiding people I probably will follow the law. But if my social circle includes convicts, murders, rapists, bankers, politicians, and other undesirables, I might decide that stealing your money was an acceptable thing to do, so long as I steal it using the same methods as my peers.

So using other people’s behavior as a guide to right and wrong may reduce the conflict we have in life, but it is no sure way to figure out right and wrong or to stay out of prison. Ask the group from Enron.

I may be a little hard on this stage. It is great to be a good son or daughter or a good parent. But that may not be enough, especially if you didn’t have good role models. This step in the development of morals is mostly about your relationships with people close to you.

4.  What is best for all of us?

This is the stage where people may do things that have personal costs because it is the thing that is best for our society. This stage of moral reasoning gets people to join the military or become volunteers. This is an altruistic stage, most of the time. It is also a way of moral reasoning that has been used to excuse some horrific atrocities.

Today in America we value diversity. Some of us do anyway. But can you see how someone in another place and time could do some awful things and justify it as “what is best for us?” Think genocide here. Could someone do that thinking it was what was best for their group? The difference between being a volunteer to work with the poor and trying to run a minority out-of-town hinges on who you define as us.

5. Some things are right just because they are right.

This is an easy one to explain in theory, until you are faced with the choice, then it is easy to default to an earlier stage of moral reasoning. Sometimes people are faced with things going on in their society that are just not right. And often it costs to do the right thing at these times and for sure there is nothing in it for you when you do the right thing at these times. This is about respecting everyone just because they are.

So there is my explanation of stages of moral reasoning as I understand them. Can you see how hard it is to figure out the right thing to do sometimes? Some parents are able to teach their children right from wrong despite all the influences around them to the contrary, but what about the other kids? It feels to me like we should spend more time in our society on the ways to determine right and wrong and less on some celebrity’s outrageous behavior. But that’s just my opinion. What do you think about how we learn to tell right from wrong?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is your child taking too many meds? Are you?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs

Medications.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is your child taking too many meds? Are you?

Ever wonder about the amount of medication, especially heavy psychiatric medication, which is being prescribed to very young children, especially foster children? I know I do. How did we get so many children who need that level of medication? What should you think if your child or the child you care for was prescribed that kind of medication?

There was an article on the internet this morning about the large number of prescriptions for antipsychotics to foster children.  These kids were being given not one medication but multiple medications and many of those medications have serious long-term side effects. Some of these side effects do not go away even after the medication is discontinued. So is all that medication really necessary?

The usual warning applies here. No matter what you and I think, it is unwise to stop, start or alter the dose of a medication without talking with your doctor first. If you are not confident with that doctor’s opinion get a second opinion. It is not safe to play doctor and change the meds yourself. But you should question things if the medications are not working or if it appears to be creating serious side effects.

So why so much medication in children? And why foster children in particular?

Now we have been hearing tales about facilities that overmedicate residents to keep them manageable for a long time. Mary Jane Ward in her book “Snakepit” describes patients in a mental hospital who were heavily medicated primarily to keep them from causing the staff problems. We also hear stories about jails and prisons using lots of meds to keep inmates from causing trouble. But is that sort of thing happening to kids? And why foster kids?

Maybe the reason is that foster kids are the ones that have the most problems? Are children in foster care more likely to have serious mental illnesses? There are two reasons to think this is not true.

The study reported that when kids in foster care were compared to other kids who were receiving Medicare the foster kids got a lot more medication that the kids who were not in foster care. Secondly, the kids in foster care should be the ones who would respond to a secure home situation. Foster care is usually looked at as a housing problem, not a mental health problem. So the seriously mentally ill children should and often do end up in group homes and institutions where they can be managed with less, not more medication. So what is going on here?

One problem is that as a society we are increasingly relying on medications, drugs if you will, to fix all our problems. Despite all our programs to get people off drugs, there are countless commercials that try to convince us to go to the local drug store and get some pills to cure all that ails us. Try counting the number of pro-drug ads on the television on any given night and then tell me that we as a society are opposed to drugs. In this country we love drugs so much, are so convinced there is a chemical that can cure whatever is wrong with us that we now want all our children to take all the drugs they can. We just want them to get their drugs from a drug store not a drug dealer in an alley.

So why are children being given so many drugs? To relieve suffering? Not a chance!

Kids are getting prescribed drugs to make them smarter and to make them behave.

Kids are being prescribed powerful stimulants for ADHD. Even kids with mental retardation and developmental delays are getting ADHD medication. This makes me question the accuracy of some ADHD diagnoses. And if the pills make one kid smarter shouldn’t all children take them?  Here is hoping you read that blog post also.

The other reason kids get so much psychiatric medication is to make them behave. I thought not always behaving properly was a symptom of childhood? Can’t we teach them to behave without sedating medications?

Children are being given lots of sedating antipsychotics mostly because their behavior is causing some adult a problem. Some of my colleagues will argue that if the child does poorly in school or gets in trouble for bad behavior they will end up suffering so by giving them medication we are preventing suffering. For me, that would make sense if there were no other alternatives. But there are other options.

Many of the problems of children for which we give them medication can be controlled, even cured by giving them attention in the proper way. Therapy and counseling are especially helpful for treating many emotional problems. ADHD can be treated by training parents as I wrote about in a previous blog. But far more kids get a prescription for a medication than are getting a session with a caring adult.

Yes, there are professional counselors and therapists; I do that for a living. But the benefits of other adults in a child’s life should not be underestimated. Teachers, grandparents, natural or foster, and friends all are helpful in a child’s learning emotional regulation. So why do we reach for meds first instead of human contact for all the emotional and behavioral problems?

Some people have suggested that counseling is just too expensive. I am not buying that argument and you won’t either if you see how much agencies are spending on medications.

Despite all the things we have learned over the last couple of centuries about the benefits of counseling in overcoming life’s problems we as a society still seem to think that if something bothers you there should be a drug to fix that.

My conclusion from all this is that a lot of kids and some adults are being given lots of medication instead of human contact. It appears that we as a society and some people individually just don’t care enough to bother with anything more than a pill to make the kid behave.

So what do you think? Could we try another approach? Are kids and adults taking too much psychiatric medication because we don’t care enough to do better?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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