Tag Archives: Counseling

LPC or LPCC? – Brief news update – plus the LPCC gap exam

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is there a difference between LPC’s and LPCC’s and if so what is that difference, and how hard is the gap exam?

There have been several web searches on this topic and a couple of emails so now might be a good time to explain this. This question primarily applies to California clients and professionals.

Mental health practitioners in California are regulated by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS). They administer the laws passed by the California legislature and their rules and regulations. A recent news update from CALPCC explained the sudden appearance of multiple sets of initials for mental health clinicians.

The difference between LPC’s and LPCC’s has to do with the BBS computer system not any difference in the licenses or qualifications.

The BBS computer program only allows for three initials in front of the license number no matter what the designation of the practitioner. The correct designations are:

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors are designated LPCC’s. Their license number begins with LPC.

Licensed Clinical Social workers are designated LCSW’s. Their license begins with LCS.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists are called LMFT’s. Their license number begins with MFC.

MFC is a throwback to the days when they (we) were called Marriage, Family, and Child Counselors. MFT’s are the same thing as LMFT’s since you can’t call yourself an MFT unless you are licensed. Marriage and family therapy interns and trainees should be identified as MFT interns and MFT trainees – NOT MFTI or MFTT. Both of these groups are working under the supervision of a licensed clinician.

How hard is the LPCC gap exam?

People have been asking “How hard is the LPCC gap exam?” Personally, I would say based on my experience – well that depends on whether or not you knew the answers. Since the exam is only on the differences between LCSW, LMFT, and LPCC’s, there is a lot of material to cover in a very few questions. If you graduated recently or have been studying LPCC material since graduation you should be in good shape. Some of the material was very specific so if your school covered if you were in luck. If your particular instructor did not cover an item it would have been hard to know what to study.

I would recommend a review course, though it is early for the review classes to know what to teach you. Also, study anything in the BBS booklet that looks unfamiliar. The wider your knowledge base the better you should do.

Hope this helps explain LPC’s, LPCC’s, and the gap exam.

Update on the gap exam and the changes in initials.

The period for grandfathering in as an LPCC has come and gone. No more Gap exam. Also, the new computer system fixed the initial problems. My most recent license renewal shows my licenses as LPCC and LMFT.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) Update

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

More about LPCC’s and LMFT’s.

Interest in California’s Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) program is noticeable on the Web. I was surprised that a couple of short, mostly personal posts about the LPCC license received as many hits as they did. I realize now that I also forgot to mention CALPCC, the organization for LPCC’s. Briefly, this is a counseling specialty that is now licensed in all 50 states. Surprisingly enough California was the last of the 50 U. S. States to license LPCC’s.

Had this been an option when I enrolled in my degree program, it is the one I would have chosen. I am glad that I took the training as a Marriage and Family Therapist now that I have done it. But now that LPCC’s are licensed I completed my original plan and took that exam and became licensed as an LPCC also.

The posts about LPCC’s can be found at LPCC exam is behind me!

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) in California

Some of the searches were about study courses for the exam and about pass rates. Since my license issued 4/17/2012 is number 15, it would appear that so far about one person per week is getting through the Gap exam which is being given to LMFT’s and LCSW’s who chose to test for the LPCC license also.

I feel sure that there will be study classes for this exam offered by the same companies that offer study classes for the LMFT and LCSW exams. Only time will tell how useful those classes will be.

For more information on the California, LPCC license check out the information at the Board of Behavioral Sciences website.

LMFT’s who are choosing to take the gap exam and become licensed as both MFT’s and LPCC’s should already know about the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists – CAMFT

For information on CALPCC – the organization for LPCC’s see:

Questions and comments about Counseling, Therapy, LMFT’s, LPCC’s and recovery and resiliency are always welcome.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is your marriage house collapsing?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

No Roof.

No Roof.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sorry, this post is no longer available.

Is your marriage house collapsing?

New post on relationships

Is your marriage house collapsing?

Let me know how you like this post.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How safe is your job?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Filling out a job application

Job application.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The story of the Cordwainers, Redsmiths, and the disappearing jobs.

Did you get a job once and plan to work at that job, maybe even that company, for the rest of your life? Then one day the company went out of business. When that happens to you what do you do?

There was a time when most people learned their trade from their parents or underwent an apprenticeship and then worked at that trade for the rest of their life. Not anymore.

The career landscape has been completely reshaped in recent years. Some people lose their job and no matter how much they look they can’t find another job in their field. Our countries unemployment has continued to stay stuck at an unacceptably high level. Some places have higher unemployment than others, but even when you are willing to relocate – what if you can’t find a job that matches your skills? What if you are approaching retirement age?

It may be because of the Cordwainers and Redsmiths!

As a Professional Counselor, I see clients who are in that situation. I warn them about the Cordwainers and Redsmiths.

Check any help wanted ad. Look through the listings at your state’s employment development office, Can you find a help wanted ad for a Cordwainer? I have looked more than once. I can’t find one. Did you know there was a time when Cordwainer was a common occupation in America?

Cordwainers were leather workers. Mostly they made shoes from leather supplied by the factory owner. They formed one of the first unions in America. The Cordwainers strike in 1805 set a precedent for labor law for most of the early part of American history. It was big news. Today they are almost all gone. Most shoes are massed produced in factories overseas. Over time the old Cordwainers had to take other jobs. Not good-paying jobs, not jobs in their trade, but they took whatever work they could find. Not just a job or a company went out of business but a whole occupation essentially ceased to exist.

Does this story sound frightening? Does it sound familiar? What did you say you did for a living? Could that occupation cease to exist also?

What about the Redsmiths?

Have you seen any job openings for them? They have mostly come and gone like the Cordwainers. You have heard of blacksmiths, right? And goldsmiths? Redsmiths worked on red metal, copper, and brass. Some of them made their living traveling around in their wagon to the farmhouses where they repaired broken copper pots and kettles. Fixing copper vessels used to pay. Today we throw those old pots and pans out and buy new ones. The Redsmiths got thrown out also. Like most of the repair and fix-it shops.

Think about someone who lost their job as a Cordwainer’s and retrained to become a Redsmiths. That had to be a traumatic experience.

Could that happen to you? Sure it could.

The typical skilled worker will need to retrain for a different job 3 to 5 times in their lifetime. That has been getting harder not easier to do.

See also: Degree but can’t find a job?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Can your marriage be saved?

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13 Ways to Make Yourself Miserable.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Unhappy emoticon

Unhappy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How to create a miserable life – let me count the ways.

1. Require yourself to be perfect.

No matter how well you do at anything, tell yourself you should have done better. Flog yourself repeatedly because you “should have” done better. Carefully avoid ever giving yourself credit for anything you ever do right.

2. Compare yourself to others constantly.

Look for someone who is taller, smarter, richer, or better looking. Keep comparing yourself until you find people who were better at something than you. Did you win a gold medal at the Olympics? Was there someone who won two? Did someone win 5 or 7 once? Did a medalist run for Congress? There must be someone out there who was better than you!

3. Discount all your accomplishments.

Did you get the highest score on a test? Well, you should have done better. You were just lucky that day. Tell yourself that your accomplishment is no big thing. Do it right ten times in a row, remind yourself that you might fail next time.

4. Call yourself names.

Remember to call yourself stupid or ugly several times a day. Repeat over and over “I am a loser.” Need help thinking of insults? Call those around you names and encourage them to call you names back.

5. Focus on your disabilities.

Remind yourself that you are too tall or too short. Can you claim to be too dumb or too smart? Anything can be a disability if you can find a way to allow this to hold you back.

6. If someone gives you a compliment toss it back.

Instantly dismiss any compliments. If they really knew you they would not have said that. You know you are not worthy. It was no big deal. Anyone else would have done it better, right?

7. Become indignant when anyone criticizes you.

How dare them to criticize a helpless person like you. Do not ever take any critique in a positive way. If you are not the best at something know it is because you are worthless not because you have something yet to learn. Make no effort to improve yourself and remind yourself that they are just criticizing you because they hate you and think you are worthless.

8. Self-sabotage.

If things start going too good mess it up. Get drunk, do some drugs, gamble it all away. No point in being good if you can’t have fun. No reason to have fun if you can’t take it to revolting extremes.

9. Hang out with negative people who will agree that you should be miserable.

Avoid those suspicious positive people. Look for the Gloomy Gus’s of the world. They know what is up and will not mislead you with any of that happiness stuff.

10. Never do something when you can complain.

Take no action that might change anything. Especially avoid changing you. Make sure you complain often and loudly until someone agrees with you that things are bad and you are worse.

11. Neglect self-care – you don’t deserve it.

Taking care of yourself is a waste of time and money. A miserable person does not deserve anything and you are out to deprive yourself as much as possible.

12. Make lists of things that could go wrong.

Look for misery anywhere you can find it. Catalog all the things that could go wrong. Watch the news and look for the awaiting catastrophes.  Imagine all the failures and diseases you or your family could get and hide from them. Worry about what could go wrong but under no circumstance should you do anything to prevent catastrophes or protect yourself.

13. Work at a job you hate.

Pick a dead-end job and stay there until you die. Carefully avoid any effort to improve your job or career. Never get more education or learn new skills. There is no point in trying as you know that happiness is an illusion and everyone hates their job. If you start to like your job become suspicious and quit. Take a new job that is less rewarding. Good things can’t last so if this is too enjoyable it is bound to go wrong soon.

This blog was inspired by a post of Tim Brownson on Steven Aitchison’s blog CYT (Change Your Thinking)

Tim’s post started as 12 ways but ended as 14 ways. Since I was not sure that would be enough ways to create misery I have come up with 13 more ways. If you need more ways to be miserable check out the list at CYT.

Now should you decide you have had enough misery and want some recovery, try doing the opposite of these suggestions.

Any of you have other ways you have made yourself miserable that you would care to share? What are you doing to move from misery to happiness? What has worked to make your life happy?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) in California

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

LPCC’s off to a slow start.

LPCC licenses are being issued. My notice arrived in the mail this week. My license number LPC-15.

I had expected a much higher number. My Marriage and Family Therapist license is number 45390. I feel sure the number of Licensed Clinical Social Workers is a lot higher than that.

We sure seem to be off to a slow start. But when I consider that California is the last state to begin to license LPCC’s or any other kind of Professional Counselor it is not surprising that there are so few to start. I think there is a difference in the things the two specialties do and so evidently does the licensing board.

The differences between the professions are the reason why I elected to apply and test for a second license despite having my LMFT license. To those of you outside California, this probably all sounds a lot strange.

The growing recognition that mental health is a vitally important field and we need a lot more practitioners has resulted in the creation of new specialties and licenses. The names and the regulations vary a lot from state to state and country to country.

Let us only hope that the creation of more titles does not confuse the clients.

If you have questions on the various mental health professions please ask and I will try to answer them to the best of my abilities.

With the issuing of these licenses does it make sense that in California Substance Abuse Counselors are only registered not licensed? And why does it look like no one regulates “Life Coaches” despite the apparent similarities to therapy in what they say they do?

I am guessing that someone is likely to propose licensing Substance Abuse Councilors and Life Coaches soon.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

New Counseling Website

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New Counseling and Therapy Website

Update.

After trying this for a while, I discovered I didn’t have the time to write two blogs. I am still teaching and writing books, as well as producing a few videos for my YouTube channel. I do still see a few clients for counseling but these days this is all done by distance counseling methods. 

The new website for my counseling practice launched yesterday. Honest. This is no Joke. That I got this up and running is truly amazing, me, that old guy, who used to think that a “computer” was that guy in accounting, has my own therapist website. Mostly it is about information for my clients in private practice here in Fresno California. There is a page of “Frequently Asked Questions” about counseling and therapy that some of you may want to look at. Shortly there will also be a page of suggested resources. So check it out and let me know what you think.

I would never have gotten it done had it not been for the experience of using WordPress to do this blog. Don’t panic though. The counselorssoapbox.com blog will continue also. That’s it then.

Best of Blog Recap March 2012

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Counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Here it is – The Best of Blog Recap for March 2012 –

Thanks so much! A big thanks to all of you that read this blog. This has been another great month at the counselorssoapbox.com blog thanks to all of you. Hope some of the things I have written have been helpful and thought-provoking. Feel free to comment and especially pass along the link to anyone you think might want to read this effort.

This month there were a few days with no post but when we reached the month end there were more posts than I had originally planned. We will see what the next month holds.

Here are the top read blog posts of the last month with the links.

1. Bipolar genetics research study.  

2. Trauma steals your sleep.  

3. More ways to mess up your mind.       

4. Why relationships fail – two large reasons.

The all-time top read posts were::

1. How does therapy help people? (still in first place!)

2. Do drugs cause mental illness?

3. How much should you tell a therapist?

4. Treatment for teen’s risky behavior.

Many of you have viewed the home page and “about the author” page also.

Thanks to all my readers new and old.

Next month we will explore some other topics and see what we come up with.

Till next time, David Miller, LMFT, (Soon to be LPCC licensed also)

What if your parents got it wrong?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Parenting.

Parenting.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Humans have a significant design flaw.

If I had been the engineer working on the human design team I would have done it differently. Consider for a moment that we put our youngest most inexperienced humans in charge of keeping the species going. Wouldn’t you think we should have the oldest most experienced people in charge of bearing and raising the children? It is a wonder the human species survived.

Fertility is highest among the very young, teens and twenties. Neuroscience tells us that the frontal lobe of the brain is not fully formed until the mid-twenties. Couples get together, have children, and just about the time they get the process down and start to be credible parents they have passed the child-bearing prime and move to being grandparents. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have children late in life when you have the process of growing up figured out?

Most of the time young parents raise their kids exactly the way they were raised or exactly the opposite. So we keep repeating the same excess of behaviors that produced dysfunctional families.

We are told that if parents get it half right their kids will think they are great parents, but what do kids know? And clearly, way too many parents have children at a young age when they are unable to get even half the parent role right.

Did you ever get 100% on a test? Ten years later could you still get one hundred percent? I do pretty well on written tests most of the time. But I do not remember very many 100 %s. So If I only get part of what I am supposed to learn about being a parent and then only pass on half of that – well pretty soon the whole human tribe will be totally ignorant about child-rearing.

Consider the math, if we get it half right and then teach what we know and they get half of what we know and then they pass it on and the third person only gets half of that half we are now down to 12 ½%. Pretty soon at this rate, we are approaching zero. This is the learning curve we used to have on sex education when we avoided telling kids about that all together.

This is an especially large problem for children who grow up in dysfunctional families. Their parents did not know how to be good parents and these children when they become adults have so much trouble caring for themselves there is not much left to use in caring for offspring. But because of that trick of our genes, these uneducated adults reproduce first and then grow up second.

Now don’t get me wrong here – I am not pointing any fingers. I did the “experiment on the first one and see if I can figure this out” method of parenting, just like a lot of my generation.

A few hundred years back they had some mechanisms to reduce the number of children who were reproducing and the problems of young parents who had to learn their parenting skills while on the job of raising kids. First, they used to starve young people, feed the older workers first. And we had lots of childhood mortality. I am not suggesting that we should try this, just saying. Poor diets kept fertility low until people got older and reduced the number of really young people who were giving birth.

More importantly, than late-onset fertility and high death rates among children and young mothers was another factor called relatives. Not just grandparents but other more distant relatives. There was a time when everyone in a town knew each other and they were all connected. That was sometimes good when they supported the younger parents in being better parents and sometimes bad when a dysfunctional pattern, like child abuse or molestation, became common in a small community.

At this point, some of you readers will be saying aren’t people waiting longer to have children? Won’t that solve the problem?  Yes, some people are waiting until they are older to start families. That will help with the better parenting problem if and only if they had good teachers or if they have grown up and matured enough to have learned those how to be better parent lessons. Also, take note there are way too many cases of twelve and thirteen-year-old mothers and fathers. Sometimes these extra young people have help from older adults. In my state, that kind of help is called child sexual abuse and is both illegal and reportable. Not everywhere is it illegal though.

So what is the solution if your parents did not know how to be good enough parents or if you became a parent way too young? I suggest that it is never too late to take a parenting class or read a book on parenting. If you did not learn the lessons you should have learned from your parents you need to learn them and teach yourself first.

One first step in healing the pain of dysfunctional parenting is to learn what good parenting looks like and then to be a good nurturing parent for yourself. As you learn to care for yourself you will get better at caring for others.

Anyone know a good parenting book?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.