Tag Archives: introvert

Don’t confuse social anxiety with being an introvert.

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Anxious woman

Social Anxiety
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Don’t confuse social anxiety with being an introvert.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Having social anxiety does not make you an introvert.

Many people seem to be mistaking social anxiety for being an introvert. Several people have told me they think they are introverts because they are shy and anxious in social settings. I believe their problems are much more likely to be social anxiety than to be happening because they are introverts.

Social anxiety is a whole other thing. It’s my belief that social anxiety can occur in people who are introverts or extroverts with similar frequency. Let’s look at the difference between introverts and extroverts and what qualifies someone as socially anxious.

What’s the difference between being an introvert and an extrovert?

Introversion and extroversion are concepts from psychology. As with many traits that psychology attempts to measure, they exist on a continuum. Some people are incredibly introverted, some only a little, some are mildly extroverted, and others extremely extroverted.

A simple definition of the difference between introversion and extroversion is what activity energizes you. Introverts are energized by their time alone. While they may occasionally like socializing and may even have many friends, a real introvert needs time alone regularly to think, relax, and prepare for their next social activity.

Introverts are drawn to occupations where they work alone. They are much happier in their little cubicle than in a noisy, crowded situation.

Extroverts are energized by the time they spend with others. While they can tolerate small periods alone, extroverts, by their nature, are constantly seeking out others. Their time with groups interacting with others energizes them and is a part of having a flourishing life.

Some people are Ambiverts.

There are a lot of people who are in the middle between introverts and extroverts. The people who like a happy balance between their time alone and their time with others. I see more and more authors calling this substantial number of people who lie toward the middle of the continuum of introversion and extroversion Ambiverts.

Often, but not always, performers are extroverts. Many musicians love the opportunity to do a live show. Some of their most outstanding work is done while performing in front of a large audience. Cheers and applause give their lives meaning and purpose.

Occasionally, you’ll encounter a performer who has studied extensively and developed their talent, either as a musician, a singer, or some other specialty, and who becomes extremely anxious before each performance. While their talent may bring them praise and success, they dread those times when they must appear live on stage.

Being socially anxious has specific characteristics.

According to the latest copy of the diagnostic and statistical manual, the DSM-V TR, there are 6 specific characteristics of social anxiety. This book also includes a description of 5 other things that have to be ruled out to ensure that the person’s problems are actually caused by social anxiety and not something else. Diagnosing and treating social anxiety is a specialized area. Social anxiety may also look different in children than it does in adults. Please look at some of the other posts I’ve written on anxiety disorders. Here are some of the high points.

Being socially anxious is the fear of being negatively evaluated.

People with social anxiety are afraid of what other people may think of them, and they are terrified of being evaluated when they must interact with others. Something as simple as having a conversation, meeting new and unfamiliar people, or being watched while eating or drinking can be overwhelming for people with social anxiety.

Many people with social anxiety want to be more outgoing and have more friends. Socially anxious people are frequently lonely and wish they had more human contact. While introverts may have many friends, they just value their alone time. On the other hand, socially anxious people may desperately want to make new friends but are terrified that the other person will evaluate them negatively.

One of the great fears of the socially anxious is that their anxiety symptoms will show, and then they will be judged for being anxious. Their fear of being embarrassed or humiliated leads them to avoid others and to be extremely sensitive to the threat of rejection. Socially anxious people fear doing things or saying things that might offend others.

People with social anxiety almost always experience fear and anxiety in a variety of social situations.

There are treatments for social anxiety.

While being an introvert or an extrovert is a personality characteristic, there is no right or wrong way to be. Therapy can help overcome social anxiety. If you’re an introvert, enjoy your time alone, but try to balance it with time with family and friends. But if you’re socially anxious, get help to overcome this debilitating disorder.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC. 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller.

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Finding yourself – the search for you

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Searching for yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Finding yourself – the search for you

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Who are you?

Trying to find yourself is a challenging task. I remember back in the 1960s when a large portion of the student body at the local college and colleges everywhere were psychology and/or sociology majors. In retrospect, I think that most people were either trying to figure out who they were or they were trying to fix what was wrong with them.

In these uncertain times, with the world changing yet again, it’s never been more important to get a clear picture of who you are and what really matters in life. Let’s look at some of the challenges you face when trying to find yourself.

One personality test won’t define you.

It’s tempting to try to divide people up based on one or more theories of personality. We used to try to define people by specific personality characteristics. For example, you could take a test and find out if you are an introvert or an extrovert. Increasingly we find the answer to who you are is much more complex than one or even a dozen personality tests.

The characteristics we use to describe personality are far more likely to be on a continuum rather than discrete categories. People are extroverted in certain situations but behave more like introverts in others. You may be anywhere along the continuum of introversion – extroversion, or you might be better described as an ambivert, someone who sometimes likes to be around others and other times needs to be by yourself.

Who you are will change as you grow.

Long-term research has also shown us that personality types are not fixed. Basic personality characteristics change slowly across the lifetime. One research article I read suggested that changing a personality characteristic takes about five years of intensive work. On the other hand, reading a book such as Learned Optimism and following the principles can change your level of optimism in a very short time.

The basis of cognitive behavioral therapy is that changing your thinking results in a change in feelings which will alter how you behave. Those connections also work in reverse. Changing your behavior, say you start exercising more frequently, will begin to change your feelings, and those new feelings we’ll begin to alter your thinking.

Whether you prefer the Big five personality characteristics, Myers Briggs categories, Enneagrams, Character strengths and virtues, or attachment theory, there’s much more to defining yourself than selecting a label from a theory.

You can’t define yourself by your occupation.

There was a time when almost everyone could answer that they were a farmer. Some families, for generations, would define themselves as soldiers. Today our occupations are much more diverse, but still, if you ask most men, they would define themselves by their occupation. We have subdivided the occupation of merchant into many categories. Is anyone hoping to become a redsmith or a cordwainer?

Women used to routinely describe themselves by their relationships. They were either a wife or a mother or both. Over the last 100 years, more or less, the options for what women could do has expanded. With more choices than ever before, it has become difficult for many women to define who they are.

In your life, you will fill multiple roles.

Who you are will be both defined and shaped by the roles you fill. In various settings, you will perform the tasks of these various roles. You will spend a certain amount of your life as a child, an adolescent, an adult, and eventually a senior citizen. The role of senior citizens is changing also. In your lifetime, you are likely to also be a student and possibly a teacher. Most of us become relationship partners, and many people will fill the role of parents.

Roles such as parents are becoming increasingly nuanced and harder to define. Parenting goes beyond being a mother or father. Some people also become stepparents or spend part of their lives in a blended family.

During various times in your life, you may be called upon to be an employee, a supervisor, a manager, or a business owner. While none of these roles is the whole of who you are, filling those roles can shape or define your understanding of yourself.

You’re not your problems or disorders.

The more we learn about neurodiversity, the more we realize that everyone has potential that can be developed and that we all have challenges to overcome. We should think of people as more than the sum of their challenges.

It’s better to think of people as someone with bipolar disorder or who has depression or experiences anxiety rather than the bipolar or depressive or whatever other label might be applied based on your challenges or disabilities.

How do you define yourself?

Spend some time learning about who you are. While you’re going to be you for your entire life, that person has the potential to change and grow.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Introvert.

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Introvert. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Introvert.

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured.”

― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

“I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.”

― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“I’m an introvert… I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.”

― Audrey Hepburn

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration