Tag Archives: Recovery

How does someone become an addict?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs of addiction

Addiction.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How to become an addict – The process of addiction.

I haven’t met anyone yet who deliberately set out to become an addict. Some people intended to do all the drugs or drink all the alcohol they could, but mostly they did not expect to really become addicted. How does this thing called addiction develop and why don’t people stop before it is too late?

I don’t remember Alcoholic being on the list of occupations in our school career classes. Even without instruction plenty of people go on to become addicted. You would think that highly educated people would know better than to put themselves at risk. Clearly learning and teaching the process of addiction has been left out of our educational system.

Here is how we teach the process of addiction in substance abuse and co-occurring disorder classes.

You too could become an addict in five easy steps. Not everyone goes through all these steps in exactly this order, but most people do. You could go through all of the steps quickly or slowly. Stay on the using course and you should eventually get to the endpoint of addiction. After the addition, doctors call this chemical dependency; you will find death, incarceration, or psychiatric facilities.

Step One – Experimentation with substances.

At some point, the child or young adult tries a substance. Forget what you have heard about pushers. They are too busy making deliveries to do the startup work of creating a new addict. Most kids get their first drug from their parents or grandparents. (See my post on Grandma as a drug pusher.)

The first time for most kids is sneaking some of their parent’s cigarettes or finishing a parent’s beer. Plenty of kids tell me they drank for years emptying out dad’s bottle of vodka halfway and then topping it off with water.

This process even happens in families where the parents don’t smoke or drink. Boys usually are introduced to substances by other male relatives, an older brother, cousin, uncle, or friends. Girls are often given something by a boyfriend or would-be boyfriend.

For a while, this may go a long hit or miss. The person tries this or that, likes some things and does more of that drug or does not like the feeling and does not do that again.

People from non-smoking and non-drinking homes are not immune from this process. They may find a friend to mentor them in drug use or they may delay the experimentation till they leave home for college, the military, or after marriage.

Step Two – Social substance use.

At some point in this process, the person finds that all their friends are into a particular drug. It might be that their crowd smokes cigarettes. Once the underage smoker has lite up that second cigarette there is an 85% chance they will smoke for the rest of their life.

But maybe your group of friends gets together somewhere and drinks a few beers or smokes some weed. That shouldn’t lead to an addiction right? Well not directly. You still have time to avoid that consequence but you are moving closer.

Drug users of any type tend to clump together. Each drug of choice has a culture. Beer drinkers party together and so do weed smokers and heroin injectors.

In the beginning drug use is a social thing. When the group you are in or want to be in gets together they drink this stuff, smoke this stuff, do this drug, you do it also or you stop hanging out with them. Why do you want to spend every Friday night with people who are drinking if you don’t drink?

Step Three – substance use becomes a habit.

One week all your friends are gone, out of town, and here you are stuck at home alone. It is Friday night – this is the night that you drink a few beers or smoke some weed right? So you drink a few or light one up.

At this point using a particular drug has moved from being a social activity you do with others to a habit you have. It may stay there for a long while. You may keep your beer drinking or smoking weed to Friday nights, only but most people don’t.

If you like the drug you would like to do it more than one time a week. If you don’t like it you may move on and try something else. Maybe find a new group of friends and adopt their drug of choice. You might take up drinking coffee or smoking methamphetamine.

One thing about drugs, mild or strong is that they are reliable. You do them and they change the way you feel. If you like the head change you want more. If you do not like the change you probably will pick a new drug you do like, or stop altogether. But that means you have to get new friends. So your trip down the addiction road continues.

Psychological dependency develops after a while.

One week you find you are alone, you want to drink or smoke and you have to go somewhere with the family or somewhere there will be no drugs. You get upset, you get angry, you may even pick a fight with your family and storm out. Then it is their fault you had to go get high.

At this point, you want the drug more than ever before. You need the drug to get by. You think about her all the time. And when you don’t get to do your drug you are angry about it – or depressed or anxious – until you get to get high again.

You are not yet physically addicted but you have developed a psychological need for the drug. This is the last stop on the path before you reach full chemical dependency. And you are thinking at this point that the drug is your friend and your helper.

Physical Addiction can be the last house on the block.

One day you can’t get the drug. You become sick, psychically, or emotionally ill. You may end up in the hospital, the psychiatric ward, or the jail. Suddenly you realize that even when you want to quit when you try to go for a few days without that drug, you just can’t do it.

Beyond addiction, now what?

Once you have reached the point of addiction, doctors call this chemical dependency, you have very few choices. You can quit, which turns out to be very difficult without help. You could go to some meetings, get a sponsor, and work some steps in the process of change. You might go to a program or see a counselor or you might just decide that you are helpless and you will stay addicted. Lots of people chose to stay addicted.

The A.A. big book tells us that beyond addiction if you chose not to accept help, you are headed for misery, jails, institutions, or death. But as with all the stages before this, the choice is of course yours. Lots of addicted people cycle through psychiatric facilities as the drug addiction warps their thinking. We call this joint problem of addiction and mental illness co-occurring disorders or dual diagnosis.

Any questions about my description of how an addiction could develop, be maintained, and result in a co-occurring addiction and mental illness?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Side effects by being impregnated by a Methcathinone user? – Morning Question #20

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Should you worry if you get pregnant by a Methcathinone user?

Anything that damages an egg or the sperm could result in birth defects, age, the physical health of either party, and so on. There is always a risk of spontaneous mutations and genetic damage. I have not seen much good research that indicates that one drug is better or worse than another when used by the father.

ANY drug use by the mother during pregnancy is risky. Sorry ladies. Doctors even take pregnant women off some prescribed medications. Alcohol is the biggest risk factor for preventable birth defects we know of. The only fully safe amount of alcohol a woman should consume during pregnancy is NONE!

If you are worried about the drug use of the father of your child you have more to worry about than possible birth defects. YOUR BABY’S DADDY MIGHT BE A DRUG ADDICT.

Pick your baby’s daddies and mamma’s wisely, you can break up with your partner but your child’s other parent is forever.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What if a client tells you they had sex with their last psychotherapist?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Couple

Sex?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

Sex is not the cure – Morning Question #19.

Ethically this is never considered acceptable. If the client was a child we would report this as child sexual abuse. If they were adults they need to report this to the licensing board. In California, we have a nifty little book called “Professional Therapy Never Includes Sex.” We are supposed to keep this book handy and give it to anyone who tells us they had sex with a previous therapist. What they do about the situation is up to them.

One reason sex with patients is not considered acceptable is the trust clients put in their therapist to help them sort out emotions. Getting into a relationship other than the therapeutic one is likely to result in the therapist taking advantage of the client.

What to do about this situation generally is up to the client, not the new therapist. Laws could, of course, be different where you live but second relationships with clients are considered unethical most everywhere.

More on this is here and info on what counseling should be is at Counseling as a novel relationship.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

One problem limit – rationing emotional help

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can you have too many problems to get help?

Ever feel like you are standing in the wrong line? You go to a place and ask for help only to be told we can’t help you with that problem you need to go someplace else. If you have a few too many problems you might get discouraged and stop trying before you found the place that could help you. You might die while waiting for help.

Systems used to be designed as if people only had one problem. You go to the specialist who handles that one thing. That almost never works, people have multiple problems.

So the system would try to sort people out by their problems. All the people with substance abuse problems go over there. You people with a mental illness you need to stand in that line. We had a line for everything. Lots of places still do.

People with co-occurring disorders, combinations of a substance use disorder and a mental health issue got used to this. You go to a treatment place for substance abuse and they tell you to go see mental health. You go to mental health and they tell you they can’t see you till you stopped using drugs. I would like to do that if only the depression and the voices in my head would shut up. So around and around you go.

So we set up a system where the mentally ill stand in line 1 and the substance abusers you stand in that line over there. The homeless go to another building and the unemployed go somewhere else. If you have a physical illness we send you to this doctor but if it is your heart you see the heart doctor and so on.

Most of us would like to think we are not like those people. We are not homeless or criminals. Until that day when you lose your job and then can’t find a new one.  If you stay out of work too long you might run out of money and have to choose between making the house payment and paying the registration and insurance on your car. But if you get stopped while driving to that job interview with no insurance or registration you might suddenly find yourself as a criminal. That might make you depressed and you might have a drink or two, maybe too many.

See how quickly these problems begin to add up. Multiple problems can be overwhelming to the person with them. They can also be too much to handle for the person who is trying to help them. I would like to help you but the agency I work for has rules and if you don’t do what I say you will not get any help.

One woman told me she was sorry for missing her therapy appointment last week, could I still please see her. Seems she was told by her welfare worker that if she did not come in that day they would cut off her welfare. The same day she got a call from the principal at the school telling her that her son was in trouble at school and if she did not come for a conference this afternoon they would be expelling her son.

Can’t understand why a kid who was sleeping on the floor at a friend of his depressed mother would be grouchy and argue with his teacher or end up in the office after talking back to that principal.

Now I don’t want to sound all negative, though some days that is more likely than others.

Some systems are making strides towards being more helpful and less territorial about controlling the clients. Substance abuse providers are offering mental health treatment and physical health facilities are providing substance abuse and mental health treatment.

Still, we have a long way to go before people who need help can get it wherever they go. As many of us have seen during this last economic downturn, anyone can be closer than they think to a whole list of problems.

SAMHSA talked for a while about the concept of “No wrong door.” That no matter which place you went, they should be able to help you and they should get you connected with the help you needed.

Then came this re-depression and we started locking doors.

Have you and yours been able to get the help you needed?

Care to share? What help have you needed? Has that help been easy to access or have you had to run from place to place and try to meet each program’s differing requirement to get services?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Just being honest – 5 times telling the truth is a bad thing

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Telling the truth.

Truth.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Not all “truth” is created equal – Communication Skills part 2.

As children most of us were taught we should always tell the truth, even when we knew the adults around us were not being truthful. In relationship counseling, we spend a lot of time on communications but improving communication does not always improve the relationship.

People who say they are “just telling the truth” find that their relationships suffer. Truth and honesty can build trust in a relationship but there are times when telling the truth can be both harmful and misleading.

Some people can say the most hurtful things, only to excuse what they have said by reporting “I am just being truthful.” People who use the truth defense are usually not so very receptive to having their partner reply with similar truths.

While telling the truth is a very desirable characteristic here are sometimes when the truth may damage relationships and may not be the “whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

When your version of the truth is an exaggeration.

Common statements, especially during arguments are “You always – You never, you are totally.”

Categorical statements are rarely, if ever, true. This way of saying things is meant to put the other person down and is criticism for criticism’s sake.

Criticism is a way of being hurtful and may cause permanent damage to the relationship. You don’t get to do this and then play the “I was only being truthful” card.

When you say it out of anger the truth is you are angry.

Things said out of anger are meant to hurt. Even if you avoid the exaggeration trap you are likely to say things laced with sarcasm and personal attacks. “Truths,” said in anger, are going to damage not improve the relationship.

Having hurt the other person they have no incentive to work on changing anything. When you are saying things in anger you are lashing out not looking for constructive resolution. Even if the statements were true, when you are full of anger, this is not the time to have that frank talk.

The truth-telling was all about you.

Sometimes “being honest” is about pointing out all the possible flaws in the other person in order to make yourself feel better about you.

Being honest is one thing, but there is no reason to blurt out every single defect you see in the other person. No one needs or wants that much honesty all at once. Think about the purpose behind telling someone the things you see wrong with them.

Is your honesty really about helping them improve or is it coming from a place of selfishness on your part? Honesty like meals needs to be spaced out over time as the need arises.

If you really want to be helpful talk only about as much of the person’s faults as they are ready to hear. Be sure you are not just doing these things to make yourself feel superior.

If the Honesty talk is all about the other person’s faults and you are not ready to own any of the faults this is not real honesty.

You can’t sleep at night or have an emotional hangover after truth-telling.

If after a binge of “ruthless honesty” you find you are unable to sleep at night. If you are emotionally drained for a while after the conversation then you might be experiencing an emotional hangover.

Telling someone off, like drinking too much, may feel good at the time but it is likely to come with the cost of an emotional hangover.

If you find you regret what you have said after an episode of “being honest” You know that the reason is the damage that what you said has caused to the relationship.

Excess of negative emotions, especially anger and fear will lead you to do things while emotional that you may regret afterward.

“It was true” may be a defense in a court of law but it will not make for happy relationships.

The other person is not ready to hear it – you need to use compassion.

Yelling at the deaf and showing pictures to the blind don’t aid communication. Telling someone more truth than they are ready to hear is only going to harm your relationship.

If you really want to end the relationship you don’t need to catalog the other person’s faults to justify your decision.

Remember to practice your compassion skill first and the honesty will have a place to grow when needed.

More on communication skills can be found at:

Communication is not what you think

Just Being Honest        

Criticism, complaining, asking for change

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Communication is not what you think

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Talking to yourself

Communication.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why communication is not getting you anywhere.

Ever feel like “We just can communicate?” Ever say that? The old standby in counseling, especially relationship counseling, is to teach people to be better communicators. Usually, the clients are disappointed with the results.

Everyone communicates all the time. If someone gives you the cold shoulder you know what that means, right? The stone wall and the icy silence speak more than words could ever say.

It really is impossible to not communicate. Most of us are pretty good at communicating angry, hurtful messages. It is the happy, helpful messages that get lost between people.

The problem lies in what people mean when they say they can’t communicate.

Most of the time people who say they can’t communicate mean one or more of the following things, sometimes all of them.

The other person does not do what you want them to.

Good communication does not mean the other person will give in and do what you want. Improving your communication skills will not suddenly have you winning all the arguments. What it might do is increase the chances you could have a discussion with the other person and you could find a solution to a problem that works for both of you.

If there are fundamental differences in what you want or believe, better communication is not likely to change one of you. What it will do is to help you understand why the other person thinks and feels the way they do. But after all that understanding you two may still not find a way to agree.

Religious differences are a common example of this. You may think communication about your beliefs will change the other person. Occasionally it does. Most of the time this conversation highlights how we put off these conversations as long as possible and then get disappointed when the other person does not come around to our way of thinking.

They don’t like the message they are receiving.

Lots of communication is sabotaged by having so many negative messages included in the communication no one in their right mind would want to listen to this conversation.

Verbally beating your partner up and then excusing that behavior in the name of “communicating” is guaranteed to result in more problems down the line. Just being Honest is no excuse for deliberately hurting someone else and it is not a communication style that is likely to improve a relationship.

Communication is all about the way in which we send and the other person understands the message. If there is an underlying message of “you are no good” or some other negative evaluation, improving communication will likely lead to a realization that the real problem is not the communication but the feelings behind it.

There are immense differences between Criticism, complaining, asking for change. If what you are hearing about yourself from the other person is hurtful, it is hard to hear much else.

They never hear anything good.

We tell parents that they need to “catch their children doing something right.” The principle applies to adults also.

If the only messages we hear are negative, we tune out. The surest way to reduce communication is to only communicate when there is a negative message. A constant stream of negative messages makes the other person stop trying. There is such a thing as “learned helplessness.” When you begin to think that no matter what you do it will never be good enough you stop trying.

Good communication includes small talk.

Human relationships are built by time together, positive time. It is not in the huge weighty matters that relationships are built but in the small day-to-day conversations where you come to know the other person.

Small talk is not a waste of time. It is one way to make relationships closer and more intimate. We grow fond of others not because they are of the correct political party or have the correct view of the world but because we share common interests.

Take time to talk about the colors and textures of life. The best communication comes when you are able to open yourself up and talk about who you really are as a person, way down inside.

Communicate to the other person that they are important enough for you to want to spend time with them. Try to do this without the distraction of other activities that need to be done. Make sure that your time together is not one where you divide your attention between the other person and the T. V. or a computer.

What do you think? As always comments are welcome. Look for more posts on communication and relationship skills in the near future.

More on communication skills can be found at:

Communication is not what you think

Just Being Honest 

Criticism, complaining, asking for change

How are your relationships, how are your communication skills, and for you are the two related?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Grow Your Power.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

No Power.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Empowerment – growing your personal power.

Ever wish you had more power? Would you like to be more in control of your own life? Do you feel helpless to change your life? There are ways to increase your personal power, be more effective, and have more of the things you want in life.

No matter how much or how little power you feel you have today, you can begin to grow that sense of personal power, step by step, starting today.

You may have learned to be helpless, been in a situation where no matter what you did you were told you were wrong. Your efforts may have been invalidated and unrewarded. People may have taught you to be helpless. If you learned to be helpless you can unlearn that way of thinking.

Right now, what are you doing to enlarge your feelings of personal power? If not today when will you begin to take control of your life?

Here are some ways to grow that personal power.

Look for areas in your life where you can take control.

If you focus only on the areas that are out of your control you become debilitated and paralyzed. Focus on your choices.

When you think you have no control you make it so. You may be in a situation where you are dependent on others. You have more control than you think. You may not be able to control your situation or surroundings but you can control your attitude. You can think like a victim or you can think like a survivor and be a participant in your life.

Look for help or a mentor.

If you are in a low power situation, an abusive relationship, or poverty, look for resources that can help you. Teachers, counselors, or mentors can help you to grow your power.

Can’t find a person to help you? Look for books on changing your life.

Start making your own decisions.

Look for areas in your life where you can make a decision for yourself. Large or small it does not matter, simply begin the process of thinking about how you feel about things and what you want. Cultivate the habit of making as many decisions about your life as possible. Especially pay attention to how you feel about things. If you feel helpless you may be giving up your power to someone else without even noticing you are giving your power away.

Try new things to increase your skills.

Going for ice cream? Look for a new flavor to try. You may like it, you may not. Check that one off from your to-do list. The more experiences you have in life the more you can adapt to change. Like it or not change is a part of life.

Help yourself by volunteering to help others.

This is a great way to try on new behaviors. In 12 step groups, people will become secretaries of meetings or chair a meeting. The experience of trying on a new behavior can increase your self-confidence. You just may surprise yourself with how well you can do something.

Empower yourself by practicing leadership.

In many residential treatment facilities, the group selects client officials. Each week as clients come and go these officials change. Clients frequently tell me this was the first time in their lives they have been in a leadership role. They discover talents they never knew they had.

Do something for yourself.

Taking good care of you is not being selfish. You can’t be of service to others if you don’t have it to give. Self-care is important. Making yourself a priority tells you that you are worth being cared for. Feeling good about yourself, knowing you matter will enlarge your sense of personal power and control of your life.

Make something “your own.”

Find something that brings joy to your life. Do you have a favorite author? Which sports team is “your” team? Do you crochet? Do you cook Italian? What interest or activity says “you?” What is your religion or spiritual connection?  Feeling that there is something you connect to makes you feel more anchored, more a part of the community.

Learn a new skill.

Expanding your skills is a great way to make you feel more competent and useful. Is there something you always wanted to try? If not now, when will you do this? Look for someone in your life who has this skill and ask them to teach you. Go to places where people who have this skill hang out and learn from them. Clubs, online blogs, and short-term classes are all great sources of information. Stores sometimes teach classes on how to use the products they sell.

Get more education or training.

Opportunities for education and training are more available than at any time in history. There are plenty of adults of all ages back in school learning a new skill.

There are some suggestions for creating empowerment and growing your personal power. Have you found any other ways to feel more competent and in charge of your life?

Leave a comment and share with the rest of us the things you have done to empower yourself and grow that personal power.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

7 steps to prepare for a recovery crisis.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Ball recovery

Recovery and Resiliency.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Recovery Emergency Plan.

We all know about the importance of preparing for a physical disaster, some of us make these disaster preparations. People in recovery are likely to experience recovery crises. Are you prepared for a recovery crisis?

Just because someone enters recovery does not guarantee a perfect life. This is a real-life, sometimes good things happen; sometimes things are not so good. Having a recovery preparedness plan is not just for those in substance abuse recovery. If you are in recovery from mental health or another life problem you need to make these preparations also.

Here are ways to prepare for those not so good times.

1. Enlarge your support system

When things are going well a few people in your support system is fine, but when challenges arise those few people may not be enough. Get phone numbers you can call from more people. What if your first three people are not home or unavailable? Having as at least 20 phone numbers on your support system list is recommended.

A list of numbers for organizations and national support lines is helpful when traveling. Keep your doctor or counselor’s number handy. Many fellowships have websites and there are online meetings. Add these contacts to your phone support list.

Attend support groups other than your regular meeting. Having a number of places you can go to means you will not be alone in the crisis.

2.  Recharge your mind.

Practice positive affirmations. Allow yourself to spend quiet recovery time every day. Continue with your prayer and meditation. Read positive books and listen to positive programs.  Exercising your happiness keeps your mind in top shape for those attacks of negative emotions.

3. Recharge your body.

Your body can’t carry you through tough times if you neglect it in the good times. Recovering people know that hunger, thirst, and lack of sleep are all relapse triggers. Eat regular meals. Drink plenty of water and avoid high sugar drinks. Allow plenty of time for sleep.

The body needs a balance of exercise and rest to function at its best.

4. Don’t let you mind overload the rest of you.

In early recovery, people want to make up for the lost time. One week out of the hospital or treatment facility and they are looking for a job, signing up for school, in a program of aftercare, and seeing a therapist.

Someone who has never cooked anything that does not go in a microwave may take up cooking healthy meals while joining the gym and embarking on a weight loss program.

Overloading yourself by trying to make too many huge changes too fast increases the risk of relapse. Take small steps. Working on goals a little each day over a long period produces results. Your goal should not be a sudden transformation; it should be to make changes in your lifestyle that you can maintain.

Trying to start out on massive change projects can be a way of setting yourself up for failure and sabotaging your recovery.

Do what you can today and a little more tomorrow.

5. Be kind to yourself – give yourself credit – reward yourself.

People who only hear about their mistakes lose confidence, learn to be helpless, and may stop trying. Don’t be your own worst critic. Take credit for the things you are doing right. Say positive affirmations. Give yourself small positive rewards for your efforts.

Avoid negative rewards like drugs or alcohol. Have healthy little treats. Take time to go to places you enjoy being. Spend time with positive friends. Spending time in meetings and with good friends is not an interruption to your recovery – it is a part of that recovery.

Recovery should be fun. Let yourself enjoy your new and improved life.

6. Keep a book handy.

Keep recovery materials handy. When adversity comes, remember to read uplifting materials. That one recovery book may be just the thing to keep your recovery on track when the problems come.

7. Practice your maintenance steps.

Whatever program you worked to get recovery, do not stop working it. If you worked a twelve-step program, keep in touch with that fellowship. If you have a spiritual connection stay connected. Read your recovery materials. Maintain and enlarge your support system. Continue to practice the skills your counselor taught you.

Putting it all together

What is your plan to keep your recovery strong? Every person in recovery needs an emergency plan to prevent relapse.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Blackouts – common or rare?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drinking

Binge drinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are blackouts common?

Morning Question #15.

Blackouts are nothing like passing out or being unconscious. Blackouts involve the ability to walk, talk, and function while intoxicating but to form no memories. The next day the drinker may not know what happened.

Blackouts are relatively common, with up to half of all college students reporting having had an episode of memory loss when drinking. These episodes are highly associated with Binge Drinking. Blackouts range from “brownouts” sometimes called fragmentary blackouts where there are portions of memory mixed with missing facts to full-on blackouts (sometimes called block blackouts) of having lived hours or sometimes days with no memory of where you were or what happened.

Having a blackout especially early in your drinking career indicates a huge risk of developing alcoholism.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

5 Steps to addiction

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs of addiction

Addiction.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What does it take to turn a normal person into a drug addict?

I remember some career information when I was in high school. We took a test to see what our abilities were and what careers might interest us the most. I don’t remember a drug addict or alcoholic being on the list of possible careers. Even without any guidance a lot of people end up making a lifetime occupation out of their addiction.

How does addiction develop? Take these five steps to find your chemical dependency.

1. Experimentation with substances.

Involvement with chemicals begins with some experimentation. A friend offers you one of their cigarettes and you try it. Forget all you have heard about this or that drug being a gateway drug. Far and away the “gateway” drugs of choice are nicotine and alcohol.

Lots of kids get their start at abusing drugs by swiping a few cigarettes, maybe a pack if they can, from a family member. A leftover beer, a partial bottle sitting around, that is all it takes. Lots of seasoned drug addicts remember with me the time they took some sips on a family member’s beer or drank from mom and dad’s liquor cabinet when the folks were away.

Boys usually get their start with the help and encouragement of a male friend or an older family member. It’s not a drug pusher that gets the disease of addiction going, it is a brother, uncle, cousin, or another close male.

Girls most often learn how to use drugs from their first boyfriend. They may go on to share this knowledge with other girlfriends but mostly they all compare notes and then get the next lesson from the next man in their life. Keep the learning up long enough and one of those men will teach you how to save money by sharing needles and then you can share everything that man has, especially the diseases.

2. Social drinking and drug use.

After the first trial of drug use, the budding young experimenter is likely to finds some collaborators in drug learning. The guys or gals get together and drink a few beers, sometimes they get wasted. Eventually, sooner probably, rather than later, someone brings some weed, bomb, some 420 to the party. The group has discovered marijuana; they have also discovered doing an illicit or illegal drug.

Some people have to steal the weed, others buy it, a few have “friends” who in the beginning will front it to you for free. This is probably too early in the trip for the aspiring popular person to have heard the old expression “the first one is free; the second will cost you double.”

Every week the group gets together. Say Friday night. Eventually given enough good stuff, the party stretches over into Saturday morning. There may be some getting drunk, some learning to throw up and to treat hangovers the next day.

There may be some violence, some unplanned, even unwanted sex. People may start doing illegal and dangerous things. Occasionally people get in trouble, get arrested, or even killed. Usually, that is someone else in some other town, someone who wasn’t careful enough. It won’t happen to one of your group.

As long as it is social it is all good. But what happens when the group is away?

3. Substance use becomes a habit.

The time will come in everyone’s life when the group is not there that one Friday night.
This is the turning point.

It is Friday. That is the night you drink and party right? Tonight you are alone. What will you do? This is the point where a few will decide enough is enough. A few beers with friends is fine, but this getting drunk and stoned every weekend is too much.

Far too many people at this point decide that it is Friday and on Fridays, we drink and drug. They will go on with the party, friends or no friends. They may look for another group to use with or they may use alone, but at this point, they have turned a social event into a habit. They will use no matter what it takes.

4. Psychological need for substances.

The user will struggle along for a while, months, years, maybe even decades. The use now is accelerating. There is more using alone. The negative consequences begin to mount up.

There may be DUI’s. When using they do things they will regret later. There are fights, violence, possibly arrests. They decide they want to quit. At this point, they have had enough. They vow to stop drinking and drugging, well not stop exactly, but they will cut back.

The person on their way to addiction is at the point where when they try to control their use they find it is so much harder than they thought. They have lost the ability to control their usage. They need to drink more and use more to get the same high. This is called tolerance. They can’t function without the drug.

In those brief periods of not using or drinking they can’t stop thinking about the drug, how long till five and the next time they can drink?

This person is not yet fully psychologically dependent but they have developed a mental need for their drug of choice. Without that drug, they are not happy. Even with the drug they are no longer enjoying the use. They now use just to get back to normal.

5. Physical need for a drug completes the process.

At this juncture, the person is having physical problems. They may get sick when without their drug of choice. They can’t stand the thought of running out. The alcoholic now needs an eye-opener in the morning. The meth addict tries to keep back a taste to help get them out of bed. It is no longer using to feel pleasure, now it is using to get well again.

The alcoholic may have D.T’s. They may risk seizures and death if deprived of their drug. The process has gone to the end. The experiment is over. The drug has taken control of the person.

If you recognize yourself in this story, consider where you are in the process and where you want to go. If you have reached the point where this is a habit or an addiction know that there is help available to stop the disease of addiction before you reach the end.

Beyond psychical addiction, so the story goes, there are three destinations, Jails, institutions, and death.
Changing the outcome is not easy but it is possible.

Are you ready to change your direction or are you on the 5 steps to addiction path?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel