Tag Archives: Recovery

How supportive is your support system?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Supporters

Support system.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Support system – Resource or stressor?

Recovering people, those with mental illnesses, addictions, or alcoholism, are reminded of the need for a support system. The evidence seems clear. Those who have a good functioning support system do better. Alcoholics and addicts with a good support system are less likely to pick up, to use, or drink again. The mentally ill with an encouraging support system are more likely to stay in treatment and less likely to end up in a psychiatric hospital.

Not all support systems are equal. The quality and the quantity of supports are both important. Who is in your support system? Who should be a member of that group? Making up a written list of the people in your support system before the crisis can help you find resources when the time of need comes.

We speak of support system as if it was a single group, one recovering person – one support system. That is not the best way to build support.  People in recovery need multiple people and need more than one support group. Any single person may not be available when support is needed. Too much reliance on a few support people can burn them out. Not every person in your support system can provide all the support you need.

Here are some categories of the people who might be included in your support system.

Family members can support you.

Family members have been with you for a long time. Even when friends leave you the family remembers you and feels an urge to help you. They will likely feel a desire to help you when no one else will. Support from a parent or sibling can be very helpful for a recovering person, as long as the family is not also part of the problem.

If your family members have a mental illness or an addiction themselves, and often problems run in families, they can’t always provide the support you need. If the course of your illness has been long or serious your family may be burned out on you. They may be unable to provide the help you need at the time you need it most. Many recovering people have a circle of family members in their support system but that is often not enough.

Family members can also be a huge source of extra stress. One study of veterans with PTSD found that family members were rated as the most supportive but also the most stressful relationships those vets had. The stress caused by family members exceeded the support provided.

While it may be helpful to have family in your support system you will need more.

Spouses, partners, and longtime friends can be supportive.

Spouses and partners can be very supportive. People with Schizophrenia who live with a supportive partner were half as likely to end up back in the hospital. If you have a partner they should be a part of your support system, but no partner can carry that full burden. Over time if your partner’s main job is to support you the relationship will suffer. Good relationships need to be maintained with positive interactions. People in recovery do lots of damage to their relationships.

It is hard for a partner to listen to you talk about your symptoms and your urges. They may want to be helpful but being your support system is not a one-person job.

Longtime friends can also be great sources of support. Sometimes these old friends feel like family. Just be sure of how much support any one friend is able to provide and keep people who are unhealthy off the list. An alcoholic can’t get much support on their recovery from someone who is still drinking.

People like you can be a part of the support system you need.

Finding a group of people with problems and interests like yours can be extremely helpful. Addicts relate well to other addicts. Veterans find support groups of other veterans hugely helpful and people with a mental illness should look for a support group of other people with the same sort of problems they have.

Twelve-step groups are highly effective because they are made up of people a lot like you. Alcoholics find A.A. useful because not only does it include a process of change in its “working the steps” it also is helpful in creating a support system of people who, like you, are struggling with their issues. Your 12 step support system will include not only your sponsor but other members of your group whom you can call when you need to talk. Many recovering people also socialize with members of their recovery group.

Veterans often report that they feel able to talk about things in veterans groups that they can discuss nowhere else. Rape victims say the same thing.

In the mental health field, “consumer” groups are becoming more common. So are “dual-diagnosis groups.”  If this is your situation, look for groups like this and participle when you can. If no group exists in your area consider an online group or starting a local affiliate of one of the national groups.

Sponsors and mentors belong in your support system.

Sponsors and mentors can be an especially important part of your support symptom. Most often these will be people from the group like you category above but they develop a special relationship with you as they help by sharing their experiences and hope. They will most likely be focused on one issue, your alcoholism or addiction but every support system needs at least one “old-timer” who can help you along in your recovery.

People who are less like you can still provide support.

People in recovery need to develop outside interests and activities. The longer you are in recovery the more likely you are to become involved in groups that are centered on things other than recovery.

Religious and spiritual groups can be extremely supportive. Include these activities when possible. If you have a hobby or vocation, consider belonging to a group for that interest.

As you move into groups outside the focus of your recovery, think about how much it is appropriate to share with the members of this group. Some people will be anxious when they learn about your mental illness. You may need to keep the discussion of your recovery for a recovery group while talking with members of your spiritual group about your spiritual issues.

Include professionals in your support system.

In developing your support system make sure to include professional people. They may not be available as often as friends, family, or members of support groups but they can be just what you need when you have a crisis.

Keep an up-to-date list of Doctors you see and the meds you take with you. Have phone numbers for the counselors and therapists you see or have seen in case you need to get more help.

Make sure you invest the time in creating and strengthening your support system.

Other posts about support systems can be found at:

Can one person be a support system?

How do you develop a support system?

Support meetings for family members?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why research is not about your problems – co-occurring diagnoses

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

White mouse

Sometimes the mice get it wrong.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Feeling left out? You probably have been.

Have you had difficulty finding information that applies to the problems you are facing? You are not alone. The latest research usually doesn’t apply to your condition and should you find a relevant article it may end with the statement, this treatment has not been studied in patients with X, Y, or Z.  In the mental health field, this issue is especially acute, “acute” meaning sharp and painful not “a cute” as in nice to look at.

Most people don’t have only one problem. We have many, many problems. So when we look for treatment we want something that might help us. When people have multiple problems we call that dual diagnosis or co-occurring disorders. You may have two mental health diagnoses, maybe more. Sometimes this is called multi-occurring or even “complex.”

Most people with a mental illness will meet the criteria for two or more conditions. The overlap between substance abuse and mental illness is the rule, not the exception. People with mental illnesses are more likely to develop an addiction or substance abuse disorder than those without mental illness.

People with a mental illness often have a physical illness. People with an earlier physical illness are more likely to develop a mental illness. If you are seriously and chronically ill you might be a little depressed and anxious wouldn’t you?

As a therapist and a blog writer, I am always looking for the latest in research, things that might help my client. There are some new things, but frankly, there are a lot of studies that are not very helpful.

Most studies exclude from their population anyone who had a substance abuse problem until they are clean and sober for at least 6 months or more. They also exclude from studies those who have had a psychosis such as schizophrenia.

Most of my career has been spent in substance abuse facilities, crisis units, and psychiatric hospitals. Clients there have the greatest need for new effective treatments. They also have the most co-occurring disorders.  The newest treatments have not been tested on the people who need the help the most.

Drug companies would love to play this game. Many psychiatric meds cause weight gain. This excess weight gain can result in obesity and diabetes. So if I am a drug manufacturer and want to minimize side effects which I need to report to the government I would want to exclude a person who had diabetes, better yet let’s leave out anyone who is overweight. When it comes to drug companies there are regulatory agencies that keep an eye out for this sort of thing, with psychotherapy not so much.

Recently I have been doing some reading on the problems related to treating people with PTSD. We need to find better ways to help people with this condition. Right now there are lots of possible treatments but even the big names in therapy don’t seem to agree on the best approach. If therapists don’t agree on the best treatment how is the client to know if the treatment will help or harm them?

Most of the clients I see who have PTSD also have other problems. Substance Abuse is common. With those recurring intrusive memories that keep you from a good night’s sleep for years on end would you be tempted to drink?  Most of the “controlled” studies on PTSD exclude anyone with a substance use disorder or psychosis. These are the clients for whom we most need to find better treatments.

People who have a combination of PTSD and depression or substance abuse are at greater risk. Does it make sense to exclude high-risk clients from efforts to evaluate treatment for high-risk clients?

Recently I came across a study on a new treatment for PTSD. I won’t spoil the fun by telling you whose study this was.

The introduction sounded good until I read further. They excluded from their study anyone with Bipolar Disorder, Psychosis, or a history of addiction. By the time they got done excluding they were down to less than ten subjects. They had excluded more people than they included. To me, this means they should have gone the other way and tried this new treatment on the people with the most problems, the larger group. When they did their study they found out that all but one of their subjects had a history of alcohol abuse. While they had screened out current alcoholics they missed that all the people they serve had at some time or other had an alcohol problem.

A further concern should be mentioned here. Treatment should not make a client worse. Some of the current treatments for PTSD seem to make clients worse off, the treatment can retraumatize them.  Treatments that are too painful result in clients dropping out of treatment. I continue to believe that people do not benefit from the treatment they do not receive, no matter how great the treatment looked in a research study.

I will post more about treatments for PTSD as I wade through the newer studies.

For more blog posts on PTSD, substance abuse, or Co-occurring disorders see the newly revised list by categories to the right.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Eating Disorders and substance abuse

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Unhealthy food

Unhealthy relationship with food.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

More about eating disorders and substance abuse.

Risk factors for eating disorders.

Eating disorders, especially Anorexia, and Bulimia are far more common in women than in men. The ratio runs 10 women for every man. Our society’s emphasis on physical appearance puts young girls at extreme risk as they try to fit the image they see portrayed in the media. Eating disorders that begin in the teen or preteen years are unlikely to go away without treatment.

Certain activities and later on in life specific occupations have built-in an emphasis on keeping the weight off and having a particular body shape. Young women who train to become models, gymnasts, and dancers are at high risk.

Young men who engage in sports that emphasize weight classes are also at risk of developing Anorexia or Bulimia. Male gymnasts, wrestlers, and jockeys all experience pressure to lose weight and keep it off that may become unhealthy.

Added eating disorder dangers.

The dangers of eating disorders are not confined to those with anorexia who reach low body weight. Even when the bodyweight looks normal, the process of purging, intentional vomiting, and extreme dieting, can create health risks. Some methods harm health while being ineffective for weight loss.

Purging and diuretics can create extreme dehydration and an electrolyte imbalance. Dehydration does not equate with a loss of total weight and can seriously impair health.

Subclinical forms of eating disorders.

Milder forms of eating disorders are more common than previously thought. As the emphasis on obesity and weight loss has grown, many more people have resorted to extreme measures to get a sudden weight loss or to reduce weight gain. Despite the health risks involved it is tempting to allow yourself an occasional purge to offset the guilty feeling surrounding overeating or a meal with excess calories.

Co-occurrence of Eating Disorders and substance use disorders.

The overlap between Bulimia and substance abuse may be larger than previously thought.

Assorted studies on the co-occurrence of Bulimia and substance abuse have given varying estimates of the number of people with both issues. Current estimates run between a median of 25% and a high of 50%. Clearly, lots of milder cases of combined Bulimia and substance abuse are going undetected and untreated until one or both problems become acute. These two problems together are much more than the sum of adding up both disorders.

People with eating disorders are also more likely to currently have or have had a history of an anxiety disorder and a mood disorder. Many with an eating disorder have three or more disorders.

Those with eating disorders are at high risk to abuse or become dependent on stimulants. The “Jenny Crank” diet is legendary among Methamphetamine abusers. Abuse of stimulants for weight control regularly results in chemical dependency and serious health problems.

Boundaries between eating disorders are not firm.

During their lifetime people with eating disorders may move between the three principal eating disorders.

Medical issues in eating disorders are noteworthy.

Medical problems are especially challenging for those with an eating disorder. Untreated an eating disorder can lead to serious medical problems and sometimes death. Eating Disorders rarely go away by themselves and need professional treatment before the damage to the body and the emotions becomes permanent and possibly irreversible.

Other Eating Disorder posts can be found at:

Binge Eating Disorder – the other side of Anorexia and Bulimia 

Middle class and starving to death in America – An Eating Disorder called Anorexia

Love Hate relationship with food – Bulimia Nervosa

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

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Bipolar Disorder, Alcoholism and Addiction

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bipolar.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

HUGE connection between Bipolar Disorder and Substance Disorders.

There are so many connections between having Bipolar Disorder and having a Substance Use Disorder. In treatment facilities that screen for mental illness, it is not uncommon for Bipolar to be the single most common co-occurring mental illness. Anti-social disorders are common in court order referrals and sometimes you might see a lot of clients with PTSD but most often it is the combination of Bipolar Disorder and a Substance Use Disorder that really stands out.

Drugs and alcohol can mask psychiatric symptoms, can create them and both intoxication and withdrawal can look like mental illness, but the combination of Bipolar Disorder and a substance use disorder is so common it is an expectation.

Bipolar Disorder coexists with substance abuse more often than with all the Depressions put together. All mood disorders other than Bipolar Disorder are sometimes labeled unipolar depression to separate them from the bipolar condition.

The overlap between these two conditions is huge. The Epidemiological Catchment Area Study reported that more than 60% of people with Bipolar also had a substance use disorder.

Alcohol was the drug of choice for both people with Bipolar Disorder and unipolar depression.

Because many people with Bipolar Disorder report liking the mania or hypomania they most often go undetected and untreated for long periods of time. Most of the time they come in for treatment because of an episode of depression. Many also escape detection until they have legal consequences that send them to a treatment program.

Most people who finally do arrive at the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder have seen five or more health care professionals and have spent ten or more years on the process before getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

The extreme fluctuations in mood in Bipolar Disorder interact with drugs and alcohol. The reported rate of Bipolar Disorder is 1-2 % though it seems likely that many subclinical cases go undetected for prolonged periods of time.

Cyclothymia is another diagnosis related to Bipolar Disorder that has low highs and not so low lows. It is sometimes described as on the bipolar spectrum. For a full diagnosis of Cyclothymia, you need to have had the condition for at least two years.

This disorder is rarely diagnosed and treated as it does not cause the huge impairment or legal consequences of the more severe forms of Bipolar Disorder. People with Cyclothymia have periods of feeling better and stop treatment. They only come in when depressed and hide the hypomania well. In my own clinical experience, this condition is probably vastly underdiagnosed.

When we talk about having a substance use disorder most people will respond that they are not drug addicts or alcoholics. There are forms of the disease of addiction that stop short of physical addiction but result in ruined lives, broken relationships, and periods of time incarcerated.

The hallmarks of a substance use disorder are:

Obsessions – you can’t stop thinking about it.

Cravings – repeated urges to use

Loss of control – using more and more often than planned.

Increased tolerance – Needing more to get the same high or getting less of a result from the same amount of drug.

Withdrawal effects when you run out of the drug.

Psychological addiction or dependence occurs long before physical addiction.

Bipolar Disorder may have existed before the substance abuse but did not get diagnosed because there had been no severe mania. Some people with Bipolar begin using to cover up the symptoms or to help themselves cope. We think of this as “self-medicating.

Drugs and alcohol may increase the risk of developing Bipolar Disorder.

People with Bipolar disorder and substance abuse issues are hospitalized more often and for longer. They are more likely to have rapid cycling Bipolar Disorder and to have developed the symptoms at a younger age. They are also much more likely to have mixed episodes of both mania and depression at the same time.

Co-occurring Bipolar Disorder and substance abuse are much more resistant to treatment and people with both conditions at the same time are far more likely to drop out of or fail to complete treatment.

Alcoholism is more often a result of having Bipolar Disorder rather than a risk factor and those with alcohol as their primary drug of choice do better in treatment than many other co-occurring disorders.

Further complicating this picture we should know that any alcoholic with or without a mental illness is likely to have severe mood swings. Alcohol withdrawal and alcohol intoxication can mimic many mental illnesses and it can take some period of sobriety before a baseline for diagnoses is clear.

Alcohol and illicit drug use will also interfere with getting the medication right resulting in many med changes that might otherwise not have been needed.

So there are some brief thoughts about the connections between Bipolar disorder and substance abuse, especially alcohol abuse.

If you or someone you care about has a problem with drugs, alcohol, or may have a mental illness please encourage them to go for professional assessment and treatment.

Other articles about Bipolar Disorders and related conditions can be found at:

Bipolar or Major Depression?

Bipolar – misdiagnosed or missing diagnosis?

Am I Bipolar?

Bipolar doesn’t mean moody

Are you Hyperthymic?

New Bipolar Drug Trial

Bipolar Disorder Genetics research study – Come one come all

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Best of Blog – May 2012

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Counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Here it is – The Best of Blog Recap for May 2012 –

Thanks so much to all of you for making this another great month. I appreciate all those of you that have read the blog and especially appreciate those who have left “likes” and comments. Please feel free to leave a comment or ask a question.

I have included 5 posts since the last two in both categories were tied or very close.

Best of blog for May

How much should you tell a therapist?

Are you Hyperthymic?

Why can’t we forget the painful past?

Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) vs. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Is it Complex Grief, Depression, or Bereavement?

The best of blog all-time posts are

How much should you tell a therapist?

How does therapy help people?

Are you Hyperthymic?

Why can’t we forget the painful past?

Grandma is the drug connect

To date, there have been readers in over fifty countries. Thanks to all of you. Stay tuned for more to come.

Till next time, David Miller, LMFT, LPCC saying “Hope you are having the happy life you deserve.”

You need to make more mistakes.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mistakes and errors

Mistakes.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes it’s good to make mistakes.

Inside our minds, left over from childhood, is that nagging voice telling us we made another mistake. Oh no I did that wrong. Why do I even try? It is hard to get that voice to shut up. Even when no one in our lives is telling us we are wrong we still need to beat ourselves up for every little error. I should have done that better; I should have gotten that right, we tell ourselves. NOT SO.

As humans, my guess is that almost everyone reading this is a human, we need to make mistakes (sorry bots.) Our brains are hard-wired to require mistakes. We need to make them, and lots of them if we are to learn. Let me explain why.

When we do something wrong, something dangerous or painful, our brains like to set that up in one of those big fat grooves in our brain. Painful and unpleasant memories are readily accessible to our brains. This is for a good reason, – survival.

Hanson describes this as the stick and carrot. The carrot is nice, we like to eat especially if we are hungry, but the stick, that can kill us. We need to remember that stick from the first time we got hit. Not remembering pain could result in getting hurt again. It could mean death.

But happiness as we discovered last time in the post – Where Happiness Hides – happiness takes effort to remember it and remembering it needs to be practiced.

So why should we make mistakes?

The only people who make no or few mistakes are those who don’t try. The famous, the highly productive, and the successful, make lots of mistakes. You don’t hit home runs unless you swing. A great baseball player gets a hit maybe once every three times at-bat. He misses a lot of times. Now if we let fear of failure keep us from trying we don’t accomplish much. You can’t sink a basket unless you put the ball up in the air.

But there is more.

All creativity starts out as so-called “mistakes.”

Let me illustrate. Let’s say we meet in the hallway at work one day. Every morning for years we have walked by each other. I say Hello. You respond with Hello. Everything is right in the world.

This day is different. I say Hello. You, for some unknown reason, say “How are you doing today.”

Oh my goodness! The world is about to end. What do I do now? I have to actually think of an answer. Not the usual answer, but something new, something original. We just might end up having to have a conversation.

Your “error” in asking how I am doing has resulted in you being creative and me having to learn a new skill.

So “mistakes, errors” are the source of much of the world’s creativity.

Errors and mistakes are not in and of themselves bad. They are “learning opportunities.” Some have called these items “improvement opportunities.” So if we move from an “I need to be perfect and never make a mistake” to “I need to try on new things, learn the things that work and don’t repeat the things that did not work” We become more productive and more competent.”

This learning from mistakes is true for individuals, businesses, and systems.

The important thing is to not keep making the same old mistakes. So if you keep trying new things, yes you will make some mistakes. That is fine. Just keep the size of the mistake down to something you can afford; do not try out something new that might get you or someone else killed or lose your life savings. Do try out new approaches to solving those same old problems.

Have you seen anyone trying to solve a problem in the same old way with the same old thinking?

Don’t we describe the approach of doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result as one form of insanity? So if your old method resulted in a problem, addiction or depression, or lack of productivity, do not keep trying the same thing over again because this is the “right” way to do it. Consider a new approach and learn from the trial.

An economics professor once told the class that if we decided as economists to make predictions make them early and often. Some of them are bound to come true. This approach works in lots of productivity and self-help areas. If you are the first to try something, like quitting smoking, even if you struggle, you are a hero when you succeed. If everyone you know has already quit you don’t get so much credit.

The more new things you try the more likely you are to get some of them right. Keep putting that ball in the air. Just do me a favor and before you blame me for any failures, try to make small mistakes and try to not keep making the same mistakes over and over.

Those who try – make mistakes – they are human, but the important thing is they learn from those mistakes.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Binge Eating Disorder – the other side of Anorexia and Bulimia

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

Binge Eating Disorder – the other side of Anorexia and Bulimia
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Eating yourself to death – Binge Eating Disorder.

We used to ignore Binge Eating and only pay attention to eating disorders that involved inappropriate ways to control weight. Anorexia and Bulimia are well-recognized eating problems that were covered in previous posts.

Other posts about eating disorders and the new DSM-V proposals will be found at:

Binge Eating Disorder – the other side of Anorexia and Bulimia 

Middle class and starving to death in America – An Eating Disorder called Anorexia

Love-Hate Relationship with food – Bulimia Nervosa

Eating Disorders and Substance abuse  

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

Recently we have started to see how the overeating part can be a major issue even without the effort to control weight. In Binge Eating Disorder the emotional eating component takes place but it is as if the person with Binge Eating Disorder gives up and stops even trying to control their weight.

As in Bulimia, the food is consumed in a relatively short period of time, two hours or less. One episode of this behavior does not make for the diagnosis; Binge Eaters do these behaviors on a regular basis. The strict diagnostic criterion calls for at least one episode a week for at least three months.

Loss of control is a hallmark of this as well as other impulse control problems. It is not simply that the person likes to eat but that they are driven to eat. Even when they try to avoid the excess calories they are unable to control themselves.

Binge eaters eat faster than everyone else, they wolf the food down. And the Binge eater does not stop when full. They are unable to realize they are full until it becomes impossible to eat more. Even when not hungry the Binge eater will continue to eat for the emotional values of the experience rather than for the nutritional ones.

This eating disorder like other eating disorders is characterized by secrecy and avoiding others seeing what the Binge Eater is doing, they will eat surreptitiously to avoid notice. After a binge episode, the Binger may become sad, anxious, and have feelings of guilt. They can begin to hate themselves.

Binge eaters are not comfortable with what they are doing, they wish they could stop but efforts to control their food intake are unsuccessful.

Binge eating is not a simple case of overeating, laziness, or unwillingness to exercise. It is a specific psychiatric problem that includes the uncontrollable urge to eat even when full and the lack of any energy to attempt to lose weight.

Binge Eating may lead to depression or may accompany a mood disorder. Gradually the pounds are packed on; the Binge eater becomes isolated from family and friends and may begin to hate themselves but still can’t stop without help. This condition requires professional treatment. Treatment for Binge eating may be less widely available than therapy for other eating disorders because the health damage occurs more slowly, but untreated the ill effects on health will certainly occur.

There is a fourth category of Eating disorders, Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (NOS) which includes both unusual problems in food and weight loss and those cases that are not quite severe enough to get a diagnosis of one of the three principal types.

Three brief posts to cover four potential problems in the area of food and eating. There is treatment available for all of these issues. If you have experienced an eating disorder and care to share your experience, strength, and hope please leave a comment about anything related to Anorexia, Bulimia Binge Eating Disorder, or any other topic related to recovery.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Meditation for people who don’t meditate

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tree.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you a meditator or a non-meditator?

For a very long time now I have been convinced that there are two kinds of people, meditators, and non-meditators. I was sure I was a non-meditator. Turns out I just might be a closet meditator after all.

There are lots of meditators out there. I read about them and the benefits of meditation. I am sure it must be immensely helpful to those who practice it, but like weight loss and exercise it has always on my “to do” list not my “done” list till now.

Meditation fits nicely with all those pleasant eastern religions, but I am a hopelessly western person. How could meditation fit into my life? I have been to a twelve-step meeting where they talk about prayer and meditation but getting into meditation has been an awfully long stretch for me.

One problem with my meditation efforts may have been the tendency to think that somehow I needed to close my eyes and block out the world. That is the way we are supposed to pray in church so that was the way I tried to meditated. The same problem occurs with both prayer and meditation when I close my eyes. First, my mind floods with thoughts about everything in the world. These are important thoughts, creative thoughts and I don’t want to lose them so I keep trying to remember these important ideas while trying to empty my mind. Ever try to empty a large pool of water using a running hose?

This flood of ideas happens at other times, like when I am supposed to be writing my blog post. At those times I use a “capture tool” for those pesky other thoughts. Rather than trying to remember the idea I just got for tomorrow’s post while typing today’s installment, I write it down on a clipboard next to my computer. This “captures” the thought and lets me drop it out of my mind and concentrate on the idea at hand. I tried that with meditation but it seems disrespectful to the meditation leaders to always be writing things down while others are trying to meditate. Seems downright sacrilegious, in a non-religious meditation way.

My training as a counselor has been mostly centered around the western style of cognitive behavioral therapy. Get a head change, change your thinking and the emotions will follow. Meditation might work for some of my really anxious clients but I was a little unsure how to teach them the benefit of something I had always been sure I didn’t do – till now.

Someone recently told me they meditate by watching the leaves in the trees. There was a brief flash of thought, not willing to call it enlightenment just yet, but I started to wonder – could watching the leaves in a tree be a form of meditation?

In counseling, we work on a skill called “attunement” with clients. We try to not only get the meaning of their words but also the feeling behind those words. We try to see the world from the client’s point of view. If we can attune to people why not trees?

It suddenly came to me that the times in my life which were the most peaceful were when I could attune with something in nature. Sitting on the ground staring away at the leaves, watching the wind making its way through the tree and feeling attuned to the tree, that occasion was one of the most peaceful times in my life.

Trees have a lot to tell us. From a distance, they look a lot alike. Close up it is amazing the variation. No tree is perfect but you don’t need to be perfect if you are a tree, you just grow and give shade.

Like most people I have moved all around looking for the place I belong, that tree outside my office has lived in that same spot since the day it was born. In all likelihood that tree will still be here after all the people who work in the building have come and gone.

The tree has its struggles. Last winter there was a wind storm and the tree lost a branch, broke off all of a sudden. The tree lost part of its self and still just kept on growing, reaching for the sun. We humans sometimes stop growing after a loss like that.

Trees aren’t the only non-humans we need to attune with. There are birds that act out their drama while living in that tree. The rain comes and it plays with that tree until drops fall to the ground and flow away.

Watching the river run downstream is also a peaceful centering experience. Water, by the way, does not care if you watch or close your eyes to meditate. If you close your eyes while attuned to a river, it will sing to you.

There you have it. While I will probably never be able to sit quietly staring off into space and meditating, I find great joy and contentment in watching the wind play games with the tree outside my window and the rain run down the stream to the river and eventually the sea.

Could you accept that attunement to nature is a very productive form of meditation?  It’s a version of meditation that works for me.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

He slept in trash cans.

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He slept in trash cans.

“Mental health care advocates hope the video of police beating the homeless man, who later died, will spark systemic reforms in the treatment of the mentally ill, even in this era of funding deficiencies.”

This story about Kelly Thomas and how he died is moving reading. If you haven’t heard about this yet check out the story by Scott Gold, Richard Winton, and Abby Sewell of the Los Angeles Times.

The full text is at:

http://www.latimes.com/health/la-me-kelly-thomas-mental-20120509%2c0%2c4023045.story?utm_source=Join+Together+Daily&utm_campaign=61e7621ec3-JT_Daily_News_Senate_Opens&utm_medium=email

Sniping wires that connect you to problems.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Cutting the wires that connect you to your problems.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ending the connections with your problems.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could solve our life problems by just tossing them out? Just toss that addiction, the depression, and the clutter out in the trash can and now life will be grand. Lose that excess weight – once and for all. Why doesn’t it work that way?

Our problems are not just a single thing ready for disposal. Often they are an integrated part of our life. Life problems are connected by lots of wires to other aspects of our life. We have a host of wires connecting our problems with the rest of our lives. These wires are elastic like bungee cords, toss the problem and it keeps bouncing back.

We see this in relationships that crash and burn. We see it in addiction and we see it in lots of self-help failures.

A couple can’t get along, they divorce, but there are children, the children act like wires pulling the parents back together. Calling the ex to complain about “look what your son did” or to argue about money and the needs of the children keep the dysfunctional relationship alive. I have seen couples ten years post-divorce and already with new partners who still manage to call each other once a week to continue the old marital argument.

“Rightism” that need to prove you are right long after it has stopped mattering is a common defect of character.

Just because you end a relationship does not mean the connections are severed. You divorce your partner but not your kids. I warn teens when I counsel them that you can break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend but babies mommas and babies daddies are forever. The key here is to maintain the relationship with the ex as your child’s parent while cutting all the old relationship wires. The wires of anger, bitterness, and resentment keep us connected to the pain of the past.

Any 12 step meeting is sure to have a couple of people, sometimes more, who are not drinking, but they are not happy about being sober. You can spot these people in a flash. Ten years not drinking and they are still angry and resentful, unwilling to do any work on self-change. They keep the wires that connect them to their addiction connected and eventually most of them are pulled back to the problem.

Three things we all should know can keep us connected to our problems, people, places, and things.

Most of us have people in our lives that help maintain our problems. Plan to lose weight? Do you drop by that friend’s house, you know the one I mean, the one that is a good cook and always has a fresh-baked cake ready to help you eat instead of exercise.

Do all your friends have your same problem and are they stuck in the problem and not the solution?  Addicts in recovery find most of their “friends” are really just using associates. Going to see old friends often means doing old behaviors. Hard to cut wires of bad relationships? They have a strong pull to take you back to old behaviors.

Places are also strong wires that bind us to our past. The old saying goes – “Hang out in a barbershop and you get a haircut. Do you think it is safe to visit a bar?

When a mental illness takes hold, people may find that they can’t return to the place they used to work or even the career they used to hold. Not that the place or job makes them mentally ill but the tendency to slip back into old patterns, to work too much, neglect self-care, all these things set you up for another round of illness.

Do you have some wires connecting you to your problems that need to be sniped?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel