Tag Archives: Therapy

10 ways to get emotional help without money

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can’t pay for therapy?

The times you need help the most are likely to be the times you are least able to pay. People with emotional problems often have other problems, no job or a low-paying one, physical health problems, housing issues. If you had those other problems wouldn’t you be depressed or anxious?

Now if this is an emergency, if you or someone close to you is thinking of suicide, has a drug overdose or other critical problem, please call your local emergency number. In my area, we have 911 services and every night many people call that number and end up in hospitals where they can be linked to help. People who chose to not call emergency services can walk into an emergency room and seek services. These days emergency rooms across America are filling with people with mental and emotional problems, people with nowhere else to go.

We continue to hope that the services for the people in need will match the need. So far it isn’t happening. The recent downturn in the economy has resulted in strained budgets and budget cuts. Mental health and substance abuse dollars keep shrinking at the very time the need is growing.

The first place to start of course is your local mental health facility. If you qualify for services they are likely to be covered or offered at extremely low rates. These days the need is so great most public facilities are limited to serving only those with the most severe need, people who are suicidal or have hallucinations. Even if you don’t qualify for ongoing therapy, you may be able to get emergency services or they may be able to refer you to free or low-cost services.

So if you are someone who has fallen through the cracks, who needs counseling or therapy but has no insurance, doesn’t qualify for services or your diagnosis does not meet the “medical necessity” for services, how do you get help? Here are a few suggestions, some are more available than others, and some are more painful than others but if you need help and haven’t been getting it these are things you might try.

1. Read the internet

Especially read blogs and sites about recovery. The internet can be had for little or no cost. These days’ even homeless people have email. Most libraries let people use computers for some amount of time. This has brought information to everyone. It has also caused problems. Not all sources of information are helpful. Watch out for sites that are sponsored by a company that wants to sell you something.

Read about recovery. Some writers are in lots of pain; their writing is therapeutic for them. I read those sites but I find it is good to limit readings about pain unless there are also posts about recovery. Read blogs that spread the cure, not posts that spread the disease. Also, avoid reading too many posts about diagnoses. Self-diagnosis is a trap even professionals can fall into. You need an objective professional person to make a good diagnosis. That said, if someone has given you a diagnosis, read about your condition. If the things you read don’t match what is happening to you, ask questions. Not all professionals agree on things and sometimes they get things wrong.

2. Read self-help books.

There are lots of self-help books out there. I wish I could give you a list of the best ones. I am working on that list but so far it is not ready. I asked colleagues for recommendations and at this point, no two therapists have recommended the same book or books. Read a self-help book that speaks to you. What you need to learn may be different from what someone else needs to learn. You can get self-help books for very little money. Libraries have them for loan. Some can be downloaded from the internet for free or at a low price. I have picked up some great ones at thrift stores for fifty cents to two dollars. If you find a great one please leave a comment here and share your find.

Avoid books that require you to be dependent on or give unquestioning loyalty to a person or group. A.A. literature says here are “suggestions” that have helped us. If you find a better way we wish you well. If you have to do things the author’s way chances are the book is designed to help him and not you.

3. Self-help groups.

The old standby of self-help groups are Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA). The success of A.A. has spawned over 200 self-help groups based on the twelve-step model. There are also specific groups for people with co-occurring or dual diagnosis issues. There are also some groups based on specific needs that do not involve the twelve steps. Please don’t be put off by the twelve step programs talk about a “higher power” even nonreligious people, atheists, and agnostics are welcomed and they often find there is something they can believe in if it is only the ability of the group to be helpful.

4. Colleges and schools

Many colleges have therapy available for students. These services are in addition to the department that does academic counseling. Check with the health services on campus if you are a student. Universities that offer counseling or therapy major often have clinics where new therapists under the supervision of experienced instructors, provide therapy services to members of the community. These university-sponsored programs have low-cost or reduced-cost options. School counselors can sometimes help with family issues, parenting, and child behavioral issues.

5. Community-based resources

Non-profit organizations are sometimes able to provide some services to people in the community who are otherwise unable to access services. Check with charitable organizations. Some areas have a 211 phone service that is able to provide social service referrals.

6. Ask therapists and counselors about sliding fee arraignments

Some practitioners are able to see clients for reduced fees. Don’t be afraid to ask, but expect to have to show proof of income.

7.  Consider group therapy

Group counseling is not second-rate services. Sometimes being in a group with others can be a powerful experience. Group fees can be significantly less than individual counseling. Some practitioners offer large group counseling at extremely low fees. In my area, there have been large groups run by professional therapists that were sponsored by churches or community-based organizations that were free. The therapist donates their time and the organization provides the space. The people who attend get free services that they would otherwise not be able to afford and the counselor often gets referrals for their private practice.

8. Substance abuse facilities

Substance abuse facilities often have outpatient groups that are extremely reasonable. They also may have free or low-cost groups for the family members of clients in substance abuse treatment.

9. Think about your priorities.

How much is your recovery worth? Many a time a person has told me they couldn’t afford therapy but they continue to pay hundreds of dollars each month for hair or nail appointments, home shopping, or their drug of choice. Is it true you can’t afford help or is it that you have not made your recovery much of a priority?

10. Consider Religious counseling.

Pastors, Rabbi’s Priest, Bishops, and other religious leaders often have training in Pastoral counseling in addition to their religious training. Seek out people who seem to care about you and about being of service.

If any of you know of other resources let me know so I can pass the information along. Till next time –

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Am I Bipolar?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Person with masks

Bipolar.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Am I Bipolar?

Occasionally I get asked this question. More often the person asking the question is asking if their child, spouse, or friend is Bipolar. Almost no one ever asks me if they are depressed. Why the difference?

Most of us know when we are depressed. We know that we can be a little depressed and get over it naturally or we can get a lot depressed and need help. It is also easy to see that there is a difference between being a “little depressed” and suffering from Major Depressive Disorder which is the technical term we professionals use when we diagnose clinical depression that needs treatment.  We also have some other lesser degrees of depression we can diagnose like Dysthymic Disorder. Not so much with bipolar disorder.

Even my more liberal colleagues are uncomfortable with the idea that people could be “a little bit bipolar” even though all people have some of the characteristics of bipolar from time to time. It would be more comfortable to think that there are “those people” meaning the mentally ill – over there and then “us people” the normal ones over here. Forget for a moment that our friends and family may think we belong with the over-there folks. Why is it so hard to accept that most of the symptoms of mental illness are on a continuum from a few to a lot?

With depression, we all accept that if someone in your family dies – say, grandma, for instance, you should be sad. That is assuming, of course, you like grandma. If someone close to you dies we expect you to be sad, depressed even, we have a special name for that – Bereavement. But if five years later you are still stuck at home, too depressed to go to work because of this loss, then we think there is something excessive going on here and you will be diagnosed as depressed, probably diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder. So why don’t we do that with Bipolar disorder?

One caution is in order.  DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME! Diagnosis is not a do-it-yourself project. This blog is meant to be informative and as you will see below most of this is not a matter of yes or no answers on a questionnaire. Some “clinical judgment” needs to be used, which is why even professionals sometimes need to consult with other professionals on close calls.

Let’s look at the criteria for Bipolar and see how someone might have all the signs or symptoms and still not qualify for the diagnosis. Some of you who read my earlier blog about Bipolar Disorder will remember that the main difference between depression and bipolar disorder is the occurrence, at least one time, of an episode of large mania or small mania (Hypomania.) I have simplified these descriptions so if you want the long-form, check the DSM.  After the 7 criteria will come the big stuff.

Here are the 7 criteria:

1. Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity.

So this sounds like an occupational disease. Wouldn’t all politicians, entertainers, and sports personalities fit this description? So thinking a lot of yourself could be good self-confidence or it could be grandiosity depending on whether you win or not. Certainly, people with bipolar disorder may be attracted to these kinds of occupations but not everyone in those fields should be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As with all the other symptoms, this is not a yes or no answer, it is a matter of degree.

2. Decreased need for sleep.

Many people experience a night or two when they are doing something exciting and they get by on less than normal sleep for a day or two. As a society, we like people who get a lot done. But eventually, the novelty wears off and the need for sleep returns. Bipolar people have extended periods of high activities with a reduced need for sleep.  Parents with bipolar children report the child never slept that much. Though most parents don’t think their child sleeps enough when the kid keeps waking you up at night. So again the sleep issue is a matter of degree.

3. More talkative than usual or a pressure to keep talking.

Now we have all met people who talk a lot. And when you are with someone who has not seen you for a while you both may feel the need to say a lot. Some kids are so needy for attention that once the mouth opens they will talk nonstop. None of these things meet the criterion of it only happens occasionally. To really be bipolar disorder the person needs to have an out of control need to do these things.

4. Racing thoughts.

This is from the client’s point of view. They feel that even they are having difficulty keeping up with their own thoughts. Writers have this happen sometimes; the muse strikes and we have trouble getting it down on paper. That is not the same thing. Being a writer does not make you Bipolar. (We are not all bipolar are we?) These fast thoughts are also called flights of ideas, hard to stay on track when your ideas jump from subject to subject.

5. Distractibility.

This involves being pulled away easily or getting stuck on irrelevant things. Now, this is perilously close to ADHD. Kids with bipolar disorder are sometimes given an ADHD diagnosis the first time until the symptoms of bipolar disorder become clearer. More on ADHD at another time.

6. An increase in goal-directed behavior.

This is also a tricky one. If it means studying a lot and getting all “A’s” or making lots of money we may let this go. But if you are really good at having sex with lots of people or working so many hours you forget where you live – then you get diagnosed.

7. Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that may cause you pain.

The official guide lists too much sex, buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, and foolish business investments. This leaves out gambling, substance abuse and some other impulse control problems.  What is a foolish business investment is also open to question. Should we dump the internet stock and invest in a sound carriage manufacturer’s stock? So see how some interpretation is needed?

Now all the above notwithstanding, for anything to be diagnosed – yes you heard me right – for anything to be diagnosed as a mental illness it must cause one of three things.

A. The problem keeps you from having or keeping a job. For kids, this includes going to school. In fancy-speak, we call this interfering with occupation functioning.

B. It keeps you from having good relationships with your friends or family this is called social functioning.

C. It causes you pain. So if the problem is causing you pain we are much more likely to think it is a mental or emotional disorder than if you and your friends are OK with your difference and you can keep a job.

More next time on some of these problematic diagnoses and on some other relationship issues that you have emailed me about.

Bye for now

David Miller, LMFT, LPCC

7 “New Drugs” parents should be aware of

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs.

Drugs.
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

7 “New Drugs” parents should be aware of.

New drugs and new patterns of drug use continue to emerge. When I first started talking about this in my class for drug and alcohol counselors the thought entered my mind that giving out information on new drugs might encourage their use. I didn’t need to worry about that, the people who want to use them knew about them far before I did. But now that there have been a few overdoses I believe it is important for parents and professions to be aware of these new trends in drug use. So here are six new drugs and one new drug use trend that are beginning to rival the old drug use problems. For up to the minute information on these drug use trends you only have to search the internet.

1. Khat

Khat is a stimulant plant from the Middle East, another of the results of our involvement in wars there. The leaves are chewed while still fresh and moist and are a mild stimulant similar to Coca leaves. The plant and the fresh leaves are rare in the U. S. The synthetic version is becoming more common.

2. Methcathinone

Methcathinone is a synthetic and potent laboratory-produced version of the Khat plant’s active ingredient. It is not illegal or regulated everywhere yet and is growing in popularity. Results are reported as being similar to Methamphetamine.

3. Bath salts.

These are not the kind of bath salts your grandmother might have used. These drugs are being sold in “head” or “smoke” shops not bath boutiques and the label is certainly a misnomer. Common names include such benign-sounding names as “Ivory Wave,” “Purple Wave,” “Vanilla Sky” and “Bliss.”

They are used by smoking and can contain a variety of chemicals. Join Together reports that DEA has placed a temporary ban on three ingredients used in the manufacture of bath salts, Mephedrone, MDPV, and Methylone.

As fast as one ingredient is made illegal the manufacturers switch ingredients. Overdoses can be particularly nasty and use may result in psychoses or death. To re-quote “What a price to get your kicks.”

4. Synthetic Cannabinoids.

These are best known locally under the brand names of “Spice” and “K-2.”  This can be most any dried vegetable material, commonly parsley which has been coated with a synthetic Cannabinoid. There are 300 different chemicals involved so far and more are sure to be discovered. A few have been made controlled substances, mostly this means they are illegal in the U.S. As fast as one is banned another variety comes into use. These are not benign chemicals. Overdoses and toxic results have been reported including hallucinations that have not gone away after withdrawal from the drug.

5. Salvia Divinorum.

An unusual member of the sage family originally from Central America it appears to be the only member of the sage family with psychoactive properties. It was used by Native Americans in religious ceremonies and does not appear to be especially dangerous when used that way. When combined with other drugs, especially synthetics and alcohol the results are reported as being unpredictable. Since stimulants and depressants are the most popular drugs, consciousness-altering drugs like sage have not caught on in popularity the way Methcathinone and bath salts have. As with most dried herbal products the potency and ingredients can vary considerably.

6. Kratom.

Bet you thought I made that up? This has nothing to do with Superman. It is a tree, originally native to South East Asia. The leaf is reported to have both stimulant and depressive properties. In some places it is illegal and in other places, it is totally unregulated. At high doses, it has been reported to have effects similar to morphine. Some of the trees are now in the U. S. but most of the use is by buying leaves and preparations from the internet. The tree does not grow well in cold climates so most of the cases reported are from Florida. Like all other drugs, it is likely to spread over time.

7. Smoking of Heroin by teens.

This is a new twist to an old drug. This trend is occurring in the wealthier and more affluent parts of town. Abuse of pills is now epidemic. Teens have ready access to powerful painkillers. Sometimes these have been prescribed to them for injuries but often these pills are being taken from parents and grandparents medicine cabinets. After a short time, opiate addiction develops. Unable to get more pain pills an exceptionally large number of teens have taken to purchasing heroin to replace the pills. At first, they may be induced to smoke the heroin, thinking that this differentiates them from the drug addicts who use needles. The high price of the drug and the larger quantities needed when smoking result in most switching to needle use. Heroin is consuming a whole new generation.

By the time I get this posted it is likely there will be additions to the list. I hope this helps in the way of information. The only antidote I know of for an increase in drug addiction among our children is parental and societal involvement with kids. Happy, healthy kids are less likely to become addicted and they are more likely to turn to adults for help. Kids with mental health problems, who are estranged from their parents, are at increased risk. Trying to keep drugs out of our communities does not seem to be working as you can see here new drugs of abuse will keep entering our society. The only hope for taming the dragon of addiction is early intervention and treatment.

Great sources of up to date information on drug use trends and laws are THE PARTNERSHIP AT DRUG FREE.ORG and Join Together. They send out frequent updates via email. Check them out at http://www.drugfree.org/join-together

As always comments and questions are welcome.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Don’t think about elephants

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Elephant.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

For the balance of the time you are reading this blog – please do not think about any elephants.

I know this may be difficult for some of you but whatever you do – do not think about the elephants.

No cheating now.

Do not think about African elephants.

Please do not think about those big gray Indian elephants.

It would be especially important to not think about circus elephants or pink elephants or even cartoon elephants like Dumbo.

So how did you do? Did you think about even one little elephant?

Most of you did think about an elephant, didn’t you?

This short exercise illustrates how difficult it is for a person who has a problem, any problem, to avoid the problem by not thinking about it. The very effort to not think about the problem immediately makes us think of – the thing we were trying to avoid.

Lots of people try to solve their other problems in the same way. Let’s not think about them. Substance abusers who try to not think about their drug of choice spend all their day with the thoughts of that drug running through their heads. Dieters have the same problem, the more they try to think about not overeating the more food intrudes on their thoughts.

So what should you do?

You can’t just sit and think about your problems either that is called brooding. The more you ruminate the more depressed and anxious you will become.

There are two approaches to solving the problem of constant unwanted thoughts.

Do something. Many problems grow the longer you avoid them. Sometimes this is described as – while you are inside hiding from the problem the difficulty is outside doing push-ups. The longer you avoid the trouble the large it looms. Financial problems and unhealthy lifestyles are the most likely to grow. The sooner you take action to cut spending, raise your income, take a second job or just accept that your dream house or toy is really out of reach the sooner you can begin making progress towards solving the problem.

The other approach, the one especially recommended for addictions and other habits that seem to own you is stop trying to not think about the bad habit and begin to focus wholeheartedly on positive things. What would your life be like without that elephant you have allowed to live in your living room? Focus on the new pattern or activity you want to replace the unwanted tendency.

How do you decide which method will be most successful?

If you do nothing will the issue you are avoiding eventually destroy you? Addictions will, a mounting debt will. Unhealthy lifestyles, like smoking, will eventually shorten or end your life. Doing nothing should never be an option.

Unhealthy habits like addictions can never be overcome by sitting passively and resisting the urges. As a counselor, I don’t try to take an unhealthy behavior away from someone, which leaves them empty and hurting. Instead, we try to find something desirable, worthy, and uplifting to replace the burden the client is trying to put down.

So, in the end, the best successes for changing your life and improving the self comes not from struggling to avoid something but from finding a new positive goal to move towards.

As many a twelve-stepper will tell you, the greatest progress towards recovery comes in the times when we seek to do something for someone else. Trying to be of services to others, thinking of how we might help them always takes us further away from our own defects of character.

Here is wishing you a happy journey towards whatever happy life goal you decide to pursue.

P. S. The picture is from Wikimedia Commons.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Great New Training on Mental Health

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Counselorssoapbox.com

Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) is a great new training. If you are not familiar with this training you should check it out. Designed for the non-professional, it teaches you how to react and how to be helpful if you encounter someone who is having a mental health crisis. Created in Australia the program has now come to the United States. The two-day, twelve-hour interactive class covers the major kinds of mental illnesses and how to help a friend, family member, or someone you might meet who is experiencing mental health problems. Sponsored by the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, Missouri Department of Mental Health, and The National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare there are now certified trainers throughout the United States.

Here in California’s central valley, there are over a hundred certified trainers. Certified trainers in Fresno have put on numerous trainings over the last year. I became so enthusiastic about this program that I took the training and became a certified trainer. So far I and a co-facilitator have completed three trainings. All of our trainings were enjoyable to do and well attended. In the coming year, we plan to offer the training at least three more times. We are currently looking for a larger room or a sponsoring agency. If you want more information on my trainings please email me or watch this blog for posts on upcoming trainings.

If you are not near Fresno you can check the Mental Health First Aid USA website at http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/cs/program_overview/ for a listing of courses in your area. The training comes with a detailed book for reference after the class. So whether we see you in one of our trainings here in Fresno, or you take it from another trainer, this is one class well worth taking.

Thanks to all of you who are reading this blog, subscribing, and passing it on.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Giving in to peer pressure

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Parenting.

Parenting.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why do we tell kids to resist peer pressure?

People who are really good at resisting peer pressure end up in places like jail, prison, and mental hospitals. They become rapists, murderers, and people no one wants to be around. So why do we keep talking about teaching kids to resist peer pressure?

Humans are social animals. We look around and see what other people are doing and we copy them. That’s what we are supposed to do. That’s how society and cultures hold together. We hope kids will get a job and work and raise a family just like everyone else. That is what peers are doing. So why do we keep telling them to resist peer pressure?

We should be telling kids to give in to peers, that’s what we all know they will do sooner or later.

There is an oft-repeated saying – “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” It is truer than we realize. Rather than spending our time, or should I say wasting it, on teaching kids to resist peer pressure, we should be encouraging them to pick good peers. Hang out with the winners and you become a winner – spend all your time with the losers and you – well you get the idea.

If you hang out in a barbershop you will get a haircut. If you hang out in a crack house you will smoke crack and if you spend time in a bar you will drink. So why are we surprised when kids hand out with “stoners” and get stoned? And why at that point do we go on a crash course in trying to teach them to resist peer pressure?

Waiting till your teen is a stoner to talk about peers is like heading out across Death Valley, on foot, without water, and then complaining about your thrust. You just now thought of that?

So what should a parent do? Start young. Know your children’s friends. Spend time with them and with their parents when possible. Encourage your child to do positive things. Think you’re too busy for that? Well, you probably won’t be too busy for their court date or worse.

Anything a parent can do to encourage their kid to be involved in something positive is like an immunization against problems later on.

This isn’t just true for our children. It is something we should be practicing ourselves.

What are your thoughts on peers, peer pressure, and the impact it has had on you and yours?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Anxiety is like a cat!

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Stray cat

Feral cat.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Anxiety is like a cat!

What exactly is anxiety? And what is an anxiety disorder?

Well to some people it looks like a kitten.

And to others, it looks like a lion.

A little anxiety can feel like a small cat rubbing on your leg, a bit of an annoyance but nothing you can’t handle. It can push you to try harder. It is the stage fright that keys up the performer to go all out and give the performance of their life.

For others, Anxiety is the lion that keeps you off the stage of life. It is a terrifying disorder that tries to eat you alive.

Anxiety disorders are the most common emotional problem in America. In any one year, approximately one in five Americans will have an episode of anxiety that is severe enough to interfere with their everyday functioning, an episode so severe they should go for treatment.

Dictionaries define anxiety as a feeling, worry, nervousness, agitation, fear, or apprehension. The symptoms can interfere with every system in the body. Anxiety symptoms are often mistaken for physical illnesses and send millions of people repeatedly to the doctor looking for a physical cause of an emotional problem.

Now if you have a physical problem, by all means, see your doctor. But if the problem keeps changing, if the doctor can’t find anything wrong with you, then the problem may be emotional. That does not mean the problem is “all in your head” it is there, but it is everywhere in your body also, and there are treatments for anxiety.

Robert Sapolsky wrote a really cool book, called “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” which explains how your fears can essentially hijack your body and show up by making you sick. I highly recommend this book to counselors and therapists who want to understand anxiety and want to help people with this problem. But what if you or your child is suffering from anxiety. And I do mean SUFFERING? What if you just want to get your life back?

There are ways to turn the volume down on anxiety, shrink that cat down to a manageable size. I am not saying to get rid of anxiety altogether. If there is a real live lion chasing you, or a gang banger with a gun, some fear and anxiety is a good thing. Under those circumstances, anxiety might save your life. If your fears are keeping you from having a life, what then?

A good counselor or therapist can help you shrink those fears. There are self-help books that help also. A good counselor can help you learn and practice skills to stop anxiety in its tracks. The difficulty here is they will probably see you an hour a week, now you got 167 hours to go before your next appointment. What now? This is where a good self-help book can help, especially if you talk it over with a professional and practice the skills. A book is also helpful if you need to help a child get over their anxiety.

One book that I find helpful for managing anxiety is Tamar Chansky’s book “Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias.  She has lots of good techniques for reducing and controlling anxiety. She does some creative things like using a “Fear Extinguisher” and a “Fear Thermometer” as well as some of the standbys like creating incompatible emotion states by using humor or relaxation to reduce anxiety.

So is anger a problem for you? How do you reduce or control your anger? And if you are a counselor and work with clients with anxiety – What do you find the most effective approach?

There will be more on this topic to come, and please feel free to comment on this or any other topic in my blog. Till next week. David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Stress

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Stressed

Feeling stressed out?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Stress!

“Can you feel the stress in this room?”

The person next to me bent over and whispered in my ear. “Yes,” I replied. “I have never felt it this strongly,” they said.

Are you feeling it too?

These days people are collapsing under stress as never before. Fear is stalking us.

We are daily reminded of two wars – should we make that three – and counting? Housing prices continue to crumble; most homeowners are underwater if they haven’t lost their home to foreclosure already. Unemployment is up – stubbornly up. In my area, unemployment flirts with the 20% mark. Is it any wonder we are stressed?

The gridlock in Washington hasn’t reduced the stress level of anyone I know. Did I hear that right – politicians almost let us default on the NATIONAL DEBT! And the stock market makes my stomach hurt worse than any roller coaster I ever rode on. Consumer confidence is near the bottom. Did I read that right – one credit card company emailed me a warning – I did not owe them anything but they were warning me THEY didn’t have the money to lend me?

Are company presidents really bragging about the number of American jobs they have eliminated?  It is not just the low-skilled unemployed that are out of work. People with college degrees are unable to find jobs; some are running out of unemployment benefits. And the once safe place – government employment – has become a scary place as huge numbers of government employees at all levels are being laid off.

There was a time when the way to escape economic uncertainty was to go back to school, usually to college, and get a degree. A degree is still a wonderful thing, but occupations are changing so rapidly a degree is no guarantee of finding a job.

California has traditionally been the land of second chances. And third and fourth … But as the budgets shrink colleges everywhere are raising tuition, cutting classes, and capping enrollment  So even if someone chooses to go back to school there are no guarantees of admission, classes, or a career afterward. That is causing students a lot of stress.

Being a parent is even more stressful. Lots of kids are not finishing school. The numbers going to juvenile halls show no sign of declining. Teen pregnancies and drug use are everywhere you look. If parents had known the risks beforehand we might not have become parents.

It’s only adults that stress right? Kids don’t understand stress, right? They don’t know we are stressed, we are hiding it well. Wrong! The hospital emergency rooms are seeing those kids. I read on the internet, a study which said over the last ten years the number of children admitted to psychiatric hospitals has continued to rise. These are kids who say they want to commit suicide, kids who wish they were never born, or they wish that they were dead.

No, not every kid says that, but the numbers who do are rising. Kids who never before knew what homelessness meant are learning the hard way. Kids tell me they have moved 3 – 4 – 7 times or more because the family couldn’t pay the rent. Several families move in together in a house too small for one family.

Some kids get kicked out of school. I am seeing a wave of home-schooled; self-taught students who couldn’t be kept in the classroom anymore because of their behavior – or their parent’s behavior.

Lots of those kids who end up in contact with the official system, welfare, Child protective services, juvenile hall, where are their parents? They are in prison and jail. In our society, for a long time, one in three black men went to prison. But the numbers are changing now. More Hispanics, more women, and more white men are going to prison. Nowadays everyone gets a chance to do time.

Our prisons are overcrowded and soon we will have to start letting people out to make room for the new prisoners.

Some kids are looking forward to seeing their parents freshly released from prison; some are scared for the same reason.

It’s the drugs, right? We have been fighting the war on drugs so long, our battle flag is torn and covered in blood. More children and younger ones are trying drugs. Some are doing drugs with their parents; others are stealing their parent’s drugs.

And it’s not just the same old drugs, six new drugs, maybe more, have arrived on the streets of America in the last couple of years. Some of these drugs aren’t illegal yet. Most don’t show on the hospital screening tests. And the kids who tell me they are using drugs – they keep getting younger and younger.

And the drugs that hurt the most are not the rare illegal ones. They are not the ones that sneak in through the windows but the ones that we openly carry in the front door. Alcohol and Tobacco-related deaths account for over 95 percent of all drug-related deaths. Abused prescription drugs are in second place with all illegal drugs a distant third.

So what causes these children to succumb to all this stress?  Why do some parents cave in under the stress and others make it through? In the future, I will write more about my thoughts on withstanding stress, but now I would like to know –

What do you think?

How do you cope with stress?

How can those of us that are in the helping professions, counselors, therapists, doctors, nurses, and others – how can we help people to withstand these horrific levels of stress?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Here are the Spruce!!

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Counselorssoapbox.com

As promised the counselorssoapbox blog has been spruced up.

So why do we call the spring cleaning “sprucing up”

Like so many other words and expressions we use here in America, we got this one from our Country-Ancestors in the UK. Originally spruce items, like the trees, were things imported or originating in Prussia. One thing Prussia was especially known for in the pre-colonial days was fancy leather goods. So back then to “spruce up” was to put on your fancy leather jacket. Later it came to mean to get dressed up or to fix up your looks. So we have both imported some spruce tree pictures for this occasion and cleaned up the site. For more information on this and other UK expressions that made their way to America please see – phrases.org.uk.

One of the new features on the blog is a section about the books I have been writing. None of the books are published just yet but I wanted to share the process and the progress I was making on these projects. Two of my novels are in the editing and sending to the agent stage, more on them later.

My major non-fiction book project is about all the things beginning counselors need to learn to become helping as opposed to unhelpful counselors. It currently has the working title “How to do counseling” While working on this project I have had to do a lot of research on books for counselors and on books counselors might suggest to their clients. In my own private therapy practice, I sometimes do what we counselor types call “Bibliotherapy” which is suggesting books for our clients to read.

So as the project progresses I would like to tell you about some of the books I have read that might interest you. You will be able to see some short book revues about counseling, therapy, recovery and resiliency, and other “having a happy life” books. As the list grows there will be a list of recommended books and resources.

If you have a particular favorite helping book email me or make a comment on the blog.

Till next time wishing you a happy life. David Miller, LMFT, NCC.

One last Spruce

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Should men ever go for therapy? Or be therapists?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counselorssoapbox.com

Should men ever go for therapy? Should men be therapists?

Wondering what you think about this? A friend sent me a copy of an article that said there are fewer male therapists than ever before and that some men prefer to talk to another man about their problems. Now I know there are lots of fine female therapists, but this got me thinking. Do the characteristics of the therapist affect the results? Gender roles are such a huge issue in our culture. Male clients have told me it is hard for them to relate to a female therapist. Men, some men, if I may stereotype here, want to solve problems, get it done. Women seem to always want to talk about feelings, those pesky things many men wish they didn’t have. In couples counseling, I find men are willing to talk about feelings if that will make their partner happy but in fact, they would rather just solve the problem whatever that is, and get on with things. Women seem to care more about feelings than men, that Mars and Venus stuff if you will. Ever since women’s lib moved center stage men have been expecting that for women to be liberated somehow it must be their fault that the woman did not feel liberated in the first place. We are used to being blamed for a lot. But why do we need to pay to be blamed?  Many in the therapy field come to the business because of healing their own hurts. Men have told me that they felt that the female therapist sided with the woman, decide it was all the man’s fault, and promptly suggested that she would be better off without him anyway. This is not what they signed on for in coming to therapy. I am sure women have felt dismissed and unheard by some male therapists also. One very effective form of family therapy has been multifamily group therapy led by a man and a woman who can model appropriate behavior towards the other gender. This type of treatment is not available very often. So yes, I find that there are times when a male client will benefit from seeing a male therapist. Male children and adolescents might benefit from seeing a man who can talk about his feelings. Unfortunately, there are fewer and fewer men who are entering the counseling field, leaving us with a shortage of male therapeutic role models. Today I am thinking that “gender-specific treatment” shouldn’t be all about treatment for women.  Last time I counted there were at least two genders, maybe more. Just my thoughts. So what do you think? Appropriate comments welcomed.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel