Dreams reduce and nightmares increase fears.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dreams and Nightmares

Dreams and Nightmares
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Good sleep and dreaming can help reduce anxiety.

Sleep and the dreams that inhabit the sleep-land can help us make sense of life experiences or they can magnify those fears and impact your awake life. One theory about nightmares is that normal dreams make sense of things and reduce fears but nightmares are a failure of that fear reduction system. This idea is often expressed in some rather technical language but let me try to make it clear using a story to illustrate the possibility that dreams can help you make sense of the world.

Good dreams and bad dreams.

People tend to remember nightmares where the experience becomes so intense it wakes you up. Occasionally you have a “bad dream” which does not wake you up but was so disturbing that you remember it upon awakening. Most of us have occasionally had a “good dream” and remembered the wonderful place or person we experienced in the dreamland. The more good dreams you have the more likely you are to forget them. Bad dreams and nightmares, in particular, you tend to remember.

Dreams continue your awake thoughts.

Nightmares usually feature fear, anxiety, and trauma but many other themes are possible. One theory about dreams is a “continuity” theory. You tend to dream about things in your sleep that you think about when awake. School students dream more about tests, creative people may dream about creative outcomes. Love, friendship, or happy times may take place in a dream. Some writers have described those positive dreams as “wish fulfillment.” Which dreams get remembered? That would be the ones with strong emotional content, mostly which are the negative emotion dreams.

Dreams can reduce fear.

Let’s look at how a dream might help make sense of an experience and reduce fear. Say you are in a minor auto accident. There is some damage to your car’s fender. You handle what you need to while awake, but you can’t stop thinking about that accident and when you go to bed it is still on your mind. Thinking about that accident may even make it hard to get to sleep but eventually, you do fall off and then you dream. Your dream is likely to feature some elements of the accident.

The dream pulls up your experience and begins looking at all the parts of the memory. It remembers the car you were in, the people you were with, and the garage your car went to for repairs. Your dream may also include the medical attention you received and the things you thought about during the accident.

Your brain now takes the experience apart and begins to file the information away for future use. The friends in the car get filed under friends. The garage gets filled under fixing things and so on.

In dreams, information gets stored in useful ways.

So you dream about your day and your car accident again. Only this time your brain pulls us different bits and pieces to make a new experience. You are driving along and this time your doctor and your chiropractor are in the car. You are going to meet your friends at the garage. When you get there you, not the car, get repaired. You get new clothing and a haircut. While waiting for the car you eat lunch in the waiting room only now they are serving you a gourmet meal at your favorite restaurant and you look out the window you are looking at the ocean and the beach. When you get up to go from lunch your mechanic is in the car and you drive through a bank drive-up where they fill up your lap with money.

Your dream has now helped you use the recent event to see ways to have happy experiences with friends, get things fixed, and secure the money you need to pay for those repairs. None of this is very scary, right? By disassembling experiences and saving facts your brain catalogs your experiences for future use. At least this is the way this particular theory sees dreaming.

Traumatic experiences do not need to result in a mental disorder.

The majority of people exposed to traumatic events do not develop a stress or trauma-related disorder. Those who have some trauma immediately after the event often find the trauma and the dreams about the event go away over time. Your distress may fade over a few days. It may hang on for a while and become Acute Stress Disorder which usually dissipates in a month. But some people do not get better. They develop long-term mental problems. Their experience may result in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and last for years. Why?

Some dreams do not get disassembled.

Some dreams are so connected together by the negative emotional content they are too painful for the brain to disassemble. In these asleep experiences, the sharp painful edges of the experience are so tied together by the fear or other negative emotions that they will not disassemble. These whole dreams cause a sort of “sleep indigestion” and result in the dreamer waking up often screaming or in intense fear. Panic like symptoms may occur.

Technically it is a nightmare if it wakes you up and a “bad dream” if you do not awaken but just have memories of the dream that are distressing when you awaken. Hopefully, you got that this explanation of dreams and how some dreams become nightmares is not scientifically exact but a simplified story to try to illustrate complex neurochemical processes.

Can Nightmares be cured?

Eventually, most nightmares can be reduced or eliminated with good treatment. I would like to think we will find treatments for them all eventually. How hard it is to treat your particular nightmare problem partially depends on the nature of the nightmares and the nature of the trauma.

Imaginary happenings, contaminated memories from video media respond quite well to treatment. Nightmares in children are often very treatable. Some real, trauma-based, nightmares fade on their own. Treatments for entrenched nightmares have had mixed results.

From my reading on this topic, it appears that if you have multiple nightmares about several experiences they may be more readily treated than those people who have a single horrific experience that recurs in their nightmare. There are also differences in results in treating childhood abuse versus adult abuse and trauma. Military type trauma is especially resistant to treatment sometimes.

Currently, there are several treatments that are showing promise. More on that in an upcoming post. Treating entrenched nightmares is something that requires you to be an active participant if the process is to work. Treating nightmares is not something you can do alone. If you or someone you know has recurrent or frequent nightmares, look for professional help.

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Have you figured out who you are yet?

Me keeps changing

Me keeps changing
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sunday Inspiration      Post By David Joel Miller.

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” 
― 
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seems like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.  

Bad Bedtime Behaviors sleep or nightmare disorder?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

child

Sleepy Child.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Children may turn terrible at bedtime because of sleep problems.

Children who have sleep disorders try to avoid the problems these disorders cause. If you have nightmares the bed and sleep land are not friendly places. Night Terrors get noticed by most parents because the child makes noise and wakes you up but other sleep issues may go unnoticed until the child begins acting up at bedtime.

Below are some of the behavioral changes that occur in children and occasionally in adults that indicate the problems may be related to a sleep disorder.

Long bedtime rituals can be caused by a sleep problem.

When we anticipate something bad happening most of us will put it off as long as possible. Children who experience bad dreams or nightmares will try to avoid the bed and sleep. One way to do this is to draw out the pre-bed routine as much as possible.

If you find your child is avoiding bed with a passion, look for things in the environment. Are adults still up and having fun? But if the whole house is quiet and still your child is finding ways to avoid getting into bed ask them about their sleep and about what happens in that sleep.

Bad dreams and nightmares are not something that children should have to endure. Expecting them to just “grow out of it” is not a good plan. Some children never do outgrow nightmares. Poor and disrupted sleep can result in many emotional problems.

Bedtime resistance suggests a sleep issue.

Long rituals are about what you tell yourself. All those things you need to do before you can sleep. Bedtime resistance is about what you tell or do to others. If the child resists bed like they might resist the doctor’s office then ask yourself why the bed and sleep land is traumatic rather than a friend.

Try making bedtime a positive thing, read a story, say a prayer, whatever fits for your family. If, despite your efforts to reassure your child there is still resistance, try to not dismiss this as bad behavior. Explore with your child what happens when they try to fall asleep and what happens when they dream. If there are problems consider some professional help before the problem becomes serious.

Insomnia Disorder. 

When dreamland is full of nightmares you will avoid it. If delaying bedtime does not work many folks will lie awake. Worry about the future, rumination, and anxiety disorders result in not being able to fall asleep.

In another post, I talked about the problems with Insomnia Disorder

Insomnia is a very real physical and mental disorder. It is treatable and the treatment does not have to be restricted to medication.

Avoiding sleep may be the result of a sleep disorder.

Once through the bedtime routine and into bed, there are a host of ways that children can avoid sleep. The result of this avoidance can show up in poor behavior, impaired attention, or emotional regulation issues the next day.

Today electronic avoidance is becoming all too common. Some children’s bedrooms have more electronic equipment than the store. Spending all night playing games, chatting on social media, and generally staying stimulated has its consequences the next day. Over time this sleep avoidant behavior adds up.

If your child starts the day off in a bad mood and you do not know why look for poor sleep habits or a sleep disorder.

Thoughts I must not sleep.

People with nightmare disorder, night terrors, or just plain old bad dreams will start telling themselves that the solution is to just not sleep. Younger children may not be verbalizing these thoughts but if they are having them some exploration of the reasons can help your child move from struggling with a sleep disorder to a child who routinely gets a restful night’s sleep.

If your child avoids bed or sleep do not automatically jump to a severe conclusion. Poor sleep does not mean your child has experienced abuse or trauma. There are plenty of other reasons they may be having bedtime issues.

If your child is avoiding bed and sleep explore the issue and get help as needed. If it is an adult that is resisting sleep you need help now. Untreated sleep issues undermine your physical and mental health.

You might want to take a look at other posts on:

Sleep

Dreams and Nightmares  

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

5 Paths to a better relationship.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Path to a better relationship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do these things to help create a good relationship.

Couple’s relationships start off headed in the direction of bliss and somehow, for so many, they end up in the pit of suffering.  How did your relationship get so far off track? If you’re not sure you may need to take a look at the Relationship Destroyers and see how many of these you are practicing. But regardless of how your relationship got off track, are you ready and willing to take some steps to get headed in the right direction again?

It is easy to slip into blaming your partner, while blame may feel good in the moment it won’t change anything. If you are thinking you want to see some changes, consider what changes you want to see and how willing are you to do the work to get this relationship headed in the right direction.

Think of relationships like moving a couch. Really hard for one person to move it very far or fast. But two people together can get the job done. So if you feel like your partner has put their end of the relationship couch down you may need to pick yours up first to help them get willing to make some moves again.

Here are five paths you could consider that may lead to a better relationship.

Good relationships require investing time.

Spend time together if you want to be together. When you first became a couple the two of you spent every moment possible together. Then along the way life happened. You get busy with jobs, children, and all kinds of outside commitments. Eventually, you had to reestablish your separate life. You had to start doing more and more things without your partner around. Eventually, you look up and wonder if you two have any interest in spending time together.

For couples to stay close they need to invest some of that precious time in the relationship.

Figure out where you are going. What do you really want out of this relationship?

Initially, the goal of couples is mostly just being together. Most couples never think about what they want from the relationship beyond the together part. Time goes by and then what happens?  You start to wonder now that you are together why aren’t things perfect? Children often happen so does work, family, and other commitments, and the goal of being a couple may get forgotten.

You wonder about those dreams and values you had before the couple thing came into your life. Are you two on the same page now? What is important? Religious values, or money, and things? If you didn’t explore your goals and values during the early stages now is the time to do it. Now is always the time.

Have that talk about where you see your life going. Do you see yourself being together as old retired people? Or are you only staying together or the sake of the children? How would you know if this was a good relationship? Does that mean the same thing to both of you?

Shared goals and values is a pathway to a good relationship.

When your relationship is not working try a new path.

What are you willing to change about yourself and this relationship to make this work? Do you know any happy couples? What do they do that you are not doing? Is this relationship worth putting some work into? Would any relationship? Before you jump to the conclusion that you need to end this relationship and look for someone new think about what brought you and your partner together in the first place. Are you willing to try again with the partner you have already invested so much time and emotion with?

Clean your own wreckage out of the way.

For many couples the reason things are not going well is because of the unfinished business of childhood, that baggage you are still carrying. How much baggage do you have? Are you willing to work on you to make this relationship successful? Or do you still expect your partner to supply all the missing parts for your emotional life? No partner will be able to always meet your needs. You need to learn how to meet those yourself and then see how together you can create something that is better than either of you would be separately.

What price are you willing to pay for a good relationship?

What will you do or give up to have this relationship? The highest prices we pay in life are the things we buy with time and sacrifices, not the things that cost us money. Can you accept that you are wrong some of the time? Are you willing to go along with things your partner wants to do even when they make you uncomfortable?

Many people discover that the things they enjoyed about their partner when they were dating scare them after they become a couple. Does that exciting person now seem irresponsible? Does that confident person now seem controlling?

Try being more accepting and open to new experiences the way you two were when you first started out together and see if that is not a path back to that relationship you once had. Just know that no one gets back to exactly where they began that relationship, what you want is to find that happy place you once were at, only a little farther down the road of life. Plan on growing together.

Those are some ideas for new directions you might take your relationship as a way to make it better. Have you found any other ways to create the relationship you want?

For more on this topic see:

Relationships

Family Problems

Couples Therapy 

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Self-Exploration

Sunday Inspiration      Post By David Joel Miller.

Self-Exploration

Self-Exploration
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Self-Exploration

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

― George Bernard Shaw

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seems like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Contentment

Sunday Inspiration      Post By David Joel Miller.

Contentment

Contentment
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”

― Lao Tzu

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.