By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Internet addiction.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
The internet is affecting a lot of real-life relationships. Today’s post over at our sister blog counselorfresno.com tells the story of three ways your internet usage may doom your other relationships.
Update – the article this post originally linked to no longer exists.
For more on this topic see the posts about Affairs.
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Another year, another bunch of resolutions, and by now most are headed for the same old failures. The reason most self-change programs fail – wrong, fuzzy, and poorly defined goals.
Most resolutions are made with little or no thought about where you are going and how you will get there. If this new you is not worth the trouble to plan, then it probably will not be worth the effort to take action, and next year, long about this time, you will be in the same place you are now.
What are the specific things you need to think about if you want your plan to succeed?
Set the wrong goal and you end up at the wrong destination or you don’t get anywhere at all. Fuzzy goals lead you around in circles.
A common form of resolution this time of year goes something like:
I want to lose weight, exercise more, get in shape, and improve my health.
Some of these goals may conflict. One easy way to lose lots of weight is to get sick, physically, or mentally. Worry enough or get really depressed and you may stop eating. Good for weight loss but not for getting healthy.
Exercising more may result in that fat being converted to muscle. You will be healthier but may not lose any weight.
Improving your health may involve seeing a doctor, getting your flu shot, and a lot of preventative screening tests. Hard to do when you are starving yourself and running marathons. Severe calorie restriction and aggressive exercise may result in a hospital say, not really what you had in mind when you set your goals.
You decide you want to be wealthier. For most people, this means wanting to be able to afford to buy the things that you or your family wants. So you work harder, take a second job, save some money and then you buy your kids that new video game console they wanted.
One problem – now you are broke again and you are working more hours than before. When most people say they wish they were wealthier what they really mean is they would like to be able to spend more. The wealthier goal self-destructs the closer you get to it.
To build real wealth you need to scale back your consumption and save. That is exactly the opposite of what most people mean when they say they want to be wealthier.
Getting really clear on your goals can improve your chances that this year’s resolutions have some chance of succeeding.
Many people set goals that sound all nice but they are not really committed to getting there. If you would like to lose weight or get richer, as long as you do not have to actually work for that goal, there is little chance of you arriving there.
To make achieving a goal a reality it needs to be something that you want more than you want other things. Do you want that goal enough to give up time on the couch? Will you forego spending or eating something to reach that goal?
Just how committed are you to this thing and what difference will it really make in your life if you get there?
You value time with family, especially those family get together dinners. That time with family is pretty inconsistent with working more, spending less, and improving your finances. Those entertaining times are also inconsistent with losing weight.
Despite these inconsistencies, lots of people will say they want things mostly because they would like the praise of others for getting to this goal even when that goal is in direct conflict with their personal values.
Some things are kind of nice to have but really getting them will not change much in your life. Unless you can picture yourself reaching this goal and visualize how your life will be better off for having made the sacrifices needed to get there, you are not likely to be motivated to do the work.
So consider now, as the first month of 2014 is well underway, what happened to those New Year’s resolutions? Did you get clear on what you wanted and how that is influenced by your values? Can you see this goal becoming a reality? And most of all is this change thing something you are doing for you or is it something you think you should do because of what others will think about you?
Are you one of the rare ones who decide to make a change and then does the work to get there? Maybe we will check back in about a year and see who has made a success of their change plans.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Managing feelings.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
It would be nice if you could keep these pesky feeling-gremlins out of your house and your life in the first place but somehow they keep getting in.
There are techniques for regulating which feeling you let into your place and which you choose to entertain. Those techniques for controlling access to your life are something that we teach and practice in doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. More on that later.
Not all negative or painful feelings need to be banished. Some feelings, sadness, anxiety, or loneliness are like distant relatives, fine in small doses, nice to see occasionally just to remind you who they are, but not someone you want moving in and living with you full-time.
But for now what if you discover that some unnecessary negative feeling has taken up residence in your life and you decide this is not cool with you. What do you do?
This can be a struggle at first. Unhealthy feelings can be like termites. You do not see them but all the while they are eating away at your mental health house.
We often are unaware of what feelings have moved in and taken over our lives until they have begun to be destructive.
Recognize that you are feeling something is the first step in getting these creatures to do our bidding.
Yes, feelings have their purpose. That pain in the neck feeling is telling you that this person is not a healthy relationship for you. Anxiety, that one is trying to keep you safe. If your anxiety tells you to duck when there is gunfire, then it is doing its job. If it tells you to stay home because leaving the house is too scary, tell that anxiety to take some time off.
Makes sure to check all around your body for those feelings. They may be hiding in the pit of your stomach or in your lower back. Not all of those aches and pains are real, physical pain. Some of those are pesky negative feelings that have moved in and are cramping up your nerve cells.
Get those feelings located and you may be able to get them to move to where they can do you some good.
Women seem to have a genetic advantage here. They have all kinds of feeling words. We men usually are only acquainted with three feelings by their first name. We are “good, bad, or pissed off.”
Learn the difference between excited and anxious. Get to recognize the difference between rage and it’s younger, smaller, sibling irritated.
Getting the right name on the feeling can help you get them to stay where they belong.
There are whole books on how to control or make use of particular feelings. The one that gets the most press is the feeling of anger and its larger relative rage. Those two do a lot of damage.
Learn those ABC techniques for changing the way you interact with those feelings and you will find them better behaved. SAMHSA publishes a cool book on anger management available free from their website. Lots of programs use that book and others.
In CBT therapy we find that it is not always the feeling that is causing the problem. Your beliefs about why people are doing things may be generating lots of extra negative emotions.
Make sure you invite in lots of positive feelings. Having a huge gathering of happiness, acceptance, and patience makes those anger and anxiety feelings uncomfortable enough that they may leave. At least they will hole up in their room and not bother the rest of your feelings.
Are your feelings well-behaved, or do you need to do some work on emotional regulation, getting those feelings back to working for you instead of the other way around?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
Do you have a dream?
Today we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day
I have a dream
Photo courtesy of Flickr (Tony Fischer Photography)
What Dream are you dreaming today?
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Happiness tip – be positive.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Sometimes wishing someone Happiness sounds more like an insult than a nice thing to say!
There are times when even a good morning is too much.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in favor of happiness. Most of my work as a counselor is about helping people work on having the happiest life possible, whatever that means to them.
There are people who have been knocked down so far that happiness is way above their horizon.
This past holiday season a lot of us went around saying Happy this and Merry that as if that was a possibility for everyone. Some of our fellow humans can’t imagine being happy.
Once each week I get a chance to work with some of the most impaired people imaginable. The stories I have heard over time would break your heart. They are hanging on, one way or another.
Mostly they are homeless or living in shelters, garages, or a rented room. Most of the time they are cut off from family and friends. They have burned bridges, they have been too sick or too hopeless for their families to want to keep up contact.
When I know that person suffered a loss of a loved one, is homeless, or is alone for the holidays they can’t seem to relate to the idea that next year might in any way be happier than this one.
Sometimes the only thing I can think to say to them is that “I hope things go better for you.” And mostly they say thanks for that and shake my hand.
So if right now you are so beat down that being happy feels out of reach, I hope that in 2014 things go better for you.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
No Drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
There are some differences between the substance abuse issues in children from those in adults, but they may be less than we used to think.
There are a lot of people who continue to think of substance abuse, addiction in particular, as an adult disease. That would be way wrong.
Most adults with a substance use disorder began their use at a young age. Seventy-five percent of all disorders, mental health, and substance use, begin before age 24. Half start before age 14.
Larger treatment facilities will tell you about children as young as 5 that already are developing signs of alcoholism. Children frequently report that their drug use began as early as age 8.
That’s right folks, as soon as the end of the third grade we are already able to identify children at risk to develop an addiction, going to prison, or both.
There used to be much discussion of so-called “gateway drugs.” The idea was that up till you tried the gateway drug you were not at risk of becoming addicted. Once you take the gateway drug you are on the path to addiction. The drug that got blamed the most as a “gateway drug” was marijuana. While I think letting your third or fourth grader smoke some of your “medical marijuana” is a way bad idea, it has turned out that for most adult addicts that was not the gateway drug.
One reason that marijuana was implicated was that it was illegal. That meant that to procure marijuana in the first place you had to be breaking the law. Someone who was selling marijuana illegally and risking jail might also be selling other “harder” drugs. Breaking society’s rules on substance use is a bad direction to start out on, but there is more to the story than that.
For most children, the gateway drugs have been cigarettes and alcohol. Consider the cost to society of a child who starts smoking at an early age. There is good evidence to show that after trying that first cigarette if the child lights up a second one they are going to be smokers for life.
Look around any homeless encampment, any old-time A.A. or N.A. meeting or the public hospital emergency room and you will find a lot of smokers. Nicotine has been reported as more addicting than heroin. I have heard people in recovery from drug addiction say that it was harder for many of them to kick cigarettes than to kick the heroin.
The younger they start drinking the larger the risk. Some people have argued that there are places in Europe where children begin drinking at a young age and do not develop any higher rate of alcoholism than we do with a legal drinking age of 21. The biggest difference is that in those cultures children learn to drink a small amount with meals and as part of a social occasion.
Here in America, the tradition is that when you drink – drink all you can. These drinking occasions are times when a bunch of people are out to “party” and alcohol is a large part of that. The result is that children, teens, in particular, learn to drink heavily and to drink to get drunk. You do not take your grandparents to the party with you.
Younger substance abusers go for cheap or easy to get substances. They are more likely to sniff paint or glue. They are also less likely to understand how risky a substance is; hence they go for synthetic drugs because they can get them without breaking a law. What they miss is that these drugs are “not for human consumption” for good reason. Some of these synthetic drugs can cause permanent brain damage.
Back to that gateway argument. It appears that it is not the fact that a drug is illegal, as in the status of marijuana in the past, but the fact that it is “illicit” that the child is sneaking to do something they are not supposed to do, that predisposes them to greater risks down the road.
One thing we miss is the relationship between substance abuse and crime. This is not solely the rule for adults. Children of any age who drink or do other drugs are more likely to do other crimes, behave in anti-social ways, and get into trouble.
One report said that on the order of 80% of all those in prison here in California were drunk or high in the 24 hours before they did their crime.
There is no doubt that being under the influence disinhibits you. Drug use also means you need money and that may lead children to do crimes to pay for their drug and alcohol activities. It is hard to keep asking mom for drug money unless she is also in the drug game.
Drinking and drug use may look different in youngsters than in their older compatriots but addiction and alcoholism start in the young and just keep getting worse.
As a colleague of mine keeps reminding us – any drug use by an eight-year-old is a problem.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller.
Do drugs cause mania.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
One activity in my busy schedule that I thoroughly enjoy is the opportunity to teach Substance Abuse Counseling classes at Fresno City College.
The program here is accredited by the California Association of Drug and Alcohol Educators (CAADE) and leads students towards becoming registered and then certified drug and alcohol counselors.
The program includes 36-semester units of classes in Drug and Alcohol use disorders, recovery, and the work of counselors and social workers. A few students from the 4-year college show up in these classes because this program contains more information about Substance Use Disorders than most Masters or Ph.D. programs.
We see students in this class who want to be drug and alcohol counselors. There are often also social work majors, nursing students, criminal justice majors, and a smattering of people who are in early recovery and know they need more information on Substance Use Disorders to be able to decide what career is right for them.
All these majors are welcome. I try to emphasize that first night that no matter where they work there is a strong possibility that they will encounter people with substance use disorders. They will also if they see substance abusers see mixed in with those clients a lot of people who have emotional or mental health issues.
For those of you, who are not able to take classes of this nature, consider some reading on the topic of substance use disorders, (The A.A. big book is a good place to start.) Also, consider taking a Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) class if one is offered in your area. If there is not one close to you, encourage your local officials to get an MHFA training scheduled for your locale.
Teaching, while enjoyable takes a bit out of my time so the posts may come a little farther apart and the replies to your questions and comments will take a little longer but know that I values all your input and will get back to you all as quickly as I can.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Grandma’s DNA may be affecting you.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Not just grandma but great-grandma has an effect on your feelings, even if you never met them, or so we are told. The more we learn about genetics and environment the more complicated it all gets.
We used to think that genes were genes and experiences; well that was what happened to you. There has been a lot of research on which causes what. Do genes cause addiction and mental illness or do experiences sometimes described as the environment?
We have started to think that genes and experiences are both factors, risk factors for developing an addiction or mental illness. A risk factor does not mean you get the disorder, but it increases your susceptibility. We thought that genes and experiences were separate things.
For a long time, we thought that was not possible, now there is evidence that this may be what has and is happening.
Genes were seen as the blueprint for the way your body and your nervous system would develop. There might be variations, pigmentation for instance; one color was dominant and the other recessive so you get one-half of your genetic material from each parent. Two dominant genes or one dominant and one recessive and you still look like you have the dominant color. Two recessives and you win the different color prize. (In Humans most colors, eyes, hair etc. are the result of multiple genes so it is also more complicated than just dominant and recessive.)
We know environment can affect genes. No matter what your genes say if your grandmother grew up in a time of famine her growth was stunted. We see this in recent immigrants here in the U. S. Grandma is short but her children get more food both before and after birth and they are taller.
So after two or three generations, this family should all be reaching full height. Why then does succeeding generations keep getting taller?
Could grandma’s experience of living through starvation also alter her genes so that for a number of generations her children grow up shorter? Eventually, as time progresses that gene could change back to the full stature that was a potential in the genes but eventually that should stop.
We were looking at genes as if they were blueprints. Not enough lumber and the house gets built smaller but the blueprints still call for a full-size house. Bringing in more lumber and the next house should match the blueprint. But what if that lack of lumber resulted in a change in the blueprint?
A new field of research, one name for this is Epigenetics, looks at how the way a gene gets expressed, the house is built, in my example, based on the experiences of the parents.
Epigenetics tells us that genes are not constant. They can turn on and off. So that gene for black hair, that shuts off at some point and the gene begins to produce gray or even white hair. Same person, same genetics, but different hair color.
Research in mice, this is just beginning to be replicated in human studies, found that in addition to genes and DNA there are other chemicals that can hook onto the gene and then when that gene gets reproduced the add-on gets copied also.
One of these add-ons is a methyl group. So if grandma was traumatized, raped or lived through a violent war. Her DNA could have picked up some extra molecules that shut off those outgoing genes. The result would be that as a result of grandma’s experiences your DNA is changed.
Remember that methyl stuck on is not adding to or changing your DNA, it is preventing some of that DNA from expressing itself. Depending on which part of your DNA it is stuck to, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.
Say your great-grandmother dies when your grandmother was very young. Great-grandfather tried but he was just not able to be affectionate the way great-grandmother would have been. The result is grandma had trouble feeling affection towards your mother. You mother with a non-affectionate mother would find it hard to show a lot of affection to you.
Some women report that they have difficulty feeling love or nurturing towards their children. Yes they could have learned this but even when they were adopted by a loving adoptive mom these women may as a result of their extra methyl group hooked onto their DNA find it hard to nurture their children.
Now if this concept holds up through more research this may explain how ancestor’s experiences have altered the way our DNA develops and the resulting impact on our mental and emotional health.
My takeaway from this is that while this may explain some things about why we are the way we are this also means that if we learn new things if we have positive experiences our children and grandchildren can be affected by their genes in a very different way. This suggests to me that we need to spend a lot more time on treatment for depressed or anxious children before they have children of their own if we want to have an impact on mental health.
There is a lot of research going on now on mutations in genes. There are a lot more mutations going on than previously thought. But even if a particular mutation increases the risk of a mental illness, what if some early life experiences could counteract that gene and produce a different emotional result?
Let’s hope that it will be possible to help more people as time goes along. For more on this subject check out the article in Discovery Magazine for May 13, 2013, titled “Grandmas Experiences Leave a Mark on Your Genes.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Youth mental health.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
There are differences in the way a counselor might work with a child and how they might work with an adult. How to “treat” a mental health problem is a complicated subject. It needs several books to fully describe this, but let me focus here on just a few things that may influence how a professional might try to help with an emotional problem in a child.
The way a counselor works with clients is sometimes referred to as our “theoretical orientation.” How I see your issue determines how I might try to help you. I can’t speak for therapists of other theoretical orientations but I would describe my approach as largely Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that with a dash of learning theory and occasionally a pinch of narrative therapy.
This stuff is largely “skills-based.” I figure that the client is trying the best they can but that there are things they may not know and if they knew them they could do better. I could try to tell them, sometimes that works but mostly they need some help it trying on new behaviors and seeing what works for them and what does not.
Lots of people have “stories” they tell themselves about them. By story I do not mean that this is either true or false, it just is the way that person explains themselves and their life.
That story might sound like “I am such a loser.” Or “I can’t do anything right.” Kids get one thing wrong and they may start saying that they are a failure. See how having a single story that describes you rather than the thing you were not able to do could color your life experiences?
So adults have more experiences in life and may have more ways of thinking of new stories for their life than a younger person. What I am saying is that I would try as much as possible to tailor my approach to the individual, not some specific category or label.
In career counseling, the approach would be very different in working with a person who had worked at lots of jobs and was just downsized than it might be with a client who was very young and had never had a job.
What are some considerations in creating a treatment for a specific client?
Age is only a small part of the picture.
I would want to know in addition to the client’s age something’s about their abilities and their life experiences. Age, I.Q, and developmental stages are all in the mix. So might things like learning disabilities, intellectual disabilities, and other developmental issues.
The approach for someone who has a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder might be different from a younger person who had a less severe challenge. The key, for me, is really getting to know the person and match my efforts to them rather than memorize a particular formula for a given age, I.Q. or disorder. Here are some things a therapist might do as the child moves through the lifespan and becomes a young adult, a mature adult, and evenly an older adult.
With adults, it is often possible to sit down and have a talk with them. The younger the child, the more the anxiety or the more “inside themselves” they are the more we need to work on forming a relationship.
One way to create that relationship is to do things with the client. (Yes even with a five-year-old I think of this person as a “client.”) How would I have wanted to be approached when I was that age? If I can’t remember ever being that age, I take a guess at what that might have been.
So the counselor might play a game, not to waste time but to get the client to feel comfortable. Even with very adult clients, I find they will say more about their lives when we are doing something than when they are sitting in a chair and I am cross-examining them.
Very young people and some adults are better at seeing than describing, they just do not have the words to tell me their story. I ask them to draw me a picture. A rainbow tells me one thing and a tornado-like creature in black and red tells a very different story.
You need to practice skills if you want them to be there when you need them. Adults practice golf swings. Younger people may need to practice introducing themselves, making friends, and sharing appropriately. A whole lot of people tell me right up front they have an “anger management problem” they do not seem to understand that managing anger is a skill like most other things in life and you can learn that skill.
The younger or more impaired the person the more they need help in learning appropriate skills.
With children or youths, I like to know the involvement of the support system. The more people on your side the better your chances. Some people have a parent or caregiver that can help the client through things. Other young clients have no one on their side.
Sometimes I am working on helping the caregiver to learn to help the youth and other times I am helping the client learn how to cope with their less-than-perfect caregiver.
There are a whole lot of specialized treatments for all sorts of mental, emotional, and behavioral problems that a child may experience. This post has not even begun to look at all those possibilities but I hope it has given you some small idea of the ways in which a professional counselor might be able to help a child or their caregiver through a child’s emotional problems.
If you work with children consider taking the Youth Mental Health First Aid training when it is offered in your area.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Youth mental health.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
A reader asked “You keep mentioning children in your posts, how are their problems like or different from adult mental illness?
There are some differences between the issues children have and adults, but my experiences tell me that there are a lot of similarities.
We used to have a separate section for “Disorders usually first diagnosed in Infancy, Childhood, and Adolescence, in the DSM-4. In the DSM-5 those disorders get moved around. One problem with the old approach was that many clinicians missed the “Usually” part. We tended to think of these problems as something children get and adult problems as something only adults got.
That just is not so.
Some of these early-onset problems get missed or continue to plague people throughout their lives. Stress-related issues are a good example of this. Reactive Attachment Disorder may be easy to see in a small child but the after-effects can result in a bunch of problems that in adults we usually call by other names.
Just like the child develops, the mental health problems of that child may develop and change with time.
Also, it is very possible for children to develop problems that we used to think were only the providence of adults. Remember that “Happy childhood” myth. There must have been a few people with happy childhoods but there were a lot of people who did not get their ration of that one.
So children can and do suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, trauma, and a host of other adult looking problems.
We currently believe, I think for good reason, that the earlier in life we recognize some of these problems and treat them the better the chance that the person will not grow up to have a severe emotional disorder. That treatment, by the way, need not be medication or prolonged therapy.
Lots of other things can help these children. Anger Management and Parenting classes for unprepared parents also help. So do supportive environments like quality preschool or even grandparents or other supportive adults.
A disclaimer here – my perspective on working with children may be a bit different from other clinicians. My work with children has been largely in crisis settings, these kids were brought in because they said they were suicidal or they were way out of control. The other groups of children I worked with were substance abusing or those brought in for an assessment because someone believed this child has a serious emotional problem or a serious mental illness.
My experiences were with a group of children that may be more seriously affected by society’s problems. As a result, some childhood problems were probably not represented and others were way over-represented.
The problems that bring children to the attention of professionals change as they get older. The 3-year-old who is not talking is a way different problem than a 17-year-old girl who has been abusing drugs and is now suicidal because she found out she is pregnant by her 24-year-old boyfriend.
Both may have been the victims of abuse or neglect, so these very different “symptoms” may stem from the same or similar roots.
As a child gets older the way we should be assessing and the way we treat this “child’s” issues should get more and more like the way we treat adults. Mental health has had problems here for years as I see it. Some clinicians continue to treat adult clients as if they were mentally retarded or little kids.
One day you are 17 and you get the “now little girl” treatment and the next day you are 18 and you get the “grow up” lecture.
One other thing to consider when talking about the difference between adults and youth mental health issues is how to tell the difference between normal adolescent issues and those problems that could be the beginnings of a serious mental health issue. Just being a teen is, in and of itself, not a diagnosis.
Recently I attended a training to get certified as a Youth Mental Health First Aid trainer. I can’t begin to cover all that info here. If the issue of how to recognize mental health problems in young people interests you, you might want to check out that training.
The question about how the treatment approaches may differ between a young person with a disorder and a person who has accumulated more years, presumably an adult, that topic needs a whole other post.
Till next time, David Miller, LMFT, LPCC
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
counselorssoapbox 