Category Archives: Creativity

Wrapping up 2025 and my life

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Changing your life

Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Wrapping up 2025 and my life.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist, Counselor, and Certified Life Coach.

There is less than a week to go in 2025, and I’m already thinking about all those things I wanted to do this year that didn’t get done. I’m also very mindful of all the things I hadn’t planned on that I did, or that happened to me.

Since I was born before 1950, I’m painfully aware that the century of my birthday disappeared long before I was ready to leave it and that my time on earth may well be running out. That started me thinking about the meaning of life and all the things that I have learned while making this journey.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m in no rush to exit this earth. I have told my romantic partner that I have definite plans for my 100th birthday and that she is an essential part of those plans.

There are two contrary forces setting the course of our lives as we age. We have that process of constantly learning new things and having new experiences. At the same time, aging results in some very necessary losses.

Having passed my 75th birthday and rapidly approaching my 80th, I am acutely aware that some things will become more difficult and some things may well become impossible. I’m not especially resigned to that process.

I have told my clients over the last year, and those few friends who will listen, that I have been learning far more about the process of getting old than I ever wanted to know. Entering is just the most recent change in a long string of life changes I’ve experienced. Because people are living longer and the percentage of older people in the population has been growing, there’s more notice being paid to these issues. Still, the principles involved in undergoing change are remarkably similar regardless of what change you are experiencing.

Within that process of aging, each person undergoes certain transitions. Of course, the process of undergoing transitions is not limited to the old or the almost old. The events that happened during COVID. Since roughly 2020, the process of transitional change has accelerated.

In my work as a therapist and counselor, many of my clients are undergoing life transitions. I wanted to get a head start on the blog posts for the year 2026 with this introductory post. During the coming year, as time permits and as my own life transitions allow, I want to talk some more about transitions, navigating those transitions, and, as always, how to have the best life possible.

Life essentially is one transition after another. Each person undergoes transitions as they move from one age group to another. Some people move from house to house or even from family to family. It’s common to move from school to school. And in this process, we undergo a series of new relationships.

Life will also bring economic transitions. There are major life milestones like graduation from school, job and career changes, and achieving certain privileges, such as a driver’s license. Somewhere in the later years, a time we rarely want to think about until it’s forced upon us, sooner or later, most of us will lose abilities and those privileges we worked so hard to achieve.

I thought I would recap for you what I’ve learned about navigating life’s transitions, from my own experiences, the experiences of my clients, and the books and research I have read. Forgive me if this doesn’t progress smoothly and if I take some detours into areas of knowledge I think might be useful to others undergoing one of life’s transitions. Along the way, I would like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned, in the hope that they might be helpful to someone else who is moving along life’s journey.

If any of these topics are relevant to you or to someone in your life, I hope you’ll read these blog posts and share your comments.

Best wishes to everyone in the year 2026 and beyond.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Recently, I began working with a telehealth company called Grow Therapy. If you’d like to make an appointment to work with me, contact them, and they can do the required paperwork and show you my available appointments. The link for making an appointment to talk with me is: David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC. 

Life coaching clients must be working toward a specific problem-solving goal. Coaching is not appropriate if you have a diagnosable mental health problem. Also, life coaching is not covered by insurance. If you think life coaching for creativity or other life goals might be right for you, contact me directly.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller.

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel.

Do I have a personal mission statement?

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My personal mission statement.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do I have a personal mission statement?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

My personal mission statement.

I recently wrote a post for this blog about creating a personal mission statement. (Creating the life you want.) I offered several suggestions on how to go about defining the mission of your life, the essential thing or things that gives your life meaning and purpose, and how to write a personal mission statement. This raises the question of whether I have done this process and what my personal mission statement is.

Maybe explaining my own personal mission statement will help you in crafting yours.

Let me tell you about my personal mission statement and how I came about writing it. I wrote a personal mission statement several years ago after having taken a class on creativity and how to apply that creativity to writing. I followed the instructor’s suggestions for creating a personal mission statement. I have no doubt that the instructor was primarily thinking about a mission statement for my writing activities. However, I had taken the viacharacter.org character strengths and virtues test shortly before, which influenced my thinking.

A mission statement should be the “why” of what you are doing.

I especially like Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why. While the book is mainly about businesses and what makes them successful, the principal has a broader application. People who know why they are doing something are much more likely to be successful and happy with their lives. Planning a course of action based on what you will be doing, rather than why you’re doing it, may take you in the totally wrong direction.

For example, many people start with, “I’m going to make my life happier by making a lot of money.” Then, they set out on whatever path they think will make the most money. I see many of those people end up in jobs or careers that make them miserable, but they continue to try to convince themselves they must do it that way because, in their minds, they will be happier if they make more money. The connection between money and happiness is much more complicated than just more money equals more happiness. I’ll write more this year about happiness, what this strange creature looks like, and how to achieve it.

I seem to be chronically busy. But why?

In working on a mission statement, I had to think less about what I wanted to do and more about why I was doing it. Some parts of my life didn’t fit together coherently. I’m one of those people who has spiraled through various careers. My most recent career, and one I’m still working at, is being a counselor, therapist, and coach. Clearly, one of my joys in life is trying to be of service and help others. But that didn’t fit clearly with the other parts of my life.

I also spend a lot of time reading, and I read very widely. Some of its technical counseling-related publications, and I read a large amount of research. But I also read a lot of novels. It’s hard to spend a lot of time talking to people, which is what a counselor does, and still get a lot of reading done.

The other thing that brings me a lot of joy is writing. I find it hard to spend time writing, and I often procrastinate. But once I get started putting the words on the page, it brings me a great deal of joy. So, taking all of these various aspects, the things that I was struggling to find time to fit into my schedule, and making them into a single coherent “how do they fit into my life’s mission” was a challenge.

I started by incorporating my core strengths into my mission statement.

My top core strengths, listed in order, are as follows: 1. Love of learning 2. Creativity 3. Curiosity 4. Humor 5. forgiveness, and 6. Zest. There are, of course, 24 character strengths overall, but I thought if I could incorporate at least those top 6 into my mission statement, it might provide a blueprint for organizing the rest of my life.

My mission statement needed to include what I would do and why.

Love of learning and curiosity go well together. My whole life, I’ve been incredibly curious, which has led to me learning a little bit, often more than just a little, about a wide variety of subjects. Clearly, this fits well with all the books I read and the fact that I’ve been going to school, either as a student or a teacher, for over 70 years now. But that didn’t exactly address the why.

Creativity certainly fits with writing a blog, writing books, and creating YouTube videos, all of which are certainly activities I enjoy. Still, there needed to be a deeper meaning and purpose for all this frantic activity.

The frantic minutes of my life certainly are addressed by core strength number 6. I’ve always had a lot of zest for living. Most of my life, I couldn’t wait to get out of bed in the morning and get to doing all the things I wanted to do that day. I’ve learned that my to-do list needs to be things I “want to do,” not things I “have to do.” I’m much happier when I can do as many of the “want to do’s” as possible each day.

How did I incorporate forgiveness into my mission statement?

It dawned on me that I started my counseling career working with people with substance use disorders, criminal justice populations, and people with serious mental illnesses. One of my firm beliefs as a therapist is that people can change. So, no matter what they’ve done in the past, I tried to see the potential that if they learn more, they can change their thinking, feeling, and behaving and create a positive well-functioning life.

What was the end result of my personal mission statement?

My mission in life is to learn, create, and share with joy, enthusiasm, and love.

That statement pretty well sums up the direction my life is headed these days. I hope you enjoy reading some of the things I’m writing or watching some of the videos I’m making and that, in the process, you might create that positive, flourishing, happy, and contented life you deserve.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For my videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why I decided to give up making New Year’s resolutions.

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New Year’s resolutions
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why I decided to give up making New Year’s resolutions.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

An alternative to New Year’s resolutions.

I’ve tried making New Year’s resolutions more than once. Most of those resolutions are forgotten by the second week in January. Every year, right around New Year’s, many people make New Year’s resolutions, most of which last only a few days. I found a much more effective tool to shape my life in the directions that I wanted to go.

I decided against making a bucket list.

I considered writing out a bucket list, but I concluded that that’s a very negative way to look at things. I don’t know about the rest of you, but for me, envisioning a list of things I have to get done before I die is just too much pressure. I have no intention of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but one never knows. The trouble with the bucket list is it’s too much like the way I used to use to-do lists.

Is your to-do list your friend or your enemy?

A bucket list is very much like that list of things I need to do each day. Those to-do lists were really beating me up. Every night before I went to bed, I would make a list of things I needed to do the next day. Why did I write to-do lists out each night just before bedtime? My plan was to empty my head so my brain could stop thinking about tomorrow and allow me to get some sleep tonight.

The following day, I would struggle all day to finish those ten or twelve things on the to-do list. If I was lucky, I accomplished at most two or three. That left me feeling more like a failure than like someone who accomplished a lot. I decided that instead of a list of things I needed to do tomorrow, I would create a list of things I wanted to do. Now, if I finish three things that I want to do each day, I feel good about my day, even if there are a whole lot more things left on the list. So how can I apply this process to the idea of a bucket list or, more importantly, to my scads of New Year’s resolutions, which never went anywhere?

Try creating a life list.

A few years back, I decided to create a life list. I read a lot, and I came across this idea somewhere. Can’t remember where. But I thought this was an idea I could apply to all those abandoned New Year’s resolutions.

I have a binder on my desk, which I use to organize my life. One section includes the counseling and coaching appointments I have each day. Another section consists of a calendar of blog posts and when they will be published. I try to stay up to date on that list, although in the last few years, through the pandemic and the aftermath, writing blog posts has had to take a much smaller priority.

One section in that binder is now devoted to my life list.

I set aside one section in my trusty old binder for my life list. Whenever I get an idea for something I want to do, I write it down there. Every time I do one of those things, I cross that off the list. It doesn’t matter whether the thing I want to do is a small one or a large one.

One day, I was watching a TV show, and they were talking about eating kiwifruit. It occurred to me that I’d never eaten a kiwi. So, I put it down on my list. The next time I went to the grocery store, I bought some kiwifruit and put it in the refrigerator to chill. The following day, I ate my kiwi. One thing I scratched off my life list having done something I wanted to do.

One of the advantages of having a life list is that it doesn’t matter whether the thing you want to do is small or large. Whether it’s eating a new food, writing a book, earning another college degree, or just taking a two-hour class, any goals I come up with get written down. Every time I complete one, I scratch it off.

Reaching these goals may require various processes. One thing I learned about making my life list was to keep the goals very small and specific. Writing a blog post about New Year’s resolutions is much easier than writing an entire book on setting and keeping those resolutions.

To be perfectly honest, the last time I reviewed that life list, I crossed a few things off the list that I hadn’t done. Just because I think I might want to do something doesn’t mean I have to do it. I can cross something off the list at any time. Changing my mind about something on the life list feels much better than saying I gave up on one of my New Year’s resolutions.

Shifting your thinking from a list of things you must make yourself do to a list of things you want to do makes it much easier to manage. What do you think of this idea? Are you ready to give up making resolutions you know you won’t keep and start doing more of the things you want to do?

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Changes are picking up speed.

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Changes are picking up speed.

Changes are picking up speed.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

There have been a lot of changes over the last three years.

Over the last three years, my life has felt like someone took everything I knew and everything I do, put it in a box, and tossed it up in the air. I’m still waiting to see where all the pieces fall. I suspect you’re feeling a little unsettled, also.

Regardless of how you feel about things politically or how you were affected by Covid and society’s effort to adjust to a new virus, this experience has changed a lot of the things we do and has fundamentally changed some of us.

We can’t go back to the past.

No matter how much you miss the “good old days,” once things change, we can’t put them back the way they used to be. Trying to cling to the past can rip your arm right out of the socket. I know many “old people” miss the good old days. I know that’s not a politically correct term, but I think I get to say that because I’m one of those “old people.” I can see my seventy-fifth birthday approaching with the speed of a flying bullet. While I can keep up with some of the young folks these days, my philosophy tells me the best way to stay ahead of the Grim Reaper is to keep moving forward.

I’m not sure the good old days were all that good.

A lot of people are talking about the good old days, by which they mean four years ago before Covid happened. I’m old enough to remember when we didn’t have to deal with all this modern technology and its constant change. But then I remember using an outhouse instead of the bathroom and having television for only an hour or two in the evening if the weather was good. I also remember when getting polio meant paralysis or maybe the rest of your life in an iron lung.

You have to take the bad with the good.

Some days my cell phone can be a downright annoyance. People call me all day long. And there are those text messages, along with a trillion notifications about new emails. It can be frustrating. But I remember breaking down along the freeway and having to walk for several miles to find a phone. I sure like having a communicator device in my pocket when there’s an emergency. I just wish the technology people would stop changing things just for the sake of change.

Which direction is all this change going?

Predicting the future is never certain. I have a crystal ball, several of them, as a matter of fact. They look pretty, sitting on the shelf. But all of mine are far too cloudy to see much of anything, especially when it comes to the future. Still, I have some thoughts about what’s going to happen in the future. I’m going to briefly outline the changes I expect us to grapple with, but it’s also my intention to write some additional blog posts about these changes in more detail. My to-do list has been growing far faster than my ability to do.

The way we interact with other people will continue to change.

Across my lifespan, I have gone from a home with only one crank phone on the kitchen wall to a world where preschool kids are carrying around cell phones and tablets. The computer used to be a man in an office, down at the end of the hall, who added things up with a manual gear-driven adding machine. My first “modern” computer was one of those RadioShack TRS-80 model 2 with a whopping 64K of memory. Please don’t tell the technology police, but the desktop computer I’m using today, with its terabytes of external memory, may shortly be a candidate for a museum.

Does anyone besides me remember when you had to wait a week or maybe two for a letter to go from the Midwest to California? My mother would wait for a letter from my grandmother and then write a reply. We then had to take it to the post office and pay extra to have it sent “airmail.” Today people in other countries all over the world can call you instantly. Unfortunately, the scam artists and the telemarketers can also call you at virtually any time of the day or night. The ease of communication comes with its challenges.

The world of work is changing.

The term “remote work” meant something totally different only a few short years ago. For example, remote work might have involved a news reporter or correspondent sending in his dispatches from another country. If the company wanted you to work remotely, they put you on a boat or, more recently, an airplane and sent you there. Because of Covid, many people are working remotely either by computer and email or virtual communication.

A warning here to “Zoom.” You’ve done such a good job of allowing people to do simultaneous video and audio communication you’re in danger of the name of your company becoming a generic term for any video and audio conferencing platform. But then Coke had that problem when everyone wanted to refer to all soft drinks as a Coke. And I think most people still refer to all tissues as “Kleenex.”

The impact of Covid on the world work has not ended.

I think we’re in for some struggles ahead. Some companies and people are embracing remote work. Some worksites are marching to the flag of “everyone needs to get back in the office.” The issue of remote work is likely to reshape not just the way we work but the kind of work we do.

I see the same thing going on in education. I teach at a couple of different colleges and had to go through the frantic move to online education and now the move back. Some students and, more importantly, some schools, do better when education is delivered in the classroom. But some students do better when they learn online and online schools are flourishing.

There’s also the question of whether remote work and learning impair people’s social skills or do they require us to develop a whole new set of social skills.

We need to address the problem of burnout.

When the concept of burnout was first explored it was related to social work and was called “compassion fatigue.” We now know that it happens in a lot of other professions. If it’s caught in the early stages, burnout can be treatable. But most of the time, people simply soldier on until they can’t. I think we will see a loss of talent in several fields due to burnout from the stresses people experienced during Covid.

Creativity is changing.

The rapidly accelerating progress of technology is also impacting how we do many creative things. For example, video production and graphic design can be done far more easily from the kitchen table than they used to be done at commercial enterprises. The increase in e-books has opened the field of writing and publishing in ways we don’t yet even fully understand. And, of course, the chance to express your opinions by writing a blog, creating a podcast, or making a video is far more common than ever.

More to come.

Having said all this, I just wanted to let you know there will be more posts on these topics.

Also, I decided to separate my blog posts about mental health and having a happy life from the posts about my creative endeavors, including writing and making videos. You’ll see the links to my new writer blog (davidjoelmillerwriter.com) and my YouTube channel below. I am making all these changes in preparation for the rapidly approaching new year.

Best wishes, and please be happy and healthy.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

2021 Midyear Review.

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2021 Midyear Review
photo courtesy of Pixabay

2021 Midyear Review.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

A quick glance at my calendar tells me that the year 2021 is about half over.

Last week was the summer solstice, where we officially moved into the summer season.

This week we moved from June to July, marking the beginning of the second half of our 12-month year.

Seems like a good time to take stock of my progress working on my “things I want to do this year” list.

Relationships.

High on my list of priorities for 2021 has been improving my relationships with family and friends. Covid has certainly got in the way of maintaining relationships. But on balance, I feel pleased with my progress in staying in contact with people who are important to me despite the difficulties.

Creative endeavors.

The year 2021 was one I dedicate to try to improve the quality of my creative work. I have spent some time taking classes on how to teach online, and I have studied ways to improve my writing and my video production. Unfortunately, all that time spent studying has not yet translated into actually producing more creative work. That should probably be the focus of the second half of the year 2021.

Becoming more proficient in using online platforms.

Technology has been a challenge, especially for an old guy like me. Since Covid began and particularly during the early part of 2021, I have taken classes in teaching online, and I have created to complete asynchronous online courses in the field of substance use disorders. I want to finish my certification for online teaching before the end of 2021.

I’ve gotten very used to using Zoom and occasionally some other videoconferencing platforms. I now have a dedicated Zoom room for doing online clinical supervision and seeing some private practice clients.

Improving my skills at creating videos.

I made some progress in learning to make simple videos. My YouTube video Channel recently reached an all-time high in viewers. Most of the videos are related to alcoholism, substance abuse, and counseling for substance use disorders. In addition, I began adding videos about mental health and having a happy life. I hope to expand those before the end of 2021.

Blog posts.

Time has been premium to work on the counselorssoapbox blog. With 1800 posts completed, it’s been getting harder to come up with topics and the time to create new blog posts. So although I haven’t completely abandoned blogging is had to take a back seat to my other longer-form writing.

Writing and publishing new books.

I currently have three novels and one nonfiction self-help book I’m working on. I and doing more research than I had on past books. I’m also taking classes and reading books on how to become a better author. I’ll let you know when the books get completed and published.

Trying to keep my life in balance.

Of all the things I wanted to do for 2021, this goal has proved the most elusive. There are just so many things I want to do every day that keeping things in balance is a constant challenge. While I can’t say that everything in my life is in balance, shifting from a list of things that I “have to do” to lists of “things I want to do” has helped me reduce the pressure to get more done each day and has increased the time that I can simply relax and enjoy the things I choose to do.

Now don’t get the wrong impression here. I’m still teaching two classes per semester, conducting group supervision, and seeing clients in private practice. I enjoy working, so I continue to do it. But I’m trying to increase the time I spend each week doing creative projects and learning new things.

For the rest of this year, I’ll try to keep you updated on what I’m learning and what I’m creating.

There are probably many more things I should reflect on for this midyear review, but I wanted to get this retrospective review completed before we reached the end of 2021.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Winning.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Winning at creative activities.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Today is the 1st day of NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month Contest. Winning doesn’t only apply to sports and wars, it can also apply to writing and the arts. Here are some quotes about winning in your artistic endeavors.

“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work, one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”

― Stephen King

“Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of a job: it’s always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins.”

― Neil Gaiman

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Is perfectionism ruining your life?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Perfectionism.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Shouldn’t striving to be better be a good thing?

The word perfection is used in two very different ways. Striving to be the best you can be and make things better sounds like a good thing. Saying that a summer day or vacation was perfect sounds like a high compliment. But there’s a dark underside to the quest for perfection. When your focus shifts from making things better to an emphasis on detecting flaws, perfectionism can make you and the people around you miserable. Perfectionism can turn out to be a very destructive form of self-sabotage. Here are some ways in which perfectionism may be harming you.

Not doing something until you can do it perfectly is destructive.

More than one writer who waited to send their book off to a publisher until it was perfect died with their book never submitted. Continuing to work on something until it’s perfect, means that that one project will never be finished. Perfectionism is a prime enemy of creativity and productivity. In generating new ideas, it’s essential to allow them to grow and develop, not keep them bottled up until every flaw has been filed away.

Focusing on outside appearances instead of inner quality is harmful.

Whether it’s the perfect look or the latest fashion, focusing on outside appearances rather than the intrinsic qualities of things can cause you a lot of harm. Character, whether it’s in people or things, comes from the wear and tear of life.

Living life by lists, schedules, and absolute rules will make you miserable.

Trying to govern your life by rigid control standards is not a way to be perfect, it’s a way to make you and all those around you miserable. Lots of arbitrary rules don’t improve performance, but it does destroy creativity and spontaneity. A life ruled by long lists of musts and shoulds is oppressive.

Rigid perfectionism means you are never able to relax and enjoy life.

The constant emphasis on perfectionism can end up being a mental filter in which you never see the good in anything but instead always detect a flaw. The focus on perfectionism in everything can rob you of the ability to accept people and things the way they are. Allow each person to be unique and individual rather than require them all to meet your preconceived notion of the correct way to be.

Perfectionism is the father of procrastination.

Saying you will wait until something can be done perfectly, is an alibi for never doing it at all. Perfecting any talent requires repeated practice. Saying you won’t do something until you can do it perfectly, robs you of all the opportunities to practice and improve on what you’re doing.

The search for the perfect prevents you from ever deciding.

This is sometimes called paralysis by analysis. You go on searching for years for the perfect piece of furniture or the ideal automobile, all the while coping with a rickety old chair or a car that needs repeated repair. Part of life is developing the ability to make decisions. Some of those decisions will turn out better than others. But not deciding is a decision to do nothing. Rarely is doing nothing the perfect solution.

The belief in the perfect prevents you from changing your mind.

Don’t let your belief that there is only one correct way to do something, prevent you from seeing other opportunities when they present themselves. The “correct” way of keeping financial records on green column paper from the nineteen fifties is a very inefficient way to keep those same records in the modern computer era. New technologies, new materials, and new environments all call for changing your mind. Businesses that fail to change with the times eventually ceased to exist.

Perfectionism says if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.

Trying to do everything yourself severely limits what you can accomplish. Perfectionists can be very hard to live with. Since they believe the way they do it is the one and only way it should be done, they find it very difficult to delegate anything. Whether it’s at work or in relationships, there needs to be a sharing of tasks. If you insist that you will do everything, you’ll become cynical about other people and risk ending up living and working alone. Loneliness is not on the path to improvement.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How to stop procrastination.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Time running out

Procrastination.

To avoid procrastination do the hardest thing first.

Having an unpleasant chore hanging over your head creates a lot of stress. Doing things that are unpleasant now for a future benefit tends to get put off. Putting off that unpleasant chore and dealing with what is hanging over your head uses up a lot of energy. You’re only going to have so much willpower and when it’s gone nothing gets accomplished. By doing the hard thing first, you make the rest of your day that much easier. Completing a task you didn’t want to do, can give you a feeling of accomplishment and make you feel extra productive. With that one big thing off your list, you can breeze through several smaller chores.

Increase your productivity by creating a second morning.

If you’re one of those people who is most productive first thing in the day, but your productivity drops off as the day progresses, consider breaking your day into two segments. When you come back from lunch or shortly after that, revise your to-do list. Crossing off the things you’ve already completed will give you a sense of accomplishment. Begin the second part of your day by tackling the remaining “hardest to do” task.

If a new challenging project has cropped up, you can get it out of the way while you still have some energy rather than carrying it over until a tomorrow which may never arrive. This two-part day will leave you with primarily smaller, easier to do things to tackle at the end of your day when your energy is running low.

To defeat procrastination, break difficult projects into chunks.

When we are faced with large projects, they seem overwhelming. It’s natural to procrastinate when you’re overwhelmed. Breaking a large project into smaller parts allows you to whittle that project down to a manageable size. Tackle the overwhelming the same way you would eat an elephant, one bite at a time.

Do a time challenge to reduce procrastination.

Your day can slip by in those short 10-minute intervals between other things. When you have 10 or 15 minutes left before the next thing you need to do, or place you need to go, set a time challenge. Don’t tell yourself you don’t have enough time. Ask yourself how much of this project can I get done in these 10 or 15 minutes, I have available to work on my project.

Increase your focus by reducing your distractions.

Close your email browser. Turn off your cell phone. Close the door to your office if you can. When I’m writing, I wear a pair of headphones playing relaxing background music. This keeps me from being distracted by conversations and sounds in the environment. If you’re only going to have 10 minutes to work on something, give it your full attention.

Perfection is the enemy of productivity.

Trying to do everything perfectly can result in you getting nothing accomplished. The illusion that you need to write a perfect book has kept many a would-be writer from ever finishing their book. Some things only need to be good enough. Productive writers know that you must start by producing a messy, imperfect, first draft before they have something to revise and edit. Ask yourself just how perfect this project needs to be. Invest your time and energy into the important things rather than trying to do less critical tasks perfectly.

Don’t wait until you can make time to do something.

The idea that you can “make time” to do something you have been putting off is a mirage. There’s no way to make any more time. Each week consists of 168 hours. If you want to be financially stable, you need a money budget. If you’re going to be productive, you need to budget your time. You may be able to borrow money, but you can’t borrow time and pay it back next week. Create a time budget. Invest a little of your time each day into getting something accomplished, and at the end of the week, you can see how small investments of time compound.

Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do.

Focusing on how much you must do and how hard it will be to do it uses up a lot of time that could be better spent working on the tasks at hand. Narrow your vision to the one thing on your to-do list. Get as much done on that thing as you can, using the time and resources you have. If you tell yourself, you can’t do something you won’t be able to do it. Tell yourself you can do it and watch what can happen.

Avoid procrastination by making a public commitment.

Announce your projects to the world. Tell a friend. Tell your family. Tell someone at work. Once you’ve announced that you are going to do something positive, peer pressure will increase your motivation to get it done. When we tell ourselves what we are going to do, it’s easy to lie to yourself. When you have told someone else what you plan to do, there’s an extra incentive to get it done.

Plan a project-marathon.

If you’re the type of person who works best in chunks, block off an afternoon, or a day, and challenge yourself to see how much you can get done when you work on one thing and only that one thing for a set period. I sign up each year for NaNoWriMo (the national novel writing month contest.) I commit to trying to write a 50,000-word novel during the 30 days of November. Having that self-imposed deadline has resulted in my finishing novels three years in a row. These novels are first drafts and need a lot of revision but participating in these writing marathons gets something accomplished.

Why do you procrastinate?

Most people procrastinate because they have too many things on their to-do list. Why you procrastinate is not as important as learning how to put an end to the procrastination monster. Learn to say no. Scratch some things off that to-do list. Make it a point to decide what’s important and do that first. Once you’ve simplified your to-do list, apply some of the anti-procrastination tips in this blog post, and watch your productivity sore.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How do you create character names?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Writer.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Creating effective character names can be a challenge.

I struggle with the process of naming the characters in my novels. Because of those struggles, I have discovered a few tricks. Like most every aspiring writer, I was a reader first. Recently I’ve been doing a great deal of reading out loud to my family. In doing all this reading, I discovered that the way some authors name their characters create problems. First, let me tell you the things I try to avoid doing when naming characters and my solutions to these problems. At the end of this post, I will list a few resources that I use to create character names.

Don’t use character names that will confuse your readers.

I get very frustrated when I’m reading a book, and there is a group of characters who appear in a scene who all have exceedingly similar names. It’s very unclear to read about Betty, Barbara, Becky, and Bethany who meet a group of men named Daniel, Danny, Doug, and David. It takes the reader a while to get characters straight in their head. I try to avoid having two characters in the same novel whose names start with the same letter. When working on a novel I keep an alphabetical list of the characters, and I avoid multiple names which begin with the same letter.

Recently, during November, I began a first draft of a new novel scheduled to be published in the spring, which I’m titling “Planned Accidents.” This book will be episode two of the Arthur Mitchell Mysteries. Book one was Casino Robbery. I quickly discovered I had created two characters both named Howard, one in each book. Howard number two had to be renamed so that I don’t confuse readers who have read book one. I’m now convinced that I need to maintain a master list of characters for all the novels in a given series.

Avoid names that are gender-confused.

Some names can either a male or a female. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among some authors to use nicknames that shorten the character’s name. The protagonist’s name is Rhonda, but on the next page, people are talking about Ron. Ron is dating Dan though I can’t tell from the context if Dan is short for Daniel or Daniela.

Avoid names that readily call up a particular image.

Watch out for creating a bridge playing protagonist named Donald and then having to write a paragraph in which Donald bids both trumps and no trumps. Calling a boy wizard Harry Porter is a terrible idea. While it may feel like a shortcut to use a name that readily conjures up the image you’re looking for, using these kinds of names create inauthentic, cardboard characters.

Avoid names that sound too much like a real person.

Whenever I write a villain for a novel, after creating their name, I do a quick web search. I don’t know that I’ll catch every problem, but I don’t want to write an evil villain and accidentally use the name of a candidate who is currently running for political office. I also avoid names that are too close to recognizable historical figures or sports figures.

Avoid racial and ethnic stereotypes.

Have you’ve ever picked up a spy novel and noticed that all the characters have either German or Russian names? Do all the stories about organized crime appear to be filled with Italian surnames?

Avoid names that are hard to pronounce.

In this millennium a great many people are doing their “reading” by listening to audiobooks. I discovered from my family’s nightly reading aloud session, that some names look great on the page, easy to recognize. But it’s very frustrating to keep encountering words that are difficult to pronounce. I think writers should consider what their character’s names will sound like when spoken aloud when choosing those names.

So, what are the solutions to all these naming problems?

  1. Maintain a master list of characters for your novel or series and don’t repeat similar-sounding names.
  2. I often create the name first and then write the description and biography of that person. If you’ve already cast the character, it can be challenging to find the name that fits them.
  3. If you create a new name, do a web search to make sure you haven’t selected the name of a prominent person in some other country. Also, avoid creating names that have a negative meaning in some language you are not familiar with.

To create names, I use several sources.

Behind the name is helpful for finding first names. You can look at lists by gender, ethnic origin, or merely browse the complete list, looking for a name that appeals to you. I’m currently working on an outline for a fantasy book, my first try at writing fantasy because the characters will have connections with medieval Europe I’m looking at various Old English and Scandinavian names for my characters.

For last names, I use a related website Surnames; behind the name.

Another useful resource comes from the census department. You can look at the top first names by the decade of birth. Here’s the link to the list of the top names from the 1880s.

Sometimes I mashed names up.

In the past, surnames were often created by taking the father’s first name and adding an ending. I created unique new names for some of my characters, by taking the first name from one ethnicity and combining it with an ending from a different nationality. Back in the 1970s a lot of parents were creating unique names for their children by altering the spelling or combining two first names. I do the same thing for some of my character’s last names.

Any other ideas on how to create the perfect name for a fictional character?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Muse Doesn’t Nag.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You must grab the ideas while they fly past.

I don’t understand the term writer’s block.

I’ve read many blog posts, even some passages in books on writing, where the author describes sitting at the keyboard waiting for the Muse to say something. My problem is not that the Muse refuses to talk to me. My problem is she never shuts up. Sometimes she whispers in my ear, and sometimes she shouts. My biggest challenge in learning to write has been learning to listen to her carefully.

I have pages of notes about the things the Muse says.

Every time I sit quietly for a few minutes, the Muse starts talking. You should write a blog post about loneliness, jealousy, or anger. She goes on and on about the posts I should write. Sometimes the Muse starts to tell me a story about a character who went to this city and got this kind of job and then something else happened. Then she hints that this would be an excellent topic for a novel. If I let these words of wisdom sit too long, they evaporate faster than a light rain on the parking lot during a desert summer.

Most times I hear the Muse speak, not every time, but most of the time, I open a word document, type in the title of this great work, and save it to my projects-to-work-on file. The problem comes the next time I open the file. There’s the title or the idea, but I don’t remember what it was the Muse was talking about.

I studied what others have said about communicating with their Muse.

One source reported they didn’t believe in writer’s block. The rationale was that writing is a profession and professions don’t get blocked. You don’t hear about truckers complaining about trucker’s block or doctors having doctor’s block. I get that idea, but sometimes when I get behind the keyboard and take off for a trip, I end up going down the wrong highway and getting lost.

Another source said the Muse once told her a story.

This writer, I have forgotten who it was, maybe one of you can fill in the source here. Anyway, this writer told the story of the Muse presenting her with an idea, but she never got around to writing the book. Years later, at a conference, this writer ended up on a panel and, lo and behold, someone else on that panel had written that book.

I have this experience a lot. I open a partially done article but can’t remember what the Muse told me to write here. I close that piece up and work on a different one. Frequently what happens is in the next day’s email I find a post written by someone else about precisely that topic.

My muse doesn’t like to repeat herself.

What I’ve learned from this is that when the idea enters my brain, however, you conceptualize the origin of that idea, I had better act. Once the idea is upon me if I don’t get to writing that article or book in a speedy time frame, that idea begins to fade. Eventually, the idea becomes so faint that even my partially completed document won’t bring it back.

Sometimes the Muse babbles.

Occasionally I’m sitting in my chair trying to relax, perhaps trying to finish one of those half-read books, and then out of nowhere the Muse suddenly starts yakking, and she won’t stop. Occasionally I try to ignore her, but as most men my age will tell you, ignore a woman at the risk of imperiling your life.

I hastily try to scribble down as many of the things as I can from the Muses to-do list, knowing I will never be able to write all her directives down and even if I did she was talking so fast I wouldn’t be sure what she meant by some of the things she said.

I suppose if you must have a problem with your Muse is better to have one who talks constantly than one who gives you the cold shoulder.

Thanks for listening to me yet one more time.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel