Category Archives: Self Help

Be optimistic.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Optimism

Cardinal in winter.

Be Optimistic.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Be Optimistic.

“What day is it?”

It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

― A.A. Milne

“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“So it is.”

“And freezing.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”

― A.A. Milne

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

7 Top self-improvement mistakes.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mistakes.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

7 Top things to avoid in recovery and self-improvement programs.

Whether you are in recovery or just thinking that this would be a good time to make some changes in your life, it helps to develop a self-change plan that has a chance of working. Resolve and willpower will only take you so far. You will need to watch out for some self-change mistakes that doom your change project before it ever gets off the ground.  Here are some common beginner’s mistakes that may undermine your self-change program.

1. Losing hope reduces possibilities.

One of the hallmark characteristics of depression is feeling hopeless.  Nurture your hopes and dreams. By hope, I am not suggesting that pie in the sky thinking will get you where you want to be. What you do need is the belief that this goal you are pursuing is possible. Hold on to the hope that a better future is possible.

There will be setbacks, learn from them. Do not stay focused on what did not happen. Just because everything did not get done the first week does not mean that things will never happen. Have a well thought out plan for what you want to change and how you will do this self-improvement project and then stick to it. Believe that things can get better and work to make those positive events a reality.

2. Cultivating hope is a critical part of any change process.

Encourage and nurture hope in your life. Select friends and allies who have hope for you enough to share. Surround yourself with others that will encourage your hope. What you attend to you get more of, make sure that you are keeping your eyes on the end result and not down at the dirt along the way.

Change cannot be all negative and suffering. You need to build rewards and encouragement into your program to keep growing your hope and self-confidence.

3. Negative self-talk is a recovery barrier.

Tell yourself you can’t and you won’t, tell yourself that this thing is possible and you are already headed in the direction of self-improvement. What you tell yourself has a powerful impact on the successes of your efforts to change. Tell yourself that you can and you make it so.

Your brain holds onto self-talk and works overtime to make those things you are thinking about happen. Be sure you have given your unconscious thoughts the right goal to focus on. Do not ever call yourself names or beat yourself up for mistakes. Learn from missteps and keep moving forward.

4. Excuses keep you stuck– too old etc.

We can all find plenty of excuses for why we can’t do things. You can say you’re too old. Say it to yourself often enough and you make it so. Remember that old children’s story about the wee engine. Tell yourself you can and you are halfway there.

Setting low expectations and collecting alibis do not get things accomplished. Do not look for the reasons you can’t do something. Look insisted for the things that you can do and get those done.

For every excuse you use to avoid trying and failing, there are people who refused to think that way. Because they did not know they couldn’t do something they accomplished it.

5. Expecting results overnight will discourage you.

You have decided to get in shape. You start dieting and exercising, some of the time, and then when a week or two goes by, you are feeling tired and see no change in weight. It would be easy to give up and fall back on those old excuses. Change of any sort takes time and it takes rehearsal. Humans revert to their usual and customary ways of doing things. To make a change and have it stick you need to practice that new way of being long enough that it becomes your default setting.

To perfect a skill takes many long hours of dedicated work. It may also require working with a coach or adviser who can see the things you can improve on. Improvement comes in small increments. Have patience with yourself and the process, but always keep moving towards those goals.

6. Going too fast – overdoing things will undermine your efforts.

You decide you want to change yourself and change your life. You get a new job, go back to school, and start a new relationship, all in the same week. A common recovery mistake is to try to change everything all at once. Working on too many goals all at once results in none of them coming to be.

Prioritize, work on the important things first. Do those “must do’s” and check them off your list. Set goals for the steps along the way so you can see the progress, not the distance that still remains. Include time to savor the results of your efforts. As time passes you will be able to add more to your goals.

Having a list of accomplishments that you can reflect back on and feel pride can fuel your future change process.

7. Thinking that believing in yourself means being selfish.

You are far more likely to be affected by a case of self-doubt than by a case of too much confidence. Taking good care of yourself is not being selfish, neither is believing in yourself.

The winners always have self-confidence. That self-confidence does not come from bragging or expectations of successes without work. True self-confidence consists of setting challenges for yourself, acknowledging your progress, and then setting a new goal.

To build self-esteem do positive things and give yourself credit for what you have accomplished.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Taking chances.

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Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Getting out of your shell.

taking chances

Taking chances
Getting out of your shell.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.”

― Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again

“In case you never get a second chance: don’t be afraid!” “And what if you do get a second chance?” “You take it!”     ― C. JoyBell C.

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more

chances, Be more active, Show up more often.”     ― Brian Tracy

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Overcoming your fears.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fear.

Fear.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ways to keep fear from controlling you.

Don’t let your fears hold you back. Fear is a hard friend to have. It tells you to play it safe and not try or you might fail. Fear and its cousins, anxiety and worry, can rob you of the meaningful life you were meant to have.

If fear has been your all too frequent companion and is keeping you from creating the happy life you would like to have here are some tips for quieting those troublesome fears. Tell yourself these fear busting principles and see what other possibilities open up in your life.

Most of the things you are afraid of will never happen.

Many of the everyday fears you commonly have are very unlikely to happen. People who spend a lot of time entertaining fear and anxiety, continually expand the list of things that they worry about. Most of those things have a low probability of ever happening. For a maximally happy, productive life spend your time on the things that you have control over not the uncontrollable events that are unlikely to happen.

The things that happen in my house are far more important to my well-being than the things happening half a world away. Yes, care about others and do what you can to make the world a better place, but know your worry will not accomplish great things.

Shift your focus from what awful things might happen that you can worry about to the things you have control over, and if you are like me you will find that most of life is outside your control.

Many fears are irrational. Because it scares you does not mean it is dangerous.

Remember the cat that was scared of its own shadow? Many scary things in life turn out to be far less awful than we think they will be. Just because something scares you does not mean it is dangerous.

Motion dissolves the paralysis of fear.

Walk towards that hissing monster of fear and what you will find is your courage. Courage will tell you that fears shrink as you take action. It is common to be afraid of things that are different. Don’t let fear tell you that something is scary only because you have never tried it.

It may be hard, but you can get through it.

Courage is not a lack of fear, it is doing the scary stuff anyway. Great things can happen when you do something worthwhile despite the fear. If you say you can’t do something you are creating it being so. Continue to tell yourself you can get through it and you will. Once you have tackled a scary situation and overcome it, it becomes less daunting from then on.

The fears you beat make you stronger.

Unconfronted fears grow and take over your life. Confront your fear and conquer it and it will not return to haunt you. Each thing you try and endure will make you a stronger more purposeful person. Strength comes from successfully overcoming life’s obstacles and learning in the process.

Many of the things you avoid you can do just fine.

Often times people let their fear of things they have never done keep them from trying something new. Many of the things you are afraid of trying for fear of failing will, in fact, turn out just fine. You do not need to be perfect at things to enjoy new experiences.

You may have hidden talents and unknown strengths just waiting to be discovered. Try something new and see if you can’t surprise yourself by discovering a new ability.

The best way to beat fear is to do more stuff.

The wider your experiences the more life skills you will develop. Seeing how others do things gives you options for your own life. Be a keen observer of the novel. Try more things and you will discover that you have many underdeveloped talents. You will never find your greatness if you never attempt new things.

It is absolutely OK to fail some of the time.

Failure in many people’s minds is as simple as aiming for a target and missing it. Better to have made the effort and had the experience than to let fear keep you out of the game altogether.

Recognize your successes. Enjoy the applause and accept the compliments.

Many people hold onto the things that they are less than perfect at but ignore their successes. Learn to recognize and build on the things you do well. Accept the compliments, give yourself a round of applause for things well done, and build on those accomplishments.

Fear is a robber who takes the life you should have had.

Live your life. You are the only one who can. In a few short years, we are all gone and no one will remember the things you didn’t do. Your bloopers can get you on a T. V. show but the things you didn’t do? No one will notice them.

Do not let your fears and anxiety keep you from taking the chances on which a joyful life is constructed. How have you overcome a fear? How will you get the upper hand on those anxieties of yours?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

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Inspirational    Post  From David Joel Miller.

MLJ Day 2015

Today we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

“I have decided to stick to love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Experiencing Change.

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Sunday Inspiration.   Post By David Joel Miller.

Change.

Change

Experiencing change.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Change can be scary, frightening, until after you experience the results.https://counselorssoapbox.com/category/self-help/self-help-skills/

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

― Lao Tzu

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Cultivating hope.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Hope

Hope.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Recovery begins with having hope.

When you can’t see any way to turn you don’t make many changes. For most people, change begins with finding and holding onto hope. Look around for those who were in dire straits and who have overcome. Learn from those who surmounted difficulties. The first step on the journey of recovery is deciding that you can’t stay where you are, stuck in the past, and in your suffering.

One definition of recovery is “overcoming a hopeless state of mind and body.” Recovery does not erase your past or the challenges you face. What recovery does mean is that you can learn to live with your challenges. Have you decided you want to create the best life possible? Then begin by nurturing hope.

Here are some ways you can grow more hope in your life.

Study hope, become an expert on hope cultivation.

Learn about hope. Make studying hope and recovery priorities. Ask yourself “How have others found their hope?” Read books about hope and recovery. There are a great many books, blogs, and other hope-filled resources available these days.

Join groups that promote hope. Be around others who are in recovery and have overcome life’s setbacks. Hope, like light, can fade the farther you are from it. This is why it is important to have people in your closest circles who have hope and are willing to share it.

Look for others who have recovered, whatever that recovery may mean to them. Hope is one of these infinite resources, the more you give it away the more of it you have.

Everywhere around you are examples of recovery from serious, severe difficulties. Nurture connections with positive and hope-filled people.

Tell yourself that others have done it and you can too.

Self-talk creates self-destiny. Make use of positive affirmations. Learn how self-affirming thoughts can fill you with hope. Practice both hoping for a better future and doing the work needed to take you there.

Say it will never happen and you create that outcome. Say all things are possible for those who hope and you are already on the path. Affirmations are powerful forces for creating things. Negative self-talk creates pain and suffering, hopeful self-talk produces possibilities.

Let others hope for you until you can grow your own hope.

If you find yourself stuck in hopelessness seek out others, professionals or peers, who have hope for you and let them talk about those hopes for you until you are able to create that hope on your own.

Look for undeveloped strengths and improvement opportunities.

Weaknesses and failures are easy to spot in yourself and in others. Look for potential strengths you didn’t know you had. Try out new things and you are likely to find that some of those things are just the opportunity you have been looking for.

Great things can happen when someone takes a chance and tries something they have always wanted to do. You are likely to surprise yourself when you find that you have skills that are not yet developed.

This happens every semester at the community college when students who are returning after many years out of school discover they are far more capable than they had ever realized. Now that you are older and possibly wiser revisit something you have wanted to do but avoided because of a fear of failure. Wonderful things can happen when you have hope. Accomplishing the little things in life builds hope for the greater tasks.

Focus on the positive.

You find what you look for. Look for the negative and your life fills with misery. Search out the positive and it grows.

You can cry about your losses but sometimes those things need to leave your life to make room for better things.  Judith Viorst in her book Necessary Losses tells the story of how letting go of painful things can make room for a better life.

Elizabeth Lesser’s book Broken Open tells of how the pain of loss can be the catalyst to finding yourself and deeper meaning.

Give yourself a round of applause for things well done.

Don’t be shy about accepting compliments and acknowledging rounds of applause. Recognizing accomplishments builds self-esteem. I see no evidence that accepting compliments from yourself or others will make you conceited. Failure to give yourself credit where credit is due will undermine your self-confidence.

When offered a compliment do you find it hard to accept? Learn to save compliments and simply thank those who offer them. Dismissing compliments with an “it was nothing” form of comment is not modesty it is devaluing the compliments of others.

Think about the ways you will go about cultivating hope in your life and please leave a comment to share any hope building methods that have worked for you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Thankful?

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Thankful?

Thankful

Thankful
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Sometimes the little things in life mean the most.”

― Ellen Hopkins, Glass

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Self-talk and affirmations change your life.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Positive self-talk

Positive Affirmations
Self Talk makes you who you are.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Self-talk makes you who you are.

Not all self-talk is positive. You may tell yourself positive things or you may criticize and belittle yourself. What you say to and about yourself, both out loud and in that running dialogue which takes place in your head determines who you become. What you repeat to yourself becomes your worldview. Having adopted that self-belief either positive or negative and with daily reinforcement, your brain heads your request.

Your unconscious thought processes will work overtime to make what you predict for yourself come true. It is natural to believe yourself. Would you lie to yourself? Your brain will believe you even when you tell it lies.

You may be programming your mind to believe you are incapable of better things. You can easily convince yourself that things will never be better for you. Ask yourself how sure you are about that. Could you be creating your own low self-esteem by trying to convince your brain that there is no use in trying?

Positive affirmations can create a happy successful life.

People who have used positive affirmations find that it changes their outlook on life. Telling yourself positive things makes them come to pass. There are a number of positive affirmation sites out there on the internet. Sundays I publish an inspirational post, many of which would make a good positive affirmation.

Many people find that they are working on one specific area of their life and they adopt an affirmation that attracts the feelings they need to set them on the right path. Whether you pick an affirmation from a ready-made list or you write a self-statement these things you tell yourself can help you create the life you would like.

Two times affirmations are most effective.

Personally, I have found that there are two times of day when affirmations and negative self-statements for that matter, are especially potent. Use affirmations when you are starting and when you are stopping an activity, especially your day.

Early each day, get things started in a positive direction by repeating your affirmation. This sets the stage for doing and feeling things that are consistent with the sort of life you wish for. If you leave home looking for the bad things in life you will easily find them If you prime your brain to notice those patches of sunshine, those moments of happiness, those will become more frequent.

Ending the day with a positive affirmation can also be useful. Avoid negative self-talk. Tell yourself something at bedtime and your brain seems to occupy itself all night with planning to create these things. Dwelling on what could go wrong tomorrow will keep you up all night and may be the cause of an awful next day.

You will sleep better if you slip off to dreamland thinking about the good that you may do and experience tomorrow. For those of you with a particular religious bent, prayer, telling your higher power, whom many of you call God, about your troubles, and asking for help in overcoming difficulties can show significant benefits.

A word of caution about prayer as an affirmation.

When using evening prayer as a way to clear out the negative and create the positive be very careful to not ask God to fix something and then after saying “goodnight God” take that worry back from God and spend the rest of the night trying to fix it yourself. You can’t give something away, particularly a problem given to God, and then keep taking it back.

Remember to end these prayers or meditations with a thank you to the universe or that higher power for the help you expect to receive. Withholding that thank you will suggest to your brain that you have some doubts that the particular force you have requested help from can or will be able to help you.

Negative, critical self-talk becomes a sort of anti-affirmation.

If you tell yourself you can’t then you won’t be able to. Those who consistently tell themselves they are too old, too stupid, or too fat, become or stay in those conditions. If you were put down or bullied as a child and you continue to repeat those negative things others told you, you have become your own life bully and are creating failure.

Negative affirmations can be the self-handicapping that keeps you stuck.

A common misconception is that self-criticism will make you work harder. Telling yourself you are a failure will not inspire you to work harder. It is likely to make you feel helpless and uninspired. You can learn to be helpless from what others told you and you can also teach yourself to be helpless by the put-downs you repeat to yourself.

Don’t lie to yourself.

In creating affirmations a common mistake is to start by telling yourself things you can’t believe. Don’t say “I am the most beautiful, smartest person on earth.” You either won’t believe this and will give up on affirmations all together, or you will believe this and become delusional.

Begin by telling yourself you are a beautiful person just the way you are. You are smart enough to create a happy life. You can set your course for a goal and accomplish that goal. Pick goals that you can and will believe, if not now then eventually. Positive affirmations should be things you can believe in.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations that have helped people transform their lives.

I deserve to be happy.

I can do this.

I am getting better every day.

I deserve a good life.

I am learning to love myself.

There are many more powerful positive affirmations. Which ones will you adopt, tell yourself daily, and take with you on the journey to a happy life?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is this the year you will change?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Changing your life

Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Will anything change for you this year?

Look at that! New Year’s come and gone. Some resolutions have already been abandon. Change is hard, staying the same is easier. Have you ever thought that someday you will make some changes, but time continues on and nothing much changes? You may even have told yourself that you are too old to change, yet all around you others are making changes, small ones, major ones. Some of those people are older than you. Some have illnesses and challenges. And yet they change. Have you asked yourself when will you finally make those changes?

You may see from the blog title, counselorssoapbox Counseling, Therapy, Recovery, and a Happy Life, that I believe in people having a happy life. I believe in wellness and recovery. You can too. Improving your life does not need to be done all at once in huge seismic shifts. That old snowball effect, small changes mounting up, is at work here. Let’s start walking through the process of making life improvements and see where it takes us.

Self-improvement begins with finding out where you are.

Anyone can benefit from a conscious effort to make their life better. You start by looking at where you are and then you decide where you want to go. Don’t get sidetracked into how awful your current life is. View any problems you have as opportunities for improvement.

Some people call this process taking a life inventory. It is important to add to your inventory, not just the marked down and worthless items, but those skills and talents that may take you where you need to go. Make a concerted effort to look for undeveloped talents, those things you said you would do someday that you have not yet tried. One of those yet to be tried activities may be just the thing that has been missing from your life.

Do not rush the inventory process. If you sketch out a house on the back of a napkin you could rush out, buy materials, and start building. It is better to have a good blueprint. This keeps you from having to tear down your house because you forgot the foundation or a way to install electrical and plumbing.

Put your life improvement plan down in writing.

Some time back, a few decades ago, I started working on a written Happy Emotional Life Plan (H.E.L.P.) I carry this around in a loose-leaf binder. This plan is one section in the binder that includes sections for the classes I teach and my other important life activities. I look at this plan periodically, about once per week. It reminds me of where I have been and where I am going. It is surprising many years, when I get to the end of the year, how far I have come.

Along the way, I discovered that a WRAP plan (Wellness and Recovery Action Plan) was a part of the things I needed to work on. Staying emotionally healthy is a prerequisite for me if I want to reach my goals. But my H.E.L.P. plan includes a bunch of other things also.

You do not need to be lost to check a road map.

Having a Happy Emotional Life Plan does not require you to believe there is something wrong with you. Take a look at the post “Why do successful people have coaches” for more on the way in which anyone can use some help in reaching their life goals.

No matter how difficult or awful the place you are in you can still benefit from doing some things to make your life a better place.

It is not just where you are going but how you wish to travel that matters.

Part of creating a life change plan, one that will make your life what you want it to be, is getting clear on your values. Values clarification should always come before setting goals. If a goal for you is having more money, why do you want that and what are you willing to do or not do to get there.

Don’t try to visit all the countries in Europe in one week.

A common error in trying to improve your life is to try to tackle too many goals at once. People in early recovery from mental illness, substance use, disintegrating relationships and so on often make the mistake of trying to fix all their problems the first week.

You may decide you would like a more abundant life so you take a job working forty plus hours a week. Then you see the need for more education so you enroll in school as a full-time student. Some love in your life would make things better so you begin dating and start a new relationship. All that gets done in the first week of the year. What will you do for the second week?

Trying to make too many changes at once reduces the chances of success. Start by making a few small changes and practice them over and over until those new habits become automatic.

Start any self-improvement plan with a few selected goals and as you make progress towards those goals you can add more to the list.

Plans for self-improvement are life maps for a journey.

It is easier to say you want to be healthy. Taking action on that goal is more difficult. Break those goals you have set up into small steps. Take one step at a time and see how far you can travel. Include periodic reviews for your goals and progress as part of a life plan review.

Sometimes it helps to consult a travel adviser or guide.

If your life plan includes some serious renovations consider getting some professional help. A career counselor can help you look for the new job you want. If you have emotional or relationship issues you need to work on, then a counselor or therapist can help.

Throughout this year we will revisit this theme of transforming your life into the one you would like to have and how you can navigate this process of change.

How are you wanting to change yourself and the life you live?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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