Time for change.

Change

Sunday Inspiration.   Post By David Joel Miller.

Changing your life

Time for a life change?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

― Leo Tolstoy

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

― Rumi

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

A New Year is Dawning.

Inspiration for a new year     Post By David Joel Miller.

The New Year

New Year Dawning.

Happy New Year
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”

― Oprah Winfrey

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

The relationship you have when you don’t have a relationship.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Family torn apart

Divorce.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

When non-relationships take up all your time.

Do you spend lots of time thinking about people you are NOT in a relationship with?

Counseling sessions are frequently about the pain and wreckage of the past. For many people, the reason they decide they need to get help is because of the unfinished business of that past. Unpacking and lightening the load of baggage you are carrying around is a reasonable goal of therapy. One major thing most people need to talk about is the relationships that have come and gone.

Sometimes this process goes way wrong. The person talks to their friends and family and then their therapist repeatedly about their ex, the person that wronged them. Despite all their claims that they are done with that other person, they start and end every conversation with a reference to that other person. What they desperately need is closure around that past relationship, only closure never comes.

That repeated discussion and rumination about your ex may be the thing that is keeping you connected to the pain from that relationship. For you, it will never be over until you let go of that connection. Relationships are one of the few places we spend a lot of time thinking about what we are NOT doing. It is difficult, downright impossible to move on when you are still holding on to the past.

Do you obsess about your ex or someone who has done you wrong?

Rehashing that memory of the one who hurt or rejected you can become the worst form of obsession or addiction. If you spend much of your time insisting that something was unfair, that they should not have done what they did, you are holding onto the connection and insisting that the world and that person must be the way you want them to be. The relationship did not turn out the way you wanted, that is one reason it is over.

When you are really over someone or something, you stop caring. People who have really ended it and moved on start thing about the future, not the past. If they are not in your life then you should stop thinking about them. Only that is so very hard to do when there is still that connection you are afraid to let go of.  As long as you revisit them mentally you keep alive the possibility of reconnecting psychical.

When you have unfinished business with someone the connection remains.

If you still want to know why? Or are wanting to win an argument. Then you are unready to let that relationship go. Holding onto a relationship that has ended is like keeping a dead pet around. No matter how much you loved it back when, if you keep it around, eventually it starts to stink up your life.

Revisiting the thing that was and the “what should have been” keeps the connection to the past alive. Living in the past sabotages the present and prevents the future that could be. Closure will not come from that other person. It arrives when you loosen your grip on that past that did not turn out the way you wanted and you open your arms to embrace the future.

People can take up way to much space in your head.

The human brain only has so much capacity for thought. Most of the time there is plenty of idle space in your brain to learn new information and engage novel thoughts. But like that older computer, sometimes the problem you have your brain working on takes up all the thinking capacity in your brain. Ruminating about the past leaves no thought capacity to think about the future.

Letting someone take up mental space crowds out the brain space you need to think about positive things. Hard to start a new relationship with anyone when you are still holding onto the one that ended. If you still have your ex as a friend on social media and their number has not been deleted from your phone, there will always be a part of you staying connected to what you wanted things to be.

Occupying your brain with the one you hate creates so much stress in your brain that love, of yourself or others, has no room to grow.

Hate, anger, and fear keep you connected even after the relationship ends.

Negative emotions keep the connection growing larger and in a more intense way than positive ones. The most enduring relationship are those driven by hate and a desire for revenge. If you love something you can let it go but the thing you hate holds onto you forever.

People who walk through your life leave footprints.

Every person who has been a part of your life has made a journey through your mind. Some for the better and some have left scars. Just because someone’s path has crossed yours and they have left their footprints on your existence does not mean your soul has to follow their soul to bad places.

Have you kept holding onto a dead relationship? Is it time to let it go?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Who are you?

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Who are you?

Finding who you are.

Who are you?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Do you want to know who you are?

Don’t ask. Act!

Thomas Jefferson

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Is the world a good or bad place?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Good world or bad world?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You create the world you live in.

The question of whether the world is inherently a good place seems like a simple question on the surface, but how you answer the question and why you chose the answer you do has a profound effect on your life.

How would we go about finding out the answer to this question?

Should you look for evidence or trust your gut?

Is this something you “just know” or do your beliefs dictate that answer?

The evidence for a bad world.

There is certainly a huge amount of evidence that the world is, in fact, an awful place. Each night on the evening news we see a number of stories about crimes and killings, disasters, and suffering.

Our history books are a litany of examples of how terrible a place the world can be. From the Holocaust to the killing fields from what was Yugoslavia to the invasion of Chad, everything bears witness that man is capable of constant unabated cruelty to his fellow man.

Each night the stories from the Middle East bring us yet another example of ways in which this world is a horrific place. Are there no limits to how bad our world can be? Is the story of our world a horror-filled nightmare?

On rare occasions, we get good news.

Most newscasts try to wrap up their parade of suffering, with a “feel-good story.” Mother Teresa feeds the poor and the fireman rescued a trapped puppy or kitten. There are stories of people opening their homes to the victims of tragedies and those who try to do good in the world.

This episodic dose of good news seems like a dash of salt on the wounds of all the terrible things in the world. Are there so few good things happening in the world or is there a systematic basis in our media to present the bad in preference to the good?

Bad news sells the paper or the broadcast. A sprinkling of good news may keep us from throwing away the paper and turning off the broadcast. Is good news really such a rarity or is it that we have an insatiable appetite for the dark and evil side of mankind?

Forgive at this point the gender basis of the term mankind. While males seem to stand in the spotlight of bad behavior. I have little doubt that some women are capable of equivalent misdeeds.

When we add up all the evidence for good and bad we don’t get a total.

Every person on earth may be having a different experience of the goodness and the badness of this world. Even collecting all those scores and adding them or subtracting them won’t give us the result we are looking for. Times change, things get worse and then better and then worse again. We can’t ever be sure we have the final tabulation of the worth of the experience of life here on earth. How else may we determine the goodness or badness of this planet?

Some people just can’t help believing in the good of their fellow humans.

There are those people, disgustingly happy people, who despite the evidence see this world as a good and happy place. They chose to see things in a rosy glow despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Psychology tells us, at least one of the classes I took did, that realistic people are depressed and happy people live in an unrealistic world. So are happy people really delusional? And if so should we medicate them to make them more realistically depressed? Possibly continuing to believe in a good and beneficial world in some ways makes the world a tad better.

Some people staunchly believe that all people are essentially bad.

This point of view appears to be a widely held one, particularly by parents of small children who report they are convinced that unless supervised every moment from birth to death these children will, at the first opportunity, do all manner of nasty things.

There are those religious groups who will insist that being sinfully evil is the inherent nature of man and that only a large dose of following rituals and self-punishment to the tune they are playing will suffice to make these people less than totally unacceptable to some religious body and presumably their specific higher power.

You get to choose your worldview.

All the evidence notwithstanding, you can decide that you will like and enjoy the trip we call life. Or you can insist on thinking the worse about what will happen.

Jeff Bell in his book about overcoming OCD “When in Doubt Make Belief.” Talks about the helpfulness of creating beliefs that reduce your doubt. My view is that belief creates hope, and hope makes recovery and a happy life possible.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy along with positive psychology recommends picking beliefs that are helpful. For me, that would be believing those things that result in having a happy life regardless of the evidence to the contrary. If the belief is helpful it may be useful.

This also means that you may need to be aware that there will always be exceptions. You can insist that people are basically good and a few people will do evil things or you can insist that most people are evil and a few occasionally do good deeds. The choice is yours.

Personally, I go for having a happy life even though that means I may miss seeing some of the bad in the world. You can do either. The choice is up to you. Which belief do you want?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Darkness and Light.

Darkness

Sunday Inspiration.   Post By David Joel Miller.

dark before the dawn

Darkness and light.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

 

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole”

― C.G. Jung

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Possibilities

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Possibilities

Possibilities
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

 

“If we all did the things we are really capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”

― Thomas A. Edison

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Love yourself

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Loving yourself.

Love yourself

Love yourself
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

― Gautama Buddha

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Self-confidence. Believe in yourself.

Sunday Inspiration    Post By David Joel Miller.

Self-confidence. Believe in yourself.

Self-confidence

Self-Confidence
Believe in yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit”

― E.E. Cummings

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.”

― Abraham Lincoln

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.

Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving Day.

Post by David Joel Miller.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Today is the traditional Thanksgiving Day celebration here in America. Mostly it is celebrated with lots of food, some family, and assorted other traditions.

For some people, this is a time to eat a lot and watch sports. Other people are planning their “Black Friday” Christmas shopping for tomorrow. A few of us old dinosaurs are remembering that today was created to think about all the things that we have to be grateful for and how this country almost didn’t make it, a couple of times.

Below are a few quotes that remind me of things to think about today.

“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

― Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy. ~Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~Johnny Carson

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. But these were all I could find. Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.