Category Archives: Self help skills

Healthy things to do when you are alone.

Posted on by
2

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Woman alone at the beach

Alone for the holiday.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You wanted alone time – now what?

Are you like the rest of us? Your life is hectic? You wish the kids or the spouse would leave you alone? At work, if it isn’t the boss it is the co-workers or the customers that are always after you?

Have you ever wondered how to get that time and what you would do with that alone time should you get it?

Is it hard to find some alone “ME” time?

When you do get that alone time, do you start feeling lonely or restless and wondering what to do? Then do you go looking for someone to take your mind off being alone? Being alone should not mean being lonely. In some other posts, we have talked and will talk again about how to cure that chronic feeling of loneliness that some people experience every time they do get some alone time.

Should you be gifted with some time alone, to yourself, try to make the most of that time.

Here is a list I have compiled of things to do when the pressures of life suddenly stop and that me-time materialized. This list is things I do, things others have told me they do, and things that self-help books have recommended. If you have others to contribute to this list, send it on.

When alone do nothing.

Are you a chronic workaholic? Doing nothing can be a challenge. If your car was driven nonstop for months on end things would start breaking. It needs some downtime and some maintenance. So do you.

Some of you, you know who you are, feel guilty when you are not doing something. Learning to relax and de-stress can be a challenge. Sitting doing nothing does not mean you are wasting time.

Force yourself to do nothing and see if it doesn’t feel like something you could get used to. If it is really uncomfortable you can pick something else farther down the list.

Pick a minimalist activity.

Fishing is good for guys. We sometimes call it getting your line wet. I see men sit down, put their line in the water, and wait all day for a fish to bite. Does it matter that no one has caught a fish in this body of water for years? Not really. It is not the catching that matters but the time spent alone contemplating whatever comes to mind that is important.

Bird watching can be another good minimalist activity. Careful now, do not become fanatical about this and start taking trips to the North Pole for that rare bird you have never seen.

I can sit for hours in my yard, though I rarely do, and watch the birds. I know precisely which birds I will see most of the time, but that does not distract from the pleasure of watching them in their daily activities.

Take up meditation.

Meditation does not mean you need to adopt an eastern religion. There are many varieties of meditation. Simply learning to observe that you are thinking, watch that thought run through your head, and then let it go without the need to chase it down is a way of meditating.

There are other simple meditations that can help you learn to clear your mind and develop better focus without the need to chase after an unquiet mind.

Restart things you used to like to do.

Are there activities you used to do before you became so adult and incredibly busy? Did you like to read just for the pleasure of it? Did you use to draw or ride a bike? Think about reactivating pursuits you used to enjoy. Read a book, sing a song, learn or recite a poem.

Having a hobby that you do for pleasure, not for profit or prestige can return joy to an over-busy life.

Take a walk.

Walking is good for your health, physical, and mental. It increases metabolism and reduces depression. It is not the speed that matters or the distance; it is the getting out in the fresh air and moving that will show benefits in many areas of your life.

Work on yourself.

Spend time on yourself. Some people journal others talk with a sponsor or close friend. Consider your goals and your values. Are all the things you do taking you closer to where you want to be or are they needless activity. Why are you working on making money and pleasing others so that someday you can do what you want? Make an effort to include this self-improvement program in your life now.

Make up a gratitude list.

Making a gratitude list is one of those great ideas that most of us never have time to do. When you have some downtime it is good to take stock of your life. Like any good inventory, your personal look at yourself should include inventorying all those things that are good in your life.

What are the things you feel bless your life? Do you take the time to enjoy those things you wanted and worked for?

Take yourself somewhere.

Are there places you would like to go to or things you want to do but there is no one who will do them with you? Take yourself places. Create enjoyable memories with yourself.

Call a friend.

When there is nothing you absolutely must do, try doing some things you want to do, call a friend or send them an email. Do this just to chat and stay in touch. Avoid calls that involve things you have to do like setting appointments or saying thank you for past favors.

Make a list of the happy times in your life.

It is way too easy to remember the pains of life but the happy memories, they get lost in the shuffle. When you are alone, take the time to reflect on those things that stand out in your memories. What was the best time you ever had? Think about the way you might reminisce with a friend or loved one and take that tour down memory lane all by yourself.

Travel.

Travel does not need to be those gigantic once in a lifetime events, though they can be if you chose. Make time to explore the out-of-the-way places close to home. Take a drive, visit a museum, see the zoo, or just walk in a place that you have never been.

Not sure what places near home you might want to visit? Take a virtual tour and do a web search on places near your home. It is amazing that we might live around the corner from something tourists come to see but we never take ourselves there.

Stay tuned for more suggestions on things to do when you have some time to yourself. In the meantime – have you found anything that works for you in those times between work and rushing to the next thing? Willing to share?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

15 ways to improve your attention and stay focused

Posted on by
1

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Focus

Focus.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

15 ways to boost your ability to pay attention and stay focused.

Most of us were never taught how to stay focused and pay attention. We were told to “pay attention” and if you didn’t or couldn’t you were told that there was something wrong with you. Maybe you were even told you had ADD/ADHD. You may have that disorder and need professional help, but my suspicion is that a lot of us could stay more focused and pay better attention if we tried a few simple techniques.

Getting organized and staying organized are skills you can learn and practice to keep yourself focused and on track. Here are some tools that well-organized and focused people use to keep themselves moving forward.

1. Tell yourself you can do this – not that you can’t focus.

Tell yourself that with or without an attention issue you can and will learn ways to improve your focus. Self-talk is powerful. If you say you will improve your abilities in this area you will. Continue to say you can’t and you will not ever improve in this area.

If you find it is difficult for you, find out why. What is the thing you still need to do or learn to be more focused and better organized?

2. Make lists of to-dos.

If your mind is full you can’t process new information. Trying to remember all you have to do today will reduce your ability to pay attention to the task at hand.

Making a list of what you need to do and writing it down will help you get organized. You can pick from the list the most important thing to do first and then move on down the list. What you do not get to was probably not that important. That or if you still are not getting to everything on your list – too much to do is the problem.

3. Prioritize to help you remember what is important.

Which thing needs to be done first? You need to write a report. You decide you need to look for sources, write an introduction, and then complete the report.

Bouncing all over the place doing one thing and then another leaves you with lots not done and increases the chances you will forget things.

4. Do the most difficult thing first.

Leaving large tasks for last means they never get done. Your mind will protect you by taking you off task. Go after the big one first and once this is out-of-the-way the other things you need to do will be the more manageable.

Whenever possible avoid all those have-to-do things that people do before the project. Doing too much getting ready puts off the task until you run out of oomph.

Forget sharpening all the pencils and cleaning off the desk before you can start to write. Write first and then sharpen those pencils or clean off unneeded things during the breaks.

5. Set a specific goal first to stay on task.

Decide what you want to do. Work on that goal as long as possible. If you find yourself off task relax for a moment and then refocus on the original task.

For very large projects build in some step back and think some more time. This keeps you from wearing yourself out working on things that do not help you achieve your ultimate goal.

6. Break your task up into small size parts.

Slice big tasks up into small chunks. This coupled with the list-making technique can allow you to do small things and do them one at a time rather than becoming overwhelmed trying to stay on task over a large task and a long time frame.

7. Do not let your mind distract you – add things to your list and keep going.

If your mind keeps talking to you about other things you need to do, avoid thinking about those other tasks right now. Write them down on your to-do list and clear your mind then refocus on the original task.

8. Plan what you will be attending to ahead of time.

Are you listening to a talk on your favorite topic? Will you be learning a new skill? In what area? Knowing why you are going to need to pay attention lets you stay focused when you need to and lets you go on autopilot when this is a fun attention-is-optional activity.

9. Set a routine that gets you in the groove.

If we humans had to think over each and every thing we were going to do today many of us would still be in bed. If you have a routine way you do routine things you can get more accomplished and leave mental capacity for the new tasks you will need to tackle today.

Whenever possible establish a set procedure for things you do often. Having a set do-step-one then step two, the process helps you stay focused.

10. Practice your routine until it becomes automatic.

Professional athletes, Olympic hopefuls, and other performers know this well. When the ball is coming towards you is no time to have to think about what you will need to do. Practice your skills. Practice them over and over until they become automatic. When they are automatic moves practice some more.

Over-learning, continuing to practice skills that you have already learned is the key to being able to stay on track during times of stress or excitement.

11. Do not try to do two things at once.

There are very few times that people can really do two things at once. Good multitaskers are even rarer. Multitasking is the great myth of our times. Focus on one thing at a time for optimum performance. Do not be thinking about what you will do after work while working.

The time needed to switch back and forth and decide what task to do next takes time away from all the tasks you are working on. Do one thing at a time for best results.

12. Avoid sounds that will pull you away, use white noise and background music to neutralize the distractions.

Some people can focus best with background noise. If you do this look for instrumental music or white noise sounds. Avoid talk radio or interview shows where you will be tempted to switch your attention back and forth between the noise and the task.

Mindless sounds, instrumental music, or other non-interfering sounds can help drown out distracting sounds.

Some tasks are best performed in low noise environments with the door closed.

 13. Plan breaks and movement.

Frequent breaks do not interfere with attention, they improve it. Move around in your chair, get up and walk, take a mental break and your overall attention will improve. Every few minutes look far away and blink. Give yourself a small diversion to improve your concentration. If you try to stay in one position and focus your eyes on one task for too long you will discover that your body will develop aches and pains to draw your attention away.

14. Do not stay stuck on something you can’t do – try skipping it and coming back later.

Avoid getting stuck in a loop going over and over something you are unable to do. Take a break, move on to another task, and plan on returning to the project later.

Sometimes a break will allow your subconscious mind to keep working on the issue and the solution will suddenly come to you. At other times you may decide you need to seek out help or advice from someone who knows how to accomplish this task.

15. Simplify your life to improve your attention.

If you find you are chronically off task. If you bounce from thing to thing but rarely get anything done or if you are always forgetting things, the problem may well be that you are trying to do too many things and that they are all getting the same priority. Sometimes more is less, especially in the area of staying on task and being productive.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Problems staying motivated?

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Motivation

Motivation.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you keep running out of motivation?

At the beginning of a new project or a new relationship, we all think we have plenty of motivation. Down the road, the motivation runs out and the forward progress stops. Here are some reasons you may be short on motivation and ways to overcome those obstacles.

What is keeping you from staying motivated and how do you overcome these obstacles?

The task is bigger than you thought.

Ten-minute jobs often take all day. At the start, we think things will be easier than they really are. When launching out on a new endeavor spend some time planning all the parts and how long each one will take. Having a written plan can reveal some of the steps you are not thinking of and can help you get a more realistic idea of how long something will really take.

Doing one large task straight through may be more than your daily ration of motivation will cover. Try breaking the task up into “chunks” bit size portions. Do a small part of this larger task each day and make it a point to notice the progress you are making.

Underestimated the time needed to complete this project reduces motivation.

If you underestimate the number of steps involved in getting this project completed it is likely that your time element is way off. Having taken a closer look at the steps involved you can devise a more realistic plan.

Wearing yourself out reduces motivation.

Failure to do good self-care and reward yourself along the way can take all the joy out of moving towards your goal. Trying to do too much too quickly is a formula to use up all your motivation.

Try to work in bursts with frequent breaks or days off in-between.

Lack of an essential skill interferes with your motivation.

Not having the needed skills makes everything you do harder. In life, as in business, we sometimes need to add more skills to our repertoire. Developing a needed skill can result in accomplishing more in less time.

When things are not working, your working harder will wear you out while accomplishing nothing. Do not try to push over a stone wall by pushing harder. Get a bigger bulldozer.

If you are short on motivation you may need to work on yourself.

If you have “anger issues” or suffer from depression, an unhappy relationship, substance abuse, or another personal problem you need to get help for these issues.

Take a good look at yourself and you may see it is those personal issues that you have avoided working on that are interfering with your progress. Remove those obstacles and your motivation can spring back.

Develop the most essential tool for every job – you.

It is hard to stay motivated if you are working now for something later.

It is hard to stay motivated now when all the payoffs are way off in the distance. Set small goals along the way and reward yourself as you reach them. Breaking up the task into its elements makes it more manageable and giving yourself small rewards along the way keeps you motivated.

You won’t stay motivated if your heart is not in the task.

If you are doing something to please another and this not what you want, you will continue to run out of motivation. Just because you “can” do something does not mean you “should” do it. Pick goals in life that are consistent with who you are and what you want. Look for things that you feel passionate about and your motivation will stay high more of the time.

Small rewards will not motivate you.

Low motivation comes from having rewards at the end of projects that are not big enough. Make sure that the goal you are working towards really matters to you. Do not set your sights on getting a particular job if you do not want to work there once they hire you. Avoid getting a degree in something that you will not enjoy doing, no matter how well that field may pay.

Especially avoid going after a partner just because they are popular and other people want to them. For rewards to motivate you then need to be the kind of rewards that are special to you.

Not liking the process interferes with motivation.

You may want to lose some weight but if you hate the gym or find the exercise you are doing painful you will not keep it up. Pick life activities that you enjoy doing and the work will motivate you. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy. Look for people you love to be around and you will stay motivated much longer.

Using pain to motivate you won’t work.

Pain only works to motivate people to avoid the activity. If you want the result you can put up with the hardships along the way because you use the reward at the end to motivate you.

Trying to beat yourself into motivation is setting yourself up for failure. Our brains are wired to avoid pain and the more you beat yourself up trying to make yourself do something, the harder it will become to stay motivated.

Do not use pain to try to force yourself to be motivated.

Have you experienced difficulty staying motivated? Have you used any of these motivation-enhancing methods? What other ways have you found to keep yourself motivated and moving forward?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy life skills.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Want a happier life? Learn these skills.

A happy life does not just happen by chance. Happiness is not a commodity that can be bought with large quantities of money. Having good skills to manage your money can make life less stressful. Having good happy life skills can increase the level of happiness in any life. Here are some happy life skills you may need to practice until they become automatic parts of your life.

Treasure life’s imperfections to increase your happiness.

Some scratches, dents, and dings do not render a life worthless, defective or ruined. Those imperfections, far from being flaws, are the things that make your life unique. Treasure your life’s imperfections. Those trials have made you who you are.

Accept that sometimes things happen that are not in the plan, experiences you would have preferred to avoid, but continue on your life journey, lessons learned. You are in the process of becoming a valuable antique.

For more happiness end things that are over.

Cluttering up your life with things that no longer meet your needs takes up room that is needed for the new things in life.

If your job has become boring or stressful now is the time to look for another. Do you have habits that served you well in your teen or college days? Are some of these habits getting in the way of living a happy adult life? Weed them out.

Are their friends that are harmful? Relationships that are toxic? It may be time to move on and make new friendships.

Do you have habits you have outgrown? Time to declutter your life and make room for new experiences.

Don’t keep fixing things that are beyond repair.

It is common for people, especially people in early recovery to keep fixing a car when it would be far cheaper to get rid of it and replace it with a new ride. Learn what can be fixed economically and what needs to be replaced. Also, learn what you or a friend can fix and when it will be cheaper, in the long run, to get the repairs done by a professional.

Stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

Most of the things in our lives are out of our control. We can prepare ourselves, we can buy insurance or try to reduce risk, but in the end, most things happen whether we try to control them or not.

The majority of the things people worry about, 75% by one estimate, never happen. Spend your time, money, and effort working to improve things that have a high chance of success.

Worrying that a family member will get sick will not keep them healthy. Getting your children vaccinated, living a healthy lifestyle, and exercise, those will improve your odds.

For maximum happiness, restrict your worrying to only a few high probability events. Better yet, skip the worry and just do the things you need to do to maximize your chances of success when rough times come along.

You will be happier if you admit your faults and mistakes.

Hiding your mistakes takes a lot of effort. Happy people are able to admit when they are wrong. Recognized your error and move on. Do not waste time on making excuses. It does not matter who else contributed to your mistake.

Learn from the things at which you are less than perfect. Improve your game. If you miss the shot or the deadline, accept the responsibility. In the long run, you will have less to worry about and will be happier.

Do not volunteer to be the victim – not everything is your fault.

Do not accept the blame for things that are not your fault. Do not apologize for what others do. Don’t keep putting yourself in situations where you try to rescue others. Trying to control the uncontrollable sets you up to live the unhappy victim’s life.

Stretching your comfort zone enlarges happiness.

Avoiding risks does not keep you safe. It keeps you living in a very small place worrying about what might happen. Stretch that comfort zone. You do not necessarily need to demolish it and move to the middle of a war zone. What you should be doing is stretching it out a little each day of your life.

Happy people are able to take some risks, manageable risks, and they enjoy new experiences.

For more happiness like yourself – do not call yourself names.

Think well of yourself. Do not call yourself names or put yourself down. There is no evidence that calling yourself stupid will make you smarter. What it can do is make you feel bad about yourself. Happy people like themselves and their life regardless of the situation they may be in right now.

Parents who only see the flaws in their children raise kids who do not believe they can do very much. Use positive affirmations, tell yourself that you can. If you did not get positive strokes growing up, learn to give them to yourself as an adult. The result will be that you will accomplish more and be happier along the way.

Accept that things take the time they take.

Cut yourself some slack. Do not tell yourself that you should have more or be more at this point in your life. Some things take longer than others. Plenty of very successful people did not find their niche in life until they are older.

I have seen couples meet and develop wonderful relationships in their retirement years. It is never too late to create the happy life you want. Some doors may close but others open if you watch for them.

10. Watch where you are going – plan the future and forget the past.

Happy people do not try to drive looking over their shoulders at where they have been. Periodically you may need to look back just to see how far you have really come. Climbing a steep trail can feel like you are getting nowhere but a glance over your shoulder will show you what you left behind.

If you have wreckage in your past, work on cleaning it up and then get moving again. Do not continue to dwell in the land of the past.

11. Do not push yourself till you drop.

Hard work is necessary to accomplish things in life, too much hard work is more like self-abuse. Happy people learn that you can’t give at your peak if you do not replenish what you have. Happy people take time out for rest and relaxation. Life needs to be fun, not an incredible grind that you endure until you reach the end of your life all used up.

Learn to practice good self-care if you want to maximize your happiness.

12. Believe in yourself.

If you believe in yourself you will get more done. People who think they can’t won’t. If you believe you can and that you are worth it, you will go a lot farther in life and you will be happier along the journey.

Practice these happy life skills each day and watch your life improve.

Have you developed happy life skills?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Top Ten Life mistakes you need to avoid.

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mistakes and errors

Mistakes.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Top ten life mistakes to avoid.

When you are rushing through life there are things that look important and things that look like you can put them off. Eventually, you need to stop and take another look at your life. Avoid these life mistakes if you can. If you have already made some of these changes and do better. There is no time like the present to improve your life in these areas.

1. Do not live your life for someone else.

A well-lived life is lived by doing the things that you want to do. There is nothing wrong with a life of service, service to God, or to your fellow-man. Just make sure you are doing this because it brings you joy.

Do not waste time being and doing what a parent, friend, or partner wanted from life unless that is truly what you wanted also. Live in a way that leaves few or no regrets.

2. Don’t put your dreams on hold till someday.

Someday never comes. It is always today. Live each day the best you can. Do not delude yourself that someday you will do this or that. Enjoy the trip from here to there. If you live your life off in someday you will miss out on today.

Keep working towards realizing your dreams. Small steps taken one after another keep you moving in the right direction.

3. Never rush into relationships.

Do not think that you need to settle for someone who will accept your love. Look for someone you can love who will love you back over the long haul. Do not settle for Mr. or Miss Good enough.

Take your time getting to know people. Invest your time in positive relationships. Some people will be friends for the moment and some will be friends through the ups and downs of life.

4. Do not rush out of relationships.

Do not believe that the problems in a relationship are faults that always are caused by the other person. Change partners and you change problems. Every friend comes with defects of character. Think carefully about which of the problems in the relationship are because of things about the other person you can’t accept. Which of your relationship problems are about you?

Hang in there and work on your ability to create a good relationship until you become totally convinced that there is no way to make this relationship work.

5. Stop thinking that things equal happiness.

Twenty years from now your children will remember the things you did together more than the things you paid for. Buying more things fills up your trashcan, not your happiness.

More things do not equal more happiness. Take a miserable person and give them a lot of things and as soon as the novelty of the new things wears off you will have a miserable person with a lot of used miserable things.

6. Avoid using drugs and alcohol to change the way you feel.

Medications can heal. Medication can help you to live a healthy life if you take them for the right reasons and precisely as prescribed by a good doctor. Street drugs change the way you feel in another way. You take them and you temporarily feel better or more likely you feel less.

Eventually, the drugs stop working. You need more and more to feel just normal and the happy feeling you were chasing moves farther and farther away.

If you become dependent on using a drug to feel happy that feeling will require more and more drugs. We call this illusion – addiction.

7. Not saving enough is a mistake.

It is easy to say that you do not have enough income to save. The more you make the more your expenses. In the beginning, you are too poor not to save. Save a nickel or a dime and eventually those coins will be dollars.

Especially save so that the wolf will stay away from the door. Most people spend when they have it and then go without when they are broke. Having a few dollars set aside will reduce a lot of emergencies to manageable problems.

8. Not spending enough time with your family and friends.

The currency of friendships is time and shared interests. Do things and spend time with those you want to keep close in life.

9. Not investing in yourself.

Don’t believe that you can’t afford the time or money for education. Learning the hard way is more expensive. A person with an education earns more over their lifetime than someone who did not invest in self-development.

Not all education comes in classrooms. Read things that will help you improve your game. Talk with people who know how to do the things you aspire to do. Always be curious and make lifetime learning part of your life.

10. Not developing more friendships.

Friendships and family are the support systems that help you get through rough times. Do not make the mistake of believing you can do everything alone. Growing friendships requires that you plant a lot of seeds, invest time in nurturing them, and weed out the ones that are holding you back.

Make cultivating your friendship garden a priority.

Try to avoid those top ten life mistakes.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Writing a Great Paper or Report the Easy Way

Posted on by
3

By David Joel Miller.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Writing a great paper or report can be easier than writing a bad one.

A few simple steps can transform a major difficult project into a manageable one and result in a great job with a lot less effort.

There are things that you may be doing that make that term paper or report a lot harder to do than it needs to be. Every semester I offer my students a challenge, Do your paper early and I will take a look at it and tell you what grade you will get. Then you can fix the paper before the deadline and I will grade the revised one or you can keep that first grade. (This is not an original idea, one of my professors in grad school made the same offer.)

Over the semesters I have concluded that it is not necessarily the students with the highest I.Q.s that write the best papers. It is also not necessarily those whose grades on the other tests are the highest who write the superior papers.

One other surprise has been that it is not the ones who work the hardest who get the best scores on the papers. People who write the best papers and those who do the great projects and proposals do certain things that make the whole process easier and the end result is a better outcome.

Often those who turn in the early papers do far superior work to those who utilize the whole term to get the job done.

Here are some ways to make the job faster and easier than you think and still produce some great work.

1. Start planning the project the moment you know you will be doing it.

The planners have a topic in mind early on and they look for books and articles right from the start. As a result, they may decide that their first choice of topic will not work or that there is limited research on their topic.

Starting early helps you know what you will need to find and gives you the option of altering your plans. Those who wait until the night before it is due often find they can’t come up with good sources on the topic they have chosen and now, with hours to go, they have to start all over.

2. Allow more time than it will take so you will not be rushed.

Last-minute papers always seem to take longer than expected. The result is that things get left out. Last-minute papers are often shorter than the requirement. They have fewer or no sources and they may lack a title page or other mechanical aspects.

Give yourself extra time and you can complete all the parts not just the major text part.

3. Get all the needed resources ready before you start.

Online resources are nice but sometimes the serious research or references you will need are only available in a library. Make that trip beforehand and all will go well.

More than one student has been late because their printer would not work or they closed a document without saving it. Having time to get that printer cartridge or more paper takes all the stress off your plate. Things can and do go wrong especially when you are working under pressure close to a deadline.

4. Do a quick first draft.

Starting early lets you do a first “down” draft where you get your ideas on paper. After doing that first draft early on there is plenty of time to let this simmer and then revise. Last-minute projects have to be completed and turned in ready or not. Some nonsensical things slip through.

5. Let it sit and percolate.

Giving a project a few days to sit and then rereading it will help you spot all sorts of errors that should have been obvious but weren’t. When read to close to the first writing our brains seem to read what we meant not what we actually wrote.

I found early on that writing and then publishing a blog post that same day let a lot of errors slip through. Writing a post one week and then revising the next increases the chances that I will see an error and correct it. (Yes errors do still creep through.)

6. Follow the directions.

If the directions said APA format and you wrote in MLA there are points off for that. If the requirement was a paper on current trends and you wrote about the history of your subject you are off-topic.

More than one grant proposal did not get funded because that grant writer left out a required part of the submission.

7. Give out lots of credit to others.

Do not plagiarize. Use citations. Include references. Plagiarism in academic circles is more than just using someone else’s words. If it was someone else’s idea you credit them.

In blogs and popular writing we are more worried about copyright, so make sure you quote only as the copyright holder allowed. A mention of the person who wrote the book on your topic is always a good idea even when you reframe and add your take on the subject.

8. Use words that you and your reader will understand.

Using a highly technical vocabulary does not make your paper better, especially if you do not understand the words. More than one student has quoted long bits of technical language that looks very impressive but is totally unrelated to the topic at hand.

If you do not understand what was said do not think it helps your writing to quote it. Good writing makes technical subjects understandable to those who are reading your paper.

9. Read it over one last time with “new eyes.”

By starting early and allowing time for the paper to sit and “ripen” you give yourself time to reread it one last time before you hit print or send and have to live with the consequences.

10. Ask someone else to read your paper or project.

Whenever possible have someone else take a look at your work and see if they can understand what you wrote. You are not necessarily looking for agreement but you do need to know that they can understand what you said and that there are no glaring errors. If they do disagree with you check to see if you were unclear or if what you said was not really what you meant. Sometimes you think you said it clearly but others may read a whole other meaning into what you said.

There are some suggestions for writing a paper that will get you a passing grade and doing things this way may make that dreaded writing assignment a whole lot less stressful.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Use Thought Stopping to get rid of negative thoughts

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Thought Stopping.

Thought Stopping.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are your own thoughts causing you problems?

Negative emotions, depression, anxiety, and anger are often preceded by negative thoughts. If your own thoughts are making your life worse it is time to get those thoughts turned off.

Thought stopping is a tool you can use to quiet the mind and get those runaway thoughts to stop controlling you. When you find your mind occupied with an unhelpful thought, train yourself to mentally yell STOP or any other command you find effective in getting that thought to stop talking.

Arguing with the unhelpful thought or “disputing” this thought creates room for more helpful thoughts. If you have the thought “I never do anything right” tell yourself “Stop that, I do to do things right some of the time.”

Using this STOP command, especially with an added “correction” helps you reduce unhealthy thoughts and increase positive thoughts in 3 ways.

1. You train yourself to have fewer negative thoughts

Practice telling those unhelpful thoughts to stop and over time you will get fewer of them. The mentally yelling stop becomes a form of punishing the negative thoughts. Punishing the negative thoughts rather than beating yourself up for having them rewards you by having fewer negative thoughts.

The more you practice thought stopping the more positive you become and the healthier your mind becomes. Breaking entrenched habits takes many repetitions and thought stopping is something you can easily do many times a day.

2. Thought stopping distracts you from an unhelpful thought.

Stay focused on the unhelpful thought and it gets reinforced. The more you think that negative thought the more it becomes an automatic thought and eventually it may reach the level of a core belief.

Tell someone they are stupid often enough and they believe you. Tell yourself that you are stupid and eventually your mind will make mistakes to try to make this self-talk true.

Use as many methods as you can find to take the focus off those negative thoughts and you will interrupt their control over your mind.

3. Disputing that thought can turn a negative thought into a positive affirmation.

If yelling at them or distracting yourself from them does not get those negative thoughts out of your head try adding a tag on the end. Include an argument with this negative thought in every conversation and the unhelpful thought will start talking less.

Have a recurring thought that “I can’t take this?” Next time you hear that tape play, add on the disclaimer at the end. “Yes I can take this, I have handled tough situations before.”

The alcoholic or drug addict gets frequent thoughts from their brain – “I need a drink, I need to get high.” Recovering people have learned to tell themselves every time those thoughts come scratching around – “No I don’t need a drink or a fix.” “I am in recovery and can handle this clean and sober.”

The results for thought stopping?

Thought stopping has been shown to be effective about 70% of the time for phobias. The more unreasonable the fear or phobia the better thought stopping works. It is reported to be very helpful in coping with cravings in addiction or managing other urges.

Thought stopping has been less effective when the problem is obsessive-compulsive behaviors. For compulsive rituals, the success rate for thought stopping is closer to 20%. Thought stopping is primarily meant for getting rid of negative or unhelpful thinking. For OCD behaviors something more complete like exposure and response prevention is recommended.

Exposure and response prevention is not recommended for addictions. Having an alcoholic sit in a bar and test themselves increases the risk of failing one more test and convincing themselves they will never get clean.

If you are unsure what will work best for your condition, try working with a professional or experienced peer person.

Do you have any default thoughts that are not helpful? Might thought stopping help you get those thoughts under control?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Reduce Stress by saying NO!

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Just say no.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Ways to say no and cut down on your stress.

There will always be more to do that there will be time to do it. The ability to say no and keep the stress in your life to a minimum is an important component of good mental health. Other people, of course, want you to do the things they want and so they take your yes for a given. Not telling people no can become the same as saying yes. Learning to be more assertive and to tell people no can help you keep your emotional life in balance.

Saying yes too much steals time from the things you really want to do. We would all like to make others happy. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to say no to others. Every time you say yes or more importantly fail to say no you give up a little bit of you.

You get 168 hours of time each week. Spend them wisely. There will always be competing requests for your time. Your boss wants some, so does your spouse or partner. If you have kids they want all of your time they can get, at least until they become teens.

Your friends and family will also want some of your time. So do these people who call you on the phone or pound on your door wanting to sell you something.

Each time you let them have some time because you do not want to be rude or curt, you risk giving away some of the time you had planned to spend on something else.

When your life is over-full there is no room for new people or new activities.

If you let casual acquaintances take up your time, you spend that precious resource on them. If those people in your life ask you for money, whether you have it or not, remember that most of us have to give up some of our time to get that money. The more they ask of you the less there is for yourself or others.

If you have people in your life that take up your time and do not add value to your life, they are taking the place that could belong to someone else. Until you end a bad relationship there is no time or room in your life for a new one.

You can’t start something new till you end something you are doing now.

Any new activity will take time. Going back to school, starting a hobby, doing some traveling, they all require time.

You will not get any younger

Doing things you do not want to do spends your time. You will run out of that time reserve eventually.

Saying yes comes at a cost.

Saying yes creates an obligation, to yourself and others. The more the obligations the less the resources you have for you and the things that really matter. No not create obligations and then develop resentments because those other people are taking up your time.

Saying no does not make you a bad person.

If you feel that saying no is selfish or makes you a bad person think again. There are lots of good reasons to tell others no. Having good boundaries protects you and it protects others. Your children need to learn the word no and who but you are better qualified to teach them the power of no?

Giving reasons for your no sounds like you want to be talked into it.

If you have decided that the answer to this request should be no, state that answer and leave it at that. Offering reasons why you would like to do something but can’t just open the door for the other person to offer ways you can do what they requested.

Ever tell a salesman you do not have the money for something right now? And did they suggest using a credit card or time payments? See how your no’s may sound more like “talk me into it’s?”

Offer choices if you might want to do something another time or way.

In getting out of things, offering alternative choices can be a close cousin to saying no. The answer may be more like “I can’t do what you are asking but I can do —.” Consider this option if you do have something you would like to do with or for the person making the request but the original request is something you chose to not do.

Give yourself time to think it over.

You do not have to give everyone an answer the moment they ask the question. Many people have one of two default responses. They either say no to everything and regret it or they say yes to everything and regret a lot of those yes’s.

You can answer that you need time to think it over and then make that decision at your leisure.

Talk or write the decision out.

If you find it hard to make a decision and then stick to it consider writing out the request, the possible options, and then what will happen if you say yes, no or yes with some changes and qualifications.

Writing things out can often bring the correct responses into focus. Talking things out with a trusted friend or adviser can help clarify both the right decision and why it may be difficult for you to tell this other person the “No!” you are really feeling.

Do you have difficulty telling people no? How might your life be different if you practiced the “saying no” skill?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

16 Ways to make this a great day

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Good day

Today is going to be a good day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Try these 16 steps to create a great day.

1. Let go of things before you sleep.

Your brain tends to spend all night working on the things you give it to think about. Try to clear the memory of negativity before you sleep. Pray, meditate, read something positive, and think about how you will make tomorrow a great day.

Spending the night with your mind working on happy thoughts will set up the next day in the right direction.

2. Lay things out the night before.

Decide what you will wear. Pick out the clothes. If something is dirty or not where it should be the time to solve this problem is the night before not when you are rushing off to work. Anticipate morning problems and solve them the night before.

Lay things you will need for work out. This prevents forgetting something and starting the day with problems. Plan your lunch menu if possible. Taking a small lunch packed the night before can save you a lot of money over eating out.

Make sure to plan this ahead of time or you may discover you do not have time to make things you would like. Include a few treats that you will look forward to.

3. Get to bed on time – allow time for rest.

Staying up late cuts your sleep short. Being tired first thing each day makes the whole rest of the day harder.

4. Do not start your day off rushed.

Allow time for everything and do not stress yourself out by having to rush. Most people allow less time to travel than it will take. The result is that you will become angry and stressed before you arrive at your workplace.

5. Have a morning routine.

Having a morning routine help you start the day in the zone. Familiarity is comforting. There is time enough for variety and excitement later in the day. Keep your morning tranquil.

6. Eat something good for you.

Healthy does not have to taste bad. Spend some time planning healthy and enjoyable things to eat. Make grocery shopping and meal preparation an adventure, not a burdensome chore.

7. Make your commute relaxing.

Look for the least stressful or most enjoyable route when possible. Have things in your car that make the trip more enjoyable. A cushion for the back, a holder for your drink all add to the flow of the day.

Start on time or a few minutes early and avoid the “crazy’s” by allowing all the room and time you need to keep the commute relaxing.

Some places have horrific commutes these days. You can make your trip an ordeal by fire and fumes or a relaxing ride in your cocoon before the stress of the day. The difference is primarily in your preparation and your attitude.

8. Listen to your music.

Whatever your music is, try to have some available for the commute. The news is fine, traffic and weather are fine, but a steady diet of disasters makes you stressed. Try to relax and pamper yourself throughout the day whenever possible.

9. Take time to call or email a friend.

Work an email or a call to a friend into your schedule at least once a day. Put this personal contact on the calendar if only as a mental note to self. Email before work or before bed to have something to look forward to. Call and talk in person when possible.

Staying in touch with positive, supportive, people reduces stress and frames the rest of your day with a happy light. Don’t try this while driving or during other activities that require sustained attention. Multitasking is a myth.

10. Smile early and often.

Smile and others will smile back. A smile makes others less stressed and they will reciprocate. Even if you do not really “feel it” smile all you can. Think to yourself that a smile will keep your competitors wondering what you are up to.

11. Watch a bird.

Look for the things going on in the world all around you. In the poorest places, you will see the birds working on their nests, mating, and having babies. Watch them soar and your spirit can climb with them. We are all always connected to the rest of the creatures surrounding us.

12. Enjoy a flower.

There are small snips of beauty everywhere. The weed in the vacant lot still puts out an occasional flower. Look for the beauty and take the time to let those moments of joy sink into your brain. You will need those happy thoughts when the day becomes challenging. Save up the positive and let it soak in.

13. Read a good book or story. Watch a funny video.

Books can transport you to alternate realities. They can expand your imagination and creativity as your mind fills in the details that you can’t see.

A good video can inspire or amuse you. There are plenty of negative stories out there. Look for the tales that enlarge your world and expand your happiness.

 14. Pray, meditate, or follow a religious practice.

People with a religious or spiritual faith, who consistently practice that faith, have happier, less stressful lives.

15. Say an affirmation.

Positive self-talk can brighten and improve your day. Find an affirmation that you believe can come true and repeat it to yourself. Your brain will work on making this affirmation a part of who you are.

Remember not to tell yourself any lies. Don’t try to tell your mind today will be an easy day when you know it will be difficult. Say to yourself that today will be a challenge but I will get through it and you will find that you got through it.

Tell yourself this will be a bad day and it will. Tell yourself that you will have a good day no matter what life throws at you and you will have a lot better day.

16. Be of service to someone else.

Help someone else for a brighter day. Anytime you help a child or someone in need it makes you feel better. Do enough good deeds and you become a better person. People who know that their goodness is based on being of service to others feel really good about themselves.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

15 Life Lessons you need to learn

Posted on by
Reply

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Learning lifes lessons

Life lessons you need to learn.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What life lessons do you still need to learn?

There are certain life lessons you will need to learn soon or later. If you were taught them when you were young then you got off to a good start in life.

If no one taught you these things you will need to go looking for teachers that can help you learn these lessons and develop these skills. Which of these 15 life lessons do you still need to work on?

1. Learn all you can about yourself.

You will spend your whole life with you. Others will come in and out of your life. Some will leave. You will always be there. Learn what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Learn about your values and goals.

2. How to be genuinely happy.

You need to learn how to make yourself happy. No other person can make you happy. You may be happier with someone than without them but that should be a choice, not a necessity.

Things will not make you happy. It may be easier to be happy when you have the basic necessities of life but more is not always better. Learn to be happy with what you have and then more is more but less is not an end to your happiness.

3. Learn to believe in yourself.

You need to be your own cheerleader. Believe in yourself. Be the best you can be and accept that if you please you then that is more than enough.

Believe that if you set your mind to doing something then you will do it. That does not mean you will win every prize or conquer every battle. You will learn that if you set out on a task you will give it your best and that if you do not get to the top it will not be for a lack of effort.

4. Develop the skill of loving yourself.

If you do not love yourself you make it hard for others to love you. Work on genuinely being the best you there is. Love yourself unconditionally. You are worthy of love whether you win or lose. If you love yourself you will never be a loser. There will just be a time you finished in a different place.

5. Accept that it is OK to fail.

You do not hit the target every time. No one makes the basket on every throw. Cut yourself some slack and accept that the cost of accomplishing things includes the times you will miss the mark.

6. The buck stops with you.

The buck stops with you. You are in control of your life. There may be times you have limited control. In any circumstance, you can choose your attitude. As long as you stay mentally on track, you are in charge. Make the best choices you can in the circumstances you find yourself and then give yourself credit for trying.

7. You need positive friends.

You will live up to your friends or you will live down to them. Look at your friends. That is who you are about to become. Pick friends wisely.

Friends will support you in trying and succeeding. Fake friends will work to see that you fail. If you want to be a winner hang with the winners. Being a winner is not about the things you accomplish it is about the attitude you have towards what you do. Pick friends with positive attitudes.

8. Help others and accept their help.

Do not be one-sided. Help others, it makes you feel good. Let others help you. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness. We all need some help and encouragement from time to time.

Let others have the experience of feeling good when they help you.

9. Communication is about understanding others.

Communication is not about making sure others understand and agree with what you are saying. Good communication is about understanding what others are saying.

Lots of heated arguments happen when people think the other person is saying one thing and in fact, both people really agree on the subject they just use different words to describe it.

10. Feelings are your friends, not your foes.

Lots of people were taught to have bad relationships with feelings. They try not to feel. For them, sadness is a weakness.

To feel happiness, you need to be able to feel sadness. Feelings are not your enemies. More than half of the brain is outside your head. Those feelings in your gut or that pain in your neck, those are feelings your nervous system is sending. Listen to the messages, the feelings that parts of your body send you. You will be better informed and a better person if you make peace with your feelings and get them on your side.

11. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Take the things you do seriously. Take the big things that matter seriously. Do not take yourself too seriously. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect and those blooper reels can make for some hilarious viewing. Learn to enjoy your own blooper show.

12. Love and laugh.

Learn to live and learn to laugh. Love is not about owning or possessing. Love is a feeling we have when we cherish something. Do not try to hold on too tightly to love or you can squeeze it to death.

13. Believe in something or someone besides yourself.

It is good to believe in yourself. It is better to believe in something more than you. Believe in right and wrong. Believe in a higher power. Believe in truth and justice. Do not believe that you and you alone have the ultimate definitions of all these things.

14. Learn how to set goals.

Learn how to set goals and you will avoid long periods of your life when you drifted aimlessly. If your goal is to drift along and enjoy the scenery for a while do it consciously as part of a plan and hold tight to all the experiences you have and all the things you learn.

15. Learn how to play.

Life is not all seriousness. No one gets out alive anyway. Learn to play and learn to have fun. If you have to take the trip enjoy the ride.

Work to teach yourself these life lessons. What other life lessons have you learned? What lessons do you still need to learn?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel