Can you get a job if you are a felon? 6 tips

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Are there jobs after prison?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are there jobs for felons and ex-felons?

Just because you have been to prison does not exclude you from getting a job. I know lots of people on parole get discouraged and give up looking because they feel that no one will hire them with a serious crime on their record.

The truth is that many people with a jail or prison record do get jobs, but having that record may make it harder to find work.

Here are some suggestions for finding a job if you have a less than perfect past.

1. Start your job search where you have the best chances.

There are government programs that offer tax incentives to companies who hire people on parole or with a history of incarceration. They save money on their taxes by taking a chance on you.

These programs come and go but if you are on parole ask your agent about these programs. Some of these jobs are difficult grungy work, they have high turnover. If you really want to work again you need to prove yourself. Work on this kind of job for a while, do good work even if the conditions and pay are not so good and you have a reference that might help you land a better job.

2. The connection between your crime and the job you are applying for.

If you were convicted of embezzlement or theft you aren’t going to get a job as a head cashier. Companies often take out insurance (called a bond or bonding) on employees that handle cash or valuable merchandise. If you are convicted of stealing you probably will not get a job handling valuable things but you can get a job doing construction or physical labor.

If you were arrested for abusing a child or domestic violence forget working around women and children. That will not keep you out of many other jobs.

These days’ drug convictions are less of a problem than they used to be. If some companies did not hire people with drug convictions on their record they would have no employees. Just don’t expect to work in a pharmacy or a job where you would be handling drugs as part of the job.

3. Do something to show you are changing.

Start doing positive things and show that you want a new crime-free life. This is hard when you are first starting out but do what you can. Even though you may have paid your “debt to society” the prospective employer is thinking to themselves will this guy do it again? How much of a chance am I taking?

Besides doing this for the job consider doing this for yourself. Do good things and you become a good person. Do bad, selfish things and you – Well you get the idea.

If you had a drug crime go to A.A. or N.A. Consider joining or attending a religious group in the faith of your choice. When possible do volunteer work. Also, make those amends.

Consider going back to school or getting some vocational training. Completing a GED or a college degree says that you are willing to make some effort to improve yourself.

It does not look good to a prospective employer if you are ducking your child support payments and you drive on a suspended license. Get that wreckage of the past cleaned up even if that means working a really crummy job to get those fines and fees paid off.

4. Be honest on your application but do take every opportunity to be positive and explain your situation.

That question on the application – you know the one I mean. “Have you ever been convicted of a —?” Read it carefully. If the question asks for felonies do not include all the misdemeanors and parking tickets. If it asks about misdemeanors include them.

When possible put down something like “Will explain in interview.” Then make sure you have a good explanation. If you were convicted of a drug crime the prospective employer would like to hear you completed a drug treatment program and have the certificate to prove it. If there was an assault did you do the anger management or batters class you were required to do? Have you learned something from this experience and have you changed? Or are you still blaming your ex and talking about why your prison stretch is all someone else’s fault?

5. Go to the interview looking like a professional, not a prisoner.

Cover up tattoos and consider getting them removed. Avoid anything that looks gang-related. The customary recommendation is to dress a little better than you would dress if you got the job. So if you are applying to work on a hog farm a suit may not be needed but do not come in for the interview looking like one of the pigs.

Have a resume if that is appropriate or a master job application. Practice interviewing. Doing well in the interview is a skill just like the other skills you need to do the work if you want to get the job.

6. If you do not get the job do not give up or get discouraged.

There are lots of people out there going for interviews. Many of them do not have a prison record. Yes, they have an advantage, but if you don’t get the job it may well not be your record that is holding you back. Do not take it personally or blame the system. Keep working on yourself and on your job skills.

I know it is hard, but many people with a criminal conviction on their records do get jobs if they are willing to do the footwork. Yes, it is difficult and it takes time.

Don’t expect miracles or overnight success. You lost a lot of time while you were locked up. You may be 40 but you can still be starting out alongside some twenty-year-olds. Do not expect to move up overnight. But if you keep on the path, then recovery and a happy life are possible no matter where you have been.

The alternative to going through the process of change and doing the hard work is to end up back in prison. Unfortunately, the system makes going back easier for most than the alternative of staying out. Some people do make it and recover. Do you want to be one of the ones who recover?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

If you’re mentally ill can you work? What profession or job for the mentally ill?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dream job.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can the mentally ill find a meaningful career?

Lots of people with mental illness work full-time jobs and often these are in responsible positions, not just minimum wage jobs. How does someone in mental health recovery find a job in which they can be successful?

We used to think there were two kinds of people, the normal ones, and those others, the mentally ill. We have found that this is just not true. In the course of a lifetime, most people will experience a mental or emotional problem that would benefit from counseling. Some of these are serious and persistent mental illnesses and some are milder but even the most seriously mentally ill can get better, and we call this improvement, at least in my book, recovery.

Lots of people with a diagnosed mental illness can and do work. Don’t let anyone sell you the idea that once you get a diagnosis, your life is over and from now on some government person will need to run your life. You can develop the recovered life that is right for you.

People with a history of substance abuse issues can and do recover also. So do those with multiple challenges. If you have a history of arrest and incarceration do not give up. People with felonies on their records do recover and get their life back on track. You can work again. More on that in a future post.

What factor is most likely to result in a person who has had an episode of mental illness symptoms being able to work again?

It is all about the job fit.

The most important factor is not the presence or absence of a mental illness, but how do this person’s interest and abilities match up with the job regardless of their mental health challenges. The interaction between the job and that person’s mental illness is secondary.

Someone who is shy is not likely to enjoy a job in which they need to interact with lots of people directly. Occasionally there is a shy person who is great as an on-stage entertainer even when they are shy off stage and in small groups. Being shy may interfere with the ability to enjoy the job but a moderately shy person may take the job anyway.

If that person’s shyness has crossed the boundary and has become a diagnosable anxiety disorder that person may not simply dislike the job but may dread it so much that they throw up each day when getting ready to leave for work. They may have anxiety attacks on the job and spend all day in the bathroom or stop showing up for work altogether.

This is not the right job for them! This does not mean they can’t find a job that is a good fit. They also may be able to work on this shy anxiety problem they have so that the range of jobs they would enjoy expands.

Some people are very social. They like being around others. They crave the interaction and the attention of others. That person may be great in sales. They could do well selling real estate, jewelry, furniture, or cars. That same person, say they are a recovering alcoholic would be miserable working in a bar or selling alcoholic beverages. Every day at work would be a relapse risk for that recovering person.

Working again after an episode of mental illness requires learning to manage your symptoms, finding a job that is a good fit for you, and having a support system on and off the job that wants you to succeed.

Yes, there are plenty of people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar disorder, and the like who have good, responsible jobs. Don’t let anyone tell you that recovery is not possible. It is! You need to decide for yourself what your recovery will look like and take an active role in creating that future.

Best wishes for creating your happy life. whatever that may mean to you.

Tomorrow we talk about “so you have been convicted of a crime, you will never get a job again right?” Not so. There is recovery after all sorts of things.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Finding your perfect job

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Filling out a job application

Job application.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What kind of job would you most like to do?

Looking for work in the best of times can be frustrating; in times of high unemployment, this becomes a horrific task.

There are some things that can help you do better at finding that job and result in a job you might truly enjoy showing up at.

Are you looking for a job doing anything?

You are in the largest possible group of job seekers. Look in the newspaper – under “anything” do you see any jobs listed for people to do “anything?” I don’t see any. If you really want to find a job you need to get a whole lot more specific.

How do you narrow your search and increase the chances of finding a job?

Consider getting help from a career counselor. Career counselors help people find jobs they also help you plan careers. In many areas, Professional Counselors or Clinical Counselors are trained in job placement in addition to their other duties. I do some of this work, especially when seeing co-occurring disorder clients. If you can afford to pay for career counseling think of it as an investment in your financial and emotional future.

If you can’t pay for career help right now, look for online sources, many of which are free. Also, investigate the services of governmental agencies and nonprofits in your area. Some very good suggestions can be found at those free services.

There is a difference between jobs and careers. One puts money in the bank now and pays for food but it may not lead anywhere. A career should have a path that takes you to more responsible and better-paying duties. One is not automatically better than the other though I encourage clients to think in terms of careers.

For today you may need a job to keep the bills played but eventually what career will you really want to do and how will you get there?

One job selection theory (Holland Self-directed search) thinks of jobs in terms of 6 basic functions. Figure out which type of job you would like, maybe a combination of two or three and then look for a job that uses those skills you have or would like to develop.

Say you like working with your hands. You might get a gardening job working outside mowing lawns, or you might become a trained landscape designer. More training, more pay, but it may still involve the same field. Or, still working with your hands, you might get trained as a diesel or aircraft mechanic.

Which gets paid more? The guy who puts tires on your car or the guy who fixes a jet engine? More specialized training and you get more money.

Another skill is working with people. You can work in fast food and say “Want fries with that?” or you can get a master’s degree and become a therapist. Either way, you work with people, but one pays more than the other.

So think about the various jobs you have had, which did you like best? Then look for ways you could do that sort of work but get a degree or advanced training and advance to having a career.

There are things that get in your way when you are looking for a job. What if you have a mental illness or a history of substance abuse? What if you have been convicted of a felony?

Coming up soon in this jobs-as-a-way-to-create-your-happy-life series are posts about those two problems.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

That Jobs thing – Is anybody working?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dream job sign

Dream job.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why do we have a system where people can’t work?

The questions and queries about work and recovery keep showing up in the search terms.

Can a mentally ill person work?

What kinds of jobs are suitable to employ the mentally ill?

How can a person in recovery find a job?

How can anyone find a meaningful job that pays enough to live on?

What is the difference between a job and a career?

Looks like most everyone is unable to work anymore. We read that the disabled can’t work, despite the Americans with Disabilities Act. More and more people are being discouraged from working. A lot of non-disabled people are getting discouraged from looking for work also.

Everyone seems worried about the mentally ill. They can’t be trusted to work. This despite the fact that they are us. In their lifetime half of all Americans will experience an episode of a mental or emotional disorder. Other countries may have slightly lower rates, but not that much lower.

The only jobs available to the majority of people who have experienced an episode of substance abuse are to become professional inmates in our jails and institutions.

Those of you who have read my blog before should know that I am a firm believer in recovery. People with grave mental and emotional disorders do recover. That includes substance abuse and yes Virginia, which includes people with Schizophrenia.

The idea that because you are knocked down once means that you forever need to stay down is not one I am buying into.

People with mental illness can and do recover.

One major vehicle for recovery is jobs. Nothing so increases a person’s self-esteem as finding a job that makes them feel useful. For some that is volunteer work, but for many, this is the ability to engage in paid employment.

Those employers who know the value of good mental health include that coverage in their employee benefits. Soon it will become mandatory for most plans to cover some level of mental health treatment.

What we don’t need is a system that traps people in “hopeless programs” and penalizes them for seeking to become meaningfully employed.

Over the next few weeks, I want to put up some posts on the whole subject of work and how you – that includes most all of you – can find meaningful employment. We also may need to tackle the question of why if you accept government aid when you are not working they seem to want to discourage you from ever working again. (That is political I know, but we gotta talk about it anyway.)

So from time to time, I will try to put up some posts on this whole jobs issue.

I noticed that a lot of you read this blog Monday through Friday. I hope you have not come to think of reading my blog as your primary occupation, flattering as that would be. If you are reading this blog at work I suggest that you read it on your lunch hour or breaks but that is your call. Feel free to recommend counselorssoapbox.com at any time of the day or night.

Starting next week I will try to work the series of posts on Jobs, Careers, and recovery into the stream of posts. Stay tuned for those posts. Thanks for reading.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Memorial Day – What are you remembering?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Veterans.

Memorial Day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Today here in America we are celebrating Memorial Day.

This day, officially called Memorial Day here in the United States of America, is reported to be the descendant of several past holidays where people remembered those who had gone before and had sacrificed to create the life we have.

Established on this the last Monday in May by the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, it occurs on this last Monday in May more as a concession to long weekends than any particular remembrance. It appears to be the most closely related to the former “Decoration Day.”

While we now tend to think of Memorial Day as strictly a remembrance of those who died in Military service in earlier times we are told it was a more general remembrance of people who had established our way of life.

Wikipedia reports that this time of year had long been celebrated as the beginning of the spring good weather and families would gather to hold family reunions often at family-owned graveyards to celebrate those ancestors who created their lives.

Decoration Day came to be a time to remember those who died and were therefore decorated for their war service. It came to prominence after the American Civil War or The War Between the States as it is sometimes called, largely because that war beyond all other American wars touched everyone in the country. There was almost no family who had not had a member that served in that conflict.

Ancestors and those who gave their lives in the Wars of our country are not the only people who should be remembered on this Memorial Day.

The Memorial Day Massacre of 1937.

On May 30, 1937, police opened fire on a demonstration Of Union Members and their families. In the aftermath, 50 were wounded and ten died. Dorothy Day, an eye-witness, reported that 100 demonstrators were clubbed.

Today union strikes are less likely to be met with violence and death but in those days you risked your life as well as your livelihood to become a union member.

Today as we celebrate Memorial Day it is fitting to remember those who made sacrifices so that we could have the lives that we are able to enjoy.

Whether those you remember are Military members who gave their lives, family members who endured hardships to give their descendants a better life, or union, and political activists who sacrificed for those to come, we all should take time, in between the barbecues,  to remember that those blessings we enjoy were won by the sacrifices of those who went before.

Hope you are having a good Memorial Day.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How can you tell if a therapist is Christian or non-/Christian?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Religious cemetery.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Christian or Non-Christian?

When this question turned up in the search terms for my blog I had to think about this subject for a while.

It seems like a simple question, but it is not. After a lot of mulling this over, I concluded there might be four reasons the person was typing this into a search engine. If I knew what country it came from that might help, but then maybe not. Here are my thoughts for what they are worth.

Today in America a large number, possibly the majority of people, describe themselves as “Spiritual, not Religious.” When asked for religious preference, my experience has been that the majority of people here in my area will say “Christian” despite having no particular denomination in mind and not having attended services in a long time.

So what might this searcher have in mind by asking this particular question? I thought of four possibilities and they are below.

Remember in the course of this discussion, that counselors are professionals and they want to earn a living. They may prefer to work with a particular population, but most can and do work with people of all faiths. It would be considered unethical to engage a client in counseling and then move from helping them with their problems to trying to convert them to your particular faith. But sometimes that does happen.

So why would you ask about the counselor’s religion?

1. You want a counselor that shared your religious values.

If this is the case I think the question might need to be more specific. Many counselors include in their advertising that they are or practice “Christian Counseling.” Some additionally will advertise that they specialize in working with a particular denomination.

I have seen therapists include in their ads that they work with those of a particular faith, say Seventh Day Adventists, Mormons, or from a Fundamentalist Christian perspective.

If this is your concern, I suggest that you begin your first contact with the therapist by telling them you are a member of the “X” denomination and that you would like to find a counselor who has the same beliefs as you.

Most are likely to tell you that they work with clients of all faiths and that they see nothing in their approach that should conflict with your spiritual values. If you still feel the need for a counselor of a particular faith, say so and they should be willing to make a referral.

2. You are  “Spiritual” and do not want a counselor who needs to convert you.

In this case, avoid counselors who list in their ads a particular faith and tell them upfront that being pressured in a religious way makes you uncomfortable. Can they deal with that? If they say that they believe that your problems would all be solved if you just attended their church, mosque, temple, or whatever, move on.

3. You are of a non-Christian faith and are concerned about discrimination.

Counselors have a duty to maintain confidentiality. It is not just an ethical duty but a legal one also. You would think that they would all rigorously avoid talking about clients outside the session. I wish I could tell you that no counselor ever does this. Unfortunately, some do reveal the client’s secrets.

Every semester when I teach some student comes up after class to ask me about confidentiality. Way too often they have a story to tell about how they or someone they know went to see a counselor and then what they said got out.

So if you are a member of a non-Christian faith, ask other members of your faith who they have seen and see if there is someone who is open to working with you rather than focusing on changing your religious views. This also applies if you consider yourself Christian but your particular denomination has some different beliefs or practices that others might label “a cult.”

There was a time when counselors, especially those of particular religions tried to convert every Gay person to become a heterosexual. That has largely passed, there are openly Gay therapists and there are plenty of straight counselors who work with Gay clients without trying to change them.

I think there are lots of counselors who are willing to work with clients of any and all religions.

4. You are looking to find non-Christian counselors to warn others not to see them.

This reason for me is the most dangerous. I remember a time when there was a belief that no one would vote for or do business with a Catholic because they were “Popest’s.” I think we are largely past this issue since the election of President Kennedy. I do not think we are yet past this when it comes to some other religions.

The ability to find people of another religion and then discriminate against them because of their faith is one long-enduring feature of humans.

I think this last reason to want to know, the desire to punish those of another faith, was what prompted this particular search term use. The original form of the search was how can you tell when a therapist is non-Christian.

But then maybe I am just extra suspicious having been raised in a Sunday School where we were taught that our version of Baptist was the only true Christians and that those Southern Baptists had been led astray by the devil into false beliefs. But then what do I know?

The relationship between your religion, the counselor’s religion, and the needs of both of you to talk about religion or not talk, as a part of therapy, is just one more factor that influences the relationship between you and your therapist. And counseling is all about the relationship.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

m.

Motivational March

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Motivation.

Motivation.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Getting yourself and others motivated.

Motivation is a major concern for many of us. How to get motivated, how to stay motivated, and how do you really translate motivation into results.

Whether you have a diagnosed mental illness, a substance abuse issue, or just want to have a more effective and fulfilling life the role of motivation is an important one.

We spent January tidying up some issues related to happiness, what it is, and how you get more. We have also spent some time on ways to take a good look at yourself and your situation and make some decisions about where you are and where you are going.

A list of some of the major posts on getting to know yourself and self-inventory can be found at, Taking stock of yourself.

During February we talked about the role of feelings in your life. There are times feelings can be beneficial even when at the time having to feel them is uncomfortable. We also looked at Alexithymia, that inability to know what you are feeling and to name the feeling.

A list of some of the Feelings February posts can be found at List of Feelings Posts. 

While the major theme this month has been motivation there were some detours as certain mental health issues require addressing. More on motivation and becoming the person you want to be will appear during future posts.

Here is hoping Motivation March was helpful and as always your comments on how you experience these topics are welcome. Please keep your comments on topic and positive. Particularly negative comments may not be approved or may be deleted.

Some past posts on Motivation are listed below.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Learning to say NO

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tree with just say no

Just say no.

No should be easy to say.

No should be the easiest word in the English language for all of us to say. Look at any three-year-old and you will see them saying NO repeatedly all day long. Their parents are good at saying this and other negative things also.

So with all this practice from our earliest years in saying the word NO you would think that adults would have no problem saying NO to each other – but they do. Saying no to unwanted things can improve your mental health and happiness.

There are good reasons we need to work on and practice the ability to say NO.

1. Some people expect to be told no.

In functional families, people are able to say no some of the time. Realistic people expect to be told no. So if you get in the habit of always saying yes, people in your life may be surprised to find that you have been doing things you never wanted to do.

You have the right to say No to a great many things in life. Outside the legal and moral things we expect people to do, most things are open to people choosing for themselves what to include and what to exclude from their life.

The opportunity to say NO is one of those fundamental freedoms we all should be able to practice.

2. We have to teach others how to treat us.

For some people, it is all about them and they will keep going until you say no. Some of them will not take NO for an answer even when you say NO. They have to be taught that you mean NO when you say NO.

You will encounter some people in life who are not familiar with the word NO. They do not seem to have heard it much growing up and it comes as a surprise to them that others might not be on this earth to serve them.

Many people will ask you for things or to do things in the course of your life. Giving into everything they all ask of you results in your living other people’s lives and never having one of your own.

3. Standing up for our boundaries.

People without boundaries end up with a whole lot of other people’s garbage dumped on them. In all of our relationships, it is important to establish boundaries between us and others. There is you and there is me. I do not have to agree with you on everything for us to get along.

People who insist you do, think, and say what they want, are into controlling others. Without good boundaries, you will find you are living their life not yours.

People who do not understand when you say NO are not real friends. Lovers who try to remake you to fit their needs and wants have only themselves in their hearts.

Family members may find it difficult to accept your NO’s. They get used to you doing for them or going along with what they want.

4. Setting an example for our children.

The only way children learn appropriate behavior is to be taught. Parents get the first crack at teaching those lessons. If you don’t teach your kids the meaning of the word No they can grow up to be selfish adults who have conflict-filled lives.

You do not spoil children by giving them too much praise or love. They get spoiled by not learning right and wrong and the values of self-control.

That should not be an argument to treat children as slaves, bent to your will. Your job as a parent, like it or not, is to help them grow up into healthy adults who can have a happy life without you. Do that and they just might want you in their lives after they are grown.

We don’t always get what we want in life and there is value to learning that others can say no to us. But your kids also need to know that they have that right too, some of the time anyway. If they never saw you draw a line and protect your boundaries then they may grow up to be like you.

Many children who grew up in dysfunctional homes create another unhealthy home. If they see you unable to say no they may become a person who can’t say NO or they may become a person who forces others to agree with them. Either of those lifestyles will cause them a lot of unhappiness.

The word NO, like every other word in the language, has times it needs to be used, and times we should not use it. Have you practiced the proper use of the word NO?

Use your NO word in healthy ways.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

4 Reasons counselors don’t say they like you

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling and therapy

Counseling.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does my counselor like me? Why won’t they say they like me?

Counselors are reluctant to tell clients they like them and for some very good reasons. Most of the time I do like the clients I work with, but there are lots of reasons I don’t say so.

1. We want the client to learn to like themselves.

Many clients report they have “low self-esteem.” As often as I hear that expression you would think it was a specific diagnosis. It isn’t.

One reason for this low self-esteem problem is that too often all of us are looking to outside things to establish our self-esteem. If you need someone, anyone, to tell you that they like you, then your self-worth is dependent on doing and saying things so they will like you. This is a risky place to be.

I do not tell the client I like them. Most of the time I do not encourage them to even worry about what other people think about them. There is a huge danger in basing your self-worth on ratings or other’s opinions.

It is worthwhile to watch and see how you are affecting others. We call this self-monitoring. If lots of people are getting irritated with you, then you may need to take a look at yourself and see what you might improve. What you do not need to do is base your self-worth on what they think. Improve what you can and accept the parts of you that you can’t change.

What I do tell a client is that I think they are worthwhile people. They are the unique them just like everyone else on earth is a unique person. They do not need to do or be anything to be worthwhile. What they need to do is to do those things that will make them happy and that they can be proud of. If they do estimable things they can feel good about themselves regardless of what others think about them.

2. Counselors should not foster dependency.

Counseling is a helping relationship. It is not helping when someone else does everything for you. Rather than doing for clients, we want to teach them to do for themselves.

Rather than being in need of a friend, which increases the risk of becoming a needy person, you should become your own best friend. Once you learn to like yourself, you will find that you are much more likable to others.

Coming every week to see your counselor for another booster shot of self-esteem is not the same thing as recovering from whatever you chose to call your problem.

3. You need to develop an outside support system.

Counselors are professional people but we can’t be there every hour of every day.  Yes, professionals are a part of a person’s support system, but we should not be the whole thing.

If you are in recovery, and who among us is not recovering from something or someone, you need a strong support system that is positive and in your corner.

There are a few people who have become conditioned to use the psychiatric hospital and professional therapists as their one and only support. They are sometimes surprised to find they do not have to go on doing that forever.

Having a positive friend you can call in the evening before bedtime or when you are feeling a little low, beats the heck out of having to call the psych hospital every night before bed for some reassurance.

Providers who create peer lines, which are places people with problems can call and talk to other peers, find there are more people who can function without needing psychiatric hospitals. Those communities that rely on hospitals to provide all the services need more hospital beds.

Peers are an important part of the recovery process.

4. There is a danger of developing a second or dual relationship.

The counseling relationship is special. It should not get mixed up with any other relationship. Counselors who forget those boundaries are at risk to get into friendship, financial or even romantic relationships with their clients. That is very likely to harm the client.

If someone says they like you there is that natural tendency to say you like them back. For a week or vulnerable person, there is the risk of trying to feel that way even if that is not how you really feel. The net result is an unwanted unprofessional relationship.

These second or dual relationships harm clients and they can cost counselors their licenses. Best to avoid this from the start.

Hope that explains this odd behavior we counselors feel obligated to observe with our clients.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How do you find a counselor for Depression or Dysthymia?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Looking for help with your depression.

Reader question thought I should share this with all counselorssoapbox.com readers as you might miss it as an answer to an older post. This was a comment on the Dysthymia post.

“I have a question: How do you find a professional who specializes in the treatment of Dysthymia? Someone who is really good. Searching for such a person in Michigan. Medications, by the way, are a waste of time. They don’t work for me. Can you suggest someone for me? Thanks!”

Great question. Let me make some suggestions. I am out in California and do not know professionals back there in your area. But the process is likely the same everywhere.

1. If you have not done so see a medical doctor first, there are some medical conditions that can look like depression or Dysthymia.

2. If you have a history of substance abuse, alcohol, or drugs, get that treated first or concurrently with the Dysthymia  Even after people stop using they still have the old thinking and it does not change without help.

3. Interview the counselor you are considering seeing.  Picking a therapist is kind of like dating, you may find the right person the first time, but you need to get to know them a little before you make the commitment.  Progress in therapy is all about the relationship.

4. Look for someone who treats depression. The process is very similar in treating Depression or Dysthymia  If the depression comes from a recent bad event this is more like an adjustment disorder. If you are depressed because you lost your job you need someone who can work on career counseling. Dysthymia is generally more long-term and you may need to look at things you learned as a child that no longer are helpful. I prefer to work from a Cognitive Behavioral or Rational Emotive perspective. Narrative therapy can also work.

5. Avoid a counselor who advertises things that do not fit you. Men should generally avoid a therapist that advertises they use a “feminist” perspective. Don’t see a Muslim counselor if you are a Christian or vice versa. Most good counselors work with everyone and do not put that sort of thing in their advertising.

6. Expect to do a lot of work on yourself. A good therapist is like a good tour guide, they can tell you about the trail but you need to take the hike.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel