Negative

Negative
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Negative

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Learning to distance yourself from all the negativity is one of the greatest lessons to achieve inner peace.”

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

― Eckhart Tolle

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.”

― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Every day is April Fools’ Day when you are fooling yourself

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fool.

Fool.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do you know what is real and what is a hoax?

Today is April First. In many places, people will be celebrating April Fools’ Day. This day is dedicated to a whole lot of fun practical jokes and good times. Not everyone should be laughing.

The challenge in life is to tell the difference between the truth and things that are not true, regardless of the label we choose to put on those less-than-true thoughts and comments. Today you may be able to get away with some untruths if you can tell the difference, but not every day.

The falsehoods told today in the course of the April Fools’ Day festivities are in the medieval tradition when Fools were jokesters, comedians and the like. When we know things are exaggerated and overblown they can be laughable and a bit of silly fun. Not all untruths are innocent.

The most dangerous types of lies are the kind we tell ourselves. People in recovery, from whatever they chose to call their problem, may find that they have been telling lies, giving people stories, so much they have begun to believe their own dishonesty. Substance abusers, required to be dishonest to continue their addiction are at special risk to have stopped seeing the distinction between the true and the false in their own minds.

If you have been telling yourself things that are not true and have started to believe those stories they can be a huge obstacle to overcome on your road to recovery.

People in recovery need to stop worrying about who they told what and begin to get honest with themselves. The most important person to tell the truth to is you.

Some recovering people have been told a lot of things that were not true. Those lies create a lot of pain and sometimes separating the true from the false can be a chore. When the addict starts to get honest the others around them are at risk to become confused about what is true and what is false.

Some people have families who have kept deep dark secrets. Those families can’t stand, to tell the truth. They pressure the other family members to deny things happened and to continue to rely on the make-believe family tale

Lie, falsehoods and the like are not the only untrue information that takes up residence in our heads. False memories and beliefs, delusions and hallucinations are also traps for the unwary.

There are technical distinctions between hallucinations and things that are really there. There is a realm of in-between things that the profession has to call in or out. Did you really see that or were you hallucinating? There are reports of things that look like a hallucination but are not.

People with addiction and mental illness may have seen and experienced things that other people tell you never happened.

Sometimes we see something and we decide what that means. If we are correct in our apprised that is all well and good. But what if you are mistaken in what you think this means or what has happened? We might call these false beliefs or even delusions.

It is likely that we can tell when someone else around us is delusional but can you tell when you are delusional? Are there things that kind of look like delusions but are not?

So while walking the road to recovery we need to take a look at hallucinations, false memories, and delusions and try to find ways to understand why our own mind may trick us into believing things that just are not so.

This whole area of what is true what is false and what you think you know is a lot confusing. In some posts over this month I want to explore delusions, hallucinations both true and pseudo and some other aspects of getting honest with ourselves. Since psychologists and therapists call some of these phenomena by different names and understand it differently I want to start by looking at how these two professions get such different answers and then proceed to some thoughts about why your brain and our survival may have benefited at times from believing things that turn out to not be true.

Stay tuned for more on the subject of the real and the false, truth and lies over the coming month. These posts will be interspersed with some other topics as they come up so as not to put all the readers to sleep at the same time.

Have a great day fooling around and we will return to the search for reality and recovery tomorrow.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

April

April
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

April

Inspiration.      Post by David Joel Miller.

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”

― George Orwell, 1984

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”

― Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson and Other Tales

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything. (Sonnet XCVIII)”

― William Shakespeare, Shakespeare’s Sonnets

Since time is such an important part of human existence, humans being finite after all, the passage of time on planet Earth has affected our customs and our thinking. After writing a series of posts about various feelings and, character strengths, and values, I thought it might be worth exploring the connection between the seasons and our experiences and emotions.

Because planet Earth is tilted, the seasons in the northern and southern hemispheres are opposite. How you experience Mother Earth and our changing weather depends on where you’re situated on this planet. My apologies to those who might read this who live in the southern hemisphere, but since I am much more familiar with the weather and the seasons in the northern hemisphere, I’ll am following that system.

Our current calendar is heavily weighted toward the Roman calendar. Originally, there were only ten months with the stormy times after New Year’s left out. Eventually, two more months had to be added to cover what we now call January and February. The Irish calendar, sometimes called the Celtic calendar, begins each of the seasons one month earlier, probably due to the difference in the weather farther north. I hope you find some of these thoughts worthwhile.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Happy Easter.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Getting clear on your values

Clear values.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Getting clear on your values

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

Values clarification: what are your values?

By values, I don’t mean things like honesty, bravery, and thriftiness, those abstract qualities we used to attribute to good character or breeding. Those sorts of character values are fleeting and often appear in one situation and not another. What I’m talking about, when I say your values is much more concrete.

In group counseling, we often do an exercise called values clarification. We ask people what the most important thing is to them. We often got a range of answers depending on the population and where we were doing this exercise. Among the homeless or unemployed, the answers frequently are very basic things like housing or food. Some people say that what’s important to them is their job.

Other people will say that the most crucial thing in their life is a member of their family. This comes in the form of my son, my daughter, my husband or wife, my family, and often other relatives and members of their household. For some people, family is a matter of choice rather than genetics.

Eventually, we get around to more abstract qualities such as God, their spirituality or religion, happiness, and so on. If there were a lot of similar items, we combined them into categories. My son, my daughter, and my parents might become family. Physical and mental health can be combined into a single category called health.

Each person gets to make two suggestions, and once all the suggestions are written on the whiteboard, the voting begins. Each individual is given three votes and is encouraged to pick the three most important things on the board, not simply vote for what they had said.

What almost invariably happens is that the very concrete things, like food, a car, and even a house, get relatively few votes. The things that rise to the top invariably are more abstract. Religion, spirituality, family, and physical and mental health get the most votes. Having a lot of money or a fancy car doesn’t cut it if you have nothing to believe in and no one who cares about you.

Do values have anything to do with success?

Actually, values have a very large amount to do with success and being or feeling successful. One of the problems with success is that it very much depends on how you measure it. If you view success as having a lot of money that anything less than reaching that goal makes you feel unsuccessful. But if you value your relationship with your partner children working more hours and making more money take you farther and farther away from the value you hold most dear.

Some people equate success with reaching your goals.

To the extent that the goals you set in life reflect your basic values, than reaching those goals makes you a success. The problem here is to be very sure that your definition of success matches the values that are important to you.

I’ve written quite a few blog posts about success. Forty-four of them so far to be exact.

 

Some people set their goal in life to accomplish something great.

If you value your accomplishments, being a great artist or scientific researcher then you have set one of your life values as measuring yourself by what you do rather than who you are.

I’m not judging whether this is right or wrong but I think it’s important for you to get clear that you have made accomplishment a value rather than relationships.

  Part of life is balancing competing values.

Most people value more than one thing. Having a great job or a successful career is certainly desirable but not if it comes at the expense of your relationships, your physical or mental health. Achieving balance between your competing values is a lot more than just focusing on a work-life balance.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Moody

Moody
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Moody

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“You can’t take back texts. If you come off all moody and melancholy in a text, it just sits there in your phone, reminding you of what a drag you are.”

― Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

“Animals don’t lie. Animals don’t criticize. If animals have moody days, they handle them better than humans do.”

― Betty White, If You Ask Me

“They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?”

― Princess Diana

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

You need to have a time budget.

Time Budget
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You need to have a time budget.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.

How do you budget your time?

Most people are familiar with the concept of a financial budget, though far too few people actually have one either mentally or written down on paper. I hear a lot about keeping your life in balance, but just like money, you only have so much time to spend, and how you spend it determines the quality of your life.

If you woke up at 12:00 AM Sunday morning and lived until 12:00 PM that Saturday night, you would have lived for precisely 168 hours. Every week, we get exactly 168 hours. No one gets any more, and no one gets any less. The only exceptions to that would be the week you’re born and the week you die. But between those two guideposts, during each week, you get your allocation of hours, and how you spend those hours is up to you.

In achieving work-life balance, time is the crucial factor.

Recently, I have been hearing a lot about the issue of work-life balance. It’s a massive problem for many of my clients, some of whom are burning out because of high-stress, high-demand jobs. We thought we got past that issue when we created the forty-hour work week. In some parts of Europe, thirty-two-hour work weeks are typical. Not in the United States.

High-tech and professional jobs assign their professional people, people who work on salary, more work than they can possibly do in forty hours a week. It is the norm now for people to be assigned more work than could possibly be achieved in forty hours. People in many professions tell me that they routinely work sixty or even eighty-hour work weeks.

There’s no way that you can have other parts of your life be in balance when you spend half of your allotted hours each week on work. Especially when you spend time preparing for work, commuting to work, returning home from work, and trying to unwind after work.

Excessive work weeks are leading to physical health problems, relationship problems, and severe mental health issues.

There’s no such thing as making time for the things you want to do.

In order to create more time for family, you have to take that time away from something else. No matter how hard you search, you will never discover any additional time. One of the most important tools for trying to get your overall life in balance is to start by creating a written schedule for your week.

Look at when you get up and when you go to bed. Is there adequate time to actually sleep? Is your sleep so restricted that you must fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow and must be ready to run the second the alarm clock goes off? If so, of course, you’ll be stressed out, and eventually, you will be burned out.

There are two ways we demonstrate what is important to us.

No matter what you say about the importance of your relationship or your family, you won’t participate in these relationships if you don’t spend time with your partner or family. We can quickly tell what’s important to someone; we look at what they spend their time on and how they spend their money. And the two are not interchangeable. You can’t compensate for neglecting your children by working more hours and buying them more things. It takes time to maintain a relationship.

Lots of relationships fail at about the twenty-year mark.

With work and sleep being the two highest priorities, once you spend time with your children, there’s not much left for your primary relationship and even less time left for self-care, however, you define that. We see a lot of relationships that end about the time the oldest child leaves home, either for college or to start a family of their own. This is when couples often look at each other and say, “We have stayed together all these years for the children; is there any reason for us to stay together now?” If you don’t spend time together doing things and talking about stuff throughout your relationship, it’s hard to keep alive when you no longer have a common purpose.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mischievous

Mischievous
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Mischievous

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“What does love mean?” Mom asked mischievously. “To discover beauty.”

― Won-pyung Sohn, Almond

“I’m beneath no man!” she replies harshly. Then, with a mischievous quirk to her mouth, she adds, “At least not without dinner and a drink first.”

― M. Leighton, Down to You

“THE MISCHIEVOUS DOG

There was once a Dog who used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation, and who was a great nuisance to every one who came to his master’s house. So his master fastened a bell round his neck to warn people of his presence. The Dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction. But an old dog came up to him and said, “The fewer airs you give yourself the better, my friend. You don’t think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit? On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace.”

Notoriety is often mistaken for fame.”

― Aesop, Aesop’s Fables

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Introvert’s Roadmap to Self-Care

The Introvert’s Roadmap to Self-Care                                                                                                Photo via Pexels

Guest post by Jennifer Scott.

In today’s rapid pace, finding serenity seems daunting, especially for introverts cherishing solitude. The key is to find small ways each day to refresh your mind and body, and this is often easier than you might think. This guide, courtesy of Counselorssoapbox.com, shines as a beacon for anyone seeking self-care with genuine intent. Through small changes and mindful habits, introverts can transform their daily routines into sanctuaries of peace and renewal.

Consider Mindful Drinking

Reducing your alcohol consumption can significantly improve your well-being and health. If you find yourself struggling to quit, it’s important to seek support. Consider reaching out to free rehab centers in US cities for guidance and assistance on your journey to sobriety. These facilities can offer personalized treatments that will help you find the best path for your needs. Be sure to do some research on their approaches and read patient reviews before choosing a location.

Explore Your Creative Side

Engaging in creative endeavors is much more than a mere pastime; it’s an avenue for voicing your deepest emotions, thoughts, and aspirations. Activities like painting, writing, or crafting act as potent mediums for self-reflection and stress alleviation. When you immerse yourself in creativity, you unlock a space for introspection that not only aids in understanding oneself better but also serves as a therapeutic outlet for expressing unspoken words and untold stories.

Delve into the World of Books

Immersing yourself in a good book transports you beyond reality into new worlds, perspectives, and ideas. Reading, a favored solo activity for introverts, is key to developing empathy and expanding one’s horizons. Through reading, you traverse imaginative terrains, drawing comfort and inspiration from the narratives and universes of others.

Find Your Balance

For introverts, striking the right balance between social engagements and personal downtime is crucial. It’s imperative to heed your inner dialogue, distinguishing moments to connect with others from times to seek solitude for rejuvenation. This equilibrium is key to maintaining your mental health and ensuring that you have the energy and space to engage meaningfully with the world on your own terms.

Cultivate Gratitude

Adopting gratitude as a daily practice transforms your perspective, shifting focus from what’s missing to the abundance present in your life. By maintaining a gratitude journal, you engage in a reflective practice that fosters a sense of thankfulness and satisfaction. This simple yet profound habit encourages a positive outlook, contributing to an overall sense of well-being and happiness.

Create Your Sanctuary

Establishing a personal sanctuary at home, a space that mirrors your essence and provides a refuge for relaxation, is essential. This dedicated area should be a source of comfort where you can retreat, recharge, and find peace within yourself. Whether it’s a cozy reading nook, a tranquil garden space, or a creative studio, this personal haven is your retreat from the external chaos, a place where you can truly be yourself.

Embrace Digital Detox

Taking regular breaks from digital devices and screens is imperative in the digital age. Allocating specific times to unplug allows your mind to rest and rejuvenate, leading to decreased stress levels and improved sleep quality. This digital detox is crucial for maintaining mental clarity and fostering a healthier relationship with technology, enabling you to prioritize real-world interactions and personal well-being.

Practice Relaxation Techniques

Experimenting with relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga, or deep breathing is key to managing stress and anxiety. Finding the right method can greatly improve your self-care routine, providing ways to relax your mind and body. Such practices foster a deeper self-connection, leading to inner peace and stability.

Embarking on a self-care voyage as an introvert need not be a daunting endeavor. By weaving these mindful practices into your daily life, you can foster a sense of well-being that aligns with your introverted nature. Remember, self-care is not an act of selfishness; it’s a vital component for achieving balance and harmony in your life. Approach these strategies with an open heart and patience, and witness the transformation of your environment into a serene sanctuary, uniquely yours.

Counselorssoapbox.com offers counseling tips and resources from a professional point of view. Have a question or comment? Reach out today.

A special thanks to Jennifer Scott who wrote this guest post.

Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?

Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

Want the latest blog posts as they are published? Subscribe to this blog.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For more about my books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, please check out https://counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mellow

Mellow
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Mellow

Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

“Mellow is the man who knows what he’s been missing”

― Led Zeppelin

“Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. ”

― Washington Irving

“One mellows almost without realizing it’s a compensation of age, because anger is exhausting.”

― Robert Galbraith, The Silkworm

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Today seemed like a good time to do this. There are an estimated 100,000 words in the English language that are feelings related. Some emotions are pleasant, and some are unpleasant, but all feelings can provide useful information. I’ve also included some words related to strengths and values since the line between what we think and what we feel may vary from person to person. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings, strengths, and values.

Emotions and Feelings.                      Inspiration

Staying in touch with David Joel Miller.

For more information about my writing journey, my books, and other creative activities, please subscribe to my blog at davidjoelmillerwriter.com

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available on Amazon now! And more are on the way.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

For information about my work in mental health, substance abuse, and having a happy life, Please check out counselorssoapbox.com

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel