Ways to destroy your relationship.

By David Joel Miller.

Couple not talking

Unhappy relationship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Easy ways to destroy any relationship.

Every day, everywhere you go, you’re likely to meet someone who is starting a new relationship. Trouble is a lot of those relationships are destined to fail. Making a relationship succeed is hard work. Creating a troubled relationship, one that is doomed to fail, is more natural than maintaining your relationship. Here are some things you may be doing that are destined to sabotage your relationships.

Expecting perfection sabotages relationships.

If you expect people in your life, particularly your romantic partner to never let you down you’re asking for perfection. Since no one is perfect, that expectation guarantees that your partner will disappoint you. People in healthy relationships accept each other’s imperfections and don’t expect more out of their partner than they expect out of themselves.

Never trusting anyone will sabotage your relationship.

It’s hard to have a close relationship with someone you don’t trust. Continually checking up on your partner is a way to sabotage that relationship. Lack of trust in relationships usually stems from unresolved issues we have before we ever enter those relationships. Trust is something that develops over time in a relationship.

Being disrespectful harms relationships.

Treating your partner disrespectfully drives them away. Contempt, harsh words and criticism are the poisons which destroyed relationships.

Insist they change to be like you.

Healthy relationships create room for people to grow. Constant criticism and the insistence that your partner needs to change conveys the message that the way they are is not okay. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think they are satisfactory.

Focusing on anything but your relationship starves that relationship.

Many couples have so many outside interests that they never have time to spend together. Relationships require maintenance and to do that maintenance you need to put in the time.

Minimize your time together, and your relationship is out of time.

What couples first get together they want to be together every minute of every day. Troubled relationships are characterized by a lack of shared experiences. If you go out of your way to avoid your partner your relationship is doomed.

Avoid communicating, and your relationship becomes distant.

Stonewalling, avoiding talking about problems, creates distance between the two of you. Two kinds of communication destroy relationships, not communicating about things that require discussion and excessively communicating all the negative thoughts and feelings you have about your partner.

Keeping as many secrets as possible leaves your relationship in the dark.

Relationships are like being on a team. Well-functioning teams communicate. When you are keeping secrets from each other trust, and the good feelings erode. We are not talking about the kind of secrets that come with Christmas and birthdays. Those are secrets that you plan to reveal at the proper time. The harmful secrets, the things you keep from your partner which you know they would not approve of, if they found out will damage the relationship.

Hide your spending, lie about finances and the relationship will go broke.

Your partner’s future depends on both the emotional and financial health of your relationship. Hiding your spending or misleading your partner about the state of your finances put you on opposing sides in life struggle. Eventually, your partner will find out about your spending or the state of your finances. If your withholding information jeopardizes their financial security, your behavior has put the relationship in jeopardy. Dishonesty is not only the things you tell people which are false but also includes the things you had a duty to tell them but didn’t.

Don’t plan for a future together and your relationship won’t have a future.

Couples with healthy relationships have planned a future together. Those plans may change over time when couples revise them jointly. But if you are planning for a future after your relationship, you are already planning for the end of your relationship.

Thinking your love is so solid you will not have problems.

The things you don’t talk about at the beginning of a relationship go on to become the major problems later. Believing that you don’t have to discuss things because you’re in love sets up significant misunderstandings. Relationships require maintenance. That initial amount of love you have for each other will not take you very far if you don’t continue to communicate and resolve issues.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Four David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

SasquatchWandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive?

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

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Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter.

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How to destroy your relationship.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Couple not talking

Unhappy relationship.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

These habits can demolish your relationship.

Nothing seems so important to humans as their relationships.  Relationship problems, whether it’s with a romantic partner, family or friends are one of the primary causes of emotional distress.  Plenty has been written about how to find a relationship, how to get into them, how to strengthen one, but we don’t often look at the things people do that could damage or even destroy their relationships.  If you are in an unhappy relationship, look at how many of these relationship destroyers may be taking place.  How many of the things on the list below are you doing that might be harming your relationship.

Continually find fault with your partner.

How much of your time do you spend finding fault with your partner?  No one is perfect; everyone has their faults, but if all you ever say to your partner are words of criticism you are creating a very negative relationship.  If you can’t see anything good about your partner, it’s time to take another look at yourself.  People who only hear about their faults can get discouraged, and eventually, they stop trying.

Never listen to what they have to say.

Early in relationships, people want to hear everything your prospective partner has to say.  If you’ve reached the point where you no longer want to listen to them, something is wrong in your relationship.  Make it a point to try to listen to what they say.  To be heard, you first need to listen.

Insist they need to do all the changing.

Good relationships involve compromise on both people’s parts.  If you’re unwilling to take a look at your part in disagreements and conflicts, you’re creating a situation where your partner has to do all the work.  Relationships are like dances; one person can’t do all steps.  Take a look at what you are doing, no matter how small your part in the problem. You need to be willing to own and to work on that part.

Expect them to make you happy.

Happiness is an inside job.  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that someone or something outside of you can make you happy.  If you are unhappy, work on becoming happy.  Putting the burden of making you happy on someone else is an unreasonable burden.  It may be possible for someone to do things to make you unhappy, but happiness is a choice on your part.

Lie and deceive them.

Should you find that you need to deceive your partner, you are creating a dishonest relationship.  We are not talking about keeping small secrets, like what you got them for a birthday present. What are the big secrets you keep that keep you distant from your relationship partner?

Be constantly jealous.

Jealousy is about you.  You can’t control another person.  They are going to do what they are going to do.  If you find that you are jealous, take a look at yourself and your insecurities.  Being constantly jealous and checking up on your partner is a sure way to damage the relationship you do have.

Insist everything needs to be your way.

Every good relationship needs to have some give and take.  If you find that you are insisting on everything being your way you are creating an unworkable situation.  No matter how accommodating your partner is, eventually always having to give in wears thin.  Playing the dictator is a sure way to demolish that relationship.

How many of these relationship destroyers do you practice?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.