What is Dissociation?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Confusion.

Confusion.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does Dissociation really happen? What causes it?

Personally, I think there is more misunderstanding around this condition than most other mental health issues. First off Dissociation is way more common than most people realize. It comes in varying intensities; much of it is mild and goes unrecognized, denied and undiagnosed.

Dissociation, particularly Dissociative Identity Disorder has so much stigma around it that when we see it in clinical practice, I believe most clinicians call it something else more acceptable, like stress or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and let it go at that. This leaves people with more severe cases of dissociation with less than adequate treatment.

My view is that milder forms of dissociation are a normal protective behavior for most vertebrates, humans included. Under stress, the brain stem engages the “F’s” and takes over the functions of the brain to ensure survival.

Dissociation in its milder forms is, as I understand it, a functional survival mechanism. It is a close cousin to daydreaming and alcoholic blackouts.

Some simple examples of Dissociation.

I am driving along, I am thinking about something I need to do tonight. In my mind, I am picturing a set of slides that I want to create for the PowerPoint. I realize all of a sudden that I am miles past my freeway exit and I have no memory of driving this way. My mind has blanked out.

At this point, I turn around, drive as fast as I can, and reach my destination. Do I tell everyone about my “zoning out?” Not a chance. I make some lame excuse about traffic and getting off work late.

Next example, more severe

A woman who was gang-raped in the past is walking around downtown. She sees some men who are wearing gang colors and look kind of like the men that assaulted her. She becomes frightened and crosses the street, she begins walking fast to get away. A few minutes later she slows down. Her panic is subsiding. She looks around and finds she is walking through a neighborhood and she has no idea where she is or how she got here.

So now we can see a mechanism by which someone who is upset might do actions like run away and be functioning essentially on autopilot. High levels of stress, like high levels of alcohol in blackouts, might shut off the connection between current functioning and memory.

Does that mean this woman has some form of Dissociative Disorder?

Maybe, maybe not. The new DSM-5 lists five major kinds of Dissociative Disorders plus some specifiers and or sub-types.

This woman, now upset because this past problem, memories of the rape, is messing up her life and also a lot worried because she ended up in a strange neighborhood with no memory of how she got there comes to see a therapist.

She begins to talk about her experience. She had an experience that brought back memories of her rape (Intrusive thoughts.) She tried to avoid things, ran away (avoidance, yes.) She has been anxious for several nights since and has lost sleep over this. Maybe even had a nightmare and this has been affecting her home life and her relationship.

At this point she gets assessed, a treatment plan created and treatment begins.

She was embarrassed so she left out the part about walking for a while and having no memory how she got there.

Her diagnosis – it’s likely to be Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

In clinical settings, stress-related disorders get diagnosed a lot more than dissociative disorders. Sometimes it is a judgment call. Which disorder are this woman’s symptoms more like? But I think we professionals may be overlooking a lot of dissociative symptoms. The result may be that in outpatient settings we are under-diagnosing Dissociative Disorder and over-diagnosing PTSD.

In carefully controlled research the prevalence of Dissociative Disorders of all 5 types exceeded 5% of the population. That makes dissociation up to 17 times more common than Schizophrenia.

Dissociative Disorders are the next chapter over in the DSM-5 from stress-related disorders. We see a huge overlap between those two groups. There is also an overlap with Borderline Personality Disorder another misunderstood condition.

If we think of all these conditions as reasonable responses to stress given the person’s biology and experiences we can see how some of the things that occur to a person with dissociation make sense.

Dissociative Disorders are most commonly found in the aftermath of traumatic events. Some of the symptoms of dissociation are embarrassment, confusion, and a desire to hide the existence of your symptoms. If you are the victim of trauma and let on how much the trauma affected you, this might put you at risk to be revictimized.

People under stress will have gaps in their memory. People with dissociation may also not know they have those gaps until someone asks about something they can’t remember. This is referred to in the literature as “amnesia about the amnesia.”

Dissociative Disorders, all 5 of them according to the DSM-5, include both positive and negative symptoms. In the past the only other disorder that I remember being described that way was Schizophrenia, but as I think about them other disorders have both also.

Positive and negative symptoms do not mean they are good and bad. What this means is that people with a disorder lose the ability to do some things others can do. This loss is called negative symptoms.

They also develop symptoms that others do not have. These added symptoms are called positive symptoms.

Since I believe people can and do recover I think that these areas of altered functioning can vary in intensity and can get better or worse depending on time, traumas, conditions, and treatment. More on negative and positive symptoms in future posts.

Another area of concern in talking about dissociation is something called state or trait theory. Trait would imply that once you got it you always got it. So if you dissociate then you are a goner and who wants to believe that. But if dissociation is a state then you can move into and out of it.

One other cause of Dissociative symptoms are efforts to reprogram or expose someone to “thought reform.” This mental reprogramming, like brainwashing, results in a brain that at some level believes two contradictory things. Can you see how that brain could pop in and out of contact with others?

Last, despite all the press about extreme cases of dissociation and the recurrent belief that this is something that only happens to women, the research tells me it is, in fact, more common among men than women. I have some theories about why that might be but that like the rest of this needs to wait till another post.

Dissociative disorders vary from person to person and from time to time. Nothing I can say will fit everyone and there is a lot to be said for listening to the “lived experience” of those who have these disorders. More to come on this topic, but in the meantime what do all of you think about this?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Does Multiple Personality Disorder really exist?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

personality disorder

What Causes DID Disorder?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are Multiple Personality Disorder, Manic-Depressive Disorder, and Addiction real illnesses?

There have been some books, articles, and blog posts recently saying that many things we are calling illness either do not exist or if they do exist they are not really illnesses but choices people make.

Some of the arguments these people are making seem to have some merit on the face, but when I look deeper there are some serious flaws in this kind of reasoning. All good lies have some truth in them and so these misconceptions about illnesses take some sorting out. Most of these efforts to deny the existence of a particular illness are cases of – if I do not believe in this it can’t hurt me.

Let’s look at some examples of ways people try to deny the existence of mental disorders.

1. Change the name and the illness ceases to exist – Denial one.

“There is no such thing as Consumption. When people believed in consumption they got it and died. No one gets it now because we know it does not exist.”

You buying that?

Consumption is the old name for Tuberculosis. Yes, people still get T. B. and die from it. We do have medication to treat it, but if you take no meds, you still can die from this illness. Changing the name did not erase the disease.

What about Manic-Depressive Disorder? No such thing right?

Well, we changed the name of that one to Bipolar Disorder so in that sense there is no such thing as Manic Depressive Disease. No difference really in the condition. Still, a serious illness and still needs treating, but not in the strictly literal sense, there is no such thing as Manic Depressive disorder anymore at least not in the DSM.

Which brings us to Multiple Personality Disorder.

The name misled a lot of people into thinking that everyone who had this issue would look like Sybil.  The truth is that there are lots of variations. The new name is “Dissociative Identity Disorder” so while technically, semantically, Multiple Personality Disorder no longer exists, there are still millions of people living with exactly these symptoms; we just call this condition by a new name.

Watch for an upcoming post on Dissociation Disorders. (Yes, there are more than one of these creatures.)

2. Second denial – There is no such thing as mental illness.

The argument runs – mental illness is not a “real disease” these are just people who think or behave differently from the rest of us and we want to force them to act and think like the rest of us.

A lot was made of this a few years back. Again in a strictly semantically way, this has some truth to it. Just enough truth to be misleading.

One definition of illness or disease is a process of an organism, bacteria, or virus, invading the body, and damaging cells. The proponents of this “no mental illness” idea argued that if mental illness was a real illness we should be able to find the bug that caused it and a drug that removed this infection from the body.

Newer research on the brain is chipping away at this one. There are lots of changes that nerve cells undergo that cause a change in functioning. Thoughts and traumatic experiences can change the wiring and the chemistry of the brain.

Most mental issues are correctly referred to as “disorders” not technically diseases. The specific definition of a disorder is essentially something that causes you a thinking, feeling, or behavioral issue.

So if the emotional, mental, or behavior problem cause you to have impairment in Social functioning, (You can’t get along with family and or friends) occupational functioning (the ability to hold a job) of subjective distress (You say it bothers you) then we diagnose it as a mental disorder. The DSM-5 adds “other important area of functioning” I am still not sure what all that might be but if we find that we can give you the diagnosis also.

So while there does not appear to be any Dissociative Disorder germ, I still think that the effects of trauma can alter your emotions sufficiently that we can say you have a disorder.

3. Denial three – I do not believe in Dissociative Disorders so they do not exist.

I take this to be the funniest reason of all to pretend that disorders do not exist. Still, some people cling to the notion that there was no evolution or that the sun does, in fact, revolve around the earth.

Personally, I have taken to believing that Arizona does not exist. California just runs all the way to New Mexico. Those of you that think you live in Arizona knock that foolishness off and start sending your taxes my way.

People have denied the existence of addiction for years saying those people just chose to be that way. Some of them say the same thing about schizophrenia. Now the medical people are saying almost all medications including prescribed ones can cause tolerance and withdrawal so they all met the old definition for addiction.

We are getting around this one by eliminating addiction – it is no more. All of you that thought you knew someone with an addiction you were wrong – there is no such thing as addiction – We will, however, be treating a lot of people next year for substance use disorders and the key characteristic of that disorder will be a loss of control over their use of a substance.

See how this works.

4. Straw man argument.

The way this one goes is: When you talk about Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociative Disorder what you really mean is –

They then proceed to spend the rest of their post arguing about things that you never said and wouldn’t have said, but it makes them feel better to win an argument even if they need to misrepresent what you think to win one.

Oh, my – another long post. So in the future let’s talk some more about all the things that we have been learning about stress, trauma, and dissociation.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

All about A.A. and N.A.

About A.A. and N.A.

By David Joel Miller.

AA big book

Alcoholics Anonymous big book.

Questions about 12 step meetings?

There have been a lot of counselorssoapbox.com posts about 12 step meetings, A.A. in particular.

As a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I work with a lot of people who have substance use issues and mental health issues. We refer to people with both problems as having a “Dual Diagnosis” or more recently as having “Co-occurring disorders.”

People with substance use problems are encouraged to attend 12 step meetings. I wish there were more meetings and support groups for people with mental health issues and dual diagnoses issues.

Mostly, people with multiple problems end up attending 12 step groups. To try to help them feel more comfortable, I have written a number of posts about what they should expect at a meeting. To make these posts easier to find I decided that I should list them all in one place.

Here then are the posts about 12 step groups. If I missed any feel free to remind me and if you have other questions about how A.A. or other 12 step groups work feel free to contact me.

What will you have to do if you go to an A.A. meeting?

What is an Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meeting like?

Is A.A. a religious group?

How do you become a member of A.A.?

What does carrying a court card mean?

What goes on at an A. A. meeting?

What is hitting bottom?

The posts I write about A.A. are from my perspective as a therapist and clinical counselor and do not necessarily reflect the views of A.A. World Services. For more on A.A. and their program of recovery check out the “A.A. Big Book” titled Alcoholics Anonymous at the links below or contact A.A. World Services at their website.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The classic text on Alcoholism, recovery this is the book that started off the whole 12 step phenomenon.

Alcoholics Anonymous from The Anonymous Press

One of the Kindle editions – At 99 cents this is such a bargain. This edition needed a separate listing. No Kindle reader? No Problem, if you have a computer you can download a free Kindle reader.

http://www.aa.org

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Happiness?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy children

Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Would you know happiness if you felt it?

Happiness is the state of being Happy

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy, feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

― Abraham Lincoln

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”

― John Lennon

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

― Charles M. Schulz

Quotes from GoodReads

Why people are reading counselorssoapbox.com

Counselorssoapbox.com

Why people are reading counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

For the last 30 days here are the top posts that brought people to counselorssoapbox .com.

In case you missed some of these top posts the links are included.

How much should you tell a therapist?

Levels or types of Borderline Personality Disorder

Do therapists have to report a crime?

Do people really forget what happened when drinking? – Blackouts

Which border is Borderline Intellectual Functioning on?

Are you a Parentified Child?

Do therapists like, fall in love with their clients? Why don’t they tell them?

Reasons Counselors and Therapists Lose Licenses

About the Author – David Joel Miller

Hyperthymia, Hyperthymic Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

5 Issues in Coping with recovery

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Ball recovery

Recovery and Resiliency.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The journey to recovery land is an adventure.

Recovery, whether it is from depression, anxiety, or substance abuse, involves learning to cope with a whole lot of changes in your life. Those problems in your life have mounted up and now you have to face making some changes.

There are likely to be changes in your financial life as a result of your disorder. Many people enter recovery at the insistence of the governmental systems. You may have ended up homeless, or unemployed and when you ask for help you got referred to a program.

Even if you still have a job and a place to stay, the result of your disorder may be that you have to alter your habits. You may also have a lot of wreckage that needs to be repaired. Many recovering people find that they have impaired relationships with others in their life. They want to set those things right or they have to adjust to the changes.

Some of the recovery-related challenges may involve doing things that you never thought you could do. Other changes mean doing without things that in the past you thought were necessities and that you could never do without.

Once saying in recovery circles is that in recovery you need to change everything, your playgrounds, playmates, and your toys. There is a whole lot of truth to that observation.

Here are some of the areas of your life that may need to change as you move in the direction of recovery.

Transportation issues in Recovery.

You may be used to driving your car, but new in recovery many people find that they have to find another form of transportation.

If you lost your license, you need to stop driving. Many people who have their licenses revoked or suspended can’t accept that they need to stop driving. The drive anyway. Often they get caught driving without a license and create more wreckage. Maybe they go to jail, maybe their car gets impounded and they can’t get it back.

You may need to rely on others for transportation, learn to take the bus, or arrange to walk a lot more than you ever imagined.

Finances change in recovery.

In recovery, many people find they need to make changes in their finances. You may be unable to work, or unable to work full-time during your recovery process. You may have lost your job as a result of your disorder or your disorder may be the consequence of being out of work.

Many people find they lose their house, have to move to a cheaper place, or otherwise need to downsize their expenses. Living on food stamps, welfare or a part-time job can be a major challenge.

Ironically many people find that once they cut down, they are able to live on far less than they used to and still have more time and are less stressed. Having a lot costs a lot, and the struggle to maintain things can be a major source of stress.

Relationships connect with recovery.

In recovery, it is important to take a look at your relationships. What you may find is that those relationships you have been clinging to are not healthy. Some people find that while they were in their addiction or their disorder they have left old positive friends and taken up with questionable ones. Others have alienated people who used to be supportive. Repairing damaged relationships, cutting off unhealthy ones, and setting new boundaries with the people you chose to keep in your life are all parts of recovery.

Loneliness may visit you during your recovery.

It is not just the tangible things that change in recovery. There is a lot of work to do on learning to feel and to manage your emotions.

Some people are so used to filling their life with others, activity and commotion, even drama, that just being with themselves is a new experience.

Being alone should not mean you are lonely. You can be lonely anywhere, even in a crowd, but getting comfortable with yourself is a big part of recovery.

Boredom and recovery.

Another emotion that causes a lot of problems for people in recovery is boredom. If you are used to regulating your emotions by reaching for chemicals or for other people, then simply being alone can feel boring at first.

With time you can learn to relax and enjoy the time you get to spend with yourself.

Rather than complaining about all the life changes you need to make in recovery, relax and enjoy the journey, you will find that the trip to “recoveryland” is an enjoyable, lifelong journey.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Sobriety

Serene

Serene and Sober.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Encarta Dictionary tells us Sobriety is:

Abstinence from or moderation in the use of alcohol or drugs

The quality of being serious and thoughtful

“Your best days are ahead of you. The movie starts when the guy gets sober and puts his life back together; it doesn’t end there.”
― Bucky SinisterGet Up: A 12-Step Guide to Recovery for Misfits, Freaks, and Weirdos

“We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole aim of our lives.”
― Alcoholics AnonymousTwelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

“achieving true sobriety goes beyond abstinence. it’s also about healing your soul, apologizing for damage you did to other, and seeking forgiveness.”
― Lou GrammJuke Box Hero: My Five Decades in Rock ‘n’ Roll

Quotes from GoodReads

Are you sober today?

Are you a Functional Alcoholic?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

AA big book

Alcoholics Anonymous big book.

Alcoholics with jobs, families, and homes – the functional alcoholic.

Do you know someone with an Alcohol Use Disorder?

Most people have a very distorted idea of what constitutes an alcoholic. So much so that the mental health establishment has done away with the label. Like many other of life’s problems the stigma attached makes us avoid the words we need to use to name the problem and the result is that no one calls the thing by the same name for very long.

Today we do not try to distinguish between the person who is chemically dependent on alcohol, psychologically dependent, or the person who just drinks occasionally but when they do they end up with a problem.

How would you spot an alcoholic?

Truth is that the old stereotype of the homeless alcoholic bum is just that – a stereotype. Most of what people think they know about alcoholics is not true.

Of those who under the DSM-4 criteria, who were alcohol dependent, what some would have called an alcoholic, fully 80% of them had full-time jobs.

For the record, it is estimated that 70% of people who are dependent on drugs, drug addicts if you will, have full-time jobs.

So the majority of people who have a severe substance use disorder are still trying to fool themselves that they are not “Alcoholics or Addicts” because they still have a home to live in and a full-time job.

Only the most severely chemically dependent people end up homeless.

There are all sorts of problem relationships you can develop with a substance. Alcohol is one of the harder relationships to keep up. Over time the drinker develops tolerance. They need more to achieve the same effect. If you need alcohol to feel good, solve problems or it is simply required to have fun, you are headed for trouble.

What makes you an alcoholic surprises many people.

You don’t need to drink the hard stuff to develop a problem. Lots of beer and wine drinkers develop problems. You don’t need to drink every day. If you drink once a year for New Years but three years in a row you get DUI’s or end up in bar fights, you have some form of alcohol use disorder.

So consider that you don’t need to be a full-blown Alcoholic to have an alcohol use problem. Some of you can cut down or control your usage. Some of you will be able to quite all on your own if that is what you chose to do.

But if you have tried to control your drinking or quit on your own and find that your efforts are not working. Or if you quit and find you are miserable, consider counseling or another help strategy.

If you do have an alcohol use disorder there is help available.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

4 Reasons counselors don’t say they like you

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling and therapy

Counseling.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does my counselor like me? Why won’t they say they like me?

Counselors are reluctant to tell clients they like them and for some very good reasons. Most of the time I do like the clients I work with, but there are lots of reasons I don’t say so.

1. We want the client to learn to like themselves.

Many clients report they have “low self-esteem.” As often as I hear that expression you would think it was a specific diagnosis. It isn’t.

One reason for this low self-esteem problem is that too often all of us are looking to outside things to establish our self-esteem. If you need someone, anyone, to tell you that they like you, then your self-worth is dependent on doing and saying things so they will like you. This is a risky place to be.

I do not tell the client I like them. Most of the time I do not encourage them to even worry about what other people think about them. There is a huge danger in basing your self-worth on ratings or other’s opinions.

It is worthwhile to watch and see how you are affecting others. We call this self-monitoring. If lots of people are getting irritated with you, then you may need to take a look at yourself and see what you might improve. What you do not need to do is base your self-worth on what they think. Improve what you can and accept the parts of you that you can’t change.

What I do tell a client is that I think they are worthwhile people. They are the unique them just like everyone else on earth is a unique person. They do not need to do or be anything to be worthwhile. What they need to do is to do those things that will make them happy and that they can be proud of. If they do estimable things they can feel good about themselves regardless of what others think about them.

2. Counselors should not foster dependency.

Counseling is a helping relationship. It is not helping when someone else does everything for you. Rather than doing for clients, we want to teach them to do for themselves.

Rather than being in need of a friend, which increases the risk of becoming a needy person, you should become your own best friend. Once you learn to like yourself, you will find that you are much more likable to others.

Coming every week to see your counselor for another booster shot of self-esteem is not the same thing as recovering from whatever you chose to call your problem.

3. You need to develop an outside support system.

Counselors are professional people but we can’t be there every hour of every day.  Yes, professionals are a part of a person’s support system, but we should not be the whole thing.

If you are in recovery, and who among us is not recovering from something or someone, you need a strong support system that is positive and in your corner.

There are a few people who have become conditioned to use the psychiatric hospital and professional therapists as their one and only support. They are sometimes surprised to find they do not have to go on doing that forever.

Having a positive friend you can call in the evening before bedtime or when you are feeling a little low, beats the heck out of having to call the psych hospital every night before bed for some reassurance.

Providers who create peer lines, which are places people with problems can call and talk to other peers, find there are more people who can function without needing psychiatric hospitals. Those communities that rely on hospitals to provide all the services need more hospital beds.

Peers are an important part of the recovery process.

4. There is a danger of developing a second or dual relationship.

The counseling relationship is special. It should not get mixed up with any other relationship. Counselors who forget those boundaries are at risk to get into friendship, financial or even romantic relationships with their clients. That is very likely to harm the client.

If someone says they like you there is that natural tendency to say you like them back. For a week or vulnerable person, there is the risk of trying to feel that way even if that is not how you really feel. The net result is an unwanted unprofessional relationship.

These second or dual relationships harm clients and they can cost counselors their licenses. Best to avoid this from the start.

Hope that explains this odd behavior we counselors feel obligated to observe with our clients.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

New Counseling Website

New Counseling and Therapy Website

Update.

After trying this for a while, I discovered I didn’t have the time to write two blogs. I am still teaching and writing books, as well as producing a few videos for my YouTube channel. I do still see a few clients for counseling but these days this is all done by distance counseling methods. 

The new website for my counseling practice launched yesterday. Honest. This is no Joke. That I got this up and running is truly amazing, me, that old guy, who used to think that a “computer” was that guy in accounting, has my own therapist website. Mostly it is about information for my clients in private practice here in Fresno California. There is a page of “Frequently Asked Questions” about counseling and therapy that some of you may want to look at. Shortly there will also be a page of suggested resources. So check it out and let me know what you think.

I would never have gotten it done had it not been for the experience of using WordPress to do this blog. Don’t panic though. The counselorssoapbox.com blog will continue also. That’s it then.