By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
You feel bad – you want to feel better – but how do you know when you get there.
We all know what it is like to feel bad. When we start feeling bad most of us instinctively want to feel better. But how do you get from bad to feeling better? And if you head off in a direction how will you know if this is taking you where you want to be.
Not everyone feels the same when they feel “bad” so the solution to changing how you feel may be different for each of us.
What is the feeling that you need more of in your life to move from feeling bad to feeling better?
Too much excitement becomes stress. Too much relaxation can turn into boredom. If you are feeling badly there just might be a lack of one of these other feelings in your life.
Contentment is the ability to enjoy where you are and what you have, now in the present. It is easy to spend your whole life running after more of this and less of that when what really matters, you, is always there.
Practice the art of contentment and you will feel less of a need for something else to make you feel “good.”
The stress created by chasing something, something else, to make us happy is the very thing that gets in our way. So rather than going after more of this or that consider stopping to enjoy what you have. Contentment, one way of understanding it anyway, is to stand still and enjoy where you are. Life will keep moving on and you will never be the same you that is there right now.
Few people in western society are able to feel relaxed. Relaxing is something you can do anytime and any place if you learn the skill. Being relaxed is not the same feeling as being drugged out, drunk or unconscious.
Relaxed is a combined state where both the mind and the body come together to release the stress and the worries that become such heavy burdens.
It does not help if while we are doing throughout our day we are always rushing to get somewhere where we will be able to relax. Work on being able to relax anytime and any place.
Ever watch little children play? They can become excited at the smallest things. If we restrict our focus, the things that bring us pleasure and excitement, to a few items, there will never be enough.
Work on getting excited whenever you do whatever it is you do.
Practice the art of loving. Love yourself first and foremost. If you don’t like you no amount of love from anyone else will fill up that leaking container.
Love works better as a verb. Love and be loved. Try to make it a noun, I have love, I want more love and you may never get enough. Practice loving where you are, who you are with, the things you do and especially yourself.
If you are not able to love, let it go. You can’t do enough to get others to love you. They either do or don’t. Be the best person you can be and love yourself in the process.
That does not mean being selfish. Giving can make you happy also. Just make sure you are not giving yourself away. Being loved should not have a price. If you try to buy love, that is another thing.
Want to feel good, care a lot. Care about yourself, do self-care whatever that means to you. Don’t know how to do “self-care?” Make that a top priority. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself.
Care about others around you. Care about life and living a good one. If you find yourself no longer caring. Work on finding something to care about
Saying “I don’t care” most often means you do care but are afraid to let yourself do so because you may be disappointed. Let yourself care but accept that the way things are is the way they are.
Remember that old prayer. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. The task of living is to learn the difference.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller
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For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.