Meaning and Purpose.
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What gives your life meaning and purpose?
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Counselor.
Have you found your life’s meaning and purpose?
Knowing why you are living life the way you have been is often more important than learning how to live that life. Discovering your life’s meaning and purpose is a challenging task. Having a meaning and purpose for your life is one of the principal components of creating a satisfying, flourishing life. Some people would call this a happy life, and in the future blog post, I want to explore the components of creating a happy life.
In his hierarchy of needs, Maslow places meaning and purpose, along with mastery, at the highest apex of his list, in a category he calls self-actualization. Many people spend their lives struggling to meet the basic physiological needs for food, water, air, and shelter. In this era of high material possessions, there are still people who struggle to meet these basic needs. But once those needs are fulfilled, people’s attention turns to the more abstract needs. Chief among those abstract needs are meaning, purpose, and mastery.
In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankel described what he learned about struggle and the meaning of life while a prisoner in a concentration camp. One of the lessons he learned is that if you have a “why for your living,” you can survive almost any how.
In my counseling and therapy practice, many clients come to me with issues of anxiety and depression. Some come to talk about jobs and relationships. Others come to counseling because they struggle with substance use and abuse. They can usually tell me that what they have been doing hasn’t been making them happy. What most people can’t tell me is what gives their life meaning and purpose. If the life you’re living has no purpose, how can you achieve more than fleeting, temporary happiness?
The search for meaning and purpose in life requires a conscious effort. Once you find the thing that makes your life worth living, whatever challenges you face become far less daunting. Clients often ask me how they should go about finding their meaning and purpose. I can suggest a lot of homework and processes to find your meaning and purpose, but identifying the one thing that might give your life meaning and purpose is often a matter of serendipity. You will never find what you’re looking for unless you’re out looking for it, and then, if you’re lucky, you may discover something that makes all the struggles of life worthwhile.
The first question to answer is, “Who are you?”
Now, by “who are you?” I don’t mean your name, the job you do, or the home you live in. In defining who you are, it’s important to look at much more than your surface characteristics. In the course of your lifetime, you will spend more time with yourself than with any other person.
Wherever you go, when you wake up in the morning, you will be there. It’s essential that you develop a good relationship with yourself. Come to know everything there is to know about that person you call you.
Remember that who you are is likely to change across your lifespan. I know from personal experience that the David Joel Miller of 2024 is nothing like the David Joel Miller of 2000 or the David Joel Miller of 1960.
Here’s a list of some things you may want to explore.
- Your values.
By values, I don’t mean things like honesty, bravery, and thriftiness. Those abstract qualities that we used to attribute to good character or good breeding. Those kinds of character values are fleeting and often appear in one situation and not another. What I’m talking about when I say your values is much more concrete.
Think about what things really matter to you. Is it money and physical possessions? Are your relationships your priority, and if so, which relationships? How important are your spiritual and political views?
- Your personality.
When I say personality, I’m talking about your likes and dislikes. Think about your preferences. In the midst of winter, would you rather be inside curled up with a good book or outside playing in the snow? Do you like the crowd and excitement, or would you prefer a quiet walk alone in the woods?
Clinical and research psychologists spend a lot of time studying personality and giving personality tests and inventories. Enough has been written about personality to fill a good-sized library. Mental health professionals rarely diagnose personality problems unless it has a severe impact on someone’s functioning.
You will find more articles I’ve written about personality in the category labeled aptly enough “Personality.”
- Your goals.
You’re going to be you for a long time, and learning a little bit about setting and achieving goals will benefit you greatly. There are several excellent books and some trainings on how to set and accomplish goals. Time permitting, I’ll try to help out here by writing a few posts about goals. Feel free to leave any questions about goals in the comments or use the contact me form.
- Your roles in life.
Everyone plays a variety of roles in life. You wouldn’t be reading this if you hadn’t been someone’s son or daughter. In your lifetime, you may also play the role of mother or father and eventually a grandmother or grandfather. You are also likely to play the role of a partner and a friend. Then, again, you may not play any of those roles. Your occupation is possibly a role you will fulfill. Some people fill the roles of leaders, and others are followers.
In a day, a person may play various roles at home, at work, in their spiritual life, and in their leisure time. Think about which of those roles adds to your life’s meaning and purpose. One of these roles may be your life’s defining meaning and purpose, but then again, it’s possible that all these roles simply aid in your pursuit of some other meaning and purpose.
- Your aspirations.
When you think about aspirations, it’s crucial to distinguish between what you want to do and who you want to be. One exercise that counselors sometimes use to help people define their aspirations in life is to ask them to write their obituary the way they would like it to appear in the newspaper after they die. Trying to sum up your entire life in a paragraph can bring your many aspirations and goals into sharp focus.
- Who are your heroes, and who has been influential in your life?
Role models and heroes often lay down the path we follow throughout our lives. Think carefully about who influences you. I’ve heard it said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Spending time doesn’t have to be a matter of physical presence. What people, living and dead, real or fictional, do you spend a lot of time thinking about? Trying to emulate their lives may be one of the things that gives your life meaning and purpose. Remember that bracelet, WWJD?
I hope some of these ideas have gotten you started on the journey of self-exploration and discovering what gives your life meaning and purpose.
If 2024 turns out the way I’m hoping it will, I plan to write more posts about each of these areas of personal exploration.
Does David Joel Miller see clients for counseling and coaching?
Yes, I do. I can see private pay clients if they live in California, where I am licensed. If you’re interested in information about that, please email me or use the contact me form.
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