Why do you worry?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man worrying,

Some things you do not need to worry about.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Excess worry damages your mental health.

Many people know that worry and rumination can damage their mental health. Those same people may hold contradictory beliefs that they must worry in order to prevent bad things from happening.

People who hold both positive and negative beliefs about worry are likely to be higher in anxiety, experience more depression, and have impaired physical as well as mental health.

Positive beliefs about worry encourage worrying.

People who are high in worry often have firm beliefs about the positive consequences of worrying. The way you think about worrying plays a role in creating and maintaining that worry. It’s hard to give up worrying, no matter how painful it is, if you have positive beliefs about the benefits of worrying. If you worry a lot, examine your beliefs about worry. You may be expecting worry to play a role in life; it’s not able to fill.

People who worry a lot believe Worry will keep them safe.

People who worry a lot often have a belief that worrying will make possible future negative events less likely to happen or will prevent those bad results from happening altogether. People who worry a lot expect that worry will reduce the consequences should a bad event happen.

Some worriers believe that worry motivates them.

Humans tend to be loss-averse. Most people will work a lot harder to avoid losing something they have than they will work to get an item of equal value. If you worry about flooding, you may buy flood insurance.

When they are unhappy with their current job, a worrier is likely to put more effort into avoiding the loss of the current job then they will put into securing a new better job.

People who frequently worry may believe worry helps analytic thinking.

At the beginning of a project, most people see only probable success. Worriers have the belief that by worrying about what could go wrong, they will spot possible dangers.

Frequent worriers believe that they need to control their thoughts.

People who are high in worry often believe that their brains will think dangerous thoughts. Sometimes they confuse the difference between thinking about something and causing it to happen.

Worriers are intolerant of uncertainty.

People who have difficulty accepting that some things are out of their control are at increased risk of developing excessive, pathological worry. People who are high in worry and anxiety believe they are responsible for controlling outcomes. Not being able to predict what will happen, coupled with the belief that with enough thought and effort, you should be able to control the results, can result in debilitating worry and anxiety.

Worriers use the “as many as I can” worry stop rule.

These are the people who plan to focus on all possible issues. Worriers attempt to anticipate everything that could go wrong. Because of their efforts to anticipate every possible negative outcome, worriers spend a lot of time focused on low probability events and often are unprepared for the things that do occur. People who are low in worry use the “good enough worrying” rule. They worry only about a few high-probability outcomes.

Worriers believe they must have cognitive confidence.

People who worry a lot value high levels of confidence. They’re uncomfortable with uncertainty. Many life events contain large amounts of uncertainty. Worriers try to reduce that uncertainty by turning the possibilities over and over, looking for other things that could go wrong.

People who worry a lot tell themselves that worry is uncontrollable.

The focus of worry is on preventing negative feelings and consequences rather than on preventing worry. If you believe worry is uncontrollable, then it is something you are required to do. Believing worry is uncontrollable, but that you are responsible for controlling what happens, leads to superstitious beliefs and may result in repetitive obsessive-compulsive disorder behaviors.

High levels of negative feelings create worry.

Feelings of pessimism, personal inadequacy or incompetence, and personal despair and hopelessness make it more likely they will worry. People who are sad or depressed are likely to worry more.

Worry can be used to avoid facing unpleasant life events.

When you worry, you can stay focused on what might happen, and you don’t have to think about what is taking place in your life today. Studies have demonstrated that people use worry as a way of avoiding unpleasant situations and feelings. By staying “up in your head” in worry, you can block the part of the nervous system that processes feelings.

If you worry a lot, now might be a good time to challenge some of the beliefs you have about worry.

David Joel Miller, MS, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Recommended Mental Health Books

David Miller at counselorssoapbox.com is an Amazon Affiliate and may receive a small Commission if you purchase a book or product using the link on this page. Using the link will not increase the cost to you.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seems like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get their lives out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books, please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Bliss.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Sunday Inspiration

Bliss.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Bliss.

“To be happy–one must find one’s bliss”

― Gloria Vanderbilt

“The highest form of bliss is living with a certain degree of folly.”

― Erasmus

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.”

― Joseph Campbell

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Don’t miss the Writing Wednesdays posts.

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By David Joel Miller.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Writing Wednesdays.

Wanted to alert you to a new feature on counselorssoapbox.com. I was delighted to see how many people read yesterday’s post about my writing journey. Thank you, folks, for all the reads, likes, and follows.

For the next 8 to 10 weeks, there will be a post every Wednesday on some aspect of writing, blogging, and other things creative. After that, who knows? If you readers find these posts helpful I will see if I can keep the series going.

If this topic interests you, I encourage you to revisit the blog next Wednesday or better yet subscribe so you won’t miss an episode. Thanks again to everyone who reads the counselorssoapbox.com blog.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Have you always wanted to write?

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By David Joel Miller.

David Joel Miller Books

David Joel Miller Books

What is holding you back from writing?

If you are one of those people, who has always wanted to write but has never written anything you are not alone. For years, decades, I wanted to write, thought about writing, read what others wrote, but never actually put any words down on paper. Maybe you are like that. I had a family member who always wanted to write a book. He passed away with that book still unwritten. I decided that wouldn’t happen to me. I hope if you’re one of those people who has always wanted to write you won’t be one of those people who wanted to write but never did. In this and some future blog posts, I’d like to share with you my writing journey and some suggestions if you decide to embark on a writing journey of your own. Forgive me for being a bit philosophical, to begin with.

What it means to write has changed in this millennium.

What it means to write has changed dramatically over time, so has who was allowed to write. Writing has evolved from a purely utilitarian purpose to something much more expressive. Writing was once used largely by people in business, keeping track of money and goods. Today we call this accounting. Writing’s other use was for recording religious and philosophical texts. When education was limited to the few, the rich and powerful, and those that served them, there were relatively few written materials and equally few who could read them.

Universal education is a relatively recent idea. There are still people in the United States who are illiterate, can’t read and write. Many of these people are in prisons, but that’s a topic for a different blog post. Over the last 100 years or so literacy has become widespread. The result of this increase in literacy has been the transformation of literature from a mystical activity understood only by relatively few, into an activity done by many simply for the pleasure of it.

Rules about writing keep changing.

If you read the writings from the 1600s and 1700s you will find a great deal of variation in the way they spelled words and punctuated sentences. Over the next 200 years, the rules of spelling and grammar became more fixed. Definitions of words became codified in the books we now call dictionaries. Rather than being the final authorities on words, dictionaries reflect the way words are being used, and the dictionaries keep changing.

With more rules about how one should write, writing, at least writing for others to read, became more rule-bound. Writers had to submit their books to publishers who decided what was worthy of being called literature. The process of writing and publishing a book excluded a lot of people who may have had good ideas or interesting stories to tell but were unable to get their writing approved by someone else.

If you struggled in school with spelling and grammar, writing something for another person to read may have been a traumatic experience. Having someone read what you wrote who completely ignored the ideas you expressed and picked out only the misspelled words and the missing commas, may have deterred you from ever expressing yourself against.

Technology has changed what it means to write.

Since the advent of computers, it has become much easier to put your words into a form that is easily understood. Computers can check your spelling, find grammatical errors, and even help you improve your writing. The process of seeing your errors highlighted in various colors can be extremely helpful in improving skills.

Speech to text programs has obliterated the line between the disciplines of public speaking and writing. A major portion of what used to be communicated by writing is now communicated through video. Expressing your ideas is more possible now than ever.

Technology has spawned many new ways of communicating ideas.

E-books allowed many more people to write and publish books. Books that would not have been accepted by a publisher can be self-published and reach a worldwide audience. Blogs have replaced people traveling the world delivering speeches by allowing ideas to be published once and then read by people all over planet Earth in various places at various times. Blog posts I wrote five years or more ago continue to be read today.

If you’ve ever wanted to write now is the time.

In upcoming posts, I’d like to share with you my journey of learning to write, creating the counselorssoapbox.com blog, writing, and publishing two books, with more to come. I won’t pretend I have all the answers, but I’d like to share what I have learned. If you would like to take a similar journey, I will try to be your tour guide. If you have questions, please send them along. Thanks for reading.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Politeness in close, romantic relationships.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Polite.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is politeness in short supply?

You don’t have to look far to notice a decline in politeness. Rude behavior seems to be the order of the day. We might be able to blame this decline in politeness on the media. Reality TV, politicians, and talk shows set an extremely poor example. It would be easier to forgive these public displays of incivility if the rude behaviors were spilling over into our close relationships.

Family counselors, particularly those who do couples counseling see a severe lack of politeness within the family. Research tells us that most people are far more polite to strangers than they are to those described as their “loved ones.”

Distressed families, couples headed for a breakup, are the ones who have run out of positive feelings for each other. One way to keep your close relationships positive is to practice your politeness closer to home. Here are some tips for improving politeness with your family and friends.

Give genuine compliments, not backhanded ones.

Say you did a great job, not “well you finally did something right.” Make it a point to notice when those close to you do something praiseworthy. Commenting on the accomplishments of your loved ones should be a time to build them up not an opportunity to try to make yourself feel better by putting them down.

Say what you can or will do.

Avoid focusing on what you can’t or won’t do. Constant negative expressions poison relationships. Rather than always being on the defensive, look for ways to express things positively. If someone asks you to help them today, avoid the temptation to assert yourself by setting boundaries in a negative manner. Rather than complaining that they are always expecting you to do things, consider a polite reply. Instead of saying “no, I can’t do everything for you,” say “I can help you with that this weekend.”

Be considerate.

Avoid self-centeredness. Before responding think first about their needs and their feelings. Avoid defensiveness and try to see things from other’s points of view. Look for ways to create positive interactions.

Focus on the new.

Let go of the resentments of the past. Continuing to rehash the resentments of the past damages relationships in the present. The way to get over past hurts is to create pleasant experiences in the present. Look for ways to strengthen relationships rather than ways to get even. Think of your relationship as being part of the team. The team doesn’t win by fighting each other. It’s a hollow victory if you win by hurting your partner in destroying your relationship.

Notice the positive in people and situations.

Be careful to avoid putting those close to you down. Whatever you pay attention to, you will get more of. Always picking on the faults of those close to you, turns the relationship negative. When people conclude there’s no way to please you, that everything they do is wrong, they learn to be helpless and give up trying. Focusing on the positive creates a happier relationship.

Show appreciation whenever possible.

Do not complain, nag, or berate others. Avoid the attitude of expecting everyone to always do what you want. Show them some appreciation. Make it a point to notice all the helpful things others do for you every day. When you show appreciation, you make it easier for others to appreciate you.

Let them finish talking.

Do not interrupt. Especially when you think you’ve heard this before, practice patience. When you hear people out, you may be surprised at the things they say you were not expecting. Being willing to hear someone out is a sign of respect. If you want to be respected, you need to respect others.

Listen to them. Do not monopolize the conversation.

It is more important to understand other’s points of view than to sell yours. Do not monopolize the conversation. It’s not a conversation if one person does all the talking. Listening involves more than hearing the words. Pay attention to the feelings behind the words they are saying.

Evaluate ideas, not people.

Do not put yourself or others down. Lots of ideas look good on paper. It’s natural for people to think their ideas have merit. When you disagree, stay focused on the idea. Avoid calling people stupid or ignorant. Trying to win arguments by attacking others damages relationships.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Activity.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Activity.

Activity.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Activity.

“Happiness is a state of activity.”

― Aristotle

“It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. Do not mistake activity for achievement.”

― Isocrates

“Many of us feel alone and assaulted by the meaninglessness of what we are doing. But, at such times, we are doing; the problem is not a lack of activity with a point, but rather questions about the point of the activity.”

― Carolyn G. Heilbrun, The Last Gift of Time: Life Beyond Sixty

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Where you live can make you lonely.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Lonely person

Loneliness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Where you live can make you lonely.

Where do you think people, are most likely to be lonely?

When I saw the research on location and loneliness, I was surprised.

It seemed logical the people who live in remote, rural areas would have less human contact and would be lonelier. That’s not what the research showed.

The highest rates of loneliness are reported in crowded, urban areas. It’s not surprising then that with more than half the world’s population living in large cities loneliness is on the rise. Here are some of the reasons we think people who live in large cities experience more loneliness.

Not knowing people in the neighborhood makes you lonely.

One of the common complaints about small towns is that everyone knows everyone else’s business. It’s harder, maybe impossible, to be anonymous in a small town. The upside of having everyone else know about you is that you know about them. In a large city, you may live in an apartment for years and never get to know other people in nearby apartments. That lack of connection results in loneliness. One cure for loneliness is to frequent places where people know your name.

Lots of crime around you increases loneliness.

If you live in an area with a high crime rate, you avoid other people. In cities with high murder rates, people stay indoors at night. If you believe you live in a high crime area, you are likely to stay boarded up in your dwelling, hiding from other people. Work with other civic-minded people to reduce crime and dispel the loneliness.

Not expecting help makes you feel lonely.

When you don’t know people nearby, you don’t expect them to help you. People who have close relationships with those around them feel safer and are less likely to feel lonely. In crowded areas, people are often reluctant to help those around them. When there are many people present everyone tends to think someone else will take care of it. The result of this thinking is that when everyone expects someone else to help no one may act.

Not feeling safe where you live can make you lonely.

Lack of safety, feeling at risk, and vulnerable increases your isolation and loneliness. People who feel unsafe barricade themselves behind locked doors.

Being afraid to leave the house makes you lonely.

Fear isolates people. As your fear of leaving your house increases, you will feel a corresponding increase in loneliness. People in poor, crowded, environments, become increasingly lonely because they try to avoid contact with others who they fear will harm them. Not feeling safe has resulted in a generation of kids who grow up playing in their homes, connecting only with electronics because their parents are afraid to let them go outside.

People who are afraid to go walking after dark experience an increase in loneliness.

Have you noticed the news stories about a group of people who all go walking together after dark? The premise here is that people’s fear of leaving their homes after dark increases their loneliness and increases isolation, and turns the streets over to people out to harm others.

If you live in a neighborhood was well-lit streets and has a busy shopping area close to your home are more likely to go out at night. When you must travel long distances, alone in your car, to connect with other people are likely to stay home and feel lonely.

What do you do if where you live makes you feel lonely?

The greatest cure for loneliness is human connections. Get to know your neighbors. Enlarge your social network. For some people moving to another neighborhood where they feel safe and accepted is an option. For other people, the solution is to work to change the neighborhood in which you live. Join community groups dedicated to making your neighborhood safer and a better environment. Make friends and be a friend. Loneliness, the feeling, tells you that you need more human connection. Increasing your social connections will help you overcome that feeling of loneliness.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Enthusiasm.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Enthusiasm.

“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.”

― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

“Enthusiasm spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment.”

― Norman Vincent Peale

“Today is life – the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto”

― Dale Carnegie

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Problems with Unfounded Jealousy.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Jealousy

Jealousy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes relationship jealousy becomes pathological.

Jealousy in relationships can go from mild to off the scale, stalker type, pathological

jealousy. A little bit of jealousy seems to strengthen relationships. It’s nice to know that your partner wouldn’t want to lose you to a rival.

The level of jealousy in a relationship is affected by the level of trust. If one person in the relationship is untrustworthy, has cheated in the past, trust will be one of the casualties.

Excessive jealousy can become dangerous, even abusive. In some relationships, partners are jealous even when the facts give them no reason for the extreme level of jealousy they experience. A pathologically jealous partner may spy on their mate, going through their email, checking their phone messages, and even following their partner around town. Excessively jealous partners are known to become violent and abusive.

Excessive jealousy is often reported among men in troubled relationships where it may lead to domestic violence. Pathological jealousy is often coupled with serious impairments. Drug use, alcoholism, and past histories of troubled relationships increase the risks. Unreasonable jealousy is also commonly reported among older adults with cognitive impairments. In Alzheimer’s and other dementias, the impaired person may believe their partner, who was also their caregiver, is cheating on them even when that partner is present all day long.

Intense love does not cause jealousy.

Jealous people often alibi their behaviors by saying they love the other person. Excessive pathological jealousy is not about the one who is loved. Jealous people’s behavior harms their partner and their relationship.

The sort of mild relational jealousy seen in loving couples results in increased attention and efforts to strengthen the relationship. Pathological jealousy results in harming your partner and efforts to control them.

Jealousy is caused by the fear of loss.

Sometimes feelings of jealousy can be functional. Jealousy’s role is to warn you when a close relationship is in jeopardy. If your partner is spending a lot of time with someone else, this may pose a threat to your relationship. Jealousy is not restricted to relationships that may turn sexual. If your partner or someone close to you become emotionally close to another person and shares with them things about you and your relationship, this can damage your intimate relationships

Jealousy is the result of insecurities.

People who are high in jealousy are insecure. They commonly believe that their partner would have many more opportunities to find a new mate then they would. That may not want their partner to leave the house and become easily upset if their partner looks too attractive. They become angry potentially violent if their partner communicates with other potential mates.

Jealousy may stem from unmet childhood needs.

Some people are chronically high in the trait of jealousy. Their high trait jealousy may be the result of adverse childhood experience which leads to mental health issues we call “attachment disorders.” If your close relationships in childhood did not meet your needs, you may feel insecure and doubt your close relationships as an adult. People who have experienced high levels of jealousy and past relationships need to work on themselves and their feelings of insecurity.

Jealousy jumps to conclusions.

The more jealousy-prone you are, the more likely you are to interpret normal events as posing a threat to your relationship. If your partner gets an occasional email or text from another person that shouldn’t trigger automatic jealous thoughts. If when your partner’s late getting home from work you assume their meeting someone else your mind may be taking you in a very bad direction.

Jealousy assumes the worst.

Jealous people are constantly looking for evidence to confirm their preconceived bias. If your partner talks to someone on the phone you assume they’re trying to make a hook up rather than assuming this is work-related or concerns financial transactions? When “Sarah” from the insurance company calls for your husband you assume it’s because she’s flirting or you think it is about an insurance policy?

Low self-esteem fuels jealousy.

People who are low in self-esteem are often high in jealousy. Their underlying assumption is that if they lose this partner, they would have trouble finding another, while they believed that their partner has lots of choices of desirable mates. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s more difficult to believe that your partner wants to continue this relationship.

Stay tuned in for more posts about jealousy; it’s causes and its treatment, which is coming up soon. More information about Jealousy and its treatment is or will be at Jealousy.  

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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Change.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Change

Change.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Change.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

― Leo Tolstoy

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

― Nelson Mandela

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration