Tag Archives: books about recovery

Functional Family Roles.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Family.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

 

The varieties of family roles.

In a previous post, and we talked about the way dysfunctional families may create roles which take the focus off the dysfunction.

Well-functioning families create functional roles, which change over time.

Adult roles.

Healthy families require their members to be healthy individuals. Certainly, two people who have mental health issues or disabilities can come together to create healthy families. What those two people need to do is each work on themselves. Two sick people do not result in a healthy couple.

In well-functioning families, the adults need to assume the adult’s role and allow the children to be children. When the children take on too many adult duties, the structure of the family becomes unbalanced. In dysfunctional families, it is common to see young children rushing home from school to care for their preschool siblings because parents are incapacitated due to addictions.

Children who act like adults too early in life are at increased risk to have children themselves at young ages. Never having the opportunity to play as children, they are prone to engaging in excess adult play. Their idea of how to play as adults often centers around drugs, alcohol, or multiple sexual partners. Children who become adults too soon may have difficulty parenting their own children and the cycle repeats itself.

Functional families teach children adult roles by letting them babysit or performing chores but do not deprive children of their opportunity to be children.

The Partner role – Couplehood.

In healthy families, the adults need to have adult relationships. Partners need to maintain the partner relationship. Adults need time to do things with other adults. Parents need to take care to not talk to children about problems they have with their partner. For a well-functioning family, don’t make one of the children your best friend and confidant. Reserve your closest relationship for your partner.

Plan throughout your relationship for life after children. Children need to grow up and live their own lives. Couples who fail to nurture their partner relationship may find they have no reason to stay together once the children leave home.

The Parent Role.

In functional families, parents don’t try to become their children’s best friends. It’s wonderful to foster a close relationship, but sometimes parents need to tell their children no.

The Child Role.

In a well-functioning family, children need the emotional space to play and develop. Play is not a waste of time. Play allows children to try new behaviors. Pushing children too much to grow up and stop playing can result in children whose emotional growth has been stunted. Functional families do not expect children to be able to do things they are not yet mature enough to do.

Few families are always completely functional. But, Functional families encourage their members to fill appropriate roles rather than dysfunctional family roles.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Dysfunctional family roles.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Family

Family.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Were you the good kid or the bad kid?

It’s common in dysfunctional families for people to be assigned roles. It’s almost as if the family had a closet full of hats and when you were born you were given one of those hats. Just like every person may become depressed sometimes, every family will have a little bit of dysfunction. The more dysfunction the family, the more rigid the roles are likely to become.

Discussion of dysfunctional family roles is common, in substance use disorder treatment, but these roles may occur in any family with noticeable dysfunction. Various authors have used alternative names for these roles. In large families, additional roles may be created, and in small families, one person may have to play several roles.

Having these defined roles takes the attention off the family dysfunction. Do you recognize some or all of these roles from the family you grew up in? Which role did you play?

The black sheep – the bad child.

Dysfunctional families often select one person to be the scapegoat. That might be, the oldest child, the one whose conception forced the couple into a relationship. Other times it was a younger child who came along as the dysfunction became apparent. The black sheep could have been sickly, overactive, or had difficulty in school. Ever after this child is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family.

Hero – the good child.

Were you the hero in your family? The one who was expected to get all A’s, be a star athlete, and still help around the house. The hero child may have worked a part-time job to help with the family expenses.

The clown – comic relief.

Some families had a resident comedian. The clown makes funny noises, tells jokes, and acts crazy, anything for a laugh. Some families combine the clown job with the black sheep role.

The lost child – missing in action.

The lost child never got noticed. They may have been a great student. Or the lost child may have spent their childhood anxious and depressed, hold up in their room. When the lost child turns eighteen, they may pack their bags and move to France. They will be gone for months before anyone notices they are missing.

Junior mom.

Junior mom, or Junior dad, might be eight years old, and in the third grade, but they rushed home to change their baby brother’s diaper and feed their younger siblings, because, by the time school let out mom would be too drunk or high to function.

The over functioning person – codependent or enabler.

Some families had one person, usually a parent, who tried to do everything. Mom may have worked, managed the finances, took care of the children, and still found time to provide care for dad, whose drinking prevented him from functioning at all.

The under-functioning person – alcoholic, addict, or the compulsive gambler.

At the heart of every dysfunctional family is the under-functioning person. That may have been the mother, the father, a grandparent, or any other family member. These dysfunctional family roles, like hats, could have been handed out to any family member, regardless of their age.

How about you?

Did you play one of these roles? Did you come to believe the role was who you are? For some people, over time, they played several of these roles. You may have been the black sheep who later became the alcoholic. The hero may grow up to marry an addict, and they become the codependent. Dysfunction families have a way of repeating these roles, generation after generation.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How to recognize a pathological liar.

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By David Joel Miller.

Truth or lie

Separating truth from lies is hard work.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is someone in your life a pathological liar?

Having a pathological liar in your life can wreak havoc on your mental and emotional health. It can take a long time to identify the habitual liar. Learn to spot the people who are lying to you.

They lie even when the truth would work better.

Pathological liars will invent tales rather than tell you the truth. They will continue to insist that what they say is true even when their elaborations have become outlandish. They try to make their story more believable by adding lots of fictional details.

They often don’t realize they’re lying.

It’s common for compulsive liars to repeat their falsehoods so often that they begin to believe them themselves. They believe things should be true because they want them to be so. Since they believe their fictions, they will continue to insist they are telling the truth despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

Their life sounds illogical.

When someone’s stories don’t make sense, with their entire life sounds illogical, there’s a good chance they believe many things that are not true. Pathological liars create elaborate life stories which are a complete fabrication.

They use lies to manipulate people.

If you feel someone repeatedly tries to manipulate you, look for the lies and false stories embedded in their narrative. When someone’s trying to get you to do something, ask yourself how honest do you believe they are.

Their failure, to tell the truth, hurts people.

Pathological liars are not concerned about what their untruths will harm others. They lie to get what they want. They do not feel that it’s wrong for them to lie. They will continue their dishonesty even when they know it is hurting those who are closest to them.

Pathological lying is a behavior pattern, not a specific mental illness.

There’s no specific diagnosis for pathological lying. It is currently considered a pattern of behavior. This condition overlaps several personality disorders, particularly antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Everything they say is meant to make them look good.

Narcissists in particular, repeatedly lie, to make themselves look better and more important. The recurrent liar tries to manage other people’s opinions of them by manipulating the facts even if some of their purported facts are complete fictions.

They blame others for everything that goes wrong. It is always someone else’s fault.

Chronic liars are never willing to take responsibility for what they’ve done. Anything that has gone wrong must be someone else fault.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Thoughts to make you happier.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness

Thoughts to make you happier.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Practice these thoughts to increase your happiness.

What you think repeatedly determines how you feel. Think lots of unhappy thoughts and

you can make yourself depressed. Tell yourself negative statements, and your brain will begin to believe them.

There is no virtue in being miserable.

If you would like a more positive life, here are some ways to change your thoughts to create a better life.

Making mistakes is okay.

All humans make mistakes. I’m beginning to think all computers and artificial intelligence make mistakes also. You don’t have to be perfect. However, you are, will be perfectly fine. Strive each day to become better but don’t focus on the mistakes. What you pay attention to, you get more of. Learn to recognize your achievements, compliment yourself for things well done, and accept compliments from others gracious.

Do more things to feel better about yourself.

If you want more positive things in your life, do more things. You can’t claim credit for things you didn’t do. Possessions won’t make you happy. Possessions you have should be visual reminders of what you have accomplished.

Determined to become a happiness expert.

Don’t be one of those people whose brain is biased towards negative. Study happiness, learn to recognize joy when you see it. As you become a happiness expert, you will be able to find happiness everywhere you go.

It is always today.  Don’t procrastinate.

Nothing is ever done tomorrow. Everything is done today. Small actions each day accumulate into large results. Do the things that make you happy every day. Choose the things you do every day to make you happy.

What others think about you doesn’t matter.

Occupy your time being the best person can be. Don’t waste time worrying about what other people will think. There will always be jealous people. The more you accomplish, the more they will criticize you. Become someone who accomplishes something for others to be jealous of.

Self-talk and creative visualization are powerful.

Tell yourself you can and you will. Emphasize positive self-talk. Positive affirmations create positive feelings which creates spectacular results. What you tell yourself repeatedly is likely to come true. Highly successful people not only use positive self-talk but they also practice creative-visualization. If you can picture yourself having succeeded at something, your well along the path to reaching your goals.

You are OK the way you are.

Self-acceptance is the key to a contented life. Accept yourself, as you are, while always striving for improvement. Unhappy people have a habit of believing they are never good enough. There’s a difference between what you do in life and who you are. You don’t have to do anything spectacular to be a worthwhile person.

You are capable of growth.

So long as you are alive, you have the potential for personal growth. Continue to learn new things, develop new skills, and share the joys of your progress. Expect each day to learn something new and to become better at an existing skill.

It’s OK to say no.

You only have so many minutes of life, use them wisely. Don’t give yourself away. What you do for others, do it because it makes you feel happy to be of service. Don’t say yes because you’re afraid of disappointing someone.

Accept the world the way it is while working to make it better.

Don’t waste time complaining about the way things are. Work to change what you can. Learn to accept what is. The greatest unhappiness comes from blaming your problems on people or things that are outside your control.

Remember that You are the boss of your life.

You may not be able to control everything in your life. Regardless of your options, you are the CEO of your life. Choose your attitude. When you’re presented with choices, make them. There is no benefit in blaming someone else for your miserable life.

Believe in your individual worth.

You have value, just because you are you. Believe deeply that you have worth. You do not need to do or change anything to be a worthwhile individual.

Let others be who they are.

Give up insisting that others change to suit you. Accept others for who they are. Learn to see them accurately, defects, and all. Don’t put your effort into getting others to change to suit you, change yourself.

Pick good friends.

You will become like the people you associate with. Select positive friends. The old saying goes “show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.” People will judge you by the company you keep. If you want to be a winner, hang out with the positive people. Don’t mistake acquaintances and fair-weather friends for true friends.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

When fear takes you away – Panic Attacks.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What do you fear

Fear
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is a panic attack?

Panic attacks are sudden, unexpected increases, or surges of intense fear. These waves of fear rise rapidly like the waves of the ocean. They normally reach maximum intensity within a few minutes. Panic attacks are levels of fear which far exceed the actual level of danger.

Having a single panic attack or mild levels of anxiety recurrently doesn’t meet the threshold to be diagnosed with a mental illness. Milder forms are often referred to as anxiety attacks. Severe forms of panic attacks are overwhelming. If your panic attacks become frequent and disabling, then you may be suffering from the more serious condition called Panic Disorder.

16 types of panic attacks.

Panic attacks are technically classified as one of the following 16 types. People who meet the criteria for a diagnosis of panic disorder are expected to have 4 or more of these symptoms. (The DSM-5, by the APA, combines several of these and lists them as 13 criteria.)

  1. Fear of dying. Not because the danger is real but because you are so scared you think you will die.
  2. Fear of going crazy.
  3. Fear of losing control.
  4. This can’t be real. Technically this is called Derealization.
  5. Is this me doing this? (Depersonalization.)
  6. Numb all over.
  7. Tingling – when your electrical system shorts out.
  8. Hot and cold flashes and you’re not menopausal.
  9. I think I will faint.
  10. My tummy hurts, and I may throw up.
  11. Is this the big one? – Heart pain.
  12. Choking again.
  13. I can’t breathe.
  14. Why am I shaking?
  15. Is it hot in the refrigerator? Why you may sweat in the snow.
  16. Your heart is trying to leave your body.

Many common reactions to intense fear are considered culturally approved and do not get counted to make up the definition of either panic attacks or Panic Disorder. These symptoms which may be an acceptable reaction to intense fear include pains in the neck, ringing in the ears, headaches, uncontrollable screaming, or uncontrollable crying.

If you experience panic attacks occasionally or because of particular stressors you may benefit from counseling or stress management training. If these panic attacks are recurrent, or interfere with work, relationships, upset you, or prevent you from enjoying other parts of your life you may have Panic Disorder. Untreated these conditions almost never get better on their own. With professional help, it is possible to overcome panic attacks or panic disorder.

FYI These “What is” sometimes “What are” posts are my efforts to explain terms commonly used in Mental Health, Clinical Counseling, Substance Use Disorder Counseling, Psychology, Life Coaching, and related disciplines in a plain language way. Many are based on the new DSM-5, some of the older posts were based on the DSM-IV-TR, both published by the APA. For the more technical versions, please consult the DSM or other appropriate references.                      See Recommended Books.         More “What is” posts will be found at “What is.”

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Signs others opinions matter too much.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Self-confidence

Self-Confidence
Believe in yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you paying too much attention to other people’s opinions?

Living your life based on other people’s opinions results in you living someone else’s

life. Do you find yourself asking other people for their opinions on what you should do? If you find it hard to make decisions about your life without consulting others, the problem may be that you are paying too much attention to what others think and not enough attention to your own feelings. Here are some signs that what others think is running your life more than you are.

You measure yourself by other people’s opinions.

You are the expert on your life. No one else knows your particular struggles and challenges. Constantly seeking other’s approval results in a needy person. The person whose opinion most matters is yours. If your primary yardstick for measuring your self-worth is other people’s opinions, you are using the wrong ruler.

You ask what they mean by that a lot.

Do you find yourself questioning what others mean? If you’re asking “why did you say that” and “what did you mean by that?” a lot, it is very likely that you have become overreliance on other people’s opinions.

You let their opinion stop you.

If you find yourself not doing things that you enjoy or that might benefit you because of other people’s opinions, you’re losing control of your life. Other people’s opinions may be fine for them, but if you over-rely on their opinions, you are living their life and forgoing your own.

You worry about saying the right thing.

Healthy communication includes being able to tell others what you think and how you feel. You find yourself censoring what you want to say and searching for just the right words to say it you’re probably overly concerned about what other people think.

You try to please everyone.

If you try to please everyone, you’re likely to end up pleasing no one. In your effort to please everyone you will end up sacrificing your own opinions. No matter what view you take of things, some people will disagree, and some will not like what you say.

You put others needs before yours.

You must take care of yourself for you to be able to help others. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Neglecting your own need in the process of caring for others robs you of the life you should have.

It is hard to say no.

Not being able to tell others no devalues you and your needs. You have the right to say no.

Taking credit embarrasses you.

Good self-esteem comes from recognizing the things you do well. When somebody gives you a compliment, accepted it.

You are ashamed of things you like to do.

Everyone has the right to have interests in life. Don’t be ashamed of your hobbies and interests.

You continue to do things that don’t make you happy.

If you find that you’re doing things that don’t bring you joy, weed them out of your life. Filling up your life with things that do not contribute to your happiness is sacrificing the life you should be leading to live

You let others set your goals.

Are you living your life pursuing someone else’s goals? That’s clear evidence their opinions are outweighing your own. You will only get this one life. Get clear on your goals. If our not clear on what you want out of life, you may be paying too much attention to other people’s opinions and not enough attention to your own.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

6 Top Reasons to Go for Counseling.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Reasons you may want to consult a counselor.

Many people avoid going to see a professional counselor until their life falls apart.

There’s been a growing acceptance of preventative medicine for physical health issues. Still, some people believe that going to see the doctor or the therapist is a sign of weakness.

An increasing number of companies provide E.A.P.’s (employee assistance programs) for their employees. There are plenty of good reasons to see a counselor before your problems become severe.

Avoiding counseling appears to me like walking around town with a broken leg. See the doctor, and that leg might heal, keep walking on that broken leg you may do permanent damage to it.

1. There are things you can’t talk to your family and friends about.

Your family and friends may be sympathetic but if you keep talking to them repeatedly about the same problems you can burn them out. People close to you may judge you for what you think or how you feel. A professional counselor can listen to you non-judgmentally.

2. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Professional counselors can provide you with the information you may need. They talk to many people with similar problems. They may be able to fill in gaps in what you know and refer you to resources where you can find answers to your questions.

3. They can mentor you on life skills.

If you didn’t have a knowledgeable adult or older sibling in your life, a counselor could fill that need. Even when you have great role models, you may not have learned every lesson. Counselors can help you with skills to reduce or manage your anger. They can help you cope with your anxiety. If there are feelings you find it difficult to manage, a good therapist can help you learn the needed skills.

4. When you get counseling, they can tell you the truth.

The smartest people sometimes get extraordinarily dumb ideas. Top executives need to beware of yes-men and yes-women. The people close to you may not want to hurt you or offend you by telling you the truth. A professional counselor can help you do something called reality testing. They can help you sort out your thoughts and separate the good ideas from the fanciful ones.

5. Prevention is cheaper and faster than cure.

Dealing with emotional problems in the early stage can prevent them becoming huge problems.

6. Counselors can give you another perspective.

Successful athletes have coaches. You can’t see your own swing.  A good counselor can give you a fresh perspective on the challenges you face.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Could your overthinking be an illness?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Woman thinking

Overthinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Overthinking leads to mental health problems.

Overthinking, that constantly turning problems over in your mind, sometimes called rumination, may be a symptom of an existing or developing

mental illness. Constantly second-guessing your past leads to depression. Having doubts about the future increases your anxiety. How many of these overthinking problems are you experiencing?

Am I good enough?

Continually wondering how you compare to others can be a sign of social or performance anxiety. Accepting yourself as you are while striving for self-improvement will increase your mental health. Constantly comparing yourself and judging everything you do results in the bias of only seeing your faults and never recognizing your strengths.

Should I have said that?

Extreme concerns over what you should say or didn’t say is another sign of social anxiety. For many situations, there is no correct response. In social situations strive to be your genuine self. You can reduce the number of social errors you make by pausing before speaking. Not every thought should escape from your mouth. Learn from any mistakes you make but avoid continually rehashing every conversation.

You have a bad case of the “what if’s.”

If you are constantly on the alert for any presence of threats, you may have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Some people develop this condition because of past stress or trauma. But if you instinctively look for every possible way in which something could go wrong, you’ve developed the overanxious condition professionals call Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Most time spent on what if’s will be time wasted on thinking about unlikely possibilities. Focus your efforts on high probability events.

You worry about having an undiagnosed illness.

Worry about having an illness that hasn’t been diagnosed can be the result of a Somatic Symptom Disorder or an Illness Anxiety Disorder. When you have concerns about your health see your Dr. If your symptoms are severe, you may want to get a second opinion. Continuing to worry that you might develop an illness robs you of the opportunity to enjoy the life you have.

You worry about leaving the house.

This condition is called Agoraphobia, which translates to fear of the marketplace. People who worry constantly and excessively about leaving the house can also be afraid of crowds and meeting strangers. If you have this worry, seek professional help before your fears hold you prisoner in your own home. Agoraphobia can hold you hostage and deprive you of your family, friends, and your job.

You worry about having another panic attack.

People who are prone to panic attacks often know that the symptoms they have are from a panic attack. Still, during a panic attack, you may worry that this time you actually are having a heart attack or that you will not be able to catch your breath and will suffocate. It’s common for people with panic disorder to fear being somewhere where they will not be able to get help.

You fear something bad will happen and you need to do a ritual to prevent that.

This type of repetitive overthinking is characteristic of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. While the person with this disorder may know, the fear is irrational; they still feel compelled to do a repetitive behavior in the belief that this will prevent the danger.

Overthinking, or rumination can be both a cause of and a symptom of a serious mental health problem. If your overthinking is undermining your happy life, seek help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Get rid of fear.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fear

Get rid of fear.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Don’t let fears control your life.

Fear has a role in our lives. If you’re in a dangerous situation, fear can warn you to be

cautious. Fear is an early warning system. It becomes a problem when you have the volume on your fear system turned up too high. It becomes like that burglar alarm system which goes off constantly and stops being useful. Often the fears people experience turn out to be false alarms. Here are some of the exaggerated fears that may be taking over your life.

Types of unhelpful fears.

How many of these types of unhelpful fears do you experience? If you could, would you be willing to give up those fears?

Fear of what others think.

Being afraid of what others might think of you, can leave you paralyzed and unable to act. There may be a few people, your boss, or your partner, whose opinions matter. But most of the time, what other people think about you is none of your business. Don’t let your fear keep you from doing things that might be beneficial and enjoyable.

Fear of not getting what you want.

Being afraid that you won’t reach your goal can prevent you from enjoying the process of growing and living. Don’t let your fear of failure and disappointment prevent you from trying. When you stay in the fear of not getting what you want, you devalue what you have.

Fear of losing or being out of control.

The idea that we’re in control turns out to be an illusion. Humans don’t control very much in life, we adapt. You can’t stop the rain; you can carry an umbrella. Life becomes more enjoyable when you stop trying to control people and situations and learn to adapt to a changing world.

Fear of the unknown.

This fear is based on the belief that the things you can’t see or don’t know must be dangerous. Often the unknown turns out to be enjoyable experiences you just haven’t yet tried. Many children resist trying new foods. The things we enjoy as adults were new experiences the first time we tried them.

Fear of feelings, sadness, loneliness.

Fear tells us we shouldn’t feel. Some people spend their whole life cut off from feeling, numb. Feelings can provide us with valuable information. Loneliness encourages us to seek out relationships with other humans. When you lose someone in your life, it is appropriate to feel sad. By avoiding loneliness and sadness, you also avoid being able to feel happiness and connection.

Fear of losing what you have.

Don’t let the fear of losing something take away the pleasure of having it. People are often afraid that a relationship will end, and so they avoid ever enjoying the companionship of that other person. Don’t lose out on the pleasure of doing things because you are afraid that eventually what you’re doing may come to an end.

How do you cope with fears?

Try some of the simple fear reducing techniques.

Take action.

Many things you fear become less scary as you approach them. If you think about something, you want to do, act immediately. People who act in the first five seconds are engaged in action. Wait too long, and nothing happens.

Tell yourself positive things.

Tell yourself you can. Remind yourself that you can choose to do things. Avoid saying to yourself that you can’t or won’t. People who think negatively create unfavorable outcomes. People who believe that they can, accomplish many things others thought were impossible.

Make self-care, time for yourself, a priority.

Being constantly stressed out increases your fear. Not enough sleep makes you more anxious. Get plenty of rest, healthy food, and allow yourself to make self-care a priority.

Do more things that scare you.

A great way to reduce fear is to stretch your comfort zone. Each day try to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Tackle things that scare you and notice how that fear loses its hold over you.

Learn more about the things that scare you.

The unknown is often scary. Make the unknown a known. As you have more information, what used to scare you begins to feel less dangerous.

Get better prepared, have the right tools and education.

You can reduce your fear by getting the education and learning the skills you will need to be able to accomplish whatever you set out to do. Having the right physical and mental tools can make the task less daunting.

Allow yourself to look and be silly.

Put yourself into situations where you can take a chance. Put on a costume, act, sing or dance. Take a chance and let others see you in a new light.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Could you start over after a trauma?

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By David Joel Miller.

David Joel Miller Books

David Joel Miller Books

Ninety-nine cent Kindle book sale.

The Kindle Edition of my latest book, a novel about a man forced to recover from an incredible trauma, is on sale right now for just ninety-nine cents.

Casino Robbery.

The robbers wanted more than money; they planned to kill Arthur’s fiancé and her boss.

Arthur Mitchell was trying to start his life over with a fiancé and a new job. That all ends

Photo of Casino Robbery book

Casino Robbery.

when the casino robbers shoot Arthur, kill his fiancée, and her boss. Arthur would like to forget that horrible day, but the traumatic nightmares and constant reminders won’t let him, and someone is still out to get him. When he tries to start over by running a rural thrift store, someone knocks him unconscious, vandalize the store, and finally tries to kill him. His only chance to find peace is to figure out what the killers want from him and why.

Casino Robbery is a novel that explores the world of a man with PTSD who has to cope with his symptoms to solve the mystery and create a new life.

The Kindle Edition can be ordered now for just 99 cents!

Casino Robbery is also available in paperback.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Don’t forget about my first book.

Bumps on the Road of Life is now available in Kindle format. It was released 11/13/17. The paperback version is also available. Look at the description below. Thank you, to those who have already ordered paperback copies or the Kindle Edition.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Your cruising along the road of life and then wham, something knocks you in the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life.

Bumps on the Road of Life.
By David Joel Miller

Sometimes you get your life going again quickly. Other times you may stay off track and in the ditch for a considerable time. If you have gone through a divorce, break up or lost a job you may have found your life off track. Professionals call those problems caused by life-altering events “Adjustment Disorders.” Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of Adjustment Disorders, how they get people off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Bumps on the Road of Life

Please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

if you purchased either of my books, reviews are appreciated.

I sincerely hope you all enjoy reading my book as much as I enjoyed writing them. If you do, I would greatly appreciate a short review on Amazon or your favorite book website. Reviews are crucial for any author, and even just a line or two can make a huge difference.

Thanks again for reading this blog, pardon the short digression, next time we will return to another post about mental health, substance use disorders, and having a happy successful life.

David Joel Miller.