Tag Archives: Mental illness

Recovery is getting your mind back

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Brain

Getting your mind back.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

“Recovery for me was I got my mind back”

A client told me that once. It made a lot of sense.

One thing that happens along the way to recovery, whether you are struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other problem, is that your mind stops being on your side. It seems like your mind can go over to the other side.

You can’t do anything, your mind says. You need another drink, it tells you. And when you try to think about what you should do, your mind just doesn’t want to work.

Losing your mind.

“Lost their mind” used to be a shorthand expression for someone with either a mental illness or a substance use problem. Even their best efforts to think their way out of this problem did not seem to work.

It is not just that your thinking slows down. If you are depressed, or drunk, lots of things that you would never believe otherwise start seeming true. Get depressed enough or high enough and you might start hearing and seeing things no one else is. That should convince you that your mind is lost somewhere.

Recovery is getting your hope back.

When you are in your problem, you might also start thinking that there is no need to try anymore. Why keep trying if you are gonna be like this forever. When your mind goes so does your hope, follows right along.

In twelve-step groups, you hear the expression “my best thinking got me here” by which they mean that they had told themselves all sorts of reasons why it was OK to go on drinking and using despite mounting evidence to the contrary.

Symptoms of anxiety, depression, and a bunch of other emotional disorders include the inability to get your mind to do the tasks you ask of it. Confusion, indecision, and inability to make decisions are all signs that your problem has become a disorder.

Depression makes you confused and indecisive, so do drugs.

As you move into recovery you find your thinking changing, slowly at first, almost imperceptibly. Often others see the changes in you before you do.

The longer you are in recovery the more you find that your thinking will improve. It is as if there was a fog inside your brain and the mists begin to clear.

If you feel like you have lost your mind, get into recovery. Do the work on yourself. Accept the help that is offered and look for the recovery tools that you need.

Getting your mind back is one of the miracles of recovery.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Creating self-healing rituals

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Love

Love better by loving yourself.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What ritual can you create to chase away your depression or anxiety?

Rituals have both symbolic and literal meanings. The customary, usual, routine of things can make you feel more relaxed, calm, and reassured.

Many people who struggle with emotional, mental, or behavioral issues find that creating their own personal rituals can be helpful in keeping them grounded and on the path to recovery.

We talked before about recovery tools, those practices, or rituals that you might do with others or as part of your religious or spiritual practice. It can also be helpful to have very personal rituals that help keep you on the right path.

Make your morning coffee mean more than a jolt of caffeine before the rat race.

Tea ceremonies, I am told, include not just the drinking of the beverage but the process of selecting, arranging, and preparing your beverage. You can create a coffee ceremony for yourself if you chose.

For more American types, you coffee drinkers, consider getting yourself special blends, a fancy cup or mug, and reserving a time to sit and enjoy that morning beverage while you contemplate your life and your recovery.

Some people find it helpful to reserve that time for sitting outside and watching the weather or early morning creatures. I like to sit and watch the birds and squirrels outside my writing window.

Prepare a special food.

Cooking, even on a limited budget can be a ritual in which you go to extra efforts to make your meal special and appetizing. Add that little garnish. Spend time shopping for special healthy treats. Try out new recipes. You deserve to be pampered by someone who cares about you and your health. Become that person and care for yourself.

Do a relaxing form of exercise.

Walk, stretch or practice your yoga postures. Do these things slowly and calmly, not in the pain-to-gain system, but in a mindful thoughtful way. Make a part of your daily ritual a reaffirmation of your worth and the efforts you are making to care for yourself.

Listen to relaxing music.

Find music that relaxes you. Try out new listening experiences. Be your own companion on this musical journey. Music has a powerful influence on the moods of humans. Use that mood impact to your advantage.

Have a date with yourself.

Most of us spend the majority of our time with others. We can find it difficult to just be with ourselves. Consider taking yourself out to dinner, go to a movie, or do something you have always wanted to do.

Of course, if you have a special friend or romantic partner in your life you may want to share some of these adventures with them. Just make sure it is a shared adventure, not a giving up of you for there to be an “US.”

If you are single or separate just now, enjoy that space and work on becoming your own best friend.

By learning to create special rituals for yourself, things that say “I care about me and what the best for me,” you can make your recovery something exceptional and affirm that you are special and deserve to be treated well.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is it a ritual or a routine?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tea cup.

Morning tea.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you stuck in a routine? Maybe you need more rituals.

Families that have specific family rituals often are happy and more cohesive. Nowadays most families have abandoned rituals and are stuck in stagnant routines.

What’s the difference between a ritual and a routine?

A routine is defined as (From Encarta) repetitive, a usual pattern of activity, even part of a computer program.

A ritual is something else. It involves following a set pattern, ceremonies and may include set forms of communication. Let’s look at some differences and why they may be affecting you and your family.

Rituals mark transitions in time and space.

Think of this as the difference between the last day of school each year and a graduation ceremony when you complete your education.

Routine – You come home from work, your kids come home from school. People get hungry so they go in the kitchen and eat. Maybe what mom or dad made, maybe something else. Food in the after-the-work hours is every man or woman for themselves.

The result is often a kitchen that is a mess, dirty dishes scattered throughout the house, and people coming and going as they please. Other results include a family that doesn’t feel like a family. No one belongs and they are each doing their own thing. There is also probably a lot of fighting over who does what and why the kitchen and the rest of the house is such a mess.

For some families, dinner is a ritual rather than a routine.

Ritual

Dinner is served with everyone seated around a common table. No one starts till everyone gets there. (Oh the social pressure if you are the last in and keeping the rest of YOUR FAMILY from eating.)

The meal may start with a prayer or other opening words. There is likely to be a custom of people talking to each other, asking about each other’s day, and sharing what is going on in their life.

The result of transforming evening eating into a family dinner results in some positive benefits.

Families that regularly eat together, 4 or more nights per week, their kids get better grades. People are more likely to feel like they are all connected and belong as opposed to those people who feel more like guests in their own home.

Rituals include some symbolic elements. By doing this and saying that we are affirming we are part of something, belong to something, and that what we are doing has a greater significance than just getting through life.

Dinner, the meal, becomes dinner, the time we all spend together, and affirm we are a family.

Making meaning in your life.

If your life seems routine and boring, consider the meaning behind the things you do. Leave out the meanings and the rest of life is just going through the motions.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Your other relationships are affecting your love life.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Couple drinking

Couple’s relationship with alcohol.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

That other relationship of yours.

Every one of us has other relationships that can at times interfere with our primary partner relationship. Now some of you already jumped to the conclusion that this has to do with affairs or cheating on your spouse. It is much worse than that.

We all have far more relationships during our lifetime than we recognize. Each of those relationships takes up time and space in our existence. Let these other relationships get out of whack and your primary, romantic relationship will suffer.

Family of origin relationships.

We all have families we grew up in. For some people, this is messier than for others. Even if you never knew your biological parents, you had foster parents, group homes or other relatives you stayed with.

We all take the lessons learned and the unresolved conflicts from those old relationships with us into the new ones. If you came from an unloving non-affirming family you may find it impossible to accept compliments. You may also settle for anyone out there who will love you. That puts you at risk to be victimized by someone who gives you a little love and then takes more than they gave.

If you were abused or neglected you can take that distrust along for the rest of your life. Scars from childhood influence our choice of relationship partners.

Relationships with Exes.

We have all kinds of Exes. Ex-bosses, ex-teachers, and ex-partners. Even if you are with your first love there are likely to be the ones you had a crush on who got away.

All those past relationships throw long shadows onto the current relationships. You are at risk to relate to the one you are with the way you learned to relate to others in your past. Make sure you are over those exes.

Balancing relations with children and partners.

Children are lifelong relationships. This is a special problem in blended families. How healthy your relationship is with your children and their other parent can seriously affect your new relationship. If you have not worked out your issues with your children and their other parent do so before it ruins the chances of a successful new relationship.

Work relationships impact home relationships.

Employers know that many of the problems their employees have on the job they brought to work with them. A fight with a spouse or children carries over into the workday. So do substance abuse problems and exes.

This connection between home and work problems works the other way also. If you are unhappy on the job it will make you stressed and tired when you go home.

Work on finding a job you love or on making the job you have more enjoyable. Sometimes just giving up the disappointment struggle and practicing radical acceptance is the best solution.

Substances or Interests.

Anyone who has lived with a substance abuser is likely to have felt like their partner was having an affair. I wrote a post a while back about how partners of substance abusers can get caught up in a Threesome.

We all create relationships with things as well as people. Some things we like, some things we hate. Some of those relationships are healthy and supportive others can become sick or dysfunctional.

If you have a relationship with a thing or a substance that has gone beyond a preference and is becoming a must-have, consider that your needy relationship with that substance or activity has probably already impacted your primary love relationship.

Partners of internet or porn addicts will tell you that they have lost their partner to an affair with imaginary pixels.

Spiritual and religious practices.

This issue runs the gamut. Some people have a rigid position on the “correct faith.” While they were fine with dating and falling in love with someone who did not believe as they did they feel the continued need to change and convert their partner.

At the other end of the spectrum are those people who have no particular religious or spiritual tradition and who wish their partner did not either. They try to make the partner chose between their faith and the relationship.

The solutions for all these other relationships? Begin by recognizing that you and your partner have other relationships in your lives. Work on learning to keep those other connections in their proper balance.

Some of you will have others, family, and friends who so intrude on your primary relationship you will need to distance yourself from that former relationship.

Good partner communication and a belief that whatever the challenges, your significant other is committed to this partner relationship will go a long way in keeping those other relationships from damaging your couple’s relationship.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Safe use of your Spiritual – Prayer tool

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Praying.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

The Prayer Tool.

People in recovery need to use all their tools. Spiritual tools are important just as professional and social ones are. Tools work best when they are used in a safe manner and in my opinion that includes spiritual tools also.

Power tools come with instruction books and with safety guides. There is always some person (fool?) out there who takes off the safety guard and misuses the tool. Sometimes they cut off a finger. Sometimes they hurt others.

They have neglected to read the instructions or follow the safety warnings. The results are not what they wanted. I am told, and I tend to agree with this, that there are safe and there are unsafe ways to use this prayer tool of yours.

This is the brief abstracted version of the prayer tool instructions. It is based on the use of the 12 step prayer model but will work when used with most similar prayer models. For more complete instructions consult the 12 step book of your choice or your religious instruction manual.

Here are the tips.

Use Prayer to communicate not as a request list.

Most of us pray like the greedy little children we really are, waiting for a big haul at Christmas time.

“Please God send me a new better paying job, a new car, a better-looking spouse and I need that by Friday before the big class reunion.”

Twelve-steppers are taught to pray to their higher power, “Only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

What we learn is that our Higher Power can help with our needs, which that Power already knows. But our wants may not be the best thing for us.

You Higher Power is not limited to only one response.

Lots of people say prayer does not work because they say that God does not answer their prayers. The reason they think that is either they haven’t tried it very often or they don’t recognize the answers when they get them.

Your higher power may say “yes”, or “no” or “not just yet you need to wait a while.” My particular Higher Power seems to have a sense of humor. Sometimes I have gotten the answer “you want what?” Then I get what I asked for and find it is not what I had in mind.

I am learning more and more to just ask for that knowledge of his will for me and stop making dumb requests. I said learning not that I had perfected this.

Do not try to use this tool to force God to do what you already wanted to do.

You pray for rain. You get it. You want to take on the responsibility for the flooding?

I was told – in no uncertain terms “There is a God – And you’re not him.” It works better when I stop trying to do his job and just stick to mine.

Prayer should not be a one-sided conversation.

Ever talked to someone and they did all the talking? Was that a satisfying conversation? Really?

Your conversations with the Higher Power need to be two-way conversations. So you pray, which means you talk. So how does this higher power communicate back?

Careful here. You need to learn to tell the difference between the Higher Powers comments and the lies that some of those unruly nerve cells in your brain may be telling you.

The meditation tool.

That brings us to another Spiritual tool for your recovery toolkit. Meditation – listening for your Higher Powers voice.

Wait – don’t leave just yet. Meditation, it turns out is nothing like that cartoon version you see in the media.

P.S. – By saying Higher Power, God or Him – I am not meaning to exclude any of you for whom that spiritual being is a Her, Them, force, or so on. Just English is such a problematic language in that regard. So if you understand your Higher Power as some other entity, make the necessary translations.

Next time – Higher Power Listening skills.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What do therapists tell the police?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapist

Therapist.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What will your counselor tell the police?

Short answer – Almost nothing!

For counseling to work, you need to talk about what is troubling you. For you to be able to talk like that, we professionals need to make it safe for you to do so. Enter the concept of confidentiality. What you tell your therapist is mostly confidential and may also be privileged patient psychotherapist’s communication.

There will always be someone who thinks we therapists need to protect society and tell something or other. Say you tell the therapist you are scared because you are driving without a license. Do we call the police about that?

No way. That does not happen in any place that remotely resembles a democracy or a republic, probably not in a lot of other forms of government either.

So how come the police sometimes show up at your door anyway? What did get told to them and how?

Sometimes a situation is so very dangerous that the police get notified.

Your house is on fire, the neighbor calls the fire department, and here come the police to control the crowds and traffic. I suppose some people get caught doing something illegal, like running a meth lab, because the police arrive at the fire and they find it. But the neighbor did not report you to the police, your secret slipped out because of the fire.

A similar thing happens when you tell a therapist about a very dangerous situation and we need to figuratively call the fire department.

There are certain things we just have to report, mostly to try to save lives.

I have talked about exceptions to confidentiality in a few other posts. Still, this topic continues to show up in questions and search terms. So, here is some reiteration specifically about exceptions to confidentiality and the police.

A danger to yourself is an exception to confidentiality.

If you plan to kill yourself we have to report that so you get help. This is not just a wish or thought, we should check if you are just thinking of dying, or are you planning to kill yourself and when?

We call someone to get an ambulance and take you to a psychiatric hospital. Usually, the police get called to manage the situation.

Do you get a police record for this? Generally no. Not unless you are breaking some other law, like shooting at the police when they try to take you to the hospital.

Danger to others gets reported.

If you are planning to kill someone we need to prevent that. This is not just doing something reckless. This is planning, intending to hurt others. This can get complicated. If you plan to burn the mall down while it is packed, could people die? So yes that sort of thing, in most places gets reported.

Abuse of a person that can’t protect themselves gets reported.

Child abuse, Elder abuse, disabled person abuse has to get reported. The goal here is to get the abuse to stop. But as in the care of the fire exposing your meth lab, stopping the abuse may leak out the fact that you have been committing a crime.

Sometimes these reports go to child protective services or adult protective services. In some areas, these reports go to the police department to check out.

Therapists only keep your secrets if they are your therapist.

If you see your doctor in the grocery store, don’t rely on his opinion of the produce. He is not being a doctor when you talk to him.

If the judge makes you talk to a therapist or CPS sends you to one, check if this is going to be confidential or if their report, warts, meth lab and all are going to the judge.

Even here consider the therapist is not calling the police on you. But if the judge gets the report on your mental state and you casually mentioned a couple of murders you did, the judge may be required to pass that on to the police.

So most things, even past crimes, we therapists do not report to the police. Honest, that is the last thing most of us want to do. Because once we make that call you stop trusting, stop telling us things, and then we can’t help you.

But occasionally because of something that we are required to report, some of your secrets could slip out. We do not necessarily call the police, but once we tell others to protect you or society that information is no longer strictly confidential.

When in doubt ask the therapist to tell you more about confidentiality. And if you have secrets that need to come out, let the therapist help you with the telling in the right way to the right person.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

How can you tell if someone is normal?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Normal.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is normal anyway?

How can you tell if you are normal? How could you know if someone else is normal or just faking?

What if “normal” is having a whole lot of problems just like the rest of us?

Some days I start thinking either everyone is “normal” or none of us is. If by normal we mean no problems, emotional, mental, or behavioral. So far I haven’t found any such people.

Remember that I spend all day, most days, seeing people who need counseling and in that process, I need to assess them and give them a diagnosis. You might think that because I only see people who have issues, I don’t see the really “Normal” people.”

I am starting to doubt that.

Everywhere I go people seem to have one problem or another. Celebrities get drunk and do bizarre things, athletes do drugs and countless Facebook pages report mostly complaints about how rotten life is and how everyone they know is crazy.

The harder I look the fewer almost-normal people I can find.

This has started me thinking that we have set the bar for normal so high that no one can make it to almost normal let alone the full measure of normalcy.

If we expect normal people to be close to perfect then we are likely to be severely disappointed. Frankly, we all have our issues. Life happens, things happen and then we have to cope, for better or worse.

Some people cope better than others, but so far no one seems to be able to go on being “normal” every day for extended periods of time.

Frankly, I have given up on being normal. I will take “not certifiably crazy” any day.

From time to time when asked about how normal people do things, I have threatened to capture one of them and put that “normal person” on display at a zoo. That way the rest of us could observe what it would be like to have finally achieved normalcy.

After thinking about that a while I have to conclude that normal, is a long way from what most of us expect normal to be. Normal is, after all, living life in spite of having a whole lot of problems, issues, and untamed emotions. It may even be perfectly normal to have wild and crazy thoughts every now and then.

Given that, go ahead and enjoy being normal, even if you need therapy and meds to cope with a normal life.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Relaxed or tired?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tired or relaxed?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

Can you tell the difference between relaxed and tired – most can’t.

Ever taken a vacation and come back more tired than before you left? Most of us have. Some of us are so used to pushing to accomplish things that a day off is a scary event. Stop running for even a moment and suddenly you realize how tired you are.

We live our life at such a frantic pace it can be a shock to our system to finally slow down.

Lots of people say they would like to be able to relax but when that opportunity finally occurs all they can report is that they are really tired.

This happened to me recently, or more precisely I finally recognized it was happening.

I mentioned a while back that I had taken up Yoga. Not in some fanatical religious conversion way, but just trying to do something structured that might help my flexibility and let me exercise without having to stay out in the heat or the rain. Being able to pick up things I drop on the floor and touch my toes again would be a plus.

Now our particular yoga class ends each session with a guided meditation. How common it is to do this I can’t say. Every yoga group I have ever attended has done it this way. But I can’t be all that confident with any conclusion drawn from a sample size of one.

What I have noticed is that by the end of the class, having attempted some postures, I am either so tired or so relaxed that I can’t remember much of what was said during the guided meditation.

This has caused me to wonder if I really can tell the difference between being relaxed and just plain tired.

Seems that I run from thing to thing so rapidly that I never have a chance to rest. When I finally do relax what I discover is the extent of my exhaustion.

This has led me to wonder if I or many of you are really ever able to relax. Or do we just run ourselves to the point of exhaustion and then when we stop to collapse call that relaxation.

Clearly, relaxation needs to mean more than just running out of energy.

So help me out here. Do any of you have ways in which you relax and if so how can you tell the difference between being relaxed and just plain exhausted?

From the number of coworkers who come back from vacations exhausted and needing a week or more to rest up from that vacation, I am suspecting that most of us, when we say relaxed what we really mean is drop-down exhaustion.

What do you think? Relaxed or exhausted?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

No one notices the passengers on the bus – they watch the drivers.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bus

Driving the recovery Bus.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you the passenger or the driver?

Passengers on the bus are at the mercy of the driver. They stop when he stops and they go when he goes. If you have ever had to ride the bus, in most cities, you will find that there are some serious problems with relying on this form of transportation.

You will also discover that there is a lot of discrimination towards bus riders. That loss of control and dependence on others carries over into other parts of your life. People who have an addiction also lose control and they suffer the same discrimination as bus riders. Really serious drug users and alcoholics get both experiences. They get looked down on because of their addiction and because they have lost the ability to drive a car or manage their transportation. Eventually, they may lose the ability to manage the rest of their life.

There are certainly good reasons to encourage bus ridership. It is better for the environment. You may save money on registration, taxes, and maintenance. Those benefits come at the cost of not having the bus always go where you want it to and not always being on your schedule. A life run on drugs and alcohol has those same negative features.

You will not find many people impressed if you tell them you gave up your car so you could rely on the bus for your transportation. Somehow the notion that you might be better off having others take control of your transportation options does not sound attractive to most people.

Most people are not impressed by a life controlled by drugs or alcohol either.

What does impress others is the person who can drive their own car. The newer and shinier the car the more the impression factor. The driver feels better about themselves also.

Now just having a fancy car is not enough. A car is only impressive if it runs well in addition to looking good. The same thing is true in our lives. Think about celebrities whose lives looked good from the outside until it finally jumped the track and now is in the ditch.

The person who has control of their life, whose life is going where they want it to go gets a whole lot more respect than the person whose life is controlled by addictions or compulsions.

Sometimes in life, you need to ride the bus. Your car may be in the shop, you may not have the money to get it fixed just now. But the goal of most people is to regain control of their transportation lives.

The same thing is true if you are sick. You may currently be relying on your doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or sponsor to help you steer your life. But the sooner you can reach the point where you, with some help from a higher power, can take back control of your life, the sooner you can regain the respect of others and most importantly regain your own self-respect.

A life that is steered by alcohol, drugs, or emotional illness takes you to place you don’t want to go. You can regain control of the direction your life is going. Don’t let your past control your future. Get headed in a new direction.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Under-housed and almost homeless in America

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Homeless person

Homeless.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes homelessness wears disguises.

We here in America have slipped into a shared fantasy. There are the homeless and then there are the rest of us. It would be reassuring if there were only those two kinds of people and if we could somehow pretend that the majority of us would never be homeless.

The truth is that many of us are at risk of becoming homeless. Homeless for many does not spring up overnight. It can begin as a slow slide off the cliff and into the deep waters of hopelessness.

Most of us are only 30 days away from being homeless. Lose your job or other sources of income and the eviction proceedings begin. You can try to starve it off as long as possible, borrow from friends, max out the credit cards. You try one thing, then another. But unless the money flows in again the slide to the street begins.

There is this shadow thing here in America – the under-housed.

Many stop off here on their way to the homeless encampments. One reason it is so hard to get a handle on homelessness is because people slip back and forth between being without a home, the out on the street night after night, and the short-term stay places.

The slide towards homelessness can begin when suddenly you have to leave the place where you stay. Couples fight and break up. There may be domestic violence or addiction. One partner, often the woman has to leave suddenly. So they go to stay with friends and relatives. The intention is to be there for a while until they can find permanent stable housing.

These stays may be temporary. The people who took in their friends or relatives only have so much space, so much money. Eventually the under-housed have to leave and move on.

Couch surfing on the way to being homeless.

Repeated moves can become “couch surfing,” a night here and a night there. You may be able to afford a motel for a night or two. Eventually, this gets expensive. Expensive beyond many people’s means.

Sometimes they are able to stay longer. We find two or more families living together in a house or apartment not designed for much more than a single person.  Not because they want to live in crowded conditions, not because they are cheap, but because they have no income or only limited funds and the cost of permanent housing is beyond their reach.

Families with small children may come apart.

One child stays with grandma, another with an aunt. But there is no place for mothers and children together.

Some of you are saying there are programs for the homeless, why don’t they go to the shelters? Plenty of nights the shelters are full. There are waiting lists and programs may need your contact information. Some programs require a background check. Where do you stay while you wait to qualify for those programs?

If they do find logging in a woman’s shelter, dad or child’s father can’t come.

Women are at high risk to hook up with a man, most any man, in order to have a roof over their head and food for them and their children. Most of these relationships do not last. The cycle repeats.

Before we congratulate ourselves on the efforts to place the homeless into permanent housing, we need to be ever aware of the host of almost homeless who on any given night might end up down at the local encampment.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel