Ways to Build Intimacy in Relationships.

Ways to Build Intimacy in Relationships

Couple Holding Hands

Intimacy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Discover the many meanings of intimacy

What do you associate the term, “intimacy” with? Do you picture a candlelit dinner, an impassioned embrace, or a long walk on the beach? Intimacy is so much more than a purely physical or romantic moment. It’s a hard-earned mental, emotional, and physical connection with a partner.

You can be intimate over an ordered-in pizza and movie, a quick kiss goodbye, or silent car rides. It’s most often found in the little moments of comfort and closeness, so it’s important that you don’t put too much pressure on finding intimacy in grand gestures. Instead, look for it in small activities and find ways to work it into your day-to-day in order to enjoy a stronger relationship.

Talk about your physical connection

However, a big aspect of intimacy is, in fact, physical connection: hugging, holding hands, kissing, sex, and simple spatial closeness. It’s crucial that you both feel comfortable and fulfilled in this aspect of your intimate partnership in order to build your sense of intimacy in the relationship.

Be honest and open with your partner: the more you talk about desires or issues you’re having in the bedroom, the easier it will be to address them and enjoy the moment. If you keep thinking of new things you want to try, don’t hide them from your partner. Open communication is key to feeling close with your significant other and it can allow them to better understand your needs.

Ask for help where you need it

It’s also important to keep in mind that experiencing difficulty with physical intimacy is normal, especially for older couples. For example, about half of all men experience erectile dysfunction, and nearly a fifth of women face vaginal dryness. Don’t let these get in your way of physical intimacy; have a simple conversation with your doctor to learn about easy remedies. They can connect you with treatments ranging from an erectile dysfunction medication that improves male performance to a gentle personal lubricant that can make intercourse more comfortable for women.

If your interruptions are more mental, consider meeting with a therapist or discussing different ways to approach sex with your partner. There are several ways to be physically intimate that avoid traditional sex, it often just takes some creativity and understanding from a partner.

 

If you and your partner are having issues feeling emotionally intimate, consider seeking out a couple’s therapist or a marriage counselor. A professional, unbiased party can help open lines of dialogue in a relationship, pinpoint areas in need of attention, and flesh out issues that might be preventing emotional closeness.

Find common connections

It’s also important to find ways to build intimacy in other ways. Connecting with your partner about similar interests is a great way to foster closeness and rediscover your common passions. Whether that means trying out something new to both of you, or investing time in each other’s hobbies, finding these common connections will help you develop more emotional intimacy.

It could also be beneficial to use creative ways to learn more about your partner. Often, couples who are together for years begin to feel that their relationship, or even their partner, has become repetitive and uninteresting. Instead of settling into a comfortable routine with your significant other, challenge them (and yourself) with new activities or thought-provoking conversations. Consider using some interesting questions to guide your dialogue to give you some new, intimate insight into your partner and allow you to feel emotionally closer to them.

If your relationship is lacking intimacy, consider some of these ways to find closeness and rebuild passion between you and your partner.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Four David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Sasquatch. Wandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive?

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon.

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Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking, and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter.

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Men don’t only want one thing! Ladies you’ve been misled.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Sex?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

It takes way more than sex to keep a man’s interest.

sex-on-a-cork-board

sex-on-a-cork-board. FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The spring falling-in-love season is about over, the summer wedding season has begun. The divorce and break up season, that season is pretty much year-round.

Women who come for counseling and they mostly come during and after the breakup, repeatedly tell me, and remember I am a man, that men only want one thing.

Women seem to think that all men expect in a relationship is sex. They are so wrong. Men want sex, yes they do. It is a biological imperative for men to make that contribution to the continuation of the human race. But ladies if you think that is all it takes to keep a man happy no wonder so many relationships are in trouble.

It talks more than great sex to keep a relationship happy and functional.

For your edification ladies, men in after-the-break-up counseling, they say Women only want one thing. What they think women want is way different from what you ladies say they want. I will tell you about what men think is the only thing you women want in a future post.

What do men want other than sex?

Women seem to think, some of you anyway, that you spread your legs apart and the man should be happy. Then when he does not do what you want, you withdraw the sex and say he only wanted one thing. He was settling for the thing you offered but many men want so much more than just sex.

Some women use sex to get the man hooked – The old bait and switch.

Try taking your kids to the amusement park, let them ride the roller-coaster once. Then plan to spend the rest of the day looking at the flowers and the decor. How long till they feel cheated and want to go home.

For men, sex is symbolic as well as physical. If you love me you would want to do that. So they find it hard to believe you genuinely care about them if the sex is not happening. They think you should want to give them this gift. Women, on the other hand, want to feel loved before they are interested in sex. So we do the love dance, do you love me or not and each couple finds the time and place to complete the dance and engage in sex.

Some of you start at the end of the dance and then wonder why neither of you knows the steps to keep it going.

What else do men want?

Men want to know that they can make you happy.

In the courting stage, you let him know he was making you happy.  You laughed at his jokes, smiled when you saw him and talked about the things he was interested in.

One day after you two are together, you stop laughing at his jokes, you don’t want to hear about his team or his interests and if he leaves his socks on the floor one more time that will be the end of the sex.

Men hang in there for a while, some longer than others, but if nothing he does pleases you and then you stop telling him you love him in the bedroom, you know the rest.

Men want to be with someone who likes them.

All day they are out at work. People are critical. then the man comes home and what does his partner and lover do? She tells him all the things he is doing wrong.

When you were dating he thought you liked him. Suddenly he is living with a person who thinks he is an SOS (sack of stuff.)

I know you ladies think you are being helpful telling him all the things he could improve on, but he knows he is not perfect. He just would like to come home to someone who could affirm he is a worthwhile person. He needs someone in his house, his castle, who thinks he is a great guy.

So ladies when you decide you no longer need to affirm his worth, that it is your sworn duty to tell him all his flaws, is it any wonder he goes looking for those affirmations from his therapist or his mistress?

So ladies, if you think all men want, is sex, you are putting your man on an emotional starvation diet. Eventually, you will get tired of giving him the sex and then things will be all over.

Men need affirmation to know they can make you happy, they need appreciation for what they do and they need to know that you still like them and want them. It takes a full course emotional meal to keep a man’s love needs fed.

There is that other secret men keep. Many men are convinced that women only want one thing and it is not always something men have to give. Next post the thing men say is “all women want” in the relationship and why this pushes men away.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Three David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

SasquatchWandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive? The guests had come to Meditation Mountain to find themselves. Trapped in the Menhirs during a sudden desert storm, two guests move through a porthole in time and encounter long extinct monsters. They want to get back to their own time, but the Sasquatch intends to kill them.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Books are now available on Amazon, Kobo, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and many other online stores.

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.