Sunday Inspiration Post By David Joel Miller.
Roses or Thorns?
Roses or Thorns
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you. Sunday seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you please share them.
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Success or failure.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
You won’t accomplish anything if you never try. Failures are good at doing nothing. If you try enough things some of them have to work. Failures count their losses and then do nothing to avoid more errors. Winners keep improving their game.
Great accomplishments look impossible until someone does them first. Dismissing things as impossible may seem like it will protect you from doing foolish, time-wasting things. What it does protect you from is successes. Not trying wastes your life.
Tell yourself that you have bad luck, that nothing good can ever happen for you and you create that bad luck. The most troublesome jinx is the one you put on yourself. What you tell yourself often enough comes true. Your brain is preprogrammed to deliver the things you keep telling it to look for. Tell your brain you want a good life and it will help you create one.
Predicting bad outcomes become self-fulfilling predictions.
Do not ever ask for help. Try to do everything yourself and then when it fails to revert back to making dire predictions of how nothing good happens to you and there is no use in trying. Help comes in lots of shapes and sizes. If you want help, seek out a good teacher or mentor, read self-help books. Find someone who has been there to tell you what lies ahead in life. I counselor or therapist can help you understand the normal life cycle experiences you can expect to have happen.
Compare yourself to the best and then tell yourself there is no possibility of you beating that record. Compare the every-day-you to the person all dressed up in their best clothes. Making comparisons is not helpful. You cannot and should not be someone else. Be the best possible you or you will end up the worst possible you.
Even the greats had competition. You will never know how far you can go until you try.
Great things are not done by those whose first priority is to avoid work. Seek out opportunities to expand your area of competency. People do not accomplish great things by doing only what they “have to do.” You become better at things by doing all you possibly can do.
People do not offer others opportunities because they do the minimum to get by. The person who does more than the minimum is a valued employee and gets picked for many a team.
A sure way to fail at anything is to not read the directions. Many a school failure is the result of not doing what the assignment was. Check the job specs carefully and do what the job was, not what you thought you should do until you found out otherwise.
If you are not willing to put in the time to read, listen to, and follow directions you are telling others you do not value this activity.
A common method of creating failure is to do the minimum to get by. Leave out steps, do only the things that are blatantly obvious, and neglect all the preparation and the in-between steps. Losers look for shortcuts to avoid work. Winners look to master a task and then they can find more efficient ways to do it.
Leaving out needed steps can result in having to do the whole thing over again.
Losers show up without the right tools and equipment. Professionals use the skills they have been preparing for a lifetime. Fail to perfect your tools and you will always be unprepared and at high risk of creating failure.
A little bit of preparation can set the stage for a positive experience. Not being prepared leaves you to do shoddy work.
Ever see that sign? Rule # 1, I am right. Rule #2 If I am not right go back to rule 1. Insisting you are right does not make you the winner. Be open to evaluating everything you do and finding ways to improve your game.
The successful in life are not always right. They are able to recognize where they have room for improvement and they learn from their mistakes.
Losers say that if it is not their idea, they want nothing to do with it. Winners know that the more ideas they have the more they can accomplish. Encourage others to contribute and see how the team can win.
Better to be a member of a winning team than a losing solo player.
Losers chronically complain about everything. They make everyone and everything wrong. This effort to deflect attention away from their errors and put the blame on others guarantees they are never the winning team. If their team was to win they would still look for ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Do you live your life as one who wants to be a winner or are you doing all the things losers do?
More on Success and Self-improvement
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Being verbally blunt can be a good or a bad thing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Are you one of those people who find they can’t help saying what they think? This can be a blessing or a curse. If you have this trait and it has gotten you in trouble or damaged relationships read on for some tips on how to make this characteristic work to your advantage.
Some people who are blunt, speak their minds, are perceived as rude and irritating. Others get the reputation of being frank and honest. Telling the truth, being extremely straightforward, comes with risks. Holding back on information makes people question your honesty.
Being too cautious about what you say can lead to never really giving anyone an answer to their questions. Those folks who do not respond to other’s statements may think they are avoiding conflict. What they accomplish is to leave everyone wondering what they really think and can they be trusted.
People who change their opinion when they move from person to person do not get trusted. Get clear on what you think and want, then find ways to convey your positions in a consistent manner if you want to be trusted.
Being straightforward about your feelings and beliefs can get you the reputation for honesty if – and only if – you do it correctly.
Think of this as cleaning the dirt off a fine old wood table. You can use a clean, soft, polishing cloth that contains some cleaner specifically made for that special wood furniture. Or you can use some steel wool. Both will get the dirt off. One leaves it healthy and restored and the other will leave scars in the finish.
If you dislike something, explaining why in calm gentle language, makes your position easier to listen to. If you express yourself in statements laced with profanity or attacks on others you turn your listeners away. Cruel words hurt regardless of the truth of your statements.
Learning to slow down what you are saying so that it comes out the way you mean it is an important skill. You need to learn to prevent collateral damage from the way others may interpret what you said. Much of the poor communication people talk about is the direct result of ambiguous statements that get interpreted in ways the speaker never intended.
Saying things in a blunt way when it is done in a hurtful manner can result in lasting damage to the relationship. When expressing something that may be hard to hear, concentrate on the other person and how they feel. How would you want someone to tell you that they disagreed with you?
Work on putting yourself in the other person’s place, not on discharging your negative emotions. One technique for expressing disagreements without destroying relationships is called the Sandwich Technique. Take a look at the past post describing how this can be an effective way of delivering bad news without harming the other person.
Think very carefully about what you believe and why. Become open to other points of view. The people who create the most wreckage with their bluntness are often those who are insecure in their own beliefs.
If you start feeling threatened when others have a different view then there is a possibility that you are shaky in what you believe. If others not agreeing with you is threatening, then work on yourself, not on forcing others to agree with you by yelling louder and attacking their thoughts.
When you disagree with someone learn to think of this as someone who has a different opinion not someone who is “ignorant” or “stupid.” Calling people names impedes communication. Someone who makes a mistake is not any of the global characteristics people may call them.
One error does not make them “stupid.” Very intelligent people make mistakes. In fact the more you learn and think about the more likely you are to make a mistake. Calling people names or personally attacking them does not make you right or improve your situation.
Sometimes you will believe something and later find out that you were wrong. You have the right to be wrong. We all do. Allow that in disagreements others have the right to make mistakes and be wrong from time to time. It is not helpful to believe that someone who is incorrect about something is a “liar.” Allow others to be wrong when they are and let things that are not all that important go.
There is little value in spotting someone else’s errors and pointing them all out. Rather than this being helpful, this can permanently damage a relationship.
People, who grew up in a non-affirming environment, where they were never told they were OK, grow up to be low in “self-esteem.” You do not need to destroy someone else’s self-esteem by pointing out all their flaws. Finding others errors will not do much to elevate your self-esteem. Let it go.
For more on the topic of bluntness and honesty and when it may damage relationships you might also want to look at a past post: Just being honest
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Are you creating a miserable life?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Life can be hard, things happen that are out of your control. The things you do in response to life’s ups and downs can make things better or they can keep you stuck in a downward spiral.
Bad life habits can create more misery. How many of these misery creating habits have you drifted into?
You believe one thing and do another.
Discrepancies between what you believe in and what you are doing cause a great deal of misery. If you find you are not practicing your religious or ethical values take another look at your life. How much unhappiness are you creating by excusing your failure to do the things you believe you should be doing?
If there is one person on earth you need to be ruthlessly honest with, it is yourself. Those lies you tell yourself often enough become part of your core schema, the way you look at life. Do not make excuses for your mistakes. Do not blame others for the things that go wrong in your life.
Begin today to recognize the things you have influence over and can change. Work on your part in things and do those things you know you need to take care of.
Feelings have a purpose. They convey valuable information to you. Get in touch with these feelings. Learn what makes you happy. Stop doing the things that make you sad. Recognize that if a thing feels wrong it probably is.
Avoiding feelings and numbing out does not protect you from life’s pain, it can keep you stuck there.
Someday never comes. It is always today. Everything that happens to you happens in the now. Work on becoming more present in everything you do. Waiting for someday keeps things from happening for you.
Take small steps today and every day and those small steps will mount up. Fail to take action now while waiting for someday and when that anticipated day arrives nothing will have changed. Why live less of a life now while waiting for that someday which may never come?
Do you believe that saying you can’t, protects you from feeling bad when things do not go your way? Not trying guarantees you won’t feel any better. The consistent quality of winners is that they believed they could.
Tell yourself that you can and you will make a lot more progress towards your goal.
People who avoid the new and different become stagnant. Those who grow embrace challenges. This does not mean you need to chase every momentary fad. Be consistent in your efforts to grow, learn, and improve the most valuable resource you have –you.
We all have our comfort zones. Staying in the center of your comfort zone keeps you stuck. Move towards the edge of that place of comfort and see if you can stretch out your places of comfort. Keep expanding that comfort zone to take in new things and new people.
Everyone falls into some of these miseries creating habits occasionally but if you find that you are doing many of these or that you do them often take another look at how you are living your life.
Start today creating the best life possible, the one we might call your “happy life.” Take a few self-change steps and see how much more happiness and how much less misery you can place in your life.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Stress.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Life is full of stress. Good stress, bad stress it all adds up. The more gadgets we get the more there is to do. Stress can damage your mental and your physical health. Continuing to pile up stress without discharging it can do you harm. Here are some simple suggestions for stress reduction.
If you have too much unhealthy stress in your life how about trying some of these methods for reducing stress.
Staying at the grindstone or the computer long after you have worn yourself out does not increase your productivity and it can be detrimental to your health. Take a few brief breaks from the stress in your life. Stop and look out the window, go for a walk, daydream a while.
Brief breaks do not reduce productivity, they enhance it. Just be careful to avoid other time-consuming activities during those breaks. It is not a break if you use the time to tackle another stressful activity.
Slow deep breaths increase the oxygen in your bloodstream. Deep breathing can reduce anxiety and reduce stress. Forgetting to breathe is one of the first effects of excessive anxiety. Shallow breathing can set off panic attacks as the body interprets that lack of oxygen to a life-threatening emergency rather than to your inattention to breathing.
Some few of us like clutter. Everything needs to be visible for them to find things. But for most of us, all that clutter is a constant reminder of things we still need to do. Clean off those unneeded items. Make piles throw the unneeded things out.
Having a clean well-organized workspace can make working less stressful. Throwing out unneeded items and filing things away can give you a quick boost in your feelings of getting things done.
A clean organized environment can reduce stress for most of us.
Sound effects your mood and emotions in ways that words can’t. Music reaches parts of the brain that are oblivious to the spoken word. Having your songs playing in the background can keep you in a more relaxed and de-stressed mood.
Pick “white noise” type tunes if possible, thinks that screen out the rest of the world without distracting you. I have some personal favorites that are meditation and relaxation recordings I keep playing in my office. People who come to see me often comment on how relaxed that music makes them feel.
Meditation far from being a time-waster can be a huge asset to creative thought and concentration. Let your mind empty out and make room for those insights to flow in. One immense source of stress is a mind full of things competing for attention.
The mind consumes a lot of calories and does a huge amount of work each day. We rest our bodies but many of us continue to pile work on our minds even while the body rests.
Learn to meditate as a way to take the stress load off that brain.
People in industrial societies are chronically sleep-deprived. Sleep is not a waste of time. Sleep is when the brain does its repair work. Waste products from the heavy lifting are removed from the brain during sleep.
Memories are consolidated and moved around during sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep just might improve your memory and help you retrieve those facts when you need them. When we are overtired, mentally, or physically we are more prone to injuries and to make mistakes. A rested mind can conquer stress, a tired mind is no match for even the smallest amount of stress.
Walking is a great way to reduce stress and exercise the body. Make walking a part of your routine and use a walk, even a short one to reduce stress during the workday. You will see benefits from walking in both your physical and your mental health.
Short walks increase attention and alertness. They make you more able to stay on task and reduce the stress of feeling overwhelmed with things to do.
A healthy body is a key to having a healthy mind. Give your brain good nutrition and see how much more it can do. Running on low-grade brain fuel produces additional wear and tear on the thing you will need for your entire life – your brain.
Practice these stress-busting methods and see if your life does not improve. Do you have any favorite stress-busting techniques that you would be willing to share?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Managing feelings.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Most of us are familiar with the pallets artists use to hold and mix their paints when doing a painting or other artwork. The more colors on the palette the more opportunities the artist has to create an inspiring work of art.
Palettes are also defined as “a range of qualities in a non-visual art.” There are palettes for your taste buds and palettes to decorate the house. Designers use palettes of fabric or of looks and textures to make the things they design more appealing.
What we forget about, all too often, are those other pallets that get used to make life a better place, those feelings pallets you use to make that life within a place.
Difficulty feeling what we are feeling and struggles to describe what you are feeling is sometimes referred to as Alexithymia. The simplest description of this condition is “I ain’t got a word to describe how I feel.”
Alexithymia is not technically a diagnosable disorder, despite the huge number of people who have this problem. People with trouble recognizing what they feel and then a vocabulary that allows them to describe that feeling fall on a continuum from very mild to extremely severe. Using tests specific for Alexithymia the best estimate is that ten percent of the U. S. population may have a severe form of this condition.
Alexithymia overlaps certain mental health disorders and people with those conditions are more likely to have Alexithymia and the resulting difficulty identifying, naming, and working with feelings. Those with an Autism Spectrum disorder are more likely to show symptoms of what might be called Alexithymia.
Alexithymia also overlaps depression and anxiety and the more depressed or the more anxious someone is the harder it may be for them to recognize feelings. Disorders that cause numbing as in the Stress disorders, PTSD and Acute Stress disorders and dissociation can also have features of Alexithymia. Alexithymia has also been reported in those with an eating disorder.
People who have difficulty recognizing and naming feelings when they feel them also have difficulty in recognizing what others around them feel and may be perceived as uncaring and unfeeling.
There is a difference between not recognizing that you are feeling and the ability to name or describe a feeling. Some people know they are feeling something they just do not have the feelings vocabulary to describe to themselves and others what it is they are feeling.
Many men were socialized to have this condition. There was a time when feelings were suspect and people tried very hard to never ever have feelings. This resulted in a lack of learning about feelings and an inability to recognize what you feel and how to respond appropriately.
If the only feelings you have are “Good, Bad, and ANGRY” you will be angry a lot. You also may have difficulty recognizing what makes you feel “good or bad” and how to regulate your emotions.
Learning to recognize feelings when you have them and learning to develop the skills to increase or decrease feelings when you need and want to, is an important part of anger management training.
How can you learn to control your anger if you do not recognize when you are or are becoming angry?
Learning to recognize and identify feelings is a part of most counselor training programs. To date I have written about 60 posts on various feelings and emotions which you will find under:
Posts on Anger and Anger Management are at:
I think one reason feelings are so troubling to so many people is that if you do not know anything about feelings you have a hard time recognizing them. This goes for all kinds of other things as well. How can you find something if you don’t know what it looks like?
I wrote about this in a post about the “expert effect” which you will find at:
Expert effects Memory and the Purple Glass.
Periodically this year I would like to publish some posts on various feelings in the cause of “Emotionally Literacy” an effort to improve people’s ability to recognize feelings and make them your friends.
I hope you will all join me in these discussions.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Alone for the holiday.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Are you like the rest of us? Your life is hectic? You wish the kids or the spouse would leave you alone? At work, if it isn’t the boss it is the co-workers or the customers that are always after you?
Have you ever wondered how to get that time and what you would do with that alone time should you get it?
When you do get that alone time, do you start feeling lonely or restless and wondering what to do? Then do you go looking for someone to take your mind off being alone? Being alone should not mean being lonely. In some other posts, we have talked and will talk again about how to cure that chronic feeling of loneliness that some people experience every time they do get some alone time.
Should you be gifted with some time alone, to yourself, try to make the most of that time.
Here is a list I have compiled of things to do when the pressures of life suddenly stop and that me-time materialized. This list is things I do, things others have told me they do, and things that self-help books have recommended. If you have others to contribute to this list, send it on.
Are you a chronic workaholic? Doing nothing can be a challenge. If your car was driven nonstop for months on end things would start breaking. It needs some downtime and some maintenance. So do you.
Some of you, you know who you are, feel guilty when you are not doing something. Learning to relax and de-stress can be a challenge. Sitting doing nothing does not mean you are wasting time.
Force yourself to do nothing and see if it doesn’t feel like something you could get used to. If it is really uncomfortable you can pick something else farther down the list.
Fishing is good for guys. We sometimes call it getting your line wet. I see men sit down, put their line in the water, and wait all day for a fish to bite. Does it matter that no one has caught a fish in this body of water for years? Not really. It is not the catching that matters but the time spent alone contemplating whatever comes to mind that is important.
Bird watching can be another good minimalist activity. Careful now, do not become fanatical about this and start taking trips to the North Pole for that rare bird you have never seen.
I can sit for hours in my yard, though I rarely do, and watch the birds. I know precisely which birds I will see most of the time, but that does not distract from the pleasure of watching them in their daily activities.
Meditation does not mean you need to adopt an eastern religion. There are many varieties of meditation. Simply learning to observe that you are thinking, watch that thought run through your head, and then let it go without the need to chase it down is a way of meditating.
There are other simple meditations that can help you learn to clear your mind and develop better focus without the need to chase after an unquiet mind.
Are there activities you used to do before you became so adult and incredibly busy? Did you like to read just for the pleasure of it? Did you use to draw or ride a bike? Think about reactivating pursuits you used to enjoy. Read a book, sing a song, learn or recite a poem.
Having a hobby that you do for pleasure, not for profit or prestige can return joy to an over-busy life.
Walking is good for your health, physical, and mental. It increases metabolism and reduces depression. It is not the speed that matters or the distance; it is the getting out in the fresh air and moving that will show benefits in many areas of your life.
Spend time on yourself. Some people journal others talk with a sponsor or close friend. Consider your goals and your values. Are all the things you do taking you closer to where you want to be or are they needless activity. Why are you working on making money and pleasing others so that someday you can do what you want? Make an effort to include this self-improvement program in your life now.
Making a gratitude list is one of those great ideas that most of us never have time to do. When you have some downtime it is good to take stock of your life. Like any good inventory, your personal look at yourself should include inventorying all those things that are good in your life.
What are the things you feel bless your life? Do you take the time to enjoy those things you wanted and worked for?
Are there places you would like to go to or things you want to do but there is no one who will do them with you? Take yourself places. Create enjoyable memories with yourself.
When there is nothing you absolutely must do, try doing some things you want to do, call a friend or send them an email. Do this just to chat and stay in touch. Avoid calls that involve things you have to do like setting appointments or saying thank you for past favors.
It is way too easy to remember the pains of life but the happy memories, they get lost in the shuffle. When you are alone, take the time to reflect on those things that stand out in your memories. What was the best time you ever had? Think about the way you might reminisce with a friend or loved one and take that tour down memory lane all by yourself.
Travel does not need to be those gigantic once in a lifetime events, though they can be if you chose. Make time to explore the out-of-the-way places close to home. Take a drive, visit a museum, see the zoo, or just walk in a place that you have never been.
Not sure what places near home you might want to visit? Take a virtual tour and do a web search on places near your home. It is amazing that we might live around the corner from something tourists come to see but we never take ourselves there.
Stay tuned for more suggestions on things to do when you have some time to yourself. In the meantime – have you found anything that works for you in those times between work and rushing to the next thing? Willing to share?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Serene.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Are you really busy all week? One thing after another to do and most of those things involve doing things for and to please other people? Then suddenly your rapid pace comes to a stop, a day off, a holiday, and you start feeling lonely?
That down feeling may not be a bad thing.
When all day, every day, is a rush to do with not a minute to yourself you may miss the subtle cues that you are overtired. Accept that feeling exhausted when you are alone does not say anything bad about being alone, it tells you that in the rest of your life you are too focused doing and have not taken the time to let yourself rest.
You need downtime to de-stress and relax. Use your alone time to rest and relax, not to catch up on the household chores. Alone time is the perfect chance to practice gentle kindness and self-care.
Staying busy may be a way to avoid looking at yourself, your situation, and where you want to go. Allow yourself adequate time to just relax and be you. When you are not pushing to make things happen sometimes a thought will pop into your head. Pay attention to those relaxed insights.
Downtime should be a time for reflection and charting your course. When you are surrounded by others the focus is on what they want. Alone time is a chance to focus on what you want and where you are going.
Is there something you have been wanting to do but can’t ever seem to fit into your hectic schedule? Use that downtime to do something for you and only you. Read a book, go for a drive. Sit in that yard you worked to care for and watch the birds.
Staying busy and engaging with other people is one of the prime ways most of us keep ourselves occupied without getting much accomplished. Busy masks feelings. When you are running from place to place and person to person you may be forgetting to notice how you feel. Feelings are not bad things to be kept at bay by constant activity. Feelings should provide valuable information.
Use your downtime to let yourself feel. Notice the positive happy things in your life. Not much happiness? Then use that downtime to evaluate how you can change you and get more happiness out of the life you live.
Much of your life with other people is spent on practicing your group skills. Sometimes groups can be productive and helpful, but not all the time. Some things are best done by one and only one person.
Groupthink is no substitute for developing your personal cognitive skills. A group can exercise together and the group support is good sometimes, but there are lots of times that you need to do the exercise yourself if you are going to get the benefits. Use your alone time to work on you.
Anything that requires sustained concentration will benefit from being done during your alone time. People are nice, social skills are valuable, some of the time. But for tasks that require heavy-duty concentration being alone is the ticket.
Thinking is not the same thing as rumination. A common mistake people make when alone is to spend their time thinking about what is wrong and turning the things that bother them over and over in their minds.
Effective use of alone time for thinking is best spent on thinking about what could be, set goals, and clarify values. Take stock of your life but do not judge. Toss the “shoulds and the musts” and focus on the “where you want to go and what you will need to do to get there’s.”
Life is a balancing act between extroverted and introverted activities. We all need some time around others to be mentally healthy. We also need some time off stage and alone to keep our mental balance.
Even the most strongly extroverted people can benefit from some alone time to get to know themselves and achieve that more balanced place.
Use your alone time to get in touch with who you are and what you like. Avoid being a pale reflection of others and develop your inner self.
Too much time surrounded by others, particularly others you need to please, will result in not pleasing yourself. Time alone lets you get clear on your wants and needs and allows you to practice making yourself happy.
Happiness is not an outside job, no one can make you happy in the long run. Living an authentic life, the life you know you were meant to live will maximize your happiness over the long haul.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Happy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Want a better, more successful life? Try out these prescriptions.
The more you do the more you will get accomplished.
Take some chances.
Do some new things. Learn from your mistakes and then stop making the same old mistakes.
To get more out of life you need to put more living in the life you have.
Doing one thing over and over leads to making deep ruts. Those ruts better be in the place you want them. Life is change. You will change. Your relationships will change, for the better or the worse. Embrace the process of change and see that you continue to change for the better. Make change your helper, not your destroyer.
Want to be more? Feel better about the things you do. To feel better about yourself do more and better things. Do new worthwhile things. Do things of service to others and you will grow.
We all tend to rise or fall to the levels of those around us. Pick good friends, pick people on the way up, spiritually, and intellectually.
It is easy to lie to yourself. Tell you that someone else is to blame. You can think of all kinds of excuses why things are others fault and why you don’t need to do things. Honesty is an important part of any recovery. One of the most important aspects of honesty is getting honest with yourself. There are some things you will never be able to do. There are things you like that you need to get out of your life. Get rigorously honest with yourself and things will begin to change.
Lives that are less than they should be are often lives lived jumping between the regrets of the past and the fears of the future. Stay in the present. Think about the now. Whatever you are doing be doing that thing. Mindfulness, meditation, or just old fashion “pay attention to what you are doing” will all add to your ability to focus on the present and make progress on creating the life you want to live.
Our brains attend to pain and suffering. It is our mind’s way of trying to protect us from the bad stuff. You learned from birth to recognize and attend to the painful. What many of us did not learn is that happiness, positive memories, are not that sticky. They slip right on off the brain. If you want a good life, a happy life, a fulfilling life, you need to pay extra attention to the good things that are going on all around you. Become a happiness expert and learn to recognize the positive when it happens in your world.
The past is over. Learn the lessons you need to learn. Hold fast to the memories and release the pain. Living in the past prevents having a full life in the now. And really the now is the only time you will ever be fully there.
Spend as much of your life as possible doing things that you truly love. If you can’t do your passion all the time then find ways to enjoy the things you do most of the time to provide the necessities of life and then make time for those things you do feel passionate about.
Be generous with praise for others. Compliments, honest sincere ones, cost you nothing and are worth a priceless amount to those who may need a kind word today. Fake praise debases you and your relationships. Do not say something is great if it isn’t. Do look for the good in everyone and everything and praise those things you can appreciate.
Want a good life? Surround yourself with those who know more than you do and are willing to teach. Can’t find people who know more than you? Then look for good students to teach and in the process, you will learn more than you ever thought possible.
You can’t do good work without tools. Your body is the tool you will use and the place you will live your whole life. Take care of it. Eat well. Sleep when tired and rest when you need to. Do not expect to get service out of a tool that has been abused.
Make sure you exercise and keep all the body parts in good working order. For a happy life keep all your needs in balance. These are just some of the things I have found useful in creating my happy life. What things have you found helpful in making your life the best it can be?
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.
Focus.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
Most of us were never taught how to stay focused and pay attention. We were told to “pay attention” and if you didn’t or couldn’t you were told that there was something wrong with you. Maybe you were even told you had ADD/ADHD. You may have that disorder and need professional help, but my suspicion is that a lot of us could stay more focused and pay better attention if we tried a few simple techniques.
Getting organized and staying organized are skills you can learn and practice to keep yourself focused and on track. Here are some tools that well-organized and focused people use to keep themselves moving forward.
Tell yourself that with or without an attention issue you can and will learn ways to improve your focus. Self-talk is powerful. If you say you will improve your abilities in this area you will. Continue to say you can’t and you will not ever improve in this area.
If you find it is difficult for you, find out why. What is the thing you still need to do or learn to be more focused and better organized?
If your mind is full you can’t process new information. Trying to remember all you have to do today will reduce your ability to pay attention to the task at hand.
Making a list of what you need to do and writing it down will help you get organized. You can pick from the list the most important thing to do first and then move on down the list. What you do not get to was probably not that important. That or if you still are not getting to everything on your list – too much to do is the problem.
Which thing needs to be done first? You need to write a report. You decide you need to look for sources, write an introduction, and then complete the report.
Bouncing all over the place doing one thing and then another leaves you with lots not done and increases the chances you will forget things.
Leaving large tasks for last means they never get done. Your mind will protect you by taking you off task. Go after the big one first and once this is out-of-the-way the other things you need to do will be the more manageable.
Whenever possible avoid all those have-to-do things that people do before the project. Doing too much getting ready puts off the task until you run out of oomph.
Forget sharpening all the pencils and cleaning off the desk before you can start to write. Write first and then sharpen those pencils or clean off unneeded things during the breaks.
Decide what you want to do. Work on that goal as long as possible. If you find yourself off task relax for a moment and then refocus on the original task.
For very large projects build in some step back and think some more time. This keeps you from wearing yourself out working on things that do not help you achieve your ultimate goal.
Slice big tasks up into small chunks. This coupled with the list-making technique can allow you to do small things and do them one at a time rather than becoming overwhelmed trying to stay on task over a large task and a long time frame.
If your mind keeps talking to you about other things you need to do, avoid thinking about those other tasks right now. Write them down on your to-do list and clear your mind then refocus on the original task.
Are you listening to a talk on your favorite topic? Will you be learning a new skill? In what area? Knowing why you are going to need to pay attention lets you stay focused when you need to and lets you go on autopilot when this is a fun attention-is-optional activity.
If we humans had to think over each and every thing we were going to do today many of us would still be in bed. If you have a routine way you do routine things you can get more accomplished and leave mental capacity for the new tasks you will need to tackle today.
Whenever possible establish a set procedure for things you do often. Having a set do-step-one then step two, the process helps you stay focused.
Professional athletes, Olympic hopefuls, and other performers know this well. When the ball is coming towards you is no time to have to think about what you will need to do. Practice your skills. Practice them over and over until they become automatic. When they are automatic moves practice some more.
Over-learning, continuing to practice skills that you have already learned is the key to being able to stay on track during times of stress or excitement.
There are very few times that people can really do two things at once. Good multitaskers are even rarer. Multitasking is the great myth of our times. Focus on one thing at a time for optimum performance. Do not be thinking about what you will do after work while working.
The time needed to switch back and forth and decide what task to do next takes time away from all the tasks you are working on. Do one thing at a time for best results.
Some people can focus best with background noise. If you do this look for instrumental music or white noise sounds. Avoid talk radio or interview shows where you will be tempted to switch your attention back and forth between the noise and the task.
Mindless sounds, instrumental music, or other non-interfering sounds can help drown out distracting sounds.
Some tasks are best performed in low noise environments with the door closed.
Frequent breaks do not interfere with attention, they improve it. Move around in your chair, get up and walk, take a mental break and your overall attention will improve. Every few minutes look far away and blink. Give yourself a small diversion to improve your concentration. If you try to stay in one position and focus your eyes on one task for too long you will discover that your body will develop aches and pains to draw your attention away.
Avoid getting stuck in a loop going over and over something you are unable to do. Take a break, move on to another task, and plan on returning to the project later.
Sometimes a break will allow your subconscious mind to keep working on the issue and the solution will suddenly come to you. At other times you may decide you need to seek out help or advice from someone who knows how to accomplish this task.
If you find you are chronically off task. If you bounce from thing to thing but rarely get anything done or if you are always forgetting things, the problem may well be that you are trying to do too many things and that they are all getting the same priority. Sometimes more is less, especially in the area of staying on task and being productive.
Staying connected with David Joel Miller
Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!
My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.
Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.
Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.
As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.
Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.
Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.
Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.
Planned Accidents The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.
Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.
What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?
Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.
For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller
Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.
For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel
counselorssoapbox 