Ready for a life makeover?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Spring flowers

Spring is here.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Spring cleaning for your new life.

The winter season is coming to a close. Spring is approaching. Time for spring cleaning and getting the house and you spruced up for a new year. People often get makeovers for their looks and their clothing, sometimes for their places, but have you considered getting a makeover for your life?

Here are some things you may want to consider changing to create a new, clean, and effective new you.

1. Clean out the toxic habits.

Take an inventory of your life. Are there habits that became a part of your life that are toxic? Do you smoke, drink to excess, or do drugs? Would now be a good time to get rid of that habit before it becomes an addiction?

It is not just chemicals, drugs, and alcohol, which may need ejecting from your life. Behaviors can be just as addicting, mentally, and physically, as drugs. What behaviors have taken over your life uninvited?

Do you waste time complaining or gossiping, dwelling on personalities as some like to call it? Would now be a good time to resolve to work on issues rather than talk about people? Are there other habits that are harmful to your happy, productive life?

Have you settled for passive behaviors, watching sports instead of playing them? Are their activities that have become huge time wasters and which add nothing of values to your life? Get rid of the things that waste your time and spend that time on becoming a better happier you.

2. Update your friend’s list.

Do you have people in your life who are on the friend’s list, the electronic friends or associates you hang out with, that are bad for your emotional health? Consider if there are people you have been calling friends that are anything but a friend.

Is it time to work on making some new friends? Get yourself out there, say hi, put your hand out and start making new friends. You will begin to copy the people you hang out with. Show me your friends and this will tell us who you are.  Maybe your friends need an upgrade?

3. Shop for some new options – set new goals.

Has your life drifted into a rut? Are you aimlessly drifting along in life? It may be time to set new goals, rearrange your priorities, and head off in a new direction.

Were there things that you said you will do someday? Have you done them? Do not wait to create your “bucket list” until you are too old and weak to carry a bucket. If you knew time was running out, what would you want to do? Why not start doing those someday thinks today?

4. Refurbish your career.

Do you have a job or do you have a career? Work on creating a job that you enjoy going to. Make it into a career. Find something to do that you feel good about and you will find work is less of a chore and more of a life mission. Why do unpleasant work when you can do something you love all day and get paid for it?

Has your career gotten shabby and worn? Does it fit who you have become? Is it time to start shopping for ways to rework that career? Get more training, look for more opportunities in the place you work, or possibly launch out in a whole new direction.

In your lifetime you probably will need to move a bunch of times and if you are like most people you will end up changing jobs many times in your life. Start planning where you want to land when you leave where you are.

5. Get a new look.

Does your wardrobe need updating? Maybe just some outfits that are less shabby and worn? If you remember when you got that article of clothing, the decade, rather than where it may be time for a change.

6. Fix up your nest.

You spend a lot of time where you live. Make it as comfy and cozy as possible. Most people have accumulated more stuff than they can use. Do you live in the land of clutter? Now is the time to part with the out of date, the things that you keep because you have them not because you want them.

Hang some new pictures, rearrange a few things. What in your living area says “I live here?”

7. Try on some new hobbies.

Is there something you always wanted to try? Is now the time to try out that activity? Take up a new skill. Learn to cook. Find a hobby or craft that suits your lifestyle.

8. Visit some new places.

Get out of the old rut. See some new places, travel a little. Even something as simple as taking a different route to work can spark some new ideas and new experiences.

If a tourist came to your hometown where would you take them? Have you taken yourself there? What wonders await you just around the bend? Seeing things in person is a far different experience than looking at the pictures on the internet. Ask yourself what you would like to see or experience in person.

Attend some festivals. Enjoy the pageantry.  There are annual events all around you. Historical reenactments abound.

9. Make some repairs to your relationship.

Does your relationship need some work? Has it become shabby and run down? Do some things to repair the cracks that have developed between you and your partner. Good relationships require maintenance. The best relationships are between people who, once they notice the relationship has some damage, drop their pride, and work on making the repairs.

What areas of your life need remodeling or repair? Are you ready to start on some personal improvement?

For more on these topics see: Relationships,  Family Problems, Self-improvement   

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why today may be better than you thought.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Today is going to be a good day.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is today a good day?

Would you recognize a great day if you had one? We humans frequently have a mental bias that results in us seeing the bad and missing the good. If all you look for are the things that went wrong today, over time you will come to think that all days are bad ones and that your life is destined to become unhappy.

If you start looking for the positive experiences in life you will find that every day there are random positive events going on in your life largely unnoticed. Try doing some investigative work and finding these positive events for a more positive life. Here is my list of things you may have missed that could point to your having more good days than you are recognizing.

1. Someone was glad to see you today.

Did your child, partner, or pet greet you this morning? Did they say something to you when you got home? When we are rushing from place to place and person to person we can miss those in our day who were glad to see us.

Did you get a smile or a good morning from a coworker? Did you return that greeting? Work can be stressful at times but watch for those who are positive and glad to see you. Recognizing this greeting can set the tone for the rest of your day.

What about pets? Was there a dog that wagged his tail for you today? Did you stop to pet that creature? Did you get a cat purr? Purring for cats is the equivalent of an audible smile. Make sure you acknowledge that pet of yours. They are wishing you a great day if only you could stop to notice.

2. You like the work you do.

Earning a living can be stressful and make you anxious sometimes. If you have a job you like make sure you notice this and be thankful for it. If you love what you do it can bring joy and happiness to your life. Don’t like what you do? Think about how you can change jobs, start a new career, or look for ways to change your attitude towards the job you do have.

3. You look forward to getting home.

Are there things at home you like to do? People, you enjoy being with? Why or why not?  You work for a living, coming home should not be a chore. If it is, take another look at what you are doing and why. There is no point in putting off being happy to earn a living so you can go home and be unhappy.

Work on your relationships. Get professional help if need be. Look at some blog posts. There have been several on counselorssoapbox on improving your relationships. Do you put the same effort into making your relationships work that you put into building a career? Unhappiness at home carries over into the world of work.

4. You learned something new today.

If you enjoy learning then every day is a chance to learn something new. Those new ideas can go unnoticed in the pile of things we call our “to do” lists. Make it a rule to learn something new each day. Ask your partner or children what they learned today. Share what you learned. See how you can grow and become a better person each and every day.

5. If you solved a problem it was a good day.

Problems crop up all the time. You spend most of your day moving from issue to issue. The end result of all this problem solving is to develop a “problem-saturated” story of your life. Before long you can think that your whole life is one problem after another.

Did you forget all the problems you have solved? Most of us overcome a host of problems each and every day. What we may fail to do is to think back over the day and recognize those successes. Give yourself credit for things that you accomplished. Give yourself a mental round of applause. See you may be a fantastic problem solver, but if all you are remembering is that you faced problems today rather than remembering the ones you solved, life can look like one giant problem.

6. You were of service to someone else.

It is easy to drift into the habit of measuring the day based on what we have and what we receive rather than on the time we were able to be of service. Research has found that doing for others can result in significantly more happiness than being selfish and doing only for yourself.

Have you ever done anything in your life for a child or someone who really needed help? How did that make you feel? Did that child “get over on you” or did it feel good to help someone who needed your help?

If feeling good is so happy-making, why do we all resist being of service to others? Try looking for ways you can do for others and that doing will result in a happier you. Why not be really selfish and do all you can to be of service to others today?

Now that you look at it, was today a better day than you originally thought? What other ways might daily happiness be going unnoticed and unrecorded?

For more on this topic see the other counselorssoapbox.com post under Happiness.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

.

Ways to avoid work burnout.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Match on fire

Burnout.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you unhappy at work?

More people are unhappy than happy on the job site these days. Not that the job is necessarily supposed to make you happy. There was a time when people’s main reason for working was just money. When most people worked in farming or at a trade you worked to save up some money, bought some land, and then had your life. Now if you have land you have to work to pay the taxes and other bills.

You will be working for a long time.

If you look at your work or career as something you will do for 40 or so years, from becoming an adult, till you retire, it makes sense to look for a career doing something which you can be happy doing all those years.

The pay scale is not the only thing that makes for happiness. Pay is mostly symbolic. If I make enough to live the way I want, more is less important than if I am not making enough to get by on. A dollar an hour wage increase is huge for someone making minimum wage but means not much to someone who makes millions each year. Any good manager should know that giving out a raise can up production and happiness for a while but after some time people tend to revert back to their old ways. So the good workers work hard after the raise and those who thought that more money would make them happy find the effects of that raise are wearing off before long.

People who are truly happy at work find that it is more what they do and think than what the boss does that determines their happiness at work. While a bad boss can make things more difficult, there are things you can do wherever you are to make your work life more rewarding. Rather than expecting someone else to make you happy at work look for ways to get and keep a job that will make you happy.

Here are a few tips for creating a happy environment at your work site.

Search out a job that is right for you and that you would like to do.

College students often end up in majors because they heard that people who do that kind of work make a lot of money. Once out of school and on the job they are miserable and they often blame the place they work. If you are a shy person avoid training for or looking for a job that puts you out front talking to lots of people unless your goal is to overcome that shyness.

Look first for a job that would fit your personality and likes. Over time you should stretch and try to grow. Taking a job that you do not want to do is a sure recipe for job burnout. You may need to take a less than ideal job for now, but if you do, try to avoid settling into this for the long haul and being miserable in the meantime. Be thankful for the paycheck, do your very best, all the while looking for your ideal situation.

Do some research on what to expect on that job.

Some jobs look like fun when you see them on T. V. but the seamstress murder mystery solver is a fiction. Do some homework, talk with some people who actually do the kind of work you are thinking of doing. Does what is expected of employees at this company sound like something you could deal with for a long time or are you asking yourself how long you can put up with this right from day one.

Take care of yourself.

You cannot push all day at work and then go home and push all night without risking burnout. You work for a paycheck, OK. But partying all weekend is going to turn that job into something you will find it hard to show up for on Monday.

Learn to say no.

When asked to do something that you don’t think you can do, at least not safely or in the time allowed, say so. Avoid saying yes and then not doing what you said you would do. Being overcommitted at work and in your out-of-work-life can make even the most enjoyable job an overwhelming burnout.

Please the people who matter. Do not try to please everyone.

Usually, you need to please your immediate boss or supervisor. You also need to keep the “customers” whoever that may be, happy. Beyond that, you should try to keep good relationships with coworkers but you can’t please everyone all the time. Pick who you will need to please and work on that.

You probably can’t please your boss and your parents and spouse all at the same time. Make sure you keep your family out of your work life and your boss out of your home life.

Work smarter not longer.

To the extent you have any control over the work you do and how you do it look for ways to get more done in less time. Elaborate filling systems are nice – sort of – but watch out for things that suck up a lot of time and produce no results. If the project changes weekly those files may all need to be pitched out next Monday.

Concentrate on the things that are most productive.

A few of the things you do produce the bulk of the results. This is true at the job, school, and in your relationships. Do the things that are the most productive first. Often those productive things will be the willpower sucking things that you keep putting off.

Do the hard things first while your willpower is strongest, then move on through your day to the less and less difficult things. Remember there will always be more to do tomorrow.

Prioritize to-do lists.

Lists keep growing to fill the paper available. Many things on that list are wishes rather than need-to-do items. Do what matters first and cross off all the things that really do not need to be done. The goal is to be productive and enjoy your work life not to be a super-employee whose cape is worn out before retirement day.

Enjoy your face time.

Emails and tweets are fine but nothing beats a face to face get together. Humans are social animals we need to see and be around others. Most happy employees get some time each day to stop and chat with other employees.

You can’t understand the tone of voice very well in an email, you get that better in person. You also need to be concerned about the person you are with as well as the work.

Think about when it will be time for a change and how you will know that.

Staying in the same place on the same job can burn people out. You need fresh challenges or opportunities if you stay on the same job. Some people find that periodically they need to change departments, tasks, companies, or even careers. Others will find that they need to look for those challenges in their hobbies or out-of-work activates.

What ways have you found to avoid burnout in your life?

For more on the topic of Work and Careers see:

Careers and Jobs

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

7 Thoughts create success.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Success

Success.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Think these 7 thoughts to have a successful life.

What you think tends to come true. You can’t accomplish things if you do not believe they are possible. Successful people do more positive thinking. Highly successful people make these 7 thoughts a part of their thought habits. To be really successful practice these thoughts every day until they become your default way of thinking.

1. Where I came from does not determine where I am going.

Your past may have put you where you are but you have choices on where you go from here. Having things in your past may limit some options but there are always more possibilities out there than most of us see.

Look for those options. Had a lousy childhood? Become your own parent and learn those lessons you should have gotten early on.

No education? Get back into school. There are a great many older students in college these days. Everyone needs to keep learning to keep up. Things change. Many of the students in the college evening classes I have thought were surprised to find they had far more ability than they thought.

Watch for an upcoming post on making learning fun and being successful at learning as an adult.

2. You only need to get up once more than you get knocked down.

Successful people keep getting back up. Life knocked you down? Get back up. Do learn from the things that happen to you. Change your game plan, your study routines, or get more help. The truth is that most “naturals” became naturals by practicing over and over. You make the most progress at things by working on your weak spots not by limiting what you do to the things that come easy.

3. What you think about things is more important than what they were.

If you focus on what happened, why did that have to happen and why you, you can get stuck in the past. Learn from these experiences. I get that some experiences can be extremely painful, but if you want to have the rest of your life you need to see how you could do things that can make your life better.

Look at the future as another chance and good things just might happen for you. Find it hard to believe? Short on hope? Work on developing a group of supporters that can see the possibilities ahead even when you find them hard to see.

4. This is not fear – I am on the jazz.

Change, new experiences, can provoke anxiety. Some people, they look for all the things that could go wrong and the result is they stay stuck. Really successful people reframe those butterflies in their stomachs as excitement. New experiences become their friends.

What possibilities could you get excited about? What novel situations could give you the chance to shine?

5. The best one to create my life is me.

Successful people think that they are the one to make things happen in their life. Getting the breaks and having a successful person recommend you or offer you opportunities is great, but sitting back thinking I can never do it unless someone else does things for me is a sure recipe for failure. Want to create your dream? Go out and do the work. Practice and learn. Once you become good at things others will notice. Most of those big breaks come after years of practice and study.

6. You need to make mistakes to learn.

Mistakes need not be catastrophic. Highly successful people make lots of mistakes. They learn from those errors. Do lots of things, some work some do not. Stop doing the things that do not work out for you. Put in more effort on the things you see that need improvement and see just how far you will go.

7. Aim high if you want to achieve worthwhile things.

Aim low and that is what you will hit. Aim high and even if you do not go all the way you will still end up a lot further along. Have high aims and aspirations while accepting that if you are hitting every target the first time you are still not aiming high enough. Not missing the mark a lot? You are underestimating yourself and playing it too safe to ever go as far as you are capable.

There are seven principles of success that have shown up repeatedly in the literature on success and have been born out in the lives of those who achieve great things. Have you discovered other principles that you would like to share?

For more on this topic see these other posts on counselorssoapbox.com

Success

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Top 10 life mistakes.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Mistakes and errors

Mistakes.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How many of these top 10 life mistakes are you making?

What is a mistake for one person may not be for another. Over the long haul, most mistakes can be turned into assets if you recognize you are making them and change what you are doing. Here is a list of some of the things people report have been their top mistakes in life. Take a look at this list and see if you are making any of these. If so would today be the time to change what you are doing?

1. Trying to live up or down to others expectations.

Having someone who believes in you can be a powerful incentive. But if you find you are doing things you do not want to do because others expect this of you, take another look at these efforts and decide if this what you really want out of life.

Are you trying to enter a career or profession because that is what your family expects? If you get there will this be something that makes you happy? Often people try to do things to get the love and acceptance of their families only to find that what they do can never be enough. If you try to make the big leagues because your parent wanted to get there and now is living through you, be careful.

Potentially worse is the situation in which someone fails because this is what their family expects of them. Do not listen to others who need you to fail so they will not feel so bad about themselves. If you have always been told that you can’t do something, that you will never be able to do what you want, take another look at this and see if this is really true or is it others trying to hold you back. Some parents even think the way to protect their children from failure is to tell them they can’t do things so they will not try and be disappointed.

Give things a try and see how far you can go. Do not be held back by doubts, yours or others. You may discover you have more ability than you think. You do not need to make it to the White House to be successful, but if you do not try you will never know if you could have accomplished something.

2. Insisting life be fair.

Do not waste time insisting life be fair. You can spend a lot of time, fighting over what is and is not fair but sometimes life is just not fair. Work to change things if you can, but do not let unfair situations or people keep you from the pursuit of your goals. It may not be fair that someone else gets into a good school and you do not. Dust yourself off and keep going. People who get advantages early in life often fade as time goes on. People who learn to overcome adversity keep moving forward.

3. Blaming others for what you lack.

It really does not matter whose fault it is that your life is not the way you want it. You can stay stuck in blame or you can take the initiative and start off again.

4. Expecting someone to fix you.

Making your life happy or you successful is an inside job. Others can help but they can’t make you a different person. A good doctor can help you heal but the docs will tell you that a patient who takes an active part in their recovery and maintains a positive attitude will recover more rapidly.

5. Thinking you should be somewhere else.

Do not blame your life on where you are. Be as successful as you can. If you really need to be somewhere else, say you want to act, you need to go where there are theaters. Do not say that someday when you move to New York you will become a great actor. Learn all you can where you are.

6. Saying you are too old or do not have the time.

Always wanted to do something? Now is the time. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you are too old or do not have the time.

Always wanted to go back and get your college degree? Think you are too old? How old are you now? How old will you be in four years? Will you be any different in age whether you go to school or not? Lots of people are going back to school or starting a new career at ages that used to be thought of as too old. The truth is you can do whatever you set your mind to if you stop putting it off.

7. Letting fear keep you from trying.

Lots of people never tried things that they might have been good at because they let fear stand in their way. Take a realistic look at what it is that you always wanted to do. Get some advice from someone else. Always wanted to write the great American novel? Age is no barrier. Give it a try.

Doing things is more possible now than ever before. You may not have the advantage of going to a prestigious school or years to practice your skill. You do not need to be as good as Shakespeare or Hemingway to write a book. Whatever book you write will be your book. Why let fear keep you from giving it a try.

8. Expecting someone else to make you happy or successful.

Learn that others can’t eat for you, can’t sleep for you, and can’t exercise for you. They also can’t make you happy. Having happy loving people can add to your happiness but you can be miserable any place you choose. You can also learn to be happy in whatever situation you find yourself in. Work on making your life better but accept that happiness is up to you not others.

9. Calling yourself names.

Do not call yourself names or put you down. Some people experienced this as children and have kept up the destructive practice. They may pass down this negativity to their offspring. There is no proof that calling yourself stupid can make you smarter. What it will do is make you give up trying and not trying is the perfection of stupid.

Believe in yourself, accept yourself as you are, and you will go a whole lot farther in life. Calling yourself names will not motivate you to do better. It will hold you back. Tell yourself positive affirmations and you will do better. Say you can’t and you will make that come true.

10. Trying to please others.

Spend your life trying to please others and you are likely to please no one. Others are hard to please. Work to please yourself. Do things you can be proud of and you will end up pleasing those who matter.

Yes, sure you want to please the boss or your partner. Do this not because of the desire to please them but because doing your best will please you and see how many more people will be pleased by your efforts.

Those are the top ten life mistakes on my list. Are there any other mistakes that you have made and now regret? What are you doing to overcome those mistakes and move forward?

For more on becoming the best you possible, check out these other counselorssoapbox.com posts.

Self-improvement

Success

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Inner Child a Twin?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Is your inner child a twin?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are there times your inner-child can’t get along with its siblings?

There has been lots of discussion, and more than a few books over the years, about having an inner child. That part of us that is leftover from childhood, who may have those emotional hurts and pains which have failed to heal properly. There are even some therapists who advertise that they specialize in “inner child work” by which they mean they work with adults on the emotional healing and growth that should have happened in childhood but as an adult, we realize still needs to receive attention. What about the times this approach does not work? Why won’t my inner-child go along with this program?

If you feel like you need to cry or scream like a little child why don’t you do it?

Now the very rational among us tell us that there is no inner-child hiding inside us. We can perform x-rays, ultrasounds, cat-scans, and all manner of other tests, and still no one seems to be able to find that inner child lurking in there. You can’t locate that inner child so why do so many so persistently feel that one must be present?

One way I have tried to work through this inner-child stuff is my continued belief that there are certain lessons, emotional ones, and intellectual ones, which I need to learn in life. If I did not learn those lessons at 8 then I will still be working on them at 80. Eventually, we all need to learn lessons and master emotions.

That might work if I could decide what that lesson was, what is the right answer that I need to arrive at for a happy life. Then I could study until I get it right. Wouldn’t that be reassuring? It may be that there is no one answer for so many of life challenges because you may have more than one inner child, inner twins, or an inner family and those needs may be in conflict.

Our language has expressions that describe not one inner child but a whole inner family.

Do you ever find yourself thinking – part of me wants to do x and part of me wants to do Y? Do you say “on the one hand I think yes and on the other hand, I think No?”

Could one of the conflicts inherent in being a human be that feelings and thinkings are just not all that clear-cut? Some experiences are bitter-sweet. Sometimes you feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Could it be that the flaw in so many of these personality tests is that you have not one inner you but two or more inner you’s? Let’s look at some examples of inner dilemmas.

Are you an Introvert or Extrovert?

Me? Part of me is an introvert and part of me, my inner-self’s twin is an extrovert. I like being around people. I enjoy teaching and public speaking, this is the extroverted me.

But the other inner me likes to write, a rather solitary introverted behavior. There are times that I need to be around others and there are times that I need to spend some time alone watching the wind blow through the trees and the birds sing.

Which is the real me? Well, both are me and the longer I live I have come to believe that it is not in discovering the one and only one inner-me. Mentally healthy living is about embracing the various aspect of my own inner worlds.

Are you a Thinking or Feeling person?

The rational thinking part of you worries about why you are not happier. The feeling part of you wonders what you need to do to be less anxious. Occasionally I start to wonder just what I think about the way I am feeling. How do I feel about what I am thinking? Do you ever do that? Do your inner children sometimes all start acting up at once?

Life, for me anyway, turns out to be a whole lot more complicated than just figuring out what my inner-child thinks, feels, or wants. Sometimes I have a family full of inner children all competing for my attention and wanting their needs met. Is it just me? Or do others of you out there sometimes think your inner child must be a twin or, heaven forbid, a set of quintuplets?

Can you see how you might have competing conflicted inner you needs and those needs are all real and all part of you? Sometimes the way to work with your inner child is to become an inner adult, love all the parts of you. Sometimes you will need to mediate between all your parts and sometimes you will need to decide which part gets its needs met just now and which part will have to wait a while.

How about yours? Is your inner-child an only child or are there other members of your inner family?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Free things that make you happy

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can free things really make you happy?

We hear that money can’t buy happiness but we all know that a lack of money can bring you down.

Turns out that happy people are more successful in life, but success, especially money, does not by itself make you happy.

Here are some things that are free but can greatly improve your happiness if only you would use them.

Going outside increases happiness.

Spending more time outside, in nature makes people happy. The beach, the mountains, almost any place but the city makes most people feel happy. Despite all our desires to have bigger houses and more things, being away from those things man makes has turned out to make people happy in study after study.

Plan a trip to the country. Visit a local park or just walk along some local streets. Make sure you pay attention to the trees, the birds, and the flowers to increase your happiness.

The ideal happy temperature is 57 degrees Fahrenheit.

Strengthen happiness by getting more exercise.

Walking can improve your mood as well as, sometimes more than, most medications. A goal of many treatments for depression is to get people to the point that they are able to get up and get moving.

Exercise does not need to be strenuous to make you happy. Just simply moving around can begin the process. Consider taking up yoga. Look for events that get you moving. Sharing that exercise with other people can increase the happiness benefits.

Get more sleep for more happiness.

Most of us are chronically sleep-deprived. Not enough sleep results in depression, poor memory, and impaired learning abilities. Sleep is not a bank account where you make a deposit one night a week and then live off that sleep all week. Think of sleep more like food you need to eat a healthy diet every day rather than bingeing on food.

There is one form of depression in which people eat and spend too much time trying to sleep, that is not because of too much sleep. What happens is that when depressed you may find it difficult to get out of bed and do anything. If you are in bed a lot of hours and still feel tired try getting up and doing something and see if your mood doesn’t improve.

Socialize more for more happiness.

Spending time with family and friends should not cost you. If it is, take another look at that relationship. The more time you spend with others the more likely you are to create a happy life.

Friends can give your happiness a real boost. Don’t have many friends you can spend time with? Get involved in something and you will make new friends. Most friendships begin around shared activates. You make friends at school, your place of religious practice or the places you do your sports and hobbies.  Join a group, take up a new activity, look for ways to meet new people, and in the process, you can make some new friends.

Let go of the past to increase your happiness.

Holding on to the past, ruminating about those things that made you unhappy in the past is a sure way to prevent happiness in the present. Let the past go and you will see improvements in the now.

Hard to stop thinking about the negative? Train your brain to avoid those repetitive memories. When your thoughts head down a bad street, tell your mind to knock that off. Make a conscious effort to stay in the now and focus on the positive. What you look for expands. Look for happiness.

Happiness is contagious – get infected.

Being around happy people makes you happy. Read funny things, watch happy videos, and laugh all you can. Share those cute-cat-videos with your social media friends. Spread wanton happiness wherever you go.

Slow your pace down and savor the happiness you do find.

Become a happiness watcher.

Happiness is all around you but may go unnoticed if you are not on the lookout. Just like people watch for birds and find them, you need to be on the lookout for happiness and throughout your day you are likely to see small snippets of happy all around you.

Get a pet to share your happiness.

This may not be totally free but it is certainly reasonably priced for most people. Having an animal in your life makes us all feel a little more loved. Get a dog, a cat, or some other creature and see if your happiness does not improve.

The size or breed does not appear to make a difference. You do need to think ahead though because while you may get a pet for little or no outlay over their life they will require some food and other expenditures.

Doing something for someone else can make you happy.

Being of service can boost your happiness. Recovering people know that happiness is one of those things you need to give away to keep. Anytime you have done something for another, not for what you will get out of them but for the sheer pleasure of being helpful, you will become happier.

A warning. Do not do for others expecting them to appreciate you. Things done because you want others to like you will leave you feeling cheated when others do not appreciate what you have done as much as you expected. Things done for the pleasure of doing them always pay dividends.

There is my list of mostly free ways to increase your happiness in the place you find yourself. Being happy where you are has some side effects. You may find yourself more energetic and productive and your life may start to change for the better.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Feeding Your Happiness Diet

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness Diet

Happiness Diet
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you ready for a high-happiness diet?

This time of year resolutions is almost gone. The plans to diet, exercise, and self-improve are almost out of season now. Did you start out saying this was the year you went on a high happiness diet? How are you doing on creating that happy life? Many of the same things that make diets successful will make that happy life project work better also.

Make room for healthy, happy experiences but cutting out the junk stuff.

Cutting out junk food will improve your physical health. What are the junk things you are doing that are keeping you unhappy? Are there activities or people that you need to get out of your life to create a happier you?

If you don’t clean out the garbage in your house your living space becomes unhealthy. There are probably things in all our emotional lives that need tossing out. Get rid of excess anger and ruminations to make room for happy experiences.

You can’t eat all your happiness at one meal.

You need to eat every day. For a happy life take in some happiness each and every day. You need to eat a sensible diet every day. For the maximum happy life, you will need to incorporate small doses of happiness every day.

Do not think that one huge dose of happiness will satisfy you for the rest of your life. Watch for the small things that build your healthy happiness. That good job or new relationship may make you happy for a while but you will need to maintain that relationship and keep up a positive view of that job or soon those things that were supposed to make you happy will fade into extra weight around your emotional middle.

Avoid bingeing on negativity.

Binge eating is bad for your physical health. Bingeing on negative thoughts is bad for both your mental health and your physical health. You can’t load up on negativity and unhappy thinking all day and then expect one positive event to make your day happy.

To build a happy life you need to consume small snacks of happiness all day long. Don’t waste time on negativity. Solve the problems that can be solved and accept the things that are out of your control.

Watch for the little things in life that bring the smiles. Laugh a little at frequent intervals.

Practice healthy happiness skills.

There are those things that can pretend to make you happy, the happiness imposters. Drugs, alcohol, and lots of selfish pursuits try to pretend they will make you happy. Really happiness grows from using positive, safe coping tools each and every day.

If you run by those bursts of happy feelings you will miss them. Do things that make you happy. Appreciate those things. Repeat as needed.

Stay off the happiness scale.

Constant measuring, asking if you are happy enough, can impede the growth of real happiness. Focus on maximizing your happiness not measuring it. Do not dwell on what is missing in your life. Make plans to fill up those shortages and then focus on the journey.

Too much checking the map can keep you from making progress on the journey of life. Take those periodic inventories of your life, but day-to-day keep working on making progress on your goals.

Make being happy part of your daily routine.

Do not put off being happy till later. Spend a few minutes each morning telling yourself that some good things will happen today. Watch for the things that make your day better. Say nice things to yourself.

What things can you do for yourself each day that makes you happy? Pet the dog or cat and tell them that it is nice to see them.

Create happiness rituals.

Work small rituals and routines that increase your happiness into your day. Say an affirmation, make yourself a treat. Schedule time for a cute-cat-video to start your day.

Practice your religious or spiritual tradition. Say Hi to your higher power and expect that you will get a Hi and some love back. Prayers do not need to be long or complicated to keep you in touch with your source of strength and love.

What small thing could you do each day to get your day off to a great start?

To develop maximum happiness make friends with your emotions.

Do not let sad feelings, loneliness, or depression take over control of your life. Do learn to listen to your feelings. If something is not making you happy ask yourself why? Is this about the thing, the job, the relationship, or is it about me?

Unhappy people are unhappy everywhere no matter what happens. Happy people grow that happiness and weed out the things that are sapping the strength from their life.

Develop the skill of being happy.

Being happy is not a result of chance. People win the lottery and still many are not happy. Love comes and it goes. Wherever you go, you are there. Learn the skill of seeing the best in the situation you are in while working towards having the life you want.

Happiness is not a destination; it is a lifetime journey.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Brainstorm a better life

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy children

Happy life.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

A better life begins with a plan for what better would be.

Ever thought you wanted more out of life but could not describe what that better life would look like? Try using brainstorming methods to create a life plan for that better life.

Brainstorming is an old technique and one that is not always used to best advantage. To use this technique effectively you need to do two things. When thinking about the questions below do not censor. Write down every idea you come up with no matter how crazy or impossible. Extreme ideas can be tamed down but boring ideas are hard to liven up. Do not think too long about any question, your first thought no matter how bizarre may well be just the idea you are looking for.

Write down the answers to the following questions and then see what they all have in common. Answer each question as if everything was possible. Do not talk yourself out of anything.

If you could do anything for a living what would you do?

Lots of folks drift through life doing the jobs that come their way rather than finding their true passion and pursuing it. Career counselors will tell you that one good predictor of job success is the fit between the person and the job. Not every job is right for every person.

Dream big, then do your homework. Generating a list of dream jobs should take you to the next step, researching those jobs. What would you need to do to land that job? What other related jobs exist. That first idea may lead you to possibilities you had never imagined.

Where would you most like to live?

What would be your dream place to live? Would it be in the mountains or at the beach? Would it be close to your family and where you grew up, or would it be far away and exotic? Make plans to include some of that location in your life.

You may decide that you would like to live somewhere very different from where you grew up, say you fancy living in Japan, but want to be close to your family. Can’t get the whole clan to move to Japan? Then consider a vacation there, a school exchange trip, or simply include some Japanese culture in your life. Try a Japanese restaurant or cultural event.

Who do you want to spend time with?

Too much of life gets spent with people we may not wish to be around. If you could spend time with anyone who would that be? Emphasize time with family or friends. Avoid letting people use up your time that does not enhance your happiness.

Have you surrounded yourself with positive helpful people?  If not, why not? There is truth to those old sayings. “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” We end up being like the average of the people we hang out with. Spend more time with people you would like to emulate.

What is in your life now you would want to eliminate?

A large part of happiness is getting things out of your life that does not belong there. Some things may be mandatory but reexamine your choices. Can you reduce the time spent on activates that do not enhance your happiness? Can you find ways to transform the things you do into happy events by including those you want to be with?

Do you waste a lot of time complaining and gossip? What you do the most you practice doing. To change your life change the things you spend your time on.

Whose advice would be most helpful in solving all your problems?

Feel like you need more help in figuring things out? Look for a mentor. Consult a counselor or therapist. Read self-help books. Consult books and movies by and about inspirational people. Make religious and spiritual advisors a part of your support system.

Take your lists of things you would like to improve in your life and start developing a plan to increase the happy things and decrease the unhelpful things in your life and see how far towards that happy life you can move.

Look here for more Self-Improvement tips.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is your Anxiety a disease?

By David Joel Miller

Anxiety provoking.

Anxiety.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some fear is normal, too much is an anxiety disorder.

How can you tell if your fears and anxieties are normal or are they the signs of a more serious mental illness? In everyday language, there is not much difference between fears and anxieties. In technical, mental health terms there are some key differences between fears, anxieties, and the times your anxiety symptoms get out of control and get diagnosed as a mental illness.

Of all the mental illnesses, Anxiety disorders are the most common. In any given year one in five Americans will experience Anxiety so severe it should be diagnosed as an anxiety disorder. Prevalence rates around the world are very similar to the U. S. experience. Anxiety disorders are also the ones most likely to be seen by medical doctors as the symptoms often look like symptoms of physical illnesses.

Fear in the mental health sense is a reaction to a thing or situation that causes an immediate reaction. You see something, something happens and you get that feeling you need to do something now. The standard reactions are to freeze, flee, or fight.

Say you see a poisonous snake and you become very scared. This sounds rational. But if you are afraid to visit a school because they might have pictures of snakes up in the science classroom, that is excessive and should qualify you for some kind of mental health diagnosis. Which diagnosis? We are not there yet.

Anxiety, the mental health type definition, is a feeling of nervousness or uncomfortable about something that may happen in the future. People with anxiety disorders become so afraid that something will or might happen in the future that they have to alter their present to avoid these possibilities.

People commonly report that they have “Panic attacks” or “Anxiety attacks.” If the thing setting off the anxiety attack is something that has a real potential danger then having fear and freezing, fleeing, or fighting might all be reasonable adaptive behaviors. Attacks of a symptom do not always equal a mental illness.

While some anxiety disorders are brief most, to get diagnosed, need to be more than temporary conditions. The criteria for many anxiety disorders it’s that you must have had this anxiety for six months or more. Of course, during that time period, your anxiety may have episodes of getting stronger, and other times it may be less troublesome. If it has interfered with your life for 6 months or more you most likely have an anxiety disorder.

Not every case of nervousness or anxiety is the result of having an anxiety disorder. Someone who is depressed and has difficulty doing things they used to do is likely to become anxious. We include that kind of anxiety as part of the depression. Same thing when someone with a psychotic disorder becomes fearful and think people are watching them. That paranoia is part of the psychosis and does not get a separate diagnosis of an anxiety disorder.

What makes this fear diagnosable is when it begins to interfere with or change your behavior or upset you. If you can’t leave the house or work because of your anxiety, that is probably a diagnosable anxiety disorder. If your extreme fearfulness, anxiety, or hyper reactiveness start affecting your relationships, that is a probable diagnosis.

There are a number of different types of anxiety disorders depending on what is causing your fear or anxiety. Further complicating this picture is that many people who have anxiety disorders have more than one kind. Having multiple anxiety disorders is considered very common.

Since people with anxiety disorders have by definition “excessive” fear or anxiety it takes an outside observer, usually a therapist to evaluate the risk and see if this person’s fear is reasonable given their situation and their life experiences.

Most anxiety disorders start in childhood, often before the end of middle school. Over time and untreated anxiety disorders get worse. The stats say two of every three people with anxiety disorders are women. I believe this is partly cultural. Boys and men are taught to approach what they fear. Attack it. Women are supposed to get away. This results in anxious men becoming more violent or using a substance to cover up their anxiety and as a result, they get a behavioral or substance use diagnosis.

Physical sensations may be symptoms of anxiety.

Different people experience anxiety differently. Anxiety symptoms are frequently physical and many people interpret their anxiety symptoms as a physical illness.

If you experience an anxiety attack you may feel dizzy or light-headed. You may feel disoriented, have difficulty breathing or swallowing. The heart may race, you might sweat or tremble all over.  Despite the feeling you want to run your legs could become rubbery or jelly-like.

Some people experience gastrointestinal symptoms, constipation, diarrhea, nausea or feeling like you may vomit. Sleep disturbances, mind racing, and confused thoughts can result in Anxiety disorders getting confused with Bipolar Disorder and other mental illnesses.

Here is the most recent list of recognized Anxiety Disorders. These are necessarily brief, general descriptions of the disorders in plain language. For the specific criteria consult the relevant edition of the DSM.  For more on each separate disorder look for the articles I have written on specific disorders. I plan to write more of these posts on specific anxiety disorders in the future.

You will find the link to other articles on anxiety below.

Separation Anxiety Disorder.

This disorder customarily starts early in life. The child is afraid to leave or be away from a caregiver. They may think that something bad will happen to them or the caregiver if they are separated. We used to think of this mostly as a disorder of children and that they should “grow out of it.” We are starting to think that you can have this at any point in your life and that many clingy needy adults had this and or an attachment disorder since childhood.

Selective Mutism.

Someone who speaks normally at home but is afraid to or refuses to speak when in public or around strangers fits the description of Selective Mutism. The criteria for this disorder does not imply that the child is being poorly behaved but just that they are so afraid they can’t speak around strangers. The result is poor grades or school failure. As they get older this may lessen but again there are adults who just avoid speaking around strangers as much as possible.

Specific Phobia.

Spiders and snakes, blood, heights, or flying can all be objects of a specific phobia. With Specific Phobia we can point to things or situations that are the cause of the anxiety. People with specific phobias often had fears of several things or situations and may have other anxiety disorders as well.

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia).

In this disorder, the anxious person is afraid of social situations where others may watch them, evaluate them, or otherwise form an opinion about them. The fear here is about doing something “wrong” or being judged. This is about having your peers think poorly of you, what you wear, or how you do things. In severe cases, people avoid eating in public or going to social gatherings.

Panic Disorder.

Panic disorder involves many of the physical symptoms we talked about above. The person having a panic attack may have shortness of breath or chest pain and think they are having a heart attack. Having had one attack people become afraid to leave the house for fear they will have another and not be able to get help in time.

Agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia translates as “fear of the marketplace” mostly this involves crowded situations. Fear of buses, standing in lines, crowded places, stores, and similar situations. In severe cases, the person becomes unable to leave the house to go shopping and either needs someone to go with them or just go at times the store will be very empty.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

This involves being over-anxious all the time. A person with Generalized Anxiety Disorder is anxious all the time about most anything. There may be real-life causes for this anxiety, like living through a war or being assaulted or harmed. The professional has to look carefully to separate this from PTSD or other Trauma and Stressor-related disorders.

There are also diagnoses for anxiety problems caused by drugs, medications, medical conditions, or other factors.

For more on Anxiety, treatments for anxiety and related issues see:

counselorssoapbox.com Anxiety Post list.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

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