9 ways to be your own worst enemy

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Undesirable person

Undesirable person.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

With a friend like that you don’t need enemies.

Do you treat yourself in a way you wouldn’t take from anyone else? Do you Self Sabotage? There are lots of things we do to ourselves that are not very affirming. You should strive to be your own best friend, not your own worst enemy.

Here are some things that you may be doing to yourself that you would never do to a friend and you probably wouldn’t and shouldn’t accept from someone close to you.

Lying to yourself.

Do you lie to yourself? Make excuses for why it is OK to do things that harm yourself? It is easy to let yourself do unhealthy things. We encourage our family and friends to live healthy all the while ignoring our own self-care.

Overdoing and not saying no.

Are you often overworked, overloaded, and behind schedule? Do you have trouble saying no to others and take on more than you should? Sometimes we are afraid to say no to others when they ask us to do things. It is easy to keep saying yes and doing more and more until one day you reach the breaking point. Do you stop and draw boundaries or do you work yourself to death?

Not learning anything new.

Are you uninformed? Do you avoid learning anything that might make you more confident and successful? Self-improvement takes time and effort. Do you invest in yourself or are you so unsure of your self-worth that you neglect to develop and sharpen skills?

Taking time for pleasure.

Is it O. K. for you to enjoy yourself? Do you do things that are just for fun? It is not selfish to take good care of yourself. We all need a little pleasure and relaxation from time to time.

Refuse credit or compliments for things well done.

Do you belittle your own accomplishments and fail to give yourself credit for the things you do well. It is easy to notice and praise others when they do something noteworthy but we often feel uncomfortable accepting praise for things well done.

Put yourself down.

If you repeatedly run yourself down and say negative things about yourself you will start believing those statements. Someone who is called fat and stupid by those around them may begin to think of themselves as fat and stupid. Years later after the bullies and tormentors are gone you may still be calling yourself those names and you may believe that this is the way you really are. If you believe something negative about yourself you may create it happening.

Make sure to say good things about yourself. Do you say good things to yourself every day? Do you praise yourself?

Listen to criticism or let it stop you.

People who are sensitive may be hurt by listening to criticism. Learn how to listen to criticism and decide which things to take and which to leave. Learning to self-monitor and change your behavior are valuable skills. Avoiding criticism may be neglecting to use a valuable source of information.

Let others decide for you.

Do you get your sense of self-worth from outside? People who are constantly looking for others approval look helpless and over needy. You wouldn’t like someone that needy and if you do this you won’t like yourself.

Do anything to get people to like you.

Constantly trying to get people to like you can result in your not being true to yourself and becoming someone so fake that even you would not want yourself around. The more you are acting the way you want to be and the way you want to be is the way your beliefs tell you that you should be the more mentally healthy you will be.

Consider all the ways you may be your own worst enemy and decide to stop self-sabotaging and become your own best friend.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Morning Question # 9 Is Substance abuse or mental illness first?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Hands with pills

Addiction.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

Does Substance abuse or mental illness occur first?

Both can be first, depends on the person. People who have early symptoms of mental illness are at high risk of developing substance abuse disorders. People who begin abusing substances early in life are more likely to develop mental illness. It may be hard for many people to remember a time before they had one or the other so it is hard to tell sometimes. I like to start by asking how old someone was when they first began to use drugs and alcohol and then ask what life was like before the drugs or alcohol. Some people can’t remember a time before one or both.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Procrastination gets a bad name?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Procrastination.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

If procrastination is so bad why do we do it so much?

With all the articles on the net about the evils of procrastination, you would think that by now it should have been eliminated from this part of the galaxy. Why then do so many people procrastinate if it is so bad for us? What is causing this epidemic of procrastination? Could the procrastinators be on to something the rest of us have missed?

Procrastination is a way of avoiding pain.

People don’t generally procrastinate when it comes to something enjoyable, do they? We use procrastination to avoid things that are painful and uncomfortable. Avoiding pain is generally a good thing.

Procrastination can help us escape things that are unpleasant. It is not as effective as drugs and alcohol but a whole lot less addicting. All in all, not a bad trade-off for avoiding some pain. Of course, pain may be telling us there is something wrong, and procrastinating may cost you an arm or leg – literally. but who knows you may not need that limb anyway.

Procrastination may be a way of simplifying our lives.

There was that box of manuals I was supposed to read for work. They were dry and boring. I kept putting off reading them. When I finally came across the box twenty years later I no longer worked at that job, or in that industry. Problem solved. I no longer needed to spend time reading something I never wanted to read in the first place. Could reading them have been helpful? Probably would have been if I had stayed in that field, but not now. Procrastinating saved me a lot of time on that one.

Putting too much work off at a job may result in not having that employment anymore. But not having to get up and go to work is some people’s idea of the simple life

Procrastination could save you money.

People who overspend have a problem with not procrastinating enough. If you could just get yourself to put off a lot of purchases for a few months, you might have enough money left over to buy something really nice. At that point, all that little cheap stuff you would have spent money on would seem trivial by comparison with that one major purchase. Could procrastination be a close cousin of saving?

Poor people use procrastination a lot to manage their money. Don’t pay any bills till they turn your service off. This means you will eliminate paying for trivial things you didn’t really need and will leave extra money for important things like getting the power turned back on.

The downside of using procrastination as a money-saving and rationing method is the extras service fees for late-payments and the re-connection fees. But you never know when you might get evicted and then you won’t need to have the power reconnected.

Procrastination saves energy.

With the high heat this summer, we all want to save energy. If I procrastinate enough on the yard work I will have the energy to fan myself while the power is out.

You avoid admitting you don’t know what you are doing or how to do it.

By putting things off long enough you avoid doing them. Often at work or home, someone else will just do it rather than waiting. Since you never do the task no one will ever know that you haven’t a clue how to do it.

You don’t get criticized for doing it wrong.

The person who does the most may make the most mistakes. Even someone with a high batting average has to miss a few. If you let others do all the work, you will never do anything wrong. People who are really good at this can spend their entire careers in their office looking busy despite the fact that they never really accomplish anything.

Procrastination may be a sneaky way to self-sabotage.

There – did that salvage the reputation of procrastination and explain why you may be saying you hate to procrastinate and you will stop doing it one of these days but you just haven’t gotten around to giving up procrastination yet?

There are probably a lot more reasons why procrastination is beneficial but I am going to put off writing about them until sometime in the future.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Morning Question # 8 – Which personality Disorders can’t read other people?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

personality disorder

Personality Disorder?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Which Personality Disorders can’t read other people?

None really. The closest would be Schizoid Personality Disorder, they can read people they just don’t care for people, any people. They are the classic hermits and loners.

I think you are asking about the Autism Spectrum. Autism, Asperger’s, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS. Next year with the DSM-5 these will all become part of a new label Autism Spectrum Disorders. People with these disorders or varying degrees of this disorder have difficulty reading other people.

When shown pictures of people’s faces they can’t tell the angry person from the calm person. They also have difficulty reading lots of non-verbal clues. So they don’t understand when someone likes them and wants to talk or is bored and wishes they would go away. This creates all sorts of social problems.

One new treatment approach consists of teaching them all about nonverbal clues to behavior. More on this treatment coming up in a future post.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Creating failure from success – 9 ways to Self-Sabotage

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Roadblock to goal

Roadblock to Success.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How to self-sabotage.

Many people seem to get right to the threshold of success and then suddenly do exactly the wrong thing, the one action that is likely to create failure.  Here are ways that you might turn your potential success into a failure and some reasons why you might be doing just that.

1. Don’t believe in yourself.

The belief that you don’t deserve success can undermine any effort to improve your life. People who tell themselves they don’t deserve things can’t accept success even when they achieve it. Believe that you are worth having happiness not because you are more special than someone else but because you are the only unique you there is. You are special just like everyone else.

Saying positive affirmations and working on your belief that you deserve success can help this.

Believe that if you try you will be more successful than if you don’t try.  Self-efficacy is the belief that if you make the effort you can do this. Foster that belief in the “Yes I can” times of your life and in the lives of your family and children if you want to risk success.

2. Underestimate yourself and aim low to create failure.

People who believe they can’t do something are rarely surprised. If you aim low enough you will not be disappointed. You can’t hit a target if you don’t aim for it. Closely related to the belief “I can’t do it” is the belief that it is better to not try.

People who set high goals for themselves and then accept that what they achieve is better than not trying are happier and more productive than those who never try for fear of failure. Failures are required for learning and growth. Make lots of mistakes, learn from them, and grow. Try to not make huge costly mistakes or repeat the same mistake over and over. But when you do fail, dust yourself off and try again.

Not trying at all will guarantee failure.

3. Accept nothing short of perfection.

Lots of people see things as black and white. They think that if they can’t do something perfectly they are a failure. If you require perfection from yourself eventually you will fail and that just confirms that you are no good and shouldn’t try.

Great basketball players do not hit every shot but they do keep putting the ball up there. Unless you are aiming for failure you need to cut yourself some slack.

Not trying at all is a sure shortcut to failure.

4. When things are going well look for something irresponsible to overdo.

You can work hard for months to become successful and then if you work at it, you can destroy all your progress with a single act.  People, who are working on their finances, trying to get out of debt, can always find something to splurge on and put themselves back in debt.

Have you been looking for work for months? Finally, got that interview for a wonderful job? The night before the interview did you go out and get drunk? If you have a really bad hangover you can flush that interview without even trying. Showing up late and hungover eliminates the worry of getting that job.

Better yet, call that prospective new employer from jail. Apologize you can’t see him until you get out, ask for help with bail.

5. Keep testing yourself – find a way to fail.

Trying to stop drinking? Go visit your friends at the bar and see if you can spend the whole evening there without drinking.

On a budget, do lots of window shopping, check every sale, and see if you can resist.

Test yourself with temptations you known will sabotage your life reputedly. It is nice to know that it is too hard staying on track and it was not your fault that you yielded to temptation.

Repeat this mantra – “The credit card made me do it.”

6. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow, or the day after.

Always show up late. Put things off until they are no longer an option. When your ship comes in make sure you are still in bed asleep.

Procrastination is the enemy of success. We all do it because it avoids pain. Sometimes progress is painful. If you are looking for failure you will want to practice procrastination.

7. Never prepare for anything.

People who plan ahead run the risk of accomplishing something. If you fail to plan you have a great plan for failure. Never research anything. Make all decisions impulsively and based on ignorance. Why confuse yourself with facts when you can make lots of mistakes based on no information.

Practice in sports and in life is for winners. If you want to fail, avoid this one.

8. Spend as much time as possible worrying and brooding about your problems.

If you concentrate on worry you can allow your problem to grow while you stay stuck in inactivity. A worried about problem expands until it is impossible to solve. This avoids the need to actually take any action.

Frequent long worry sessions will keep you too busy to do any problems solving.

9. Never evaluate or revise a plan that fails. You knew that nothing was going to turn out all right anyway.

Successful people are constantly reviewing and revising their goals and plans. You don’t want to be like that, do you?

Could you be your own worst enemy?

FINAL THOUGHT

If all of these ideas on how to self-sabotage and prevent success won’t work then you just may be stuck –  Planning ahead, taking action, aiming high, accepting yourself and your successes, learning from and forgiving the times you fail, and revising your plans to increases you rate of success.

Best wishes on creating the happy life you deserve.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Morning Question #7 – Toxicology not picking up bath salts?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

New drugs

Bath salts.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Do drug tests find Bath Salts?

The jury is still out on that one. Bath salts can be made from hundreds, maybe thousands of chemicals. Standard drug testing and hospital toxicology screens just are not designed to find a whole lot of drugs that are rare or unusual. Drug users are constantly looking for ways to beat drug tests and the labs look for ways to catch the cheaters. The wheel keeps going around. I think that there are lots of kids and older drug users, playing with synthetic drugs these days, and those drugs do not show up on standard drug tests.

If the person asking this is referring to those high-profile cases that make the news. Those CSI types are pretty good at finding things so if they say something was not there, I am a lot more confident it wasn’t there than when someone is reading a standard 5-panel instant drug test.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is counseling supposed to hurt?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does counseling need to make you feel bad to work?

Sometimes counseling involves looking at painful things. Clients don’t like doing things that will hurt. I don’t like making them hurt either. I want them to have a happy life, not a pain-filled one. But sometimes the counselor needs to take you there if they are going to help you.

Clients come to see the therapist like an accident victim, they are covered in bruises. Handling them roughly just increases the pain for no good reason. No counselor should add to the client’s pain for the sake of “being honest” with them or getting them to face problems. But if your counselor wants you to heal, they made need to help you walk through the pain. Sometimes the burn victim needs the wounds cleaned if they are to heal even when the wound cleaning process makes them hurt.

The client’s life may be like an old refrigerator, full of things they should have thrown out a long time ago, things that smell and are messy. A good counselor helps you clean that stuff out. They aren’t horrified by the discolored things or the smelly ones. If the whole cleaning out process becomes too much we may need to leave some things untouched for a while until you are feeling well enough to let go of some more of the rotten things from your past.

If you have a wound, physical or emotional, it needs cleaning. It may hurt more if you leave it. Long untended wounds take the most effort to heal. You may not be up to feeling all that pain at once. Like peeling an onion you may need to work at your pain until you cry and then next time peel away another layer.

Doctors know when it is better to open up a wound, feel the pain, and then let that wound heal slowly from the inside out. A good counselor should be able to work with you on that type of emotional healing.

The beginning counselor may try to quickly cover up the pain, get you to look away and avoid the thing that could lead to your healing. I would love to end each session with a few words of encouragement, tell the client everything will be fine. I know sometimes that is not true. They need gentle honesty.

Often that one hour of therapy is the hour we operate on the longstanding pain. I see them for that one hour. The rest of the week that client has to carry that burden for 167 hours until I see them again. The real healing happens in that other time outside the therapy hour when the client heals slowly from the inside out without the burden of the memories that we have let out during our session.

Counseling doesn’t always need to hurt, sometimes we clear up confusion or we help clients talk through a choice in life. The kind of counseling where I get to teach new life skills or coach someone to improve their game of life, those make me happy.

But sometimes I know I need to sit with the client while they let out that pain from the past and begin their healing journey.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Morning Question #6 – Could a father’s meth use cause Schizoaffective Disorder?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs

Stimulant drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Schizoaffective Disorder and Meth use.

Schizoaffective Disorder is an unusual condition, though I think it is underdiagnosed. Think about traveling through a swamp full of lots of muck but here and there are some small islands of land. Sometimes you have one foot on land, sometimes two, and other times none. People with Schizoaffective Disorder can have episodes of psychosis, episodes of depression, or Bipolar disorder, sometimes both and sometimes neither. Depending on who sees them and when they are seen the diagnosis can change all over the place.

Mental Health conditions do not seem to be caused by any one gene. Most likely they are caused by the interaction of many genes, risk factors, environmental influences, and so on. Dad doing drugs is not likely to have caused that. Sometimes dad was doing drugs because he had a mental illness or there was a history of some disorder in the family that put him at risk.

Mom’s drug use during pregnancy is another matter. The more she uses the bigger the problem. The day she uses can determine what part of the baby was developing that day and what was affected. Mom’s drug use can result in mental retardation or learning disabilities but so far I have not seen any research out there that says the parent’s drug use before the child was born changed the child’s genes and caused a mental illness. If someone has seen that please leave a comment.

The parent’s drug use after the baby is born?

There are all kinds of research that says growing up in the home with a substance abuser can affect a child’s mental health.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Does sleep paralysis cause or is it caused by mental illness?

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Sleep paralysis

Sleep paralysis.
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

More on Sleep paralysis.

Remember this is written from a therapist’s point of view. If there is any chance that you or someone you know has a medical problem, have it checked out by a doctor first. But if the doctor finds nothing medically wrong with you that does not mean you are going crazy. It might mean that you can benefit from some counseling to help you better cope with stress.

Many people who experience sleep paralysis, hypnogogic hallucinations, or “exploding head syndrome,” think they are going crazy or fatally ill. Knowing that these are explainable phenomena and have simple treatment can reduce the concerns. Sleep Paralysis and many related sleep problems are often triggered by stress. More stress, good or bad stress, and the chances of an attack increases.

People who become fearful of another occurrence of Sleep Paralysis can “prime the pump” and increase the risks of a second bout in the same way people who experience panic attacks begin to worry about having another episode.

If clients describe these events as dreams the doctor is likely to reassure them that it is normal. Patients who explain these events as demons, spirits, or believe they actually saw a supernatural being are likely to be prescribed a psychiatric medication. Antipsychotics, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety medications (Benzodiazepines) are all believed to increase the incidence of Sleep Paralysis and Hypnogogic Hallucinations (Gangdev, 2004.)

Other things that have been reported to increase the risks of having an episode of Sleep Paralysis include being physically ill, such as having the flu, watching or experiencing emotionally upsetting events, such as having an argument.

If the paralysis or hallucinations only occur when going to sleep and waking up they are most likely sleep-related and not the result of a mental illness. Gangdev, in his article, asked the question: “It is possible that a small proportion of patients diagnosed with schizophrenia who experience hallucinations may actually be experiencing escaped REM-related dream activity during the wakeful state?”

There is a significant overlap between sleep paralysis and Narcolepsy. Narcolepsy includes not only sleep paralysis but hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations, daytime sleepiness, and Cataplexy (sudden unexplained loss of muscle tone.)

Sleep Paralysis without any cataplexy or daytime sleepiness is not considered to be associated with Narcolepsy and is referred to as Isolated Sleep Paralysis (ISP.) Penn reported that 16 % of medical students reported at least one episode of sleep paralysis. That makes me think that long hours and sleep deprivation may be a major cause of many of these events.

Sleep Paralysis is far more common in African-Americans and in one study of Nigerian subjects more than half had experienced ISP. It is also common in Japanese Subjects.

People who have a Sleep Paralysis event find it helpful to get up move about and make sure they are fully awake before attempting to return to bed. People who do not get out of bed have an increased risk of having multiple episodes of sleep paralysis in the same night. Sleeping flat on your back looking up at the ceiling (supine position) is much more likely to cause a Sleep Paralysis experience than sleeping on your side.

Knowing that episodes of Sleep Paralysis and Hypnogogic Hallucinations are relatively common and most often harmless can help someone cope with these experiences.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What are Personality Disorders?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is

What are personality disorders?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Update.

In the new DSM-5, the five-axis system was eliminated. Personality disorders are now included in the full list of mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders, just like any other mental health issue. I have left this post here, as originally posted because much of this information remains relevant. Not all of the changes we expected in the DSM-5 took place. For the current status take a look at some of the newer posts.

How many Personality Disorders are there?

Personality Disorders are a special class of mental illnesses that are considered different in kind and nature from other mental health problems. Mental illnesses in all their shades are recorded on Axis I. There are currently over 300 recognized Mental illnesses. Most mental illnesses have several standard treatments and if severe enough are likely to be covered by insurance or public funding. Not so with personality disorders.

Personality Disorders are kept separate. They are recorded on Axis II in a separate and small class of problems that just don’t seem to ever change or get better. They have long been considered like mental retardation, something we need to help with, but something that just won’t change. Personality Disorders are a short list, rarely over a dozen labels, though the list changes over time.

Personality Disorders are conditions in which the person to be diagnosed “deviates from expectations of their culture.” There are different. But that is not enough for the diagnosis to be imposed.

This pattern of “differentness” is “Pervasive and inflexible.” They stick to their irritating pattern no matter what. This pattern starts in adolescence or early adulthood and they just don’t change, “grow up” or “grow out of it.” So this pattern of differentness is “stable over time.” It is as if people with a personality disorder get stuck in one way of behaving and then can’t change their approach when they are in a different time or place.

This differentness needs to also cause them problems getting along with other people, holding a job or make them unhappy to get the diagnosis. They are not just a little different some of the time but a lot different all the time.

Some people could care less if they have a personality disorder or not. But most people who have a Personality Disorder are suffering, want, and need help, no matter how we label or understand their problem.

Currently, there are ten recognized Personality Disorders in three groups or “clusters.” The DSM-5 due out next year probably will reduce that list to six personality disorders and a new “Personality Disorder Trait Specified.” Not sure what will happen to the people who have a disorder now when their diagnosis is abolished. Will they be declared cured? Or maybe we just give them a new mental illness to compensate them for their loss.

When I was in Grad School I though these personality disorders were interesting, did extra research, and even wrote some papers on the topic. I considered specializing in treating these disorders. But what I discovered is that most people with a personality disorder come to the therapist for Depression, Anxiety, and relationship problems just like anyone else. Also since these are “inflexible” patterns, only two of these disorders end up in treatment with any regularity.

Here are the clusters as they stand now with the included diagnosis. The descriptors are mine with my apologies to the APA. Clusters A and C first as Cluster B is the biggie.

Cluster A: These are the “Weird” people.

Paranoid Personality Disorder – They are scared all the time. Most are NOT Schizophrenic. We don’t see many of these people unless family or police call us as they are so afraid they never leave home. This diagnosis disappears with the DSM-5. Lots of luck on that one.

Schizoid Personality Disorder

Loners. They do not like being around other people even family. They don’t have or want friends. They would make great hermits. When the DSM-5 arrives they are all cured and free to head for a cave in the hills. Just watch out for the zoning enforcement people as those dudes like to talk.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

Odd, superstitious, and believe in signs, spirits, and the supernatural. They may not have friends outside the family or only one close partner. If they think about something that needs to be done, say doing the laundry and then you go do it, they will believe that their thought caused you to do it. They often dress in odd ways. This description has been applied to people who look like “witches” etc. The DSM has an exemption here if they belong to a group that agrees with their beliefs. For the record Modern “Witches” who call themselves Wiccan do not wear funny clothes all the time and do not qualify for the diagnosis of Schizotypal. This is more common than the last two Personality Disorders and stays in the new DSM-5.

Group C Scared People

Avoidant Personality Disorder – they would like friends they are just sure no one will like them and so they avoid people. They are also sure people will criticize them or put them down so they don’t try. This one stays.

Dependent Personality Disorder.

Needy, clingy afraid they will be abandoned. They always need help and what to be told and what to do. This diagnosis goes. Find yourself a dominant partner before your diagnosis is repealed or get help and become less needy.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.

This goes beyond everyday OCD. They want everyone else to do things just so. They are often stingy with money, needs to control everything and they have the rule book to do it. Often they cannot get anything done because their rules are so complex they can’t follow them. This one stays.

Cluster B personality disorders.

The people who cause others problems. Cluster B diagnoses are the most common diagnosis in prisons.

Antisocial Personality Disorder.

They disregard the rights of others and violate those rights. This is the number one diagnosis of men in prison. This one needs a whole post all by itself.

Borderline Personality Disorder – The main ingredient here is lots of pain. Unstable interpersonal relationships, poor self-image, unstable mood, often impulsive with a chaotic life. Most people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder are women. This traditionally is the number one diagnosis of women in prison. Many women with this diagnosis have been victims of one kind or another at an early age. They did what they had to do to cope in a bad situation but now the way they cope is not working. There are some really good treatments for this, especially DBT, but it takes a time to heal.

Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Excessive emotionality and attention-seeking sometimes referred to uncomplimentary as “Drama Queens.” Not common in practices and we are doing away with this diagnosis when the DSM-5 comes out. Most of these folks have their own T. V. shows by now so they can pay for therapy even without a diagnosis.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

We’re keeping this one. Not sure why. First, we treat you for low self-esteem and then we tell you that you are Narcissistic. Most people who come for marriage counseling tell me their partner is Narcissistic.

This should be on a continuum. Is this a political season? How can we tell the Narcissists from the candidates? Don’t you need to be a lot Narcissistic to think you should be running the show? Does the top Narcissist get to run a Bank or Wall Street?

Running out of time and this post is going long. More on Personality Disorders to come. Do any of you have any thoughts on the topic?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel