The mechanics of creating a blog.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Creating your blog can be simple or complicated.

I’ll try to describe briefly the process of setting up a blog now that you have an idea of your topic, your intended audience, and the kind of content you’ll be creating. Some people get really into this you can have a lot of fun creating their blog. But it’s not necessary for you to be tech-savvy. Remember if this 70-year-old man can create a blog almost anyone can.

Not being a tech type person, I’m going to use analogies here, so I don’t get the details wrong and mislead you.

So, what are some things you’ll need to do to get this blog moving?

Decide where your blog is going to live.

Your blog will reside somewhere. If you already have a website, you can put your blog there. But if you’re new to this, you will probably want to house your blog on a site that specializes in blogs. I have two websites/blogs. One lives in a small house I built. And the other is housed in a condominium development called WordPress. I believe WordPress is by far the largest housing developments for new blogs. I noticed some bloggers use a site called blogger.

Since I use WordPress, let me try to explain how I use this site. This will be an extremely simple description. I recommend you spend some time exploring the neighborhood before you decide where you want to move into. They have lots of information available and even some humans who can help you.

You create an account. You give your blog a name. They will check to make sure that that name is not already being used by someone. This name becomes your mailing address for information coming to your blog and going from your blog to readers. My blog’s name is counselorssoapbox. The free version of that site would use the web address counselorssoapbox.wordpress.com.

You can elect to buy a web address. I purchased the web address counselorssoapbox.com which is set up to send traffic to my location at counselorssoapbox.wordpress.com. I chose to buy the web address because I expected to use it over a long time and wanted to be sure it was mine. If you buy a blog name, you will pay a small annual fee kind of like homeowner’s association dues.  Since I bought counselorssoapbox.com, I can move to a different web neighborhood, called a “host” If I ever wanted to.

My other site counselorfresno.com resides in a planned community developed by a web hosting company. If you plan on becoming a large enterprise, with multiple sites, and doing e-commerce you probably want your blog along with your other web pages on your own site.

Let me tell you a little secret. I discovered it was a whole lot easier using the site hosted on WordPress.com that it was managing the self-hosted one.

You need to pick a “theme” for your blog.

I think of a theme as the floor plan for my house. Do I need a large brightly lit room to display my photographs or do I need a room with lots of bookshelves in file cabinets from my papers? If you go with WordPress.com, they have a number of free “themes.” The nice thing about having my blog live in the WordPress.com housing complex is that if I change my mind about the floor plan I need, they let me move to a different “theme.” Not only did they let me move, but they move all my stuff into the new theme for me, for free.

There are also a lot of premium floor plans (themes) that are available for a small one-time charge.

Themes can be customized.

Whether you decide on a free theme or buy a custom one, there are lots of options. You can change the colors, move the doors that lead from one part of your blog to another, and so on. Themes also allow you to create some storage sheds (called widgets) that you can line up along one side or at the bottom of your theme. I use some of these to store things like a list of the topics I write on and links to take readers to those topics.

If you like the idea of building your own house, you’ll love self-hosting.

Some people prefer self-hosting so that their blog is built on their own property. This allows you to do a lot of other things with your website and blog but adds to the labor. A little secret you might want to know. If you decide to self-host, you can still use all the WordPress blueprints. Which are available through WordPress.org. Keep in mind if you self-host there with be more maintenance. If your blog lives in the WordPress.com development, they do most of the maintenance for you for free.

So, at this point, you have the keys to your new blog. Next, you’ll need to make some decisions about the furnishings and where you’re going to put them. In the next post, I want to give you some do’s and don’ts for moving into your new blog. Don’t forget, if you have questions, please ask them. Otherwise, I’ll just keep rambling on with the story of my writing journey.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Ways to Prevent Burnout.

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By David Joel Miller MS Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Burnout.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Solutions to keep you from being the victim of burnout.

The stress of life in this century is increasing the number of people reporting burnout. Several factors are at play here. The time spent in formal education has increased dramatically. Many people today graduate from school ready to begin their work career already buried in student loan debt. The available jobs on planet Earth have shifted from working with plants in agriculture and things in manufacturing to working with people. Life itself has simply become more stressful. Before you experience burnout, here are some things you can do to protect yourself.

Get adequate sleep.

One of the first signs of burnout is feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. It’s tempting to believe you can stay up late and still be productive the next day. Eventually, you will develop a sleep deficit, and your ability to cope with stress will decline.

Avoid alcohol and drugs.

Alcohol and drugs may make you feel better in the short run, but when they wear off, you will be more depleted than before. Using drugs and alcohol to cope is a sure way to accelerate your journey to burnout.

Maintain friendships and social connections.

Having positive friendships and social support buffers you from stress. As life’s demands increase, people are tempted to reduce their social connections. Having a support system will help you get through stressful times. Time spent with friends is not a waste of time which could’ve been productive at work, it’s an investment in maintaining your ability to cope with stress.

Avoid perfectionism.

There are a few things that require perfection or near perfection. If you allow the quest for perfection to spill over into areas where it’s not needed, you increase your stress level possibly to the breaking point.

Scheduled downtime, don’t over-schedule yourself.

Machines can’t run and 100 hundred percent of capacity, neither can humans. Cramming your schedule full of work and the rest of your time full of frantic leisure activities can exceed your physical and emotional resources.

Use relaxation tools, meditation, deep breathing, etc.

Don’t wait until after your burnout, to learn stress reduction techniques. Simple relaxation tools can lower your level of stress and keep you physically and emotionally well.

Take your breaks.

When times are stressful, it’s tempting to try to keep up your productivity by working through lunch and skipping breaks. Temporarily this may increase what you get done, but over the long haul, your productivity will decline. Ultimately neglecting self-care results in exhaustion which leads to burnout.

Learn to say no.

Avoid taking on projects and responsibilities you don’t have the energy and resources to accomplish. Failure to say no results in becoming overwhelmed. After your burn out someone else will do your job and probably they will say no to excessive demands. Setting proper boundaries can help you continue to function effectively over a much longer period.

Practice disconnecting; you can unplug.

Leaving work at the job is important. Avoid taking work home with you whenever possible. When you’re spending time with family or friends, be fully present with them. Don’t continue to think about work during your leisure time.

Make self-care a priority, eat well, exercise.

Make taking care of yourself your top priority. Believe that you matter. Create a life in which you thrive by eating well, sleeping, and getting healthy exercise. Pursue the things that interest you and invest some time in self-improvement.

Improve your job skills, so you have options.

Avoid getting locked into doing the same work over and over. Keep your options open. Continuing to improve your job skills and learning new skills gives you additional options. Being able to move from one position to another or even from one company to another keeps you from getting trapped. Having other options reduces the chance that you will stay on the job past the point of burnout.

More posts about – Burnout.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Stimulating.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Stimulating

Stimulating.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Stimulating.

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.”

― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

“An appreciative listener is always stimulating.”

― Agatha Christie, The Mysterious Affair at Styles

“A society’s competitive advantage will come not from how well its schools teach the multiplication and periodic tables, but from how well they stimulate imagination and creativity.”

― Albert Einstein

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

How will people find your blog?

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By David Joel Miller MS Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does it matter if anyone reads what you write?

Unless you are Buddy Holly, the last thing you want to hear one you start posting to your blog are crickets. (Did you get that allusion? If not google him, or better yet ask your grandparents.)

Unfortunately, many blogs experience precisely that problem. You write something, you set back and hope. Thinking about how people will find your blog during the planning stage increases the chances you will be successful. Here are a few of the possible strategies for getting readers to your blog.

Write content that will rank well in search engines.

Often this is very hard to predict. You can spend a lot of time hunting for keywords that would rank well but if it’s not consistent with the rest of your content, even if you get people to your blog they won’t stay. Some of the posts I wrote years ago, by pure accident, have ranked well and year after year I continue to get reads for these posts. This can be a fantastic way of driving traffic to your blog, but it can disappear just as quickly.

An example of accidentally ranking well in searches.

Let’s say you are an enthusiastic gardener, always on the lookout for new and unusual plants that might grow well in your climate. You start writing a blog about your gardening experiences and how hard it is to find plants suitable to your locale. On one trip to the nursery, you discover a new, unusual variety of salvia (Sage.) I know from personal experience there are about 350 varieties of Sage, when I tried to grow them in my yard, only a few varieties thrived.

So, you write a blog post about this very unusual Sage and how it does so well in your yard. It turns out your post is the only one on the Internet about this species. Suddenly your blog goes from two readers a day to hundreds. People from all over the planet are finding you because of this one post. You are suddenly so happy with your blog.

Everything goes along fine until one day you discover no one is looking at that post anymore. What has happened? What you find out is that the nursery which grew this plant has a gardening website, and because of the sudden increase in demand, demand you created, they feature an article on the front page of their website about this unusual plant. Other nurseries in your state rerun that article or write articles of their own for their websites. Suddenly your post drops from the first position the search results to number 87, and you stop getting hits.

Search engine traffic is terrific if you write in a very narrow field and you write a lot of posts, but your position in rankings can change suddenly and dramatically, especially every time a search engine changes their algorithms.

Social media can help promote your blog.

Many bloggers spend a lot of time on social media. If your primary goal of writing is to develop relationships and have conversations with others, this may work for you. Social media can take up a lot of your time which is one reason I probably do less social media than I should. If your goal in developing a blog is to introduce people to your writing, you could find that your spending so much time networking that you never get your book written. It’s important to be clear who you want to read your blog and how you’re going to connect with them from the start.

Encourage readers to follow your blog.

Make sure you have a follow, or follow by email, button on your page. You don’t have to turn into a computer programmer to do this. The blog platform you use should make this easy for you. We won’t talk about the technical part of this today but put this on your “to-do” list.

If you write a tightly focused blog, you can develop a core following of people who really like what you have to say. Make it easy for them to subscribe and many of them will come back week after week to read your post. If you count on readers finding you again by accident among the billions of web pages out there you’re making it hard for your readers to ever find you again.

There are some thoughts on making your blog discoverable, so you don’t find yourself talking with no one listening. Drop back again next week for what has become writing Wednesdays or better yet subscribe to the counselorssoapbox.com blog, so you don’t miss an episode.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Loving yourself is OK.

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By David Joel Miller MS Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Low Self-esteem

Low Self-esteem.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Loving others requires loving yourself.

People in a positive, loving relationship need to develop a skill which we used to call Healthy Narcissism, today we might call this high self-esteem. Researchers in the mental health field, believe that a thing called healthy narcissism exists in mentally healthy people. Freud said that our love for others develops from the way we feel about ourselves.

Parents who feel good about themselves can share that love with the children. Parents who feel inadequate find it hard to approve of anything their children do. The more you judge yourself, the more you judge others. High self-esteem or health narcissism is quite different from the unhealthy narcissism we see in people who develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to like others.

People with low self-esteem find it difficult to have good relationships with others. A negative view of yourself carries over into negative attitudes towards other people, the world, and the future. Having good relationships with others bolsters your self-esteem. Taking good care of yourself increases your ability to care about others.

Developing an extremely narcissistic personality is one way people protect themselves when they have low self-esteem. Feeling yourself with positive feelings creates a surplus that you can share with others. When you see the world through the lens of negativity, everything looks dark and unhappy.

How do you tell healthy self-esteem from pathological narcissism?

Healthy self-esteem results in good mental health. People who feel good about themselves have less anxiety and are more positive and optimistic. People with pathological narcissism, have shaky self-esteem. Someone with narcissistic personality disorder needs to feel superior to others to feel okay about himself.

If you are high in self-esteem, you have plenty of love to share. When your self-esteem is fragile and is based on the beliefs that you are the superior person, and that others should admire you for your greatness, your ability to love and care for others is limited. A pathological narcissist does not love other people; they see others as things they are entitled to use to meet their needs.

Narcissists think they are better than others. People with high self-esteem can see their good points and the good characteristics of others. Narcissists always believed they are better at things that they are. People with high self-esteem feel good about their accomplishments and can see the areas that need improvement.

Narcissists are selfish and believe they deserve the best of everything. People with high self-esteem take good care of themselves so that they will be able to take care of others. People with high self-esteem what their relationships to be caring. Narcissists have little interest in warm, close relationships and see their connections with others as tools they use to get what they want.

More about Narcissists.

As we move through our series of Narcissism posts, feel free to ask questions, and leave comments. To help you find these posts, below are some links to point you in the right direction. Keep in mind that all the posts about narcissists appeared in the narcissism category but links to future posts will not be live until future posts appear.

Narcissism category.                           Personality disorders.

Narcissistic traits.                               Psychology.

Narcissistic relationship partner.        Relationships.

Self-esteem.                                        Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Posts about having a happy life will be found in the category – happiness.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Effort.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Effort.

Effort.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Effort.

“To like many people spontaneously and without effort is perhaps the greatest of all sources of personal happiness.”

― Bertrand Russell

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

“To rank the effort above the prize may be called love.”

― Confucius

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration

Blueprint for moving from writing to creating a blog.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Man writing

Writing.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What steps will take you from planning to hitting post?

So far, I’ve been talking about long-range planning for your blog.

What your primary topic will be, what will be your voice or personality, how are you going to go about attracting readers to what you have written?

So where do I suggest you go from here?

Spend some time reading blogs.

Read lots of them, on your topic and on others. Look at what other people are writing about and how they’re presenting the material. Make some notes about blogs you especially enjoy. What draws you to those blogs?

At this point, you are immersing yourself in the blogosphere. Some blogs are heavy on illustrations. If you’re an artist, talking about your artwork, you’ll need to feature images or examples. Do you gravitate towards blogs that include video clips? You will need to decide whether you’re going to create those videos or provide links to existing videos. This is an excellent place to pay attention to copyrights, yours and other people’s.

With your blog use images?

If you’re an artist, you want to be sure to include notices that the work is copyrighted. There are lots of tricks you can use. While you can’t copyright an idea, you can copyright the finished product. Some artists show only a portion of their work or pictures of them in their studio creating. Writers often give away snippets of the story or book. If you plan to use video or images, make sure you abide by the creator’s copyright.

There are several sites where you can obtain images available under a Creative Commons License, free for anyone to use or share. What you don’t want to do is just steal images off the Internet. The last thing a new blogger wants is a lawsuit or threat of a lawsuit for copyright infringement. When in doubt read the fine print or contact the person who posted the original and ask them for permission.

You can, of course, create your own photographs or videos. If you decide to do that you have to ask yourself why? If your original plan was writing, detouring into photography and video production can sabotage your writing plans. But then maybe you’ll discover what you really want to do is express yourself visually rather than through words.

Start producing content.

If you plan on your blog lasting more than that first few weeks, it’s a good idea to have some content in reserve. In the middle of your blogging project life happens. You don’t want your blog to go dark, with no new content for periods of time. We haven’t gotten to the mechanics yet, but I will share one thing I learned the hard way.

One year I tried to post every single day. There were many nights I was up late getting that post done, and this was at a time when I had a full-time job as a therapist and a part-time job teaching classes to beginning counseling students. The result was that a lot of posts were published with typos and spelling errors I wish I had caught. I have significantly reduced the errors by writing ahead of time, letting the posts set for a while, and then proofreading it a second time before posting. I’ve also taken the pressure off myself by scheduling posts to appear in the future. It is currently the beginning of August, and I already have at least one post per week scheduled to run on counselorssoapbox.com until the end of the year.

Think about how often and how much you will post.

Learn from my experiences. You’re probably better off to plan on posting once a week then to plan on writing every day and ending up without posts ready. As I write extra posts, I save them for later use or schedule them for future dates. Don’t turn the pleasure of blogging into avoidable pressure.

With all this planning done, your next step will be the mechanics of setting up your blog site.

We will start talking about the mechanical parts in the next post. Think about the mechanics of a blog as similar to starting your own business. If you need a vehicle for business, do you need a nice car to transport clients or a van to carry materials and equipment? Having created some content will help you plan the layout and functionality of your blog.

I hope you are finding some of this helpful and I am looking forward to talking to you again.

You’ll find more posts on this topic under – Writing.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

When should you stop trusting?

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By David Joel Miller MS Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Trust sign.

Trust.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Have you continued to trust when you shouldn’t?

Trust issues commonly are of two types, being afraid to trust anyone when you really need to or continuing to trust people even when you shouldn’t. Not being able to trust when you should, can damage your relationships and leave you isolated and lonely. Trusting the wrong people, trusting too much, or continuing to trust someone who has harmed you in the past can cause you a lot of pain and suffering.

Every relationship whether it’s romantic, work-related, or a casual social interaction begins with an initial level of trust. How high your trust is, initially depends on your personality and your past experiences. Based on your experiences with a person you begin to either trust them more or less.

Many people with trust issues confuse trust with power and control. It’s not trust if you control what they do or if you watch them constantly. If you must check up on them, that’s not trust.

What are the warning signs that you are trusting too much? When are the times you should stop trusting?

When the risks are high, you should trust less.

Lending someone a pen, is probably no big deal. If they don’t return it, you can buy another one pretty inexpensive. Lending that same person $20 is a little riskier. When them a thousand dollars and it could destroy your friendship. When a friend owes you something and can’t repay it, you lose not only the money but a friend, who is now embarrassed to see you and have to say they can’t afford to pay you back.

When your gut tells you, something is wrong.

Feelings are valuable sources of information. If you have this uneasy feeling, you shouldn’t trust some listen to your intuition. Feelings are not always right. Just because something scares you does not make it dangerous. When something doesn’t feel right, you need to proceed cautiously.

Trust weakens when their behavior changes.

Trust usually develops over time in a relationship. You trust someone you know more than you should trust someone you have just met. Someone you have known for a while begins to act differently pay attention.

Trust less when they are hiding something.

Whether it’s a romantic relationship or friendship when you discover a person is hiding things from you, be cautious about trusting them. People who are behaving honestly, don’t need to hide anything.

When they are unreliable at the small things, do not trust them with big things.

If someone is habitually late, says they will do something but doesn’t, be very careful trusting them. It’s easy to make excuses for people who let you down in small ways. Don’t make the mistake of trusting someone who is unreliable in small things with something that is important to you in a big way.

When they have been untrustworthy before, trust less.

People commonly behave consistently. When someone has hurt you before, anticipate they are likely to do it again.

When they are evasive and withhold information do not trust them.

Being evasive suggests this person doesn’t trust you or that they have something to hide. If they are leaving out part of the story, you should not trust them.

You ask for something they can’t or won’t do.

When you ask someone to do something for you, think for a minute about the nature of your request. If you’ve asked for something they can’t do, and you expect them to do it, that unreasonable request is creating your trust issues. When someone has told you no, pay attention.

The longer you have known someone, the more you expect from them.

To increase trust, you need to know more about them. It’s unreasonable to put a lot of trust in someone you have just met.

When they have mixed motives, trust them less. It’s easier to trust in win-win situations. You should be more careful about trusting when their interests and yours do not coincide.

When their main goal is to get something from you, trust sparingly.

You should reduce your level of trust for someone if you find out that their main interest is in selling you something. In romantic relationships, it is important to identify when that other person is only interested in sex or wants you to pay for something, after which they don’t show interest in continuing to see you.

Look here more on the topic of trust.

David Joel Miller MS is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC.)  Mr. Miller provides supervision for beginning counselors and therapists and teaches at the local college in the Substance Abuse Counseling program.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Sasquatch, my third book is about to be published.

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By David Joel Miller Writer, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

David Joel Miller Books

David Joel Miller Books

Wanted to share this with you. I’m a little excited about this. My third book, my second

Novel - Sasquach

Sasquatch
3rd David Joel Miller Book

novel, Sasquatch, will be available starting this week.

This book is an idea been working on for about five years. The underlying theme is how you or I would cope if we were suddenly thrown into a situation without all our modern technology.

Sasquatch. Wandering through a hole in time, they encounter Sasquatch. Can they survive? The guests had come to Meditation Mountain to find themselves. Trapped in the Menhirs during a sudden desert storm, two guests move through a porthole in time and encounter long extinct monsters. They want to get back to their own time, but the Sasquatch intends to kill them.

I took a different approach with this book. My first two books were available exclusively on Amazon. If you been reading my Wednesday writing posts, I talked mostly about the lessons I learned from blogging. Stay tuned. Eventually, I would like to tell you the story of my journey from ideas to finished books. I’m still learning as I take that journey.

I decided to take my third book “wide,” which means it will be available in a number of e-book stores rather than being exclusive on Amazon. It’s not that I wasn’t happy with Amazon. I’ve been delighted with my experience in publishing my first two books on Amazon. I just decided this was an opportunity for me to grow and learn more about publishing on other platforms.

One of the reasons I decided to go wide was how many people outside the United States have been regular readers of counselorssoapbox.com. The last time I counted counselorssoapbox.com posts had been read it over 130 countries. In some of those countries, they often use booksellers other than Amazon. I wanted to make sure that wherever you are my books were available to you.

As of today, Sasquatch, as well as my first novel Casino Robbery, will be available on Amazon,

The book covers may be slightly different depending on the site from which you purchased the book. T

Tomorrow we will get back to the regular Mental Heath – Happy-Life post.

The reminders.

Things have changed since I first posted this so I updated the links below.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Focus.

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Sunday Inspiration.     Post by David Joel Miller.

Focus

Focus.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Focus.

“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.”

― Zig Ziglar

“Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish, focus on how much you can absolutely love what you’re doing.”

― Leo Babauta

“Focusing is about saying No.”

― Steve Jobs

Wanted to share some inspirational quotes with you.  Today seemed like a good time to do this. If any of these quotes strike a chord with you, please share them.

Look at these related posts for more on this topic and other feelings.

Emotions and Feelings.

Inspiration