Tag Archives: relationship

Does your family know right from wrong? Moral Reasoning

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Ethics

Ethical loopholes strangle.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How did those in your life learn right and wrong?

If you look around these days you start to wonder if anyone knows the difference between right and wrong. All-day and every night the media is full of stories about wrongdoing. Each successive incident seems to top the last for cruelty and wrongness. It would be easy to become pessimistic.

The optimist will point to any number of past incidents of wrongdoing and say we are making progress. There are laws designed to prevent wrongdoing on an individual level and more worldwide awareness that when something wrong occurs anywhere in the world it affects all of us.

Occasionally we see a young child who has done some great deed of kindness and at a tender age has an apparent grasp of right and wrong, but that is the exception and not the rule. There are always more stories about some youth who has done some unspeakable deed.

Think for a moment about how you learned right and wrong. Did you have to figure it out for yourself or did someone teach you? If someone taught you, who? Have you continued to accept everything they told you or did you ever question? If you have children how are they learning right and wrong, from you or from someone else?

How do people learn right from wrong and how might we increase the number of people who know the difference?

There appears to be a process that people need to go through to learn the difference between right and wrong. What they learn depends on the student, the teachers, and the way the lessons are presented.

Just because you act well around your children or your spouse does not mean that those family members will learn your understanding of right and wrong. There are lots of things that can interfere with the process of learning right from wrong.

First the process of learning right and wrong and then how it can go awry. In my life, plenty of people have tried to tell me the difference between right and wrong. Most times they did not agree and they have various formulas for determining the difference between these two options. A few people assert that there really is no difference, that truth and falsehood like right and wrong are all relative.

This relative position may have appeal as a philosophy, but it is not much help if you are being beaten, robbed, or raped or if your teen is standing before a judge charged with a felony.

The idea that people learn the skill of “moral reasoning” comes from the work of Lawrence Kohlberg. I was first exposed to this concept when I read Dr. Lakona’s book Raising Good Children. These steps or stages of moral reasoning are sometimes subdivided as they develop and change over time. I will summarize their ideas from memory so if errors creep in they are my errors.

A. Primitive right and wrong.

It is fair if I get what I want and not fair if I do not get what I want. The young child might say “It’s not fair I did not get a red one and I wanted a red one.” Fairness and right and wrong are all about getting what you want. Other people’s wishes do not enter the equations.

This approach is understandable in very young children and dictators of countries but we expect most other people to outgrow this way of seeing right and wrong. Our prisons and banks are full of people who do not appear to have outgrown this way of determining right and wrong.

B. You do for me and I will do for you.

In this version, we trade right and wrong. This comes from learning to share with siblings and playmates. So if you do something nice for me I owe you a good deed. If I do for you and you do not reciprocate then I can do whatever I want.

This stage of moral reason comes up sometimes in relationship or marriage counseling. One party believes they have been wronged by the other and therefore they are justified in doing something to hurt the other party.

People who stay stuck in this tit-for-tat stage of moral reasoning are destined to be disappointed and have a life full of conflict or they become a permanent victim as others let them down.

C. Mommy says.

Eventually, most people begin to resolve their moral dilemmas by resorting to authority’s opinions. At first, it may be mommy and then later it will become the teacher.

Plenty of people abrogate their need to determine right or wrong by following a leader and asserting that if the leader says it is right then they should know.

This faith in authority explains why people can be convinced to follow a leader and do horrific things because that leader told them it was the right thing to do. If that leader can convince you that God or correct politics is on his side then you might be convinced that killing others was a moral thing to do. Even if in the back of your mind you question this leader, the weight of others who follow the same leader will pressure you to adopt that leader’s version of right and wrong.

Peers are also authorities.

Somewhere in the adolescent years, our peers start having more influence on us than adults. If you join a gang, then their norms become your criteria for right and wrong. If you hang with drug addicts then you develop a “hustle” and stealing or other criminal activities stops being wrong and becomes acceptable.

In a previous post, I wrote about why trying to resist peer pressure is a choice doomed to failure and why sooner or later all humans give in to peer pressure or change their peers.

D. The rule or the law.

Many people come to believe in the rule of law. They memorize the law, regulation, or bylaws of an organization. Their appeal for right and wrong always goes to what the law says. People quote the constitution or other law as evidence for their belief in what is right and wrong. We have a supreme court to make just those fine distinctions as both sides in the argument can see how the law agrees with what they want the right and the wrong to be.

Others resort to a particular religious book, the Bible the Koran, or what have you. They are often adept at finding a verse to quote that establishes that they are correct in their view of right and wrong. As with other laws, these religious documents may also have other portions that lead to a different interpretation and there are religious wars a plenty over which religious book is the right one or the wrong one.

It is reassuring if you can find guidance in a book or law that eliminates the need to judge right and wrong but it does not always lead to a correct way of behaving.

E. Higher Values.

Beyond all these ways of separating right from wrong, there is in most of us a gut sense that regardless of what the authorities say, what our friends may tell us, or the holy book appears to be revealing, there is this fundamental thing that just does not feel right.

We have established by war crime trials, though some will disagree with this, that just because your party, leader, law, or religious book seems to sanction a practice there are some things that are inherently wrong and should not be done regardless of who says to do them.

Not everyone reaches or wants to reach this higher level of moral reasoning but it should be something that is encouraged if we want to avoid the excess of relying on leaders who might use their position, the law, or the religion, to justify doing fundamentally wrong things.

These are some thoughts about ways moral reasoning may develop. In a future post let’s look at the errors that may creep in along the way to better moral reasoning.

Here is wishing you the happy life you deserve. David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Decluttering my head.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Decluttering your mind.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

When your head gets full everything slows down.

Sure is easy to get busy. Each thing on the schedule requires thought. Some days there just isn’t room left for me in my head. Do you ever feel that way?

Recently I had a bout of illness. Two things stood out as a result.

First, I need to spend more time and effort on staying physically healthy, more on that later, and second, at times when our physical health is down, everything takes more effort, especially the mental part.

I realized while I was physically sick that everything took way more mental effort. I suddenly discovered my head was so full of the things I think about each and every day that there was not enough room to focus on getting well. Something needed to give.

One thought that occurred to me as I was convalescing was if I were to not recover if this illness was to be long-term, what things would I still think mattered?

This thought, occurring as it did during one of those long trips between the bed and the bathroom resulted in a decision that there was just way to much stuff cluttering up my mind that did not need to be taking ups space there.

If any of you have unused space in your head and need something’s to store there, just to take up space, let me know and I will be glad to send you some things, particularly things that no longer seem to matter in my way of thinking.

One thing I noticed while ill and convalescing was that my email was consuming a lot more of my thought than remembering to take my medication. When you are really sick just reading all that stuff can be exhausting.

Not only did my inbox now contain hundreds of unread emails, but they continued to arrive faster than I could open them. I know there are ways to organize my email, but consider what is the benefit of organizing stuff I don’t need in the first place? Which did I want to spend my energy on, reading emails in the hope of not missing something or spend that energy on recuperation?

The result was a determination to pare down those emails and then to start looking at the other things that I have let expand to fill up every waking moment of my life. At times like this, less really is better.

My apologies to all those “how to blog” and “how to sell stuff” folk as well as the “how to buy happiness folk,” most of you not only got moved to the delete box, you were gifted with an unsubscribe. If reading your email takes up my time, it clearly needs to be worth my effort and I quickly realized I was following a whole lot of email newsletters that did nothing but fill up my head and suck my energy.

I shiver as I write this, fearing that my subscriber number will take a sudden drop but if reading my emails is costing you more than the benefit you are getting from this blog, than one gift I can give you is to help you save that much time anyway.

So how about you? Do you have a whole lot of things that fill up your head and your life? Do those things really matter and do they make you any happier?

What I found, the gift of this illness was that there are a lot of things that occupy my head and my time that needs to be cleaned out, especially if I want a healthier and happier life.

Here is wishing you a happy and meaningful life, whatever that means to you.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

6 Myths about alcoholism

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bottles of alcohol.

Alcoholic Beverages.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How many of these Alcohol myths have you heard?

If you don’t know the signs of a disease you can pretend you don’t have it. As a society, we do a lot of pretending about drugs and alcohol. Regardless of anything you may have learned alcohol is just as much a drug as any other chemical.

How it affects you depends on the relationship you develop with this powerful drug we call alcohol. Millions of people are on the road to alcoholism and don’t even know it. Some are already there despite their best efforts to pretend otherwise.

Here are some common myths about alcoholism.

1. Alcoholics are homeless bums.

The majority of all alcoholics, by some estimates up to 90%, have full-time jobs. It is only the most debilitated that end up homeless. Most have suffered for years before they reach the homeless point.

Alcoholics come from every economic strata, race, and religion. Even groups that forbid their members to drink still have alcoholics among their ranks.

2. Alcoholics drink every day.

If you only drink once a year on New Year’s but you have gotten DUI’s several times or arrested for bar fights, then you are drinking alcoholically.

It is not how often you drink, but what happens when you drink that determines alcoholic drinking. Alcoholics do not drink one or two drinks; they drink with the intention to get drunk.

Periodic episodic binge drinking is more likely to lead to alcoholism than the person who has one every day.

3. You will not become an alcoholic if you only drink beer.

The majority (54% by one estimate) of the alcohol consumed in America comes from beer. Beer drinkers get just as many DUI’s and are involved in lots of fights and domestic violence. If when you drink, you get in trouble, that is drinking alcoholically regardless of what you are drinking.

4. You need to drink for years to develop alcoholism.

Many chronic alcoholics will tell you that the first or second time they drank they became drunk and many blacked out. If you like the effects of the alcohol you can begin to drink alcoholically from the very first time.

The amount of damage done to the body is largely dependent on how high the level of alcohol in the bloodstream goes. You can die from an overdose of alcohol the first time you drink if you consume too much too quickly.

5. One drink a day won’t hurt you.

That may be true for some people, but the very young and the elderly are at risk from even that much. More than 4 drinks a week can impair health in older adults and alcoholism in the elderly is growing at a rapid rate.

More than half of all the emergency room admissions among senior citizens are the direct result of being under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Alcohol does not mix well with many prescription drugs that are routinely prescribed for the elderly.

6. Alcohol is a stimulant and gives you more energy.

Alcohol is a depressant. The use of alcohol has been linked to depression and other mental illnesses. Binge drinkers are 55 times more likely to attempt suicide.

While alcohol does not give you energy, make you look better, or improve your sex performance, what it does do is lower your inhibitions and get you to do things that you would never do sober. For every one thing positive that someone reports having done as a result of drinking we hear countless stories of people who committed crimes or were the victim of a crime as a direct result of forgetting to pay attention to what they were doing while they were intoxicated.

The majority of people in prison were drunk or high in the 24 hours before they committed the crime that sent them to prison.

Many who are arrested for being under the influence of drugs have alcohol in the bloodstream at the time of the arrest. It is very common for those dying of drug overdoses to also have alcohol in their bloodstream. Being intoxicated can impair judgment and lead to a drug overdose.

As much as alcohol consumption is glamorized in our society there are surely many more myths about the risks and benefits of drinking alcohol. What other myths have you found about alcohol?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why not everyone ends up addicted to pain medication – set and setting

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs

Medications.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Psychological factors can affect the addictive potential of drugs.

Some people with chronic pain are able to take pain meds for a long period of time with no apparent addiction problem.

Other people can become addicted to a pain med after using a single prescription.

A major factor in this outcome is a thing drug counselors know as set and setting.

The way you perceive the use of a medication or drug may have more of an effect on the results than the actual chemistry of the medication.

Both “set” and “setting” influence these effects.

Set refers to “mindset” not the taking of drugs on a Hollywood movie set. The drug will produce larger effects in the direction you expect than in the opposite direction. This is similar to the things we have talked about as placebo and nocebo effects.

Someone who is in a bad mood, who drinks when angry, is likely to become more angry and violent when drinking. Another person at the same party, thinking that this is a happy occasion will likely become more outgoing and uninhibited. Both people are taking the same drug, in this case, alcohol, but the results conform to the expectations or mindset of the user.

The place matters – setting.

A single glass of wine will affect someone differently if consumed at a religious ceremony than if consumed in a bar late at night. Drinking some wine as part of a ceremony may be relaxing or spiritual, that same glass of wine consumed at a party may result in the person consuming the wine becoming more sexual rather than more spiritual.

What does all this have to do with the abuse of prescription pain medications?

People who take prescribed medication, say morphine or an opioid, in the hospital when it is prescribed for pain are at low risk to develop an addiction. That same person who has taken large amounts of morphine in the hospital with no apparent ill effects is at high risk to develop an addiction if they purchase a single prescription from a dealer in the alley. The difference is in the setting in which the drugs are consumed and the purpose for which they are used.

Unfortunately, many of us can’t tell the difference between physical pain and emotional pain. Taking drugs for emotional pain, especially pain medications is a high-risk behavior. Those illicit meds can quickly become an addiction.

Recently we have seen a huge increase in teens and young adults who are abusing prescription meds, often stolen from older family members. While grandma may take a morphine pill every day for pain and not develop the signs and symptoms of a psychological addiction the grandson who steals those meds and uses them to get high can quickly become addicted both psychologically and physically. (See the post on Grandma as a drug pusher.)

What you are thinking about and where you are when you take drugs or medications can and does affect the results you get and the potential for addiction.

The recognition of set and setting points us to a better understanding that the psychological factors in drug addiction are far more powerful than the physical effects in a great many cases.

If you come to believe that you “need” your drug of choice to function well, that you can’t do things without your drug to get you through, even if that drug has a low abuse potential you are at risk to develop a psychological addiction to that drug.

Consider your own drug use and how set and setting may be affecting the results of that drug use.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

11 signs you crossed the addiction line. Is it partying, drinking and using or addiction?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

sign

No Drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How do you know when your drug or alcohol use has become a problem?

Some people report that they can drink a few drinks now and then and they have no problem. There are those rare individuals who are able to try a drug a few times and then put it away with no apparent bad result. But many people discover that what started out as all fun has progressed to becoming a problem. Here are 11 signs that your partying has moved from being fun to being a problem, maybe even an addiction.

1. You are trying to control your use.

One of the first signs of an addiction gone wild are the efforts to control use. Normal people, people without a problem, do not try to control their use. They do not need to control anything because they can take it or leave it. If you find that when you drink or use you end up doing more than you planned on doing if you start needing to control your usage, then you are on your way to a problem.

2. You arrange your life around chances to drink or use.

People with an abuse problem begin to arrange their life around getting and having their drug of choice. They pick restaurants based on the bar, not the food. They avoid social settings where there will be no drugs or alcohol or they will not be able to drink and use.

They also begin giving up friends who do not use or drink.

3. It takes more of the drug or alcohol to get the same high.

This is called tolerance. If you need to drink more alcohol to feel the same effects, you are developing tolerance. If the same amount of a drug produces less and less of an effect on you, then your body has begun to develop tolerance. You are headed for problems. Those who can “hold their liquor” are not safe from alcoholism. They are already on the way to becoming an alcoholic.

4. You have symptoms of sickness when you suddenly stop getting your drug of choice.

This is called withdrawal or sometimes abstinence syndrome. Hangovers when you drink. Other physical symptoms, headaches constipation, diarrhea, changes in sleep, or appetite directly tied to your use are indicators of problems. So is needing more of the thing you did in the morning to recover. Taking some of the hair of the dog that bit you means you have been both bitten and infected with the addiction germ.

5. You get angry when people try to talk to you about your drug or alcohol use.

People who drink or use in responsible ways do not have people talking to them about their use. If your use has reached a point where people need to talk to you about it, then you have gone past the point of casual use and are headed for problems.

6. You have begun to accumulate negative consequences as a result of your use.

If you get in fights, verbal or physical, with people, are getting DUI’s or lose your job as a result of drinking or drug use then it has become a problem. If your relationships are suffering or you are fighting with your partner about your drug or alcohol use then the drug has entered the relationship and you are now in a threesome with that drug. This is not likely to turn out well. Both Sherry (alcohol) and Crystal (Methamphetamine) are jealous lovers and they do not want you to see your current partner.

7. You feel guilty about things you have done while under the influence.

Most times you can drink too much or do a little drugs and the next day you can think I wish I hadn’t done that and everything is fine. But it is not always like that.

Some people find the first time they drink they end up blackout drunk, the may drive drunk and kill someone, do something violent or even commit rape while under the influence. The little things are easier to hide than the big ones. No one knows when they will cross that line.

One warning sign is if more than once you wake up the next day having done things you wish you hadn’t and things that you need to pay for, make right, or worse yet things you can’t take back or fix.

If you feel guilty for things you do when under the influence of drugs or alcohol then you are headed towards addiction. You may already be there.

8. Most of your life involves getting the drug, using, and getting over the effects.

This is a classic sign of addiction. The addict finds that most of the day is spent thinking about their drug of choice, getting it, doing it, and then getting over the effects.

9. Drinking or using interferes with the roles you need to fill in life.

It affects your job, your relationship, and your parenting skills. When you stop seeing your friend or family, when you let your kids or spouse down all because of the things that drugs or alcohol are now requiring of you, it has passed from being fun to being a problem.

10. When you wake up one morning and this is no longer fun.

When you wonder how you ever got started. When you wish you had never taken that first drink or hit, you have reached the point where you don’t need to ask if this is a problem, you already know.

11. When what used to be your solution has become your problem.

If you move from thinking that a little alcohol or weed would mellow you out and make you happier or help you have more fun, and then after a long time using you need this substance to help you wake up, this is a problem. When you decide that this drug is your problem you have crossed the line by then it has become too late. You are now way past the point of return and have arrived at addiction.

Remember not all addictions are physical, getting sick kinds. The psychological addictions are often harder to kick than the physical ones.

If you are seeing some or all of these eleven signs in your life, then consider if it is time for you to give it up. There is help out there but you need to reach out for the help. Some professionals, counselors, and therapists, have been trained to help. There are substance abuse programs in almost every place. If those options do not work for you there are plenty of twelve-step groups and a few other peer self-help groups, all full of people who would like to help you as a part of their recovery.

If your fun has turned into your problem please consider asking for help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

6 reasons why exercise won’t help you

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Exercise equipment.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Mistakes we make in setting up an exercise or other self-change programs.

Exercise programs, like lots of other self-change efforts, fail for some very simple reasons.

I first read these points in articles about physical exercise programs but the more I read about them the more I could see that the same principles apply to mental, spiritual, and emotional recovery programs also.

Have tried to change only to end up back where you started?

Below are some of the reasons these self-improvement programs often fail.

1. Trying to do too much too fast.

For most people, weight loss is not a long-term project. This exercise or weight loss program is often undertaken as a last-ditch crash activity. You want to lose weight before a special occasion or because your doctor has said your health is at risk.

Most people in early recovery, from whatever they define as their problem, fall into this same trap. The person who has neglected their health wants to get into shape lose weight and become healthier and they want to do this by Friday.

Recovering from a lifelong issue does not happen in large sudden ways. It begins with some basic changes that you keep doing. It is the maintenance part that is so essential, yet so hard to make a part of any self-change program.

Just as dropping too much weight too quickly may be bad for your physical health, trying to undo years of a problem lifestyle overnight may be emotionally unhealthy.

The first week in recovery many a person wants to get a job, go back to school full-time, start a new relationship, and pay off all their back bills. Early recovery is a time to focus on what bad habits you need to weed out of your life and to begin to think about what you want this new life to look like when you are done. Do you want a whole new healthier you or are you just trying to lose the weight by the time of the reunion?

It is easy to overwhelm yourself when you first start a self-change program, the result is that the whole self-improvement program goes out the window.

Make small changes and stay with them. Those small changes in your life repeated often enough result in major life improvements.

2. Not being consistent.

Self-change cannot be done on an on-again-off-again basis. Small incremental changes add up. Sudden bursts of efforts are undone by periods of inattention to your self-improvement program.

If you really want lasting change you need to exchange your habits and building new habits takes lots of repetition. You did not get the way you are overnight and it will take time to recover.

3. Are you avoiding the hard stuff?

We all like to look for shortcuts but the shortcuts do not add much to making you happier or healthier. There is no shortcut to exercise. You have to do it. Some ways of exercising may be more effective than others but they all take effort on a consistent basis.

I think of self-improvement like karma as a form of exercise. You do good things and you become a good person, you do bad things and you become a less good person. Sometimes getting to be a better person takes lots of effort.

4. Spending too much time on the fun stuff.

In any recovery program, some things are more enjoyable than others. We tend to do the things we like. But to really change yourself sometimes you need to start your routine with the hard to do things.

5. You do the wrong exercise the wrong way.

Make sure the things that you are doing in your program are truly designed to help you and that you are doing them in an effective way. Professionals can help here, so can self-help books.

Improperly done exercises result in injuries and those will need to heal. A common mistake recovering people make is to run around apologizing for your past errors and saying you are sorry. Others have heard all this before. They do not want to hear you say sorry they want to see real change. Make the changes first and it will be easier for others to accept your apologies later on.

6. You forget to breathe.

Forgetting to breathe during physical excesses undoes a lot of the benefits that come from exercise. The muscles need oxygen to function and to grow. The same thing is true of spiritual exercise. You need to slow down and breathe in the joy and pleasure that comes from doing new estimable things.

In the older self-improvement books, mental health, memory, and success were linked to physical wellness. We have lost some of that emphasis as we put pressure on children to get high test scores and take away their recesses to get those test scores up. Having a healthy body is a big help in being more mentally alert and effective.

Hopefully learning these 6 ways in which exercise will be unhelpful will aid you whether you are trying to lose weight and get in shape or you are on your way to making other changes that are a part of your recovery.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why your partner thinks you said things you know you didn’t say

Posted on by
7

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Why does your partner think you said that?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

False Memories.

What we remember about things others say can depend on our mood.

Two men go out to dinner with their dates. Let’s call them Bob and Sam. Bob goes home sure that his date did not like him. Sam is sure his date did. The two women said exactly the same things to their dates. Why the difference?

This happens a lot. You swear you didn’t say something, your partner swears you did. Neither of you may be lying but one of you has got this conversation wrong. Why?

One cause of memory failures is false memories. They happen more often than most of us realize and they cause a lot of relationship problems. Those memories are easier to create than you might think.

Researchers have sophisticated ways of testing for false memories and the way they are created or perpetuated. In pasts posts, we talked about how drugs and alcohol can increase false memories, but your personality and that of your partner are also factors. False memories are dependent on your mood at the time you hear things. They are also affected by your normal personality and way of perceiving the world.

Info about false memories and why they occur in relationships.

A test for false memories would consist of asking you to remember a list of words. Say the list included, night, bed, pillow, nap, etc. The next time you see the researcher you read a list of words and are asked to mark which you saw the first time.

This time included in the list is a word that was not there the first time but would have fit with the category that made up that list. In this case, the missing word might have been sleep. So if you picked sleep it made sense, but in fact, the word was not there the first time. If you said that you remembered it this would be a false memory.

In our date example, we find that in both cases the woman told their date that they had an interesting tie. Bob the perennial pessimist is sure his date said he had an awful tie. Sam remembers his date as saying he had a nice tie. Sam is an optimist.

The mood, as well as the basic personality of these two men, causes them to hear the same information but they both remember things that the date did not say. What they are remembering is a form of false memory in which their mind has filled in the words needed to make sense of the comment “interesting tie.”

One way to check this out in the lab would be to leave the word “sleep” out of the retest. This time if we added two words to the list, say insomnia and restful, we could see if there was a difference in the way two people would remember that list.

Sure enough, pessimists will remember insomnia and swear it was on the first list and optimists will remember the word rest. Both are making errors in their memory. Neither is lying but they both are sure they remember things that did not happen because they learned the list of words as a category, not as a list. Then when they are retested they fill in another word that fits their version of what the category is about.

So consider that some of the things you and those around you swear were said or happen may, in fact, be false memories. How sure are you that you actually heard the things you think you heard?

Sometimes for the sake of relationships and our long-term sanity, it pays to check out with the other person what they really said or meant. That way our minds do not need to fill in missing information and there are fewer chances to create these troublesome false memories in the first place.

What is the chance that memory you are arguing about is a false memory?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Mental illness and substance abuse only strikes certain zip codes

Posted on by
6

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

The area you live in affects your mental health.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why does mental illness only affect those on the south side of town?

Mental illness and substance abuse somehow are able to single out certain zip codes to focus its ravages on. Here in the central part of California, those zip codes are generally on the south sides of towns. I thought it was only here in my neck of the plains that serious mental health issues and the disease of addiction knew to focus its efforts on certain parts of town.

I see from another blogger’s post that there is now an outbreak of this phenomenon going on in New England. It seems that these debilitating disorders know to only strike on the south side of town (poor neighborhood) while there are never any people with mental health issues or drug addiction in those areas on the north sides of towns (Wealthy or closer to it.)

The powers that be have warned repeatedly that placing any form of treatment facility in the north end of town would only draw those people who chose to be mentally ill or addicted to those more northern areas.

Those of you who live in other regions, particularly where there are north and south-flowing rivers may find that this divide will be an east-west phenomenon. But in those situations, the disorders and the diseases still will be able to find the correct zip codes to inhabit.

People in upscale neighborhoods do have their problems. Some of them have medical issues that require daily maintenance on injectable narcotics, but they are not drug addicts. There are also those that have chemical imbalances and need frequent monitoring by their psychiatrist.

These are good normal people who have adequate insurance and can pay ready cash to private medical practitioners to have their needs met.

On the south side of town, we find those people who have lower or no incomes and as a result, they do not get chemical imbalances or need maintenance on prescription medications. These residents of the south side, singled out so it would appear solely because of their zip code, develop serious and persistent mental illnesses and addictions.

One way governmental agencies can ameliorate these geographic issues is to locate as many facilities as possible for the mentally ill in those areas

Recovery and halfway houses are frequently co-located with large sources of drugs and crime to reduce the travel time between recovery and relapse.

Given that the seriously and persistently mentally ill are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators it makes sense to avoid locating services for them in northern zip codes that would place them in wealthier, lower crime areas and to concentrate facilities for the mentally ill as close to known concentrations of prostitutes and drug dealers as possible.

This entirely logical system of locating the predators and the prey within easy reach of each other has not been universally recognized. Many seriously and persistently mentally ill continue to try to live in the wrong zip codes despite the need to make long journeys to the south side to get their treatment.

Clearly, not everyone has gotten the message that the mentally ill live only on the south side of town. Frequently misguided people from the wealthier neighborhoods present requesting services. Some mistakenly think that because they are now out of work and their insurance is curtailed that they have moved from the chemically imbalanced to the seriously and persistently mentally ill group. They need to be gently reminded there are not services for their problems as “those kinds of people” do not live in the more northern (wealthier neighborhoods.)

Despite all our efforts to sort this out, people on the north end of town continue to believe that they are addicted to something like a drug or alcohol and need treatment. The usual procedure for these misguided folk is to remind them there are no drug addicts in those zip codes and they need to seek services in the south part of town where the addicts live or preferable move and live there.

Despite the best effort on the part of the powers-that-be to keep serious and persistent mental illness and addiction out of their neighborhood, there are those residents who do not comply with the program and insist on getting ill even when they live in the wrong zip code.

As an old man once remarked, my dad was the town drunk, if we had only had more money he could have been an alcoholic like the mayor.

So much for keeping “those” kinds of people out of our neighborhood.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why we need to talk about mental illness, drugs and alcohol in combination

Posted on by
10

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs.

Drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Why you need to know about mental illness, substance abuse, and co-occurring disorders.

Most people identify with one major problem, they have a mental illness, they are addicts or alcoholics or they may just have a “communication problem” with their significant other. No matter what you identify as your primary problem there are reasons you need to know about the other possible problems and how they may affect you.

Why “normal” people should know about both mental illness and addiction.

In the course of any given year, 25% of all Americans (numbers in other countries are about the same for most issues) will experience symptoms of a mental or emotional problem that are severe enough to be diagnosed. Most of those people will first see a medical doctor thinking that their loss of energy or their nerves is a physical, medical problem.

Most people who die from a mental illness have been to see a primary care or medical doctor in the 30 days before they die. When there is no medical cause for their suffering found they may fail to go for mental health treatment.

In their lifetime, about 50% of all Americans will experience an episode of an emotional or mental illness. Many of these issues can be mild if caught and treated early but untreated they get worse. The old practice of pretending you are O. K. even when you are in pain did and does not work. If you have a mental illness it needs treatment and getting it treated is no more giving in than going for treatment for a heart problem or cancer.

Many people will experience at least one episode of substance abuse, some get away with it a few times. Some abuse drugs and alcohol on a regular basis and do not get caught for a while, but eventually, most people have difficulties.

Even if you do not do drugs or alcohol there is a high likelihood that someone in your family or social circle will become an alcoholic or addict. For every substance abuse out there we estimate that there 5 to 8 people directly affected by the substance abuser’s disease.

Why the mentally ill need to know about substance abuse issues.

Not all mentally ill people abuse substances but the overlap is larger than most people would care to recognize.

Those with a mental illness are drawn to using drugs and alcohol to try to cope with their symptoms. Many Bipolar people like the mood swings that accompany alcohol use. If you like the mood swing you are likely to continue using or drinking.

When the depressed person drinks it helps them forget their problems for a while. Then the alcohol wears off and the problems return. There is often a rebound effect and the result is that your mental health issues are now worse than when you started. This leads to more and more frequent drinking.

Using drugs or alcohol to change the way you feel is a risky way to use them. If you are an emotional user you are at increased risk to develop an addiction.

Most psychiatric meds do not work that way, they do not suddenly and miraculously make you feel good, and then when the med wears off you feel worse. This is why psychiatric meds which only help you function, not cure your problems, need to be taken as prescribed and every day for a period of time before most of them will begin to help.

Why addicts and alcoholics need to know about mental illnesses.

A great many people in substance abuse recovery initially feel great, they are clean and this feels good. They the good feeling wear off and they are at high risk for relapse.

Many people began using and drinking at such an early age they do not know what it feels like to be without the drugs in their system. We often find that the early symptoms of a mental illness were there before the person first experienced drugs. But the long-term use obscured the emotional part of their problems.

Using drugs, the lifestyle, the drug, or alcohol experiences, distort your development. People who go for years using and drinking do not undergo the developmental milestones they should have experienced, and as a result, they are unprepared for life without drugs. The drug of choice and that could include alcohol or gambling or any other addictive behavior, has been your best friend and now when you give that friend up you may go through a period of grieving.

So drug and alcohol use may have hidden the symptoms of a mental illness, the emotional or mental illness may have been caused by the drug use or may occur when you give the drug up and discover that there is a whole lot of wreckage that you now need to clean up.

People just do not get through life having only one problem. The chances are high that you or someone close to you will have multiple problems in their lifetime. Having a mental or emotional illness and substance abuse or misuse is one of the more common cases of having multiple problems.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

If you think fast are you crazy? Does jumping to conclusions make you delusional?

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2

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Delusions.

Delusions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

People with delusions and delusion like thinking have been linked to fast thinking.

There is a body of research that links jumping to conclusions with having delusional thinking.

This has me concerned for several reasons. I have read a number of these studies recently and while they seem to have been rigorously done, I think there are flaws in their logic. I am also concerned that if we define one reasoning pattern as “normal” and another way of thinking as “delusion” there may be implications for the way these people get treated.

There are two problems with this research. Who gets labeled delusional and how that gets measured. I am suspicious that both are biased.

Who gets called delusional?

One study reports that a constant finding in the research is that the younger you are the more “delusional” you are. Presumably, this definition of delusional has to do with looking at a set of facts and circumstances and coming up with the “wrong” answer. In these studies, the wrong or “delusional” answer was anything the researcher did not agree with.

Another group that has higher than expected rates of “delusional” diagnosis is urban residents. This is disconcerting as this century is reported to be the first time in the history of the world that the majority of people on earth now live in urban settings. From this line of reasoning moving to the city makes you delusional.

Having a lower-income, living alone, and being unemployed also result in receiving a label of delusional. Men and non-English speaking immigrants also get labeled delusional more often as do those who are never married or divorced.

One other factor that increases the likelihood of being given a designation of delusional is a history of alcohol abuse and drug abuse, especially marijuana use.

All in all, it would appear that minorities and lower socioeconomic status groups are more likely to be labeled delusional.

The tests for delusions.

Groups of research subjects were given a test to assess their thinking process and its relationship to delusions. The thing being studied is a way of thinking called “jumping to conclusions.”

For now, I will accept the tests or screening devices and focus on the connection between the “delusion-prone group” and the Jumping to conclusion experiment.

The marbles (or bead) test.

Participants in this experiment were shown two jars of beads, one jar contains 85 white beads and 15 black ones. The other jar contains 85 black beads and 15 white ones.

The researcher then hides the jars and begins drawing beads from one of the jars. They wanted to see how many beads you will need to make a decision on which jar they are coming from. They also compared the “delusion-prone group.” to an apparently normal control group.

Most psychology experiments are conducted on rats. When rats are not available the researchers use the next best thing, college undergraduate students. Most “Jumping to conclusions” experiments are conducted on college undergraduates, a group not known for its rationality.

One thing that I do not see mentioned is the significance of being right or wrong on your estimate of which jar the beds come from. This may be invalidating the whole jumping to conclusions research paradigm.

What are the advantages of being right and the disadvantages of being wrong in this experiment? Would those intangible payoffs overpower the Jumping to conclusion effects?

What if your life or the life of someone you loved depended on getting the right answer? How sure would you need to be then?

Say the first bead is white. There is an 85% chance that the jar is mostly white and a 15% chance the jar is mostly black. Let’s say, to keep the math simple, you make a hypothesis that this bead came from the white jar, are you willing to bet your life? The second bead is also white. There is now a .025 % chance two white beads in a row are coming from the black jar.  By the fourth white bead, we are down to about 4 chances out of 10,000 that these are coming from the black jar.

Now, are you willing to bet your life?

Since there is no gain to be had for risking my life in this scenario I would hold out until there have been 16 white beads drawn. This could require as many as 36 draws. At that point, all the low occurrence beads should have been drawn and whichever color has 16 has to tell me the jar. So if my life depended on it I would hold out until the very last draw needed to be absolutely certain.

What if you could win money?

What if the experimenter offered me $100 if I could guess correctly on the first bead and the amount I would win declined by half after each draw? Assume the risk of death is off the table now.

Some of us would take a shot after one draw and go for the whole $100. Some of you more cautious types would want the second bead to increase your chances even though you now get only $50. A very few of you would wait for the third bead and play it safe to improve your chances even at the risk of only getting $12.50. My guess is that how long you wait will not be anywhere near as long as if your life was at stake.

Last example.

Let’s say the money was on a table behind a door. There is a whole string of doors. But behind one door there is a hungry lion that would eat you. To see the jar in this room you need to enter the room and then find the light switch to turn on the light. If you opened the door a crack and heard a lion roar would you go ahead and go in there and see if the lion was really there? Or would you try another door?

I would slam that door fast and then open the next one a crack to see if I got the roar again even if I was not sure which door the roar had come from.

Now back to the whole jumping to conclusions test. Would a group of accounting students tend to be more conservative and wait longer to make choices? Would a group of day traders make quicker decisions?

So while making quick decisions may increase the risk of making errors and some of these errors could be seen as delusions. At some point in our human history the ability to make quick decisions could have strong advantages. If you live in a poor, crime-ridden, neighborhood today, those quick decisions could save your life.

I am a lot suspicions that the researchers have proved that those people who make quick decisions, they term it that, jumping to conclusions have established a connection between their jar of beads and delusions.

I might try to guess after the first draw just to try to beat their game and they being more conservative and needing lots of evidence before they can conclude anything, would wait as long as possible before concluding anything.

More to come on delusions and how they may be affecting your life.

But the take away from all this, I remain unconvinced that making quick decisions even when you will make more wrong things is a bad thing or that we should call this delusional. Creative people try more things, some of these efforts work out and some do not. That does not equal delusional or mentally ill in my book.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel