How to control your drinking

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

How to control your drinking.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Some easy ways to keep your problem drinking under control.

It is not uncommon for a drinker, especially someone new to consuming alcoholic beverages to overdo and experience negative consequences. If you have had a hangover, been stopped for drunk or impaired driving, or ended up in a conflict as a result of your excessive drinking, you may want to try some of these methods to keep your drinking under control.

If after trying these techniques you still are having problems with your alcohol consumption there are some more advanced suggestions at the end of this list.

Set limits and stick to them.

Drinking five or more drinks for a man or four or more for a woman is considered binge drinking. This is the riskiest way of drinking. The damage to the body from excess alcohol consumption is proportionate to the level of alcohol in your bloodstream.

Even at half these levels, in most places; you can be too compromised to drive and risk an arrest for some form of impaired driving.

The best policy is to limit yourself to no more than one or two drinks on any drinking occasion.

Women if you are pregnant or may become pregnant, that limit should be zero. We know of no safe level of alcohol for a pregnant woman. Sorry ladies.

Do not drink because of negative emotions.

Depressed people who drink alcohol to cheer themselves up, become more depressed. Drinking because you are angry increases the risk you will lose control and act on that anger. Drinking to control anxiety results in more anxiety. Drinking away any problem results in more of that problem.

Do not drink to increase happiness.

If one drink makes you happy two should be better and thirty more so.

The trap here is that if you need the alcohol to make you happy you are already in a risky neighborhood.

Do not drink alcohol when you are thirsty.

Alcoholic beverages do not quench your thirst. Alcohol dehydrates you. Drinking alcohol when thirsty will make your dehydration and thirst worse and result in your craving and drinking more alcohol than you intended.

Do not drink when you are very hungry.

Some people believe that a little wine makes for a better dinner. The risk for many of us who lead busy lives is that we wait too long to eat. The result is that we fill up on alcohol and do not eat the food.

Drinking on an empty stomach increases the risk of overdoing the drinking and losing track of how many you have had.

Avoid drinking in situations where the primary activity is drinking alcohol.

A single glass of champagne at a wedding is not likely to cause most people any problem. One drink at a social party where everyone is planning to get drunk is likely to lead to social pressure to consume more than you had planned on.

Many people can safely have a single drink at an event with a non-drinking purpose. Those very same people who go out with others after work to have a drink are at risk of overdoing. Don’t go to a drinking event and expect to be the one person who drinks in moderation. You may be one of those people who can be at a drinking occasion and not drink. The chances are you are not one of those people if you have read this far into a post on controlling your drinking.

If you have tried all the simple methods of controlling your drinking but still find yourself consuming more than you should, you may be one of those people who has crossed the line between a normal drinker and a person with an alcohol use disorder. You may be a problem drinker.

Characteristic features of Alcohol use disorders include things like, loss of control or drinking more than you intended, increased tolerance, needing more alcohol than before to feel the effects, and the development of negative consequences when you drink. Cravings are another warning sign.

If you have an alcohol use disorder of any kind seek help. Counseling and therapy with a professional that understands substance use issues or self-help groups may be able to teach you to live life without the alcohol and avoid the problem of repeatedly trying to control your drinking and not being able to stay sober.

Alcohol use disorders are a group of real illnesses and like many other medical diseases once you have these disorders you are not likely to ever return to being a person without this disease. If you have a drinking problem of any kind please seek help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Could you use some help?

Counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

David Joel Miller

David Joel Miller

When it comes to physical, tangible, things most of us are able to ask for help. But when it comes to the emotional and mental problems in our lives we find it difficult if not impossible to ask for help.

If you need to move, you ask your friends to show up and help you carry the furniture. You may even borrow someone’s truck to move you. It is not uncommon for people to borrow money when they can’t pay the rent. Why not ask for emotional help?

Is there some special reason we don’t like to ask for help with our emotional problems like depression or anxiety?

Why avoid help for relationship issues?

Lots of these panic – need to move this weekend, situations, are the result of relationship breakups. Frankly, most of those relationships had problems that could have been treated if one of the people involved would ask for help. That is what marriage and family therapists do every day.

Why is it easier to justify borrowing $1,000 to move, but so very few people will spend $100.00 to work on salvaging that marriage in the first place?

Need help with an addiction?

The same is true of other life problems. Someone has a drinking problem. They resist going to treatment, can’t ask for help for that. But after the arrest or they lose their job they will ask to borrow money to pay the lawyer, bail bondsman, and the fine.

Help, for the record, comes in all styles and colors. Friends can offer help for emotional problems if you let them. There are self-help groups and there are self-help books. Most of these work on yourself solutions are a lot cheaper than neglecting the problem and then paying the consequences.

Professional help is also often a good investment.  CPA’s are known to refer management of family-owned companies for family counseling. It is a whole lot cheaper to work out the conflicts between family members than it is to liquidate the family company.

Self-help groups recognize the need to be willing to accept help. The third step in the twelve steps is, to my way of thinking, primarily about being willing to accept help. So is sponsorship.

Everyone has times in their life when they need help with emotional problems. The smart people are not too proud to ask.

What is Serenity? (counselorssoapbox.com)

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Yoga of pain

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

I did not realize that yoga could be so painful.

Yoga postures Parshvakonasana

Yoga postures Parshvakonasana (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some people are able to do all the postures with little or no discomfort. I, on the other hand, have perfected the art of suffering through Yoga.

Absolutely I am not an expert on Yoga. Not unless three sessions over a two month period make one an expert. I have however learned a large amount about what not to do while practicing Yoga. If any of you out there know more than I do about this subject, feel free to leave a comment and help us, newbies, out.

First a little about how I came to be attending a Yoga class in the first place. I am not too much interested in the religious aspects. I value my hair too much. Once long ago I was tempted for several days to join the Krishnas, cute girls, and all. But the robes and the shaving the head, that cured me of that thought.

So why Yoga? First off my doctor has been urging me to get more exercise. I briefly tried an aerobics, calisthenics, and weightlifting program.  The instructor was of the no pain – no gain school. He was home on leave for the summer and was making a little extra change before resuming his primary job, something about waterboarding on a remote Caribbean island. This was a painful experience.

A second reason to consider Yoga was when I dropped my pen on the floor and had to lay down to get it. My old body no longer bends all the way to the floor.

The first session of Yoga went great, well maybe acceptable would be a better description. By the third session, I was in pain, again. Thereupon I set about trying to ascertain what Yoga and pain might have in common. Was pain really needed for gain in the Yoga arena?

Yoga is defined as “a system or set of breathing exercises and postures derived from or based on Hindu yoga.” I do not think there is anything predictive of pain in that description.

The only common feature that my practice of yoga and I have in common, is  – well – ME!

Clearly, there were things that I was doing incorrectly. I will not give you the full list of the things I do incorrectly, that would require the assistance of a family member. But here are a few of the errors I made in doing my Yoga.

You must continue to breathe while doing yoga postures.

Who knew that breathing was all that important? Turns out that the muscles need oxygen to function properly. If you have the tendency, as I do, to hold your breath while exerting yourself you will stop breathing while in those long poses and the result will be, muscles deprived of oxygen can become painful.

It is not necessary to strain to benefit from the exercise.

Forcing yourself to twist the way the person next to you does is not a good idea. Especially if they have been practicing Yoga for 20+ years. Go as far as you can, using the resistance of your own muscles to help you strengthen. If you are feeling pain this is BAD.

The little booklet we got when I signed up for class said, once I read it, the newcomer benefits from going partway until they can become flexible enough to bend farther. The more experienced person needs to bend a lot farther to get the same benefit.

This is the first time I can remember that being unable to do something was a plus.

Work around your injuries.

Do not force a part of the body that won’t bend, go as far as the part that does bend will go and then stop. The objective is to improve your breathing and ability to move, not to develop a full inventory of past injuries.

Doing a little each day is better than a marathon session once a month.

Between the last two group sessions, I have been doing a few stretching exercises each night before bed.

Guess what I discovered? If I gently stretch while breathing each night, by the end of the week I was able to reach my toes. OK, I was lying down at the time, but look, just being able to reach them, that is like a good thing, right?

Have any of you out there started on a fitness program as part of your recovery? Anybody do Yoga or a related exercise. Could you help an old guy out with any suggested ways to get the benefits without the pain?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Extra practical therapy book is coming

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

David Joel Miller Books

David Joel Miller Books

Work has resumed on the book I am writing about counseling and therapy.  The planned release date is sometime early next year.

This book is a collection of ideas about counseling and how to get the most out of the process. It is designed specifically for the non-professional. It will cover a lot of questions that so many of you have asked about counseling, therapy, mental health, substance abuse, and related topics. It will include answers to questions such as:

When should you go for counseling?

How will you know if it can help you?

Is Counseling safe and what will I need to do to make it safe and effective?

What kind of professional am I looking for?

How much does it cost and what can I do if I can’t pay?

And much more

Some of this material is from posts to counselorssoapbox.com and reader’s questions to the blog. Much new material has been added each day as the writing progresses.

It is still not too late to get your question answered. Ask now and I will try to answer your question on the blog. Longer or more detailed questions may well end up in the book.

The title is still a work in progress. Any suggestions?

As the book writing progresses, the time for blog posts is getting more difficult to include in my schedule. So some days we may need to skip posts. There have been some spectacular posts recently among the blogs I subscribe too and I plan to share some of these via reposts.

If you would like to stay connected to the posts on counselorssoapbox, the progress of my book in progress, or the flow of the conversation about mental health and substance abuse issues – please subscribe or follow counselorssoapbox.

You will find the follow button at the very tip-top of the page, in the black area, next to the counselorssoapbox.com name. And don’t forget to hit the share and the like buttons at the end of each post.

Thanks and stay tuned for the latest updates.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Anger and Depression beat Contentment and Serenity.

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Angry person

Anger.
Picture courtesy of Pixabay.

How fast do you have to drive to reach Serenity?

The advertisers’ version of contentment and happiness is a car, preferably a convertible, and a supermodel of your preferred sex, driving down the highway going as fast as you can. Despite repeated efforts, most of us find no matter how fast we go we never make it to happiness or contentment.

We don’t start to look for positive emotions like contentment, serenity or happiness until we are overwhelmed by all those negative emotions. Swamped with anger and disappointment we realize we can’t run or drive fast enough to reach contentment.

What if we started the other way around?

Is it possible that the really happy person is sitting in their car in the driveway, not having anywhere they have to be? Better yet, is true happiness sitting on the grass under the tree, not having to make the payment on that new car?

Until we become so busy that we can’t do it all, we do not recognize the benefits to be had from sitting quietly and enjoying our ease.

It is only when we experience the pain of negative emotions that we are able to realize the value of those less charged positive emotions like serenity or contentment.

In the collective, we mostly say we want world peace.  But inside ourselves, whether we admit it or not, most of us are hoping for some excitement, even if it comes at the price of more stress and emotional costs.

Try running a web search for “Contentment classes” and then compare those results to “Anger Management Classes.” You will find that few people are looking for contentment, but many are looking for ways to control their anger.

Is it possible that less doing and more being could have relieved this imbalance?

People who value serenity will tell you that they found their inner peace not by more searching but by sitting still and learning to appreciate where they were and what they had.

One of the great illusions of depressions is that there is something we need to find to make us happy. More things, another person in our lives, may be nice, but that sort of happiness does not last. Learning to be content by yourself, in the situation you find yourself, leads to an inner peace that may not resemble that car ad but will be a lot more valuable in the long run.

Sad to say but it appears that everyone is motivated to flee depression, anger, and anxiety, but not many people are willing to sit still and experience contentment and serenity.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Therapists have therapists – Who do pastors and priests see?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Church.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Who is helping the helpers?

Therapists are encouraged to go for their own therapy. Rather than being a sign that there is something wrong with this professional, having someone you can talk to about your problems is recommended practice, and for good reason.

This got me thinking, wondering, which professionals who help others are encouraged to get help for themselves and who are too embarrassed, ashamed, or arrogant to get help for themselves.

Counselors need to have counselors. 

First, let’s talk about the counselor or therapist who goes for therapy, and then we will inquire about other professions.

Beginning counselors are encouraged to see another professional both as a part of the training process and ongoing after they are licensed. Being a helper is a stressful job and you would have to be pretty arrogant to think that once you become a professional you will not need to see someone for your own stuff.

Clients sometimes ask about this. I see it in the search terms from time to time. There is no reason to avoid a therapist who is going for personal counseling and in fact, we think this is a good thing. Many licensing boards feel it is so important that the counselor work on their own stuff that they allow us to count a certain number of hours of personal counseling towards licensure. This process is so important there is even a bonus of extra credit for some hours of personal therapy.

Many schools require counselors in training to go for their own counseling. Doctors see other doctors. Teachers take classes from other professionals and it just makes sense to take good care of yourself.

Drug counselors need help staying sober.

Substance Abuse Counselors have recognized this for a long time. They are at high risk of relapse by virtue of spending all day talking about drugs with their clients. Sponsors should have sponsors and therapists need to see another mental health professional.

In substance abuse counseling it is common, almost universal for the counselor to be in recovery and often they are still attending meetings.

Mental health staff needs self-care also.

What we do not hear nearly enough about is the number of mental health professionals who are in some form of mental health recovery. Our professional schools are still too under the influence of those Freudians who never self-disclose anything to anyone. But a whole bunch of mental health professionals has told me privately that they have struggled with or are in recovery from some mental illness or other. If not them then they have a relative or friend who has that issue.

Why else would you want to work in this field if you or someone you knew had not had to overcome an issue?

Incredibly that mental health professional who entered the field because someone helped them create a happy life, once they are in the field, becomes too embarrassed to talk about their own issues. Some have even been threatened with the loss of job or friends if they self-disclose this item. Peer counselors and members of self-help groups are at a special risk to think that having “fixed” themselves they can now stop working on themselves and just help others. This is a relapse waiting to happen.

If you work in this field, as a professional, a peer, or even a volunteer, you need to stay connected to a support system that can help your recovery and that may mean you need to continue to go to meetings or see a professional.

So what about other profession’s self-care?

It is Sunday, I wrote this on another day and scheduled it to appear later, but it is being posted on a Sunday. Which brings up the question – who – mostly works on Sundays?

The first thing that comes to mind is what about religious leaders?

One way of understanding churches and similar institutions is that they are hospitals for the spiritually sick. Many recovery programs include spirituality or religion as parts of the life that need to be included in your recovery plan.

So do religious leaders, pastors, priests, rabbis, Imam and so forth ever need spiritual guidance, or are those guys and gals that close to spiritual perfection? Far as I know there are relatively few perfect people on earth and the ones who think they are there, that they have arrived at perfection, they are at the highest risk of taking a wrong turn into thinking that they need to take over and do the job of being God.

Does anyone out there know – do pastors see other pastors? They can’t very well go to church can they, what with having to work every single Sunday.

I know that some denominations have a hierarchy and that the local pastor or priest has to report to a superior. Mostly that looks like running a business. How many viewers did your sermon get and how much was in the collection? What about real spiritual guidance?

Given the number of cases of child sexual abuse and the affairs of the clergy, one has to wonder. Pastors and Priests do, for the record, end up in rehab. We can’t tell you which ones. That is about confidentiality. It would appear that religious leaders have the same prohibition on self-disclosure therapists are encouraged to observe. They just seem able to hide it better than depressed psychotherapists.

What is up with us not wanting to admit that the caregiver sometimes needs help and that needing help sometimes does not disqualify you from being of service to others?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

God needs an anger management class

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Anger burning

Anger Burns the holder.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why is God so angry? Doesn’t God like us anymore?

God is in an evil mood these days, or so I am told. Even allowing for the possibility that there is more than one God this bunch needs some serious anger control training.

God is an equal opportunity hater. He has been quoted as wanting to kill, wound and maim, Christians, Museums, Jews, and Pagans alike. Anyone not fully in compliance with his impossible difficult requirements is at the full risk of his wrath.

God has not been in this vile a mood since the close of the Old Testament.

God is forever getting credit for things. We hear about acts of God. Mostly these consist of things like flood, famine, and pestilence. God would be doing hard time if he just stuck around at the scenes of his crimes but whenever we go looking for this dude he has snuck out the back way before he gets caught.

The Catholic God seems to be out to get the Protestants and the Protestant God is mad at well almost everyone. Even the Muslim guy, Allah, he has been out bombing and killing his followers, Sunni and Shiite alike, or so I have been told. Can’t prove any of this but, I see a whole lot more bombings and funerals than love fests.

Not sure what all them religious leader-types would do if all of God’s followers ever decide to start liking each other. No more religious wars? What will we do? What will we do?

You’re not like thinking there is any risk of this, are you?

Given the current state of wrath on the part of the various deities, what I am proposing is something like a WWE God smackdown. Let all the various Gods wreak havoc with each other and leave us out of the mix.

There is this theory that the problem with God these days is that he is lonely. The Hindus suggest that all the happy Gods have consorts. But then who is listening to the Hindus these days, are they sponsoring any good wars?

If by consort they mean Girlfriends and lovers, that might be what God needs so he gets back into the loving mood. If they are thinking wife, then based on my experience doing marriage counseling, having God get hitched is a bad idea. If you have seen the way married couples fight I am afraid of God and his wife trying to set the world spinning in two opposite directions.

Frankly, this is all very confusing. Why is God, according to his financial advisers, so into wars, hate, and killing?

It is not possible that any of God’s handlers and P. R. staff are spinning his positions on things incorrectly is it?

Just exactly who do we need to be talking to if we need some of that unconditional love stuff? Why then is it so easy for all these God-followers to find someone to hate and try to destroy?

Oh no! I think I have done it now. Someone is sure to write in and tell me that God hates me and wants me dead. I did vote the wrong way in that last water bond election and there is still that unfinished business with that Beatles album I listened to way back when.

These religious enforcers most likely will be more than willing to do God’s work for him, these folk always aspire to be junior Gods themselves, that deciding on who should live and who needs punishing is so much fun.

But really folks, doesn’t God needs some anger management classes, or maybe a marriage encounter group? It just pains me to see that deity person so unhappy. Anyway, could we get a happy God? One that loves us again? I am just saying—

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Are you a Parentified Child?

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Children working

Parentified child.
Photo courtesy of pixabay

If you are a Parentified Child how do you ever finish growing up?

Some children grow up way too young. Are you one of those people?  Did you take on roles that were far too adult for your age? Parentified children begin to act like adults before they ever have the chance to be kids. This causes them problems later in life.

If you came from a dysfunctional home, and there are lots of different types of dysfunctional homes, you may have been cast in the role of parent for your mother or father. They played the child role; you tried to be the responsible adult. You made their food, cleaned the house, and may have cared for your siblings. You may have had to call their bosses or make excuses for them when they were not able to function as an adult.

If you had to be a surrogate parent before you were able to be a child, how did you learn what to do as an adult, and when do you ever get to be a child? Parentified children, grown into adults who never had a childhood become either super responsible or irresponsible to the max.

We often see this in families where a parent is an alcoholic or an addict. They are so debilitated much of the time that a child steps in and takes care of the parent and fills the parent’s other roles also. This parentified child becomes so used to being the responsible, caregiving one, that they all too often end up in dysfunctional relationships hooked up with an immature adult that needs a caregiver rather than a partner.

The little girl who goes to school, say in the third grade, but then goes home to fix dinner for her younger siblings, is acting like a parentified child. She may have to do the laundry or even feed and change the baby. She becomes the parent for her siblings. What happens to this child when they grow up?

One result of being too mature too soon is the unresolved need to be a child and play. These Parentified children are quick to jump into sexual relationships. They go straight from being a child-mother to their brothers, sisters, and parent, to being a partner and mother or father themselves. There is never a time to get their needs met.

These Parentified children are at high risk to abuse substances themselves to cope with the too early assumed responsibilities of being a parent. They are also at risk at some point in their life to veer off and go through a period of irresponsible behavior, trying to learn to play and have fun. What they may not have learned is how to have fun without indulging in drugs, alcohol, or other risky behavior.

They are also at risk to never really learn functional ways to parent. Having had to be adults at a young age they expect their own children to start taking on that role before those children are ready. This results in a lot of family dysfunction.

If you grew up in a home where you had to take on too many adult responsibilities at a very young age you may not have had good role models for the ways in which you need to behave. You have had to make the rules up as you go along. Often you have paid the price of having to learn how functional people behave by trial and error.

One major challenge for the parentified child is to learn about developmental milestones, what should you have learned and how should you have behaved at eight, at eighteen, and at twenty-eight. Many parentified children need to take parenting classes so they can parent themselves as well as parent their children.

Did you become a parentified child? Do you now have to learn how to play, have fun, and go through the process of growing up all over again?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why Sunday scares me, believing nothing does not increase tolerance

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Faith.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sunday is becoming more confusing than ever.

I am feeling a little scared each and every Sunday largely because of the way my neighborhood chooses to celebrate this day.

Actually, to be truthful, the whole weekend thing is scaring me. Weekends used to make sense but not anymore.

This uneasiness is not solely because of the number of religious observances that occur over most weekends but also because I see a shift in the dominant religion and I am not sure I can fully embrace this new faith.

Most of my neighbors have abandoned the small local church, synagogue, or other religious establishments in favor of monstrous temples dedicated to crass commercial consumption. The place of worship that seated one or two hundred has been replaced by the hundred thousand square foot place dedicated to the worship of a god known only by the name “More.”

All my neighbors seem to need to make weekly or more frequent pilgrimages to these palaces and they return with their vehicles laden with sacred venerable articles of the new faith in mass consumption. Buy more and the country and you will prosper.

The custom used to be to make donations to the work of the Lord, whatever particular lord or lady you chose to venerate, and then expect some form of blessing in the future.

Not anymore.

Now you load up your car with big screens, fashionable semi-clothing, and other shiny trinkets, and then having received your blessings in advance you make a legally binding promise to continue to pay your alms on the monthly installment plan.

The banks and credit card companies are only too willing to do the work of the Great God of Manufacturing.

I try to be understanding of this new faith. I am accustomed to the concept that the entire weekend may include religious ceremonies on Friday evening Saturday or Sunday. Some faiths have worshiped by day and some by night. Some even worship outside. Some get dressed up and some were nothing or next to nothing. A smaller few even pray.

But this newfangled faith in the God of Things has taken to conducting their sacraments, called doing business, at all hours of the day and night. Some temples to consumerism are now open 24 hours a day seven days a week.

Can any heavenly God without a distribution warehouse match those hours?

I had fully expected that the rapidly expanding multiculturalism of this world would lead to more tolerance (religious not chemical tolerance.) It has not.

My neighbors who consider shopping a religious duty are beginning to look askance at my reluctant consumerism.

I have the anti-religious approach of driving my car until the parts can no longer be found for her in the wrecking yard. In deference to Mother Earth and my local political guru, I do get her smog checked on a regular basis.

My neighbors are beginning to indicate that my older car is both a detriment to the neighborhood and some form of religious sacrilege.

There are in fact an entire constellation of religious artifacts that are beyond my comprehension. I cannot invoke any I-prayers on my I-tablet nor am I familiar with blue rays or any other colored rays for that matter.

I would like to find the freedom to practice my own religion in my own way but the nightly broadcast media tells me that I am not doing either my religious or civic duty because I have not made any major purchases this month.

I am willing to greet the usual assortment of religious proselytizers that occasionally reach my doorstep. Recently, however, there has been a radical influx of missionaries devoted to more opulent consumption who tell me I am shirking my duty by not buying a host of products from vacuum cleaners for the hardwood floor to weekly specials on USDA rejected beef.

I had expected more religious tolerance, but somehow my efforts at frugality are seen as undermining the common morals.

Clearly with church attendance continuing to decline and a host of new religions vying for our membership there is less, not more, tolerance on matters of personal belief and practice.

For those of you have not yet done so – go buy something before Sunday is over. I am occupied for the moment watching a little bird outside my window as he scratches through the lawn looking for free seeds and bugs. He has not yet gotten the message that the duty to spend is awaiting.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Can you get a job if you are a felon? 6 tips

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Are there jobs after prison?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are there jobs for felons and ex-felons?

Just because you have been to prison does not exclude you from getting a job. I know lots of people on parole get discouraged and give up looking because they feel that no one will hire them with a serious crime on their record.

The truth is that many people with a jail or prison record do get jobs, but having that record may make it harder to find work.

Here are some suggestions for finding a job if you have a less than perfect past.

1. Start your job search where you have the best chances.

There are government programs that offer tax incentives to companies who hire people on parole or with a history of incarceration. They save money on their taxes by taking a chance on you.

These programs come and go but if you are on parole ask your agent about these programs. Some of these jobs are difficult grungy work, they have high turnover. If you really want to work again you need to prove yourself. Work on this kind of job for a while, do good work even if the conditions and pay are not so good and you have a reference that might help you land a better job.

2. The connection between your crime and the job you are applying for.

If you were convicted of embezzlement or theft you aren’t going to get a job as a head cashier. Companies often take out insurance (called a bond or bonding) on employees that handle cash or valuable merchandise. If you are convicted of stealing you probably will not get a job handling valuable things but you can get a job doing construction or physical labor.

If you were arrested for abusing a child or domestic violence forget working around women and children. That will not keep you out of many other jobs.

These days’ drug convictions are less of a problem than they used to be. If some companies did not hire people with drug convictions on their record they would have no employees. Just don’t expect to work in a pharmacy or a job where you would be handling drugs as part of the job.

3. Do something to show you are changing.

Start doing positive things and show that you want a new crime-free life. This is hard when you are first starting out but do what you can. Even though you may have paid your “debt to society” the prospective employer is thinking to themselves will this guy do it again? How much of a chance am I taking?

Besides doing this for the job consider doing this for yourself. Do good things and you become a good person. Do bad, selfish things and you – Well you get the idea.

If you had a drug crime go to A.A. or N.A. Consider joining or attending a religious group in the faith of your choice. When possible do volunteer work. Also, make those amends.

Consider going back to school or getting some vocational training. Completing a GED or a college degree says that you are willing to make some effort to improve yourself.

It does not look good to a prospective employer if you are ducking your child support payments and you drive on a suspended license. Get that wreckage of the past cleaned up even if that means working a really crummy job to get those fines and fees paid off.

4. Be honest on your application but do take every opportunity to be positive and explain your situation.

That question on the application – you know the one I mean. “Have you ever been convicted of a —?” Read it carefully. If the question asks for felonies do not include all the misdemeanors and parking tickets. If it asks about misdemeanors include them.

When possible put down something like “Will explain in interview.” Then make sure you have a good explanation. If you were convicted of a drug crime the prospective employer would like to hear you completed a drug treatment program and have the certificate to prove it. If there was an assault did you do the anger management or batters class you were required to do? Have you learned something from this experience and have you changed? Or are you still blaming your ex and talking about why your prison stretch is all someone else’s fault?

5. Go to the interview looking like a professional, not a prisoner.

Cover up tattoos and consider getting them removed. Avoid anything that looks gang-related. The customary recommendation is to dress a little better than you would dress if you got the job. So if you are applying to work on a hog farm a suit may not be needed but do not come in for the interview looking like one of the pigs.

Have a resume if that is appropriate or a master job application. Practice interviewing. Doing well in the interview is a skill just like the other skills you need to do the work if you want to get the job.

6. If you do not get the job do not give up or get discouraged.

There are lots of people out there going for interviews. Many of them do not have a prison record. Yes, they have an advantage, but if you don’t get the job it may well not be your record that is holding you back. Do not take it personally or blame the system. Keep working on yourself and on your job skills.

I know it is hard, but many people with a criminal conviction on their records do get jobs if they are willing to do the footwork. Yes, it is difficult and it takes time.

Don’t expect miracles or overnight success. You lost a lot of time while you were locked up. You may be 40 but you can still be starting out alongside some twenty-year-olds. Do not expect to move up overnight. But if you keep on the path, then recovery and a happy life are possible no matter where you have been.

The alternative to going through the process of change and doing the hard work is to end up back in prison. Unfortunately, the system makes going back easier for most than the alternative of staying out. Some people do make it and recover. Do you want to be one of the ones who recover?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel