Tag Archives: emotions feelings

How can you tell if someone is normal?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Normal.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What is normal anyway?

How can you tell if you are normal? How could you know if someone else is normal or just faking?

What if “normal” is having a whole lot of problems just like the rest of us?

Some days I start thinking either everyone is “normal” or none of us is. If by normal we mean no problems, emotional, mental, or behavioral. So far I haven’t found any such people.

Remember that I spend all day, most days, seeing people who need counseling and in that process, I need to assess them and give them a diagnosis. You might think that because I only see people who have issues, I don’t see the really “Normal” people.”

I am starting to doubt that.

Everywhere I go people seem to have one problem or another. Celebrities get drunk and do bizarre things, athletes do drugs and countless Facebook pages report mostly complaints about how rotten life is and how everyone they know is crazy.

The harder I look the fewer almost-normal people I can find.

This has started me thinking that we have set the bar for normal so high that no one can make it to almost normal let alone the full measure of normalcy.

If we expect normal people to be close to perfect then we are likely to be severely disappointed. Frankly, we all have our issues. Life happens, things happen and then we have to cope, for better or worse.

Some people cope better than others, but so far no one seems to be able to go on being “normal” every day for extended periods of time.

Frankly, I have given up on being normal. I will take “not certifiably crazy” any day.

From time to time when asked about how normal people do things, I have threatened to capture one of them and put that “normal person” on display at a zoo. That way the rest of us could observe what it would be like to have finally achieved normalcy.

After thinking about that a while I have to conclude that normal, is a long way from what most of us expect normal to be. Normal is, after all, living life in spite of having a whole lot of problems, issues, and untamed emotions. It may even be perfectly normal to have wild and crazy thoughts every now and then.

Given that, go ahead and enjoy being normal, even if you need therapy and meds to cope with a normal life.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Relaxed or tired?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tired or relaxed?
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

Can you tell the difference between relaxed and tired – most can’t.

Ever taken a vacation and come back more tired than before you left? Most of us have. Some of us are so used to pushing to accomplish things that a day off is a scary event. Stop running for even a moment and suddenly you realize how tired you are.

We live our life at such a frantic pace it can be a shock to our system to finally slow down.

Lots of people say they would like to be able to relax but when that opportunity finally occurs all they can report is that they are really tired.

This happened to me recently, or more precisely I finally recognized it was happening.

I mentioned a while back that I had taken up Yoga. Not in some fanatical religious conversion way, but just trying to do something structured that might help my flexibility and let me exercise without having to stay out in the heat or the rain. Being able to pick up things I drop on the floor and touch my toes again would be a plus.

Now our particular yoga class ends each session with a guided meditation. How common it is to do this I can’t say. Every yoga group I have ever attended has done it this way. But I can’t be all that confident with any conclusion drawn from a sample size of one.

What I have noticed is that by the end of the class, having attempted some postures, I am either so tired or so relaxed that I can’t remember much of what was said during the guided meditation.

This has caused me to wonder if I really can tell the difference between being relaxed and just plain tired.

Seems that I run from thing to thing so rapidly that I never have a chance to rest. When I finally do relax what I discover is the extent of my exhaustion.

This has led me to wonder if I or many of you are really ever able to relax. Or do we just run ourselves to the point of exhaustion and then when we stop to collapse call that relaxation.

Clearly, relaxation needs to mean more than just running out of energy.

So help me out here. Do any of you have ways in which you relax and if so how can you tell the difference between being relaxed and just plain exhausted?

From the number of coworkers who come back from vacations exhausted and needing a week or more to rest up from that vacation, I am suspecting that most of us, when we say relaxed what we really mean is drop-down exhaustion.

What do you think? Relaxed or exhausted?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

No one notices the passengers on the bus – they watch the drivers.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bus

Driving the recovery Bus.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Are you the passenger or the driver?

Passengers on the bus are at the mercy of the driver. They stop when he stops and they go when he goes. If you have ever had to ride the bus, in most cities, you will find that there are some serious problems with relying on this form of transportation.

You will also discover that there is a lot of discrimination towards bus riders. That loss of control and dependence on others carries over into other parts of your life. People who have an addiction also lose control and they suffer the same discrimination as bus riders. Really serious drug users and alcoholics get both experiences. They get looked down on because of their addiction and because they have lost the ability to drive a car or manage their transportation. Eventually, they may lose the ability to manage the rest of their life.

There are certainly good reasons to encourage bus ridership. It is better for the environment. You may save money on registration, taxes, and maintenance. Those benefits come at the cost of not having the bus always go where you want it to and not always being on your schedule. A life run on drugs and alcohol has those same negative features.

You will not find many people impressed if you tell them you gave up your car so you could rely on the bus for your transportation. Somehow the notion that you might be better off having others take control of your transportation options does not sound attractive to most people.

Most people are not impressed by a life controlled by drugs or alcohol either.

What does impress others is the person who can drive their own car. The newer and shinier the car the more the impression factor. The driver feels better about themselves also.

Now just having a fancy car is not enough. A car is only impressive if it runs well in addition to looking good. The same thing is true in our lives. Think about celebrities whose lives looked good from the outside until it finally jumped the track and now is in the ditch.

The person who has control of their life, whose life is going where they want it to go gets a whole lot more respect than the person whose life is controlled by addictions or compulsions.

Sometimes in life, you need to ride the bus. Your car may be in the shop, you may not have the money to get it fixed just now. But the goal of most people is to regain control of their transportation lives.

The same thing is true if you are sick. You may currently be relying on your doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or sponsor to help you steer your life. But the sooner you can reach the point where you, with some help from a higher power, can take back control of your life, the sooner you can regain the respect of others and most importantly regain your own self-respect.

A life that is steered by alcohol, drugs, or emotional illness takes you to place you don’t want to go. You can regain control of the direction your life is going. Don’t let your past control your future. Get headed in a new direction.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why do therapists stop seeing you if you aren’t getting better?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapy

Therapy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why would a counselor stop seeing you?

Sometimes the counselor will tell the client they need to stop seeing them because the client is not getting better. Why would they do that?

There is one major reason and a few smaller ones why this might happen. Honestly most of the time this does not happen. We, counselors, want to think we can help people and sometimes we go on seeing them past the point at which we should have noticed that the client is just not getting any better. But if your therapist does say they need to stop seeing you here are some possible reasons why.

Ethics tells us not to see people we can’t help.

It is considered unethical to keep seeing a client once you realize that you are not able to help them. Once the counselor realizes this, they first look at what they are doing, is there something else I could do to be helpful? Then they consider referring the client to someone else who might be able to do something differently.

Just a lack of progress on the client’s part does not mean the counselor is not being helpful. Sometimes the issues the client has may require help just to keep them stable. If the therapy sessions keep the client from getting worse and ending up in the hospital that may be a reason to continue therapy even if the client is not seeing their problems get smaller.

What would be unethical would be to keep seeing the client, taking their money or the insurance company’s money if the sessions were not helping the client.

A new problem emerges that needs special care.

Sometimes we start off seeing the client for one problem, say depression and during the process, the client starts talking about some other problem. Say the client now tells the counselor that they have a severe eating disorder they have never mentioned before.

Treating eating disorders is often considered a specialty. Not all counselors have the extra training needed to be able to help you with that. So they might need to refer you to an eating disorder specialist.

This should happen more often with clients who have a substance abuse issue. Unfortunately, some therapists are uncomfortable talking about substance use issues. They keep on working on the depression and ignore the substance use problem. The result is that the client fails to get better.

Sometimes the client wears the counselor out.

Some clients get stuck in an issue. They are angry or hurt because of something that happened in their past. What they might like to do is erase the event so it never happened. That or punish the person who harmed them.

The therapist wants to help them move on and get working on creating a new happy life. If the client is not ready to move on it can get tiring to listen to them. If the counselor runs out of steam in the listening department they should make the referral.

I do recommend to interns that if they start feeling this way they need to talk to the client about this. It is possible we professionals get impatient and try to end treatment just about the time the client is ready to make some changes.

Don’t ever stop just before the miracles happen.

If the counselor becomes impaired they shouldn’t see clients.

If the counselor gets sick, or they have a sick family member, then they can’t give helping you their full attention. Counselors who are going through a divorce or a custody battle may find they can’t give a client who reminds them of their ex their full attention.

Other professional impairments can include excessive or problematic use of substances, drug and alcohol abuse can be problems for counselors too.

You think you are not getting better but the counselor sees improvement.

Clients can start getting dependent on their therapist. Sometimes they look forward to the weekly session so much they can’t see how they can give it up. They feel they are not all better yet.

Counselors and insurance companies are not expecting you to be all better at the end of treatment. What is expected is that the symptoms will be reduced until they no longer interfere with your ability to work, have friends or family relationships.

If your symptoms seem stable, the counselor may decide that they can’t justify billing your insurance anymore and that means they need to terminate therapy with you or you will have to pay yourself.

Even in this circumstance counselors may need to revert back to point 1. When does the counselor’s seeing you become more for them, to make a profit, than for you?

Those are some of the reasons a counselor may say they have to stop seeing you, they may be others in particular cases. Hope that helps explain the process.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is your brain on delay?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

PNG of brain.

Brain
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Five possible reasons for Brain Delays.

There are lots of ways to put your brain on delay. Once you do, it can be hard to get it working correctly again.

Your brain may be tired, worn out, beat up, or just plain over-full. No matter the reasons, once your brain is in the delay mode you will not get the sort of use out of that organ that it is capable of.

Here are some things that may be slowing your brain down and putting it on delay and some thoughts on getting your brain back on-line.

Fear can hijack your brain.

When our minds are occupied with fear and anxiety we use up a lot of working memory. You can spend so much time brooding on your troubles that there is not much capacity left to think things through, plan for the future, or even to enjoy the good things along the way.

Find ways to reduce the fear or anxiety. There are all sorts of methods, counseling, medication, or facing this event with a supportive person. You will see a lot about that in other posts on this blog.

Some fears are really cowards in disguise if you face them down and walk towards them the thing that you are afraid of will run.

Depression or Dissociation uses up brain capacity.

One symptom of retardation is “psychomotor retardation.”  When you are very depressed any effort, even thought, becomes more than you can manage.

If you feel “out of it” or “spacey” look for an emotional cause.

There is also a condition called dissociation. A small dose of this may be a normal way your brain protects you from physical or emotional pain. If this keeps happening or interferes with your life consider getting some professional help. You can get better and no this is not, “just the way I am.”

Alcohol or other depressants make thinking fuzzy.

What depression can do to us, we can do to ourselves by drinking alcohol, taking depressant drugs or even by excessive use of sedating prescription drugs.

Despite all the myths out there, alcohol does not give you energy, it depresses the nervous system. Drink enough alcohol and just remembering who you are and where you are, become major tasks.

Don’t let alcohol slow your brain down.

Abuse of stimulant drugs can cloud things up.

Using stimulant drugs to accomplish more is a horrific delusion. In the early stages, stimulant drugs like cocaine and meth seem to offer the hope of lots of energy, a more productive life.

But with repeated use, we become the dog who chases his tail. You run faster and faster but get nowhere. People on stimulant drugs get “Stuck.” They repeat behaviors over and over until they finally crash.

Once they crash they stay down for at least as long as they were up. All that downtime, their brain is set on fuzzy.

Stimulant use and abuse can get you both ways, when you are up you are stuck on things and when you are down you are off-line.

Physical health issues make thinking harder.

If you have not had health care or it has been a while since you saw a doctor, make sure you get yourself checked out by a doctor. If it has a medical cause then your problem is not an emotional one. Having a physical issue can make your emotions more difficult to cope with. Sometimes you may have both a physical and a mental health issue.

So if you find your brain on delay, think about what caused this condition. Rather than doing more of what isn’t working, try something new. Get help and get that brain back up and working the way it was designed to work.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.

Do counselors report rape?

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By David Joel Miller.

When might a counselor report a rape?

Do counselors report rape?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

If the victim is an adult – counselors do not report rape. Rape is a crime. We do not report crimes unless there is a legal exception to confidentiality that requires us to report something. As far as I know, rape is not one of those crimes that get reported.

If the victim is an adult they should report it. We will try to help them, walk them through the process.

After seeing how rape and abuse survivors can be treated and the way reporting trauma can re-traumatize them, I can understand why they may not want their rape or abuse reported.

If the client is the perpetrator we do not report that either. It is up to the victim to report. What we should do is tell this client to stop doing that. They are ruining their lives and the life of their victim. That is if we even chose to continue to work with a rapist.

What if the victim is a child? You report the rape then, don’t you? No, not really. Not the way I understand my reporting responsibility. I do not report crimes. I do not report rape.

Wait a minute – the victim was a Child? What we do report is abuse. This is child sexual abuse. See the rape part is not what triggers the report. It is the abuse of someone with power and control over a weaker person that makes this reportable as abuse.

This sexual abuse does not need to be rape or intercourse. Depending on the laws of the jurisdiction all sorts of inappropriate sexual contact between an adult and a child might be reportable.

But the victim does not need to be a child to make this a reportable occurrence. If the victim is a senior citizen that is reportable in lots of places. Or if they are disabled, that abuse gets reported.

Financial abuse of the elderly, that gets reported most of the time. There are rules about when but remember it is the abuse, not the financial crime that is getting reported.

So while counselors do not report crimes, yes we do have a responsibility to protect those who can’t protect themselves by reporting abuse.

I am sure this will not be the last time a question about when a counselor will report something will turn up in the comments or my email.

The basic rule is – crimes – no report.

Abuse of a disabled person, senior citizen, or child – report.

A person intending to kill themselves or others – report.

At least that is the way things work here in California and most other places I know about. If in doubt consult a lawyer or ask your counselor about the way it works in your jurisdiction or situation.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Without a dream life’s a nightmare

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dreams and Nightmares

Dreams and Nightmares
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Dreams.

We start off life with all sorts of hopes and dreams, somewhere along the way we lose track of those dreams. The way of life becomes dark and gloomy.

If you don’t have a dream, a hope for the future, your life becomes empty and you feel hollow. Somewhere or other your hopes and dreams turn into the nightmares of adult life.

When life is a nightmare.

Finding your way from the nightmares back to the land of dreams, that is the work of recovery. The dreams you are looking for are not the fantasies of childhood but the solid dreams an adult should have of what can be and what they can become.

Rebuilding hope and recreating dreams is what makes a life worth the effort to live it. If you get nothing else from your recovery program then fully engage in the search for hope, the recreating of dreams.

My own philosophy of counseling is that I am a guide along the path towards that happy life we all need and deserve. I share the things I have learned from taking this walk we call life and I am blessed to be able to learn from others the lessons they have learned.

Sometimes in this journey, we have to walk through some very dark and scary places. We may struggle with monsters or demons. But always keep your eye on the light shining off on that distant horizon.

A colleague of mine recently described it very succinctly. You may have to walk through the valley of the shadows of death, don’t stop and camp there.

While you are walking through your daily struggles, do not get defeated by the dark shadows and the nightmares. Keep your eye on the bright spots.

What makes this journey of life with all the efforts that are required, something worthwhile is the dreams we create, the ones we are able to hold onto, and the companions with whom we share the journey.

Can you see your dreams on up ahead? What are you moving towards? What lessons have you learned about how to overcome the nightmares and make life worth the effort to keep trudging onward?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Fighting Boredom – finding things to do

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is your life boring?

We can all slip into this rut from time to time. Day after day we do the same things. They stop being exciting, they stop being fun. Relationships can get too predictable and then the magic goes out of them. We begin to be bored.

Some people try to cure boredom by taking big risks or making drastic changes. You don’t need to do drugs, get a divorce, or run off to join the circus to put the fun back in your life.

Kids are likely to experience boredom.

Teens and tweens are especially prone to this boredom syndrome. Someday as grownups they will wish they had some downtime, some rest, and relax time. But now they will tell you that they are bored, that there is nothing to do in this town.

It is not just parents in small towns that hear these complaints. One reason they ring true and are so hard for parents to dispute is that we adults can get into some awfully boring routines after a few years of living.

So parents if your kids are saying they are bored, show, don’t tell, them how to shake that feeling. Start by looking at your life and if you are boring, try changing that first.

One quick way to change feelings is by changing habits. Here are a few simple ideas. I have confidence in you readers and look forward to some suggestions from all of you of things you have done or are doing to shake the boredom and start living again.

Artistic types need this a lot. We get in ruts and need to break into new patterns. So do people with very conventional lives. You, accountants, know you need a little excitement also.

Go a different way to work.

Altering paths forces you to look at different scenery. These new sights stimulate you and hopefully your imagination.

Try a new destination.

Change the store you shop at, go to a different library, or a new mall. Many cities have old towns or artist areas, check these out. They are not places you would normally shop but you will see new things and get the thinking and the imagination going again.

Cook or eat a new food.

We have an obesity epidemic. Average life spans are declining and much of this is the result of food being too available. Much of that instant gratification food is unhealthy.

Now is a good time to try your hand at cooking something new, something healthy, or just something you have never tried before. You have to eat anyway. Why eat boring when you can make food an adventure.

Healthy food may be an even bigger adventure because it takes thought and effort and results in a feeling of accomplishment when you get it done.

Meet a new person.

Not suggesting you take up living in singles bars. What are the activates you could get involved in that might bring you into contact with other like-minded locals?

School activates, church or temple, volunteer organizations, or any civic event can lead to making new friends. New friends are energizing and a great cure for the boredom blues.

Has someone ever helped a child do something?

How did that make you feel? Did you feel bad because the kid suckered you into helping them? Not really.

Try finding others you can help so you can feel good.

Also if you are in recovery, get a sponsor and let them feel good about helping you. Needing helps sometimes does not keep you out of the helping crowd.

Make a list and check things off.

Make lists of things you want to do someday, that proverbial bucket list or just things closer to home. Do you have projects that you have been meaning to get to ever since you moved into that house? They still are not done?

Would it surprise you to find that lots of people retire or sell the house and move away with all those projects never done?

If you start doing things around the house or in your own area, you will have some time to enjoy the results of those projects.

What would a tourist to your hometown do?

Many people have never been to a museum or seen the local tourist attractions unless a friend or family member came to town to visit and you had to take them around on a tour. Give yourself that tour.

Get moving, get doing, and see how your boredom runs away.

Now if you try to get into action and you find you can’t, that nothing is fun anymore, then you may have a clinical loss of pleasure. That is a symptom of depression in one of its flavors.

If you find you have depression or persistent sadness or whatever you chose to call it, consider getting professional help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Think your pain away, why meds may not be enough

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Coping with pain.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

If being mentally healthy will reduce your physical pain why is it a last resort?

Prescription drug use in America is at an all-time high. So is the abuse of prescription drugs. With more and stronger medications always being introduced why do so many Americans report chronic pain?

Doctors will prescribe all sorts of medication, sometimes even surgery, but when all else fails they will often refer the patient to counseling or a mindfulness class. Why is working on your thinking a last resort?

We know if you think about your pain, really concentrate on what is ailing you the pain grows in importance. It may even take over your life. This effect is true for both mental and physical pain.

Some simple mental techniques have been repeatedly shown to reduce the impact of pain and lessen the disability caused by those pains.

We know that those old pain involved expressions carry a lot of truth.

You are a pain in the neck – People who fit that description makes us feel sore in the neck region.

You make me sick – People who are disagreeable can affect our sleep and digestion.

We know from personal experience that dysfunctional interpersonal relationships can cause real physical pain. Learning to change or accept things in our life can go a long way towards managing our pain, both physical and mental.

Has there ever been a time when you were in serious pain and then something fun, a happy event occurred? For that brief time, you discover that you forget about your pain. Watching a funny program can reduce the feelings of sadness that are plaguing us.

In an earlier post, I wrote about “Don’t think about Elephants.” The process of trying not to think about a thing actually can make that item harder to forget. We find that rather than trying to not think about the pain, the pain in the back, or the pain in the heart, we need to focus on things that are helpful and positive.

Hospitals with chronic pain clinics have found that classes in exercise, yoga especially, mindfulness, and other calming techniques can reduce pain for patients who had found no relief via the medication or surgery approaches.

Yoga and mindfulness are not some metaphysical hocus-pocus. As it was explained to me mindfulness is nothing more than paying attention to what you are doing. Make sure that you are walking when you walk instead of brooding about your troubles.

And yoga? What about that? One instructor told me that yoga is just exercising while breathing. If you didn’t focus on improving your breathing, yoga would just be another type of calisthenics.

Something as simple as walking each day can have a significant effect on depression.

Learning to breathe, relax, and clear your mind, can be especially helpful in reducing the stress and tension in the body.

So consider including some work on your thinking and your body as part of any pain management program. As always talk with your doctor before making any sudden changes but let that doctor know you are open to some counseling or exercise if that might help control your pain.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is the Drug of choice among the homeless?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Homeless person

Homeless.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

So which drug does the majority of the homeless use?

Being homeless is one problem. Most of the homeless have a whole raft of problems. It would be nice to think that if they just got a place to stay, move them into a shelter, then their problems would go away. It is more complicated than that. Drug use also plays a role. You may be surprised at the relationship between drugs and homelessness.

It is more complicated than that. Drug use also plays a role. You may be surprised at the relationship between drugs and homelessness.

Homelessness, mental illness, and drug use run in packs.

Among the homeless, there is a disproportionate number of the mentally ill. These are people with serious and persistent mental illness. By serious and persistent mentally ill, I do not mean that they are beyond hope and incapable of recovery. Many very seriously impaired people do recover. But being homeless and having a mental illness makes the road of recovery that much more difficult.

The question is “Do we as a society have the collective will to help them recover?” Can we create the path back to society that they need? I fear that as a society most of our efforts are to keep them out of sight rather than to welcome than back to society.

People who are mentally ill, homeless, or not, are more likely to do certain drugs. They use them to control or manage symptoms and the use to forget and to cope. The mentally ill use one drug in particular more than the rest of society.

Beyond mental illness, there are other problems for the homeless. Drug use yes that is one. I’ll get to that in a moment. They also have a host of medical problems. The mentally ill die significantly sooner than the people who are not symptomatic. Their most preferred drug shortens their lifespan dramatically.

Note that I did not say the non-mentally ill. (Or the normal, who knows what is normal?)

We know that there are many people with less severe emotional problems who when put under enough stress can show signs of a mental illness.

As I have said before, I do not get fearful working around someone with schizophrenia. What makes me really scared is the “normal” person who is served with divorce papers or has just found out their partner is cheating and then this enraged person shows up at a workplace with a gun.

These adjustment disorders, untreated are a lot scarier than the persistently mentally ill. But I digress.

The homeless, often with a mental illness, and being homeless can cause depression and anxiety in the most stable of people, they have severe medical issues. The only source of treatment for many is long waits in hospital ER’s, at a huge effort for them and a huge cost to society. Their drug of choice makes their medical issues more acute.

By drug, I do not mean prescribed medication. Most homeless have difficulty getting a prescription and if they do have one taking it consistently is unlikely.

The homeless and the mentally ill everywhere are more likely to be the victims of crime than the perpetrators. When they do have prescribed meds they are likely to get lost or stolen during the course of life on the street. Lots of things get lost or stolen when you are homeless.

So which drug is the drug of choice among the homeless?

Tobacco, nicotine is the drug of choice among the homeless, followed arguably by alcohol. They pick these drugs because they are cheap and readily available.

The numbers with respect to smoking are staggering.

Three of every four homeless smoke, you heard that right, 75% of the homeless smoke. Rates of smoking among those with psychosis are very high.

A homeless person is FOUR times more likely to smoke than someone who is not homeless. The homeless are dying from smoking-related illnesses at rates far above the rest of the population.

Helping the homeless with smoking cessation, alcohol abuse treatment, and treating the health-related problems these two legal drugs are creating might go a significant way towards helping the homeless on their path to recovery.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel