Tag Archives: Mental Health

Mental Health Monsters – Depression and Anxiety

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Emotional monsters.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Has your life been a struggle with monsters?

As children, many of us had monsters in our closet. Some of you needed night lights or parents to turn on the light and check the closet for us. That light chased away the monsters.

But as we grew older some of us discovered we were locked in a struggle with real-life monsters, anxiety, depression, or another emotional problem.

Rather than fearing the monster under the bed or the one in our closet, we began to try to lock those monsters away in the closet. Slam the door on the depression or anxiety and pretend that if we don’t see that monster then he does not exist. Our family, friends, and society were more than willing to play along in this game.

So now older, we discover that the mental health monster has been living in the closets of our mind and all the while that depression monster, the anxiety monster, and maybe you addiction monster, they have all been growing, locked away in the closet.

So how, after all this time of pretending that you are not troubled by an emotional problem monster, do you open that closet and do battle with the creature that you wanted to deny?

Society has been a willing participant in this process of hiding the monsters of mental illness and emotional problems from us. If we pretend that depression does not walk among us, if we can laugh at the ravages of the anxiety monster then we can all feel safe from this gang of emotional problem monsters.

If you are going to fight the great fight against the gang of mental health monsters you will need a host of emotional tools, the weapons you will need to defeat the monsters of the mind.

Have you put together a toolkit that will help you in your struggle with those emotional monsters?

What tools work for you?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Could you use some help?

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Counselorssoapbox.com

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

David Joel Miller

David Joel Miller

When it comes to physical, tangible, things most of us are able to ask for help. But when it comes to the emotional and mental problems in our lives we find it difficult if not impossible to ask for help.

If you need to move, you ask your friends to show up and help you carry the furniture. You may even borrow someone’s truck to move you. It is not uncommon for people to borrow money when they can’t pay the rent. Why not ask for emotional help?

Is there some special reason we don’t like to ask for help with our emotional problems like depression or anxiety?

Why avoid help for relationship issues?

Lots of these panic – need to move this weekend, situations, are the result of relationship breakups. Frankly, most of those relationships had problems that could have been treated if one of the people involved would ask for help. That is what marriage and family therapists do every day.

Why is it easier to justify borrowing $1,000 to move, but so very few people will spend $100.00 to work on salvaging that marriage in the first place?

Need help with an addiction?

The same is true of other life problems. Someone has a drinking problem. They resist going to treatment, can’t ask for help for that. But after the arrest or they lose their job they will ask to borrow money to pay the lawyer, bail bondsman, and the fine.

Help, for the record, comes in all styles and colors. Friends can offer help for emotional problems if you let them. There are self-help groups and there are self-help books. Most of these work on yourself solutions are a lot cheaper than neglecting the problem and then paying the consequences.

Professional help is also often a good investment.  CPA’s are known to refer management of family-owned companies for family counseling. It is a whole lot cheaper to work out the conflicts between family members than it is to liquidate the family company.

Self-help groups recognize the need to be willing to accept help. The third step in the twelve steps is, to my way of thinking, primarily about being willing to accept help. So is sponsorship.

Everyone has times in their life when they need help with emotional problems. The smart people are not too proud to ask.

Related articles

What is Serenity? (counselorssoapbox.com)

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The Yoga of pain

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

I did not realize that yoga could be so painful.

Yoga postures Parshvakonasana

Yoga postures Parshvakonasana (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some people are able to do all the postures with little or no discomfort. I, on the other hand, have perfected the art of suffering through Yoga.

Absolutely I am not an expert on Yoga. Not unless three sessions over a two month period make one an expert. I have however learned a large amount about what not to do while practicing Yoga. If any of you out there know more than I do about this subject, feel free to leave a comment and help us, newbies, out.

First a little about how I came to be attending a Yoga class in the first place. I am not too much interested in the religious aspects. I value my hair too much. Once long ago I was tempted for several days to join the Krishnas, cute girls, and all. But the robes and the shaving the head, that cured me of that thought.

So why Yoga? First off my doctor has been urging me to get more exercise. I briefly tried an aerobics, calisthenics, and weightlifting program.  The instructor was of the no pain – no gain school. He was home on leave for the summer and was making a little extra change before resuming his primary job, something about waterboarding on a remote Caribbean island. This was a painful experience.

A second reason to consider Yoga was when I dropped my pen on the floor and had to lay down to get it. My old body no longer bends all the way to the floor.

The first session of Yoga went great, well maybe acceptable would be a better description. By the third session, I was in pain, again. Thereupon I set about trying to ascertain what Yoga and pain might have in common. Was pain really needed for gain in the Yoga arena?

Yoga is defined as “a system or set of breathing exercises and postures derived from or based on Hindu yoga.” I do not think there is anything predictive of pain in that description.

The only common feature that my practice of yoga and I have in common, is  – well – ME!

Clearly, there were things that I was doing incorrectly. I will not give you the full list of the things I do incorrectly, that would require the assistance of a family member. But here are a few of the errors I made in doing my Yoga.

You must continue to breathe while doing yoga postures.

Who knew that breathing was all that important? Turns out that the muscles need oxygen to function properly. If you have the tendency, as I do, to hold your breath while exerting yourself you will stop breathing while in those long poses and the result will be, muscles deprived of oxygen can become painful.

It is not necessary to strain to benefit from the exercise.

Forcing yourself to twist the way the person next to you does is not a good idea. Especially if they have been practicing Yoga for 20+ years. Go as far as you can, using the resistance of your own muscles to help you strengthen. If you are feeling pain this is BAD.

The little booklet we got when I signed up for class said, once I read it, the newcomer benefits from going partway until they can become flexible enough to bend farther. The more experienced person needs to bend a lot farther to get the same benefit.

This is the first time I can remember that being unable to do something was a plus.

Work around your injuries.

Do not force a part of the body that won’t bend, go as far as the part that does bend will go and then stop. The objective is to improve your breathing and ability to move, not to develop a full inventory of past injuries.

Doing a little each day is better than a marathon session once a month.

Between the last two group sessions, I have been doing a few stretching exercises each night before bed.

Guess what I discovered? If I gently stretch while breathing each night, by the end of the week I was able to reach my toes. OK, I was lying down at the time, but look, just being able to reach them, that is like a good thing, right?

Have any of you out there started on a fitness program as part of your recovery? Anybody do Yoga or a related exercise. Could you help an old guy out with any suggested ways to get the benefits without the pain?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

I got lost again – inside my house

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

looking for directions.

Lost in Life.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Wandering again.

Several times this last week I have gotten lost without even leaving my own house.  My roommate describes this as “wandering.” She tells me I wander around the house as if I am lost.

Truth is, I frequently am lost. I do not yet believe this is an organic problem. My doctor does not think I have any dementia – yet. Still, I am getting concerned.

Most of the time I can blame these failings on the doorway effect. I wrote a previous post about how we all experience this memory fault, or most of us do. We go to the kitchen and then can’t remember what we went in there for.

I would like to blame my wandering on doorways, but I know that this problem should resolve if I would just go back to my desk in the office at which point I would remember what I needed in the kitchen.

The problem has become more acute. I find that I have to go to the bathroom, the bedroom, and then the kitchen, and not only can I not remember what I was looking for I am not sure where I am supposed to be going.

What I find has been going on is that I am mentally working on what the next post will be and the result is that there is little or no unused memory capacity for remembering where I am going and why.

We used to call this absent-mindedness. Remember the absent-minded professor? College is out for the summer here and I will not be able to use that excuse again until fall.

I believe that I am suffering from another more insidious ailment.

I have un-mindfulness.

Some of you have heard of mindfulness trainings. The goal is to get you to be fully present in the moment. Experience what you are experiencing and thus remember what is happening to you.

My problem is precisely the opposite. I am consciously unmindful. Wherever I find myself I am thinking about something that is somewhere else. My brain is occupied thinking through the next post even while my bladder is urging a hasty trip to the bathroom.

The result of these mental conflicts is that I end up in the kitchen, not sure why I am here and having an overwhelming urge to urinate.

I trust there is a minimal connection between the kitchen and the urge to urinate.

I remember a teacher who used to urge me to “pay attention to what you are doing.” I do not remember which teacher that was as I was not particularly paying attention.

What I believe I need to do is take a few days off from writing posts and read one of these mindfulness books I bought a while back, if only I could remember where I had placed the mindfulness book.

Hope you enjoyed this post. For the record, it is not my intention to make fun of those with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Just having a little fun realizing that sometimes my mind is so occupied with things somewhere else that I forget to be mindful of where I am now and what I am supposed to be doing.

Learning to be more mindful is not the only self-improvement project on my schedule this year. Remind me to tell you about my experiences with stress reduction, meditation, exercise, and yoga class. I am also trying to simplify my life and cut down on all these activities that are taking up my free time.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

The voices in your head – depression, anxiety and fear – they lie

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18

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

The voices in your head, depression anxiety, and fear – they lie
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Should you listen to those voices in your head?

You know the ones I mean, the doubt, the discouragement, the thoughts of depression, and anxiety. Those voices that tell you things will never be better. They say you can’t do this and you must do that. Those voices are maintaining your emotional and mental problems.

We all have those voices in our heads at times. The ones that tell us we must do something or that we will never be able to do something. How we interpret those voices makes all the difference.

Those voices in your head and you do not need to be psychotic to hear them, they arise from all sorts of things. They can be the voices of negative people from your past. Remember that those adults that told you depressing, hurtful things, they may have had an emotional problem also. It is not unusual for a depressed parent to pass those voices of despair down to their descendants.

Not all voices in our heads are negative. Sometimes they are telling us valuable information, memories from our happy experiences. But remember other times what they say are outright lies. How can you tell the difference?

Frequently, that thing we call a voice in our head is our own thoughts, thoughts heavily influenced by our emotional state.  When we are in a bad mood, down and dejected, those voices talk of doom and gloom, the tales of the depressed.

Some people take this to be the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Our thoughts are telling us we should or shouldn’t do or think a particular thing.

If you are more philosophical than religious you might frame this as a conflict between your conscience and your desires. If that voice in your head is telling you to go ahead and do it, you can get away with it this one time. That is probably your desires. If the voice says that what you are thinking about is wrong – that might be your conscience. But there are exceptions.

Others of us will interpret those “voices” in our heads, those thoughts that sound so convincing that they must come from somewhere else, as messages from God or our higher power.  If you get that thought, be careful to check out this message with your spiritual adviser. The God talking to you may be a function of your emotional problems.

Another source of those “voices in your head” is the things you have been told in the past. Under times of stress, and most of life is stressful, memories of what we have been told come back.

What we constantly need to ask ourselves is – are these voices telling the truth?

Believing that because you have a sudden thought, that you must do a particular thing, can result in a lot of problems.

More cognitive humans might interpret these “voices” as automatic thoughts. Over time the things we tell ourselves and are told become so a part of us that we think these thoughts as if they were facts. Those ideas are our automatic default ways of believing even when they do not match the facts of the current situation.

These voices in our heads become problematic when we lose the ability to dispute what they are saying. We do not need to believe everything that we think. What we tell ourselves may only be true because we say it.

If you find that those voices will not be silent even when you command them. If those voices take on a personality of their own, then it is time for professional help and probably medication.

But short of a true psychotic experience, we all have those recurring thoughts that might at times sound like voices telling us things. Whether those voices are the memories of what you were told as a child or are your own imaginings, remember that sometimes the voices lie.

Not only are some of our self-talk lies but what those old voices in your head are telling you, that may be lies also.

What has your depression, bipolar, anxiety, or other emotional problem been telling you? Are your internal voices telling you the truth or has your depression been telling you lies again?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Extra practical therapy book is coming

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

David Joel Miller Books

David Joel Miller Books

Work has resumed on the book I am writing about counseling and therapy.  The planned release date is sometime early next year.

This book is a collection of ideas about counseling and how to get the most out of the process. It is designed specifically for the non-professional. It will cover a lot of questions that so many of you have asked about counseling, therapy, mental health, substance abuse, and related topics. It will include answers to questions such as:

When should you go for counseling?

How will you know if it can help you?

Is Counseling safe and what will I need to do to make it safe and effective?

What kind of professional am I looking for?

How much does it cost and what can I do if I can’t pay?

And much more

Some of this material is from posts to counselorssoapbox.com and reader’s questions to the blog. Much new material has been added each day as the writing progresses.

It is still not too late to get your question answered. Ask now and I will try to answer your question on the blog. Longer or more detailed questions may well end up in the book.

The title is still a work in progress. Any suggestions?

As the book writing progresses, the time for blog posts is getting more difficult to include in my schedule. So some days we may need to skip posts. There have been some spectacular posts recently among the blogs I subscribe too and I plan to share some of these via reposts.

If you would like to stay connected to the posts on counselorssoapbox, the progress of my book in progress, or the flow of the conversation about mental health and substance abuse issues – please subscribe or follow counselorssoapbox.

You will find the follow button at the very tip-top of the page, in the black area, next to the counselorssoapbox.com name. And don’t forget to hit the share and the like buttons at the end of each post.

Thanks and stay tuned for the latest updates.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Your Self-talk can predict the future

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Self-talk.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What you tell yourself can create the things you say.

The more often you tell yourself something the more likely it is to come true. For good or bad what we tell ourselves tends to come true.

Self-talk statements are plans, not facts.

Winners tell themselves that they will win. Once you stop believing in your ability to succeed you begin to fail.

Losers tell themselves they can’t and they are almost universally right.

Your beliefs matter.

Does that mean that we all know deep down how things will turn out, that some people just have it and others do not? Not by any means. If successful people begin to doubt themselves their performance will decline. If you begin to believe that you can do something you will improve.

Something does not have to be true now for you to create it happening in the future. If you believe something so strongly that you see it as already having happened then the chances that it will occur greatly increase.

This does not mean that just believing in something will be enough to make it happen. The great fallacy of manifesting things is to believe that if you imagine something hard enough, say winning the lottery, it will happen.

What is needed to make these things you visualize materialize is to begin to take action and do the work to get you there. Instead of trying to create a sudden jump to wealth imagine yourself getting a better job. Do that work and your financial situation may improve.

Next, see yourself as being a good money manager and you will find you can get more mileage out of the money you have.

Most of your self-talk may be lies.

Most people spend the majority of their time telling themselves why they will fail. Tell yourself you do not deserve something, that you will “NEVER” be able to do something, and you will ensure your defeat.

How long have you been telling yourself these lies?

I can’t

Say this often enough and you will not be able to.

I will never

The result is you stop trying and that ensures that you will never reach this goal.

I need to

Do you really need to do a particular thing before something else can happen? If so start on that necessary project now. If not, stop putting off your dreams until someday.

If only they would

Placing the responsibility and the blame on someone else may feel like you can escape that responsibility but we find that those who look at themselves and do the work improve and those that believe their successes are the result of luck or are due to others actions, never feel good about the results even when they do win.

It is hopeless

Say this often enough and you will lose all hope.

What kind of self-talk are you using? Do you encourage yourself or put you down. What you tell yourself is what you are creating for tomorrow.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Picture is worth a thousand words? Not always

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Picture.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Picture or Words?

Sometimes pictures work better than words, but sometimes pictures have a decided disadvantage.

When we need which and how to keep these two memory systems in balance is one of the challenges in building a happy recovered life.

So do you really think a picture is worth a thousand words?

Can you imagine the Declaration of Independence Picture?

OR

What do you think would have been the result of Lincoln unveiling the Gettysburg Picture?

Anyone want to go to court and plead the “Fifth Picture?”

The memory of pictures and the memory of words.

Humans appear to have at least two different memory systems. One, the emotional intuitive system, largely uses emotional sensory data. The other system is the rational word-based system.

Feelings can be conveyed well by pictures, often better than by words. I can write thousands of words about cute but that single picture of the baby or the kitten and puppies, those pictures tell you instantly what cute is at the most basic emotional level.

More complicated things, those need words to map out the concept. Abstracts like ethics and justice those need words.

Some of us get all up in our heads and we forget to make use of our feelings. In a past post, I wrote about the value of intuition based on experiences in making good decisions.

When it comes to figuring out right and wrong those emotional pictures do not seem so dependable. That’s where we need to use our reasoning and thoughts some of the time.

We therapists, like everyone else, struggle with this dichotomy. One school of counseling says you need to talk about your feelings, get in touch with how you feel, and have someone genuinely hear what is going on inside you. Those therapists spend a lot of time asking you “How do you feel about that?” Some people really can’t answer that question as they are way out of touch with their feelings.

Other therapists, I included, tend to believe that the way to be most helpful is to help you find the flaws in your thinking, get a new viewpoint and your feelings will begin to change.

A good therapeutic connection is about the relationship and that means we need to provide you with the thing that you need.

People are not required to pick one thinking style over the other. Some people are high in one style, maybe logic, maybe intuition and they are low in the other way of thinking. There are those folks who are high in using both rational thoughts and in intuitive thinking. Other people appear to be low in using both forms of thought.

Which works best for you – trust your instincts or think it through carefully? Are their times you switch up and use the other approach? Or are you one of those people who just try to avoid thinking about things and making decisions period?

In the posts to come, I plan to change it up, offer you some in-the-head logical reasons that you are the way you are, and also offer you times to get comfortable with your feelings. Let me know which works for you and what you think of the possibilities using the other approach might open up to you.

Photos courtesy of Flickr

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Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

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For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Serenity?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

What is Serenity?

Serenity

Serenity.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

How would you know serenity if you found it?

Serenity: Clearness, calmness, quietness, stillness, peace.

From The Century Dictionary, 1890-91

Additional posts on feelings and emotions. More on other topics are listed in the categories list to the right.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

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For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Fairytales end at the wedding – Marriage and Divorce

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Fairytale world.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why are there no happily-ever-after relationships around here?

In this collage of life, one recurrent theme is people’s search for that one ideal romantic relationship, the perfect person that will complete their life and make them happy.

The other side of that picture is the near-universal failure of the romantic relationship to live up to our expectations.

Every day millions, soon to be billions, of people fall in love. Some for the first time, many for the umpteenth time. Always we hope this time will be different, this time we have found the one. The result of these repeating patterns has been that more than half of marriages end in divorce. More than ever people are getting into relationships without the benefit of marriage.

A generation has come to believe that the principle cause of divorce is marriage.

Why can’t we all have one of those storybook romances where the prince finds his Snow White, Cinderella gets the glass slipper and the relationship of her dream and we all live happily ever after?

The truth is, ladies and gentlemen, that in the fairy tale the curtain always comes down on the magical moment when the couple begins their relationship full of expectations.

We never see the rest of the happy relationship story.

Cinderella, should she have children, and there is a high probability that she will, then she will find that life is not so rosy after being up all night with a sick child. What does that prince do, after a few dozen nights of coming home and finding his beloved in a vile irritable mood after a day of scrubbing and cleaning and caring for princelings?

Most likely he starts spending time trying glass slippers on other women’s feet.

The truth is that life is real and fairy tales are fiction. Real relationships take hard work. Some time spent upfront making sure you know that other person and that you are on the same page can pay off on those long nights when things in your realm are not going so well.

Good relationships, like good gardens, require work to maintain them each and every day.

In the real tale, the price may not get promoted to king, even if he does there is that long period of struggle before he gets there. Cinderella can get awfully grumpy when she finds that being with the prince is not an escape from doing chores for the wicked stepmother. A few years toiling over a hot fireplace can make the most charming Cinderella say things just like her wicked stepmother used to say.

Nothing tests romance so well as having a sick child cover you with vomit. Notice in the fairy tales the problems all end with the wedding? In real life that is when they begin.

Fairy tales are about fantasy, marriage is real life and real life is hard work.

My advice, for all it is worth, is to leave the fairy tales in the books and movies and spend the time in your real-life relationships doing the hard work of making your life something that is worth the effort that inevitably needs to be invested in that relationship.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel