Tag Archives: Therapy

Under-housed and almost homeless in America

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Homeless person

Homeless.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sometimes homelessness wears disguises.

We here in America have slipped into a shared fantasy. There are the homeless and then there are the rest of us. It would be reassuring if there were only those two kinds of people and if we could somehow pretend that the majority of us would never be homeless.

The truth is that many of us are at risk of becoming homeless. Homeless for many does not spring up overnight. It can begin as a slow slide off the cliff and into the deep waters of hopelessness.

Most of us are only 30 days away from being homeless. Lose your job or other sources of income and the eviction proceedings begin. You can try to starve it off as long as possible, borrow from friends, max out the credit cards. You try one thing, then another. But unless the money flows in again the slide to the street begins.

There is this shadow thing here in America – the under-housed.

Many stop off here on their way to the homeless encampments. One reason it is so hard to get a handle on homelessness is because people slip back and forth between being without a home, the out on the street night after night, and the short-term stay places.

The slide towards homelessness can begin when suddenly you have to leave the place where you stay. Couples fight and break up. There may be domestic violence or addiction. One partner, often the woman has to leave suddenly. So they go to stay with friends and relatives. The intention is to be there for a while until they can find permanent stable housing.

These stays may be temporary. The people who took in their friends or relatives only have so much space, so much money. Eventually the under-housed have to leave and move on.

Couch surfing on the way to being homeless.

Repeated moves can become “couch surfing,” a night here and a night there. You may be able to afford a motel for a night or two. Eventually, this gets expensive. Expensive beyond many people’s means.

Sometimes they are able to stay longer. We find two or more families living together in a house or apartment not designed for much more than a single person.  Not because they want to live in crowded conditions, not because they are cheap, but because they have no income or only limited funds and the cost of permanent housing is beyond their reach.

Families with small children may come apart.

One child stays with grandma, another with an aunt. But there is no place for mothers and children together.

Some of you are saying there are programs for the homeless, why don’t they go to the shelters? Plenty of nights the shelters are full. There are waiting lists and programs may need your contact information. Some programs require a background check. Where do you stay while you wait to qualify for those programs?

If they do find logging in a woman’s shelter, dad or child’s father can’t come.

Women are at high risk to hook up with a man, most any man, in order to have a roof over their head and food for them and their children. Most of these relationships do not last. The cycle repeats.

Before we congratulate ourselves on the efforts to place the homeless into permanent housing, we need to be ever aware of the host of almost homeless who on any given night might end up down at the local encampment.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why do therapists stop seeing you if you aren’t getting better?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Therapy

Therapy.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why would a counselor stop seeing you?

Sometimes the counselor will tell the client they need to stop seeing them because the client is not getting better. Why would they do that?

There is one major reason and a few smaller ones why this might happen. Honestly most of the time this does not happen. We, counselors, want to think we can help people and sometimes we go on seeing them past the point at which we should have noticed that the client is just not getting any better. But if your therapist does say they need to stop seeing you here are some possible reasons why.

Ethics tells us not to see people we can’t help.

It is considered unethical to keep seeing a client once you realize that you are not able to help them. Once the counselor realizes this, they first look at what they are doing, is there something else I could do to be helpful? Then they consider referring the client to someone else who might be able to do something differently.

Just a lack of progress on the client’s part does not mean the counselor is not being helpful. Sometimes the issues the client has may require help just to keep them stable. If the therapy sessions keep the client from getting worse and ending up in the hospital that may be a reason to continue therapy even if the client is not seeing their problems get smaller.

What would be unethical would be to keep seeing the client, taking their money or the insurance company’s money if the sessions were not helping the client.

A new problem emerges that needs special care.

Sometimes we start off seeing the client for one problem, say depression and during the process, the client starts talking about some other problem. Say the client now tells the counselor that they have a severe eating disorder they have never mentioned before.

Treating eating disorders is often considered a specialty. Not all counselors have the extra training needed to be able to help you with that. So they might need to refer you to an eating disorder specialist.

This should happen more often with clients who have a substance abuse issue. Unfortunately, some therapists are uncomfortable talking about substance use issues. They keep on working on the depression and ignore the substance use problem. The result is that the client fails to get better.

Sometimes the client wears the counselor out.

Some clients get stuck in an issue. They are angry or hurt because of something that happened in their past. What they might like to do is erase the event so it never happened. That or punish the person who harmed them.

The therapist wants to help them move on and get working on creating a new happy life. If the client is not ready to move on it can get tiring to listen to them. If the counselor runs out of steam in the listening department they should make the referral.

I do recommend to interns that if they start feeling this way they need to talk to the client about this. It is possible we professionals get impatient and try to end treatment just about the time the client is ready to make some changes.

Don’t ever stop just before the miracles happen.

If the counselor becomes impaired they shouldn’t see clients.

If the counselor gets sick, or they have a sick family member, then they can’t give helping you their full attention. Counselors who are going through a divorce or a custody battle may find they can’t give a client who reminds them of their ex their full attention.

Other professional impairments can include excessive or problematic use of substances, drug and alcohol abuse can be problems for counselors too.

You think you are not getting better but the counselor sees improvement.

Clients can start getting dependent on their therapist. Sometimes they look forward to the weekly session so much they can’t see how they can give it up. They feel they are not all better yet.

Counselors and insurance companies are not expecting you to be all better at the end of treatment. What is expected is that the symptoms will be reduced until they no longer interfere with your ability to work, have friends or family relationships.

If your symptoms seem stable, the counselor may decide that they can’t justify billing your insurance anymore and that means they need to terminate therapy with you or you will have to pay yourself.

Even in this circumstance counselors may need to revert back to point 1. When does the counselor’s seeing you become more for them, to make a profit, than for you?

Those are some of the reasons a counselor may say they have to stop seeing you, they may be others in particular cases. Hope that helps explain the process.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Do counselors report rape?

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By David Joel Miller.

When might a counselor report a rape?

Do counselors report rape?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

If the victim is an adult – counselors do not report rape. Rape is a crime. We do not report crimes unless there is a legal exception to confidentiality that requires us to report something. As far as I know, rape is not one of those crimes that get reported.

If the victim is an adult they should report it. We will try to help them, walk them through the process.

After seeing how rape and abuse survivors can be treated and the way reporting trauma can re-traumatize them, I can understand why they may not want their rape or abuse reported.

If the client is the perpetrator we do not report that either. It is up to the victim to report. What we should do is tell this client to stop doing that. They are ruining their lives and the life of their victim. That is if we even chose to continue to work with a rapist.

What if the victim is a child? You report the rape then, don’t you? No, not really. Not the way I understand my reporting responsibility. I do not report crimes. I do not report rape.

Wait a minute – the victim was a Child? What we do report is abuse. This is child sexual abuse. See the rape part is not what triggers the report. It is the abuse of someone with power and control over a weaker person that makes this reportable as abuse.

This sexual abuse does not need to be rape or intercourse. Depending on the laws of the jurisdiction all sorts of inappropriate sexual contact between an adult and a child might be reportable.

But the victim does not need to be a child to make this a reportable occurrence. If the victim is a senior citizen that is reportable in lots of places. Or if they are disabled, that abuse gets reported.

Financial abuse of the elderly, that gets reported most of the time. There are rules about when but remember it is the abuse, not the financial crime that is getting reported.

So while counselors do not report crimes, yes we do have a responsibility to protect those who can’t protect themselves by reporting abuse.

I am sure this will not be the last time a question about when a counselor will report something will turn up in the comments or my email.

The basic rule is – crimes – no report.

Abuse of a disabled person, senior citizen, or child – report.

A person intending to kill themselves or others – report.

At least that is the way things work here in California and most other places I know about. If in doubt consult a lawyer or ask your counselor about the way it works in your jurisdiction or situation.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

7 recovery tools you need

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Tools.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You need all your recovery tools.

Each activity calls for its own special set of tools.  Most men have a bunch of tools in the garage, carpenters and mechanics have humongous collections of tools. Cooks, good ones, and otherwise, all seem to have a variety of tools at their disposal.

Why then do recovering people think they can get by with one or very few tools?

Some counseling or medication may get your depression, anxiety, or addictive behavior under control but what will you use to prevent a return of your symptoms?

Some people can get away from substances, alcohol, or drugs, by just quitting. Unfortunately, they often find they are dry but not really recovered. We call that being a dry drunk.

Some people function in spite of their anxiety or depression. They will themselves forward until that stops working.

Others think that given a sudden religious experience they are now cured and will not need to work on their recovery anymore. I am not discounting religious or spiritual experiences as a source of recovery, but anyone with a successful recovery is apt to tell you that embedded in their religious or spiritual practice are some other recovery tools.

Here are some of the recovery tools you might consider including in your recovery toolbox.

Support system – Family and friends.

Peers in a recovery program, fellow church members, and friend’s relatives, all can be important parts of a recovering person’s support system. You need more than one kind of support to make this work.

The key is to find people who are positive support system members.

Members of a recovering person’s support system need to be encouraging, see the best in the recovering person. They also need to understand that it is the recovering person’s journey, not theirs.

Honest, support system people, there is nothing you can do to make someone use drugs or drink. Stop walking on eggshells. There is also nothing you can do to keep them clean, sober, or happy. You can encourage but the journey is theirs.

What you can do is be there for them. Expect there to be struggles and take good care of you. Letting the recovering person get away with things is not the same as being supportive.

Peer support groups and sponsors help.

Peer groups, especially 12 step groups have a long history of being helpful in maintaining recovery.

Consumer groups, while harder to find, can be very effective as a form of support.

Having a sponsor can also be extremely helpful. Sponsorship the way it is practiced in many 12 step groups is a whole lot less mysterious than many outside the groups make it sound.

You find someone who has recovered by completing a process of recovery and you get them to spend some time with you telling you how they did it. In twelve-step groups the process they use is the 12 Steps, so you want a sponsor who has actually “worked” the steps.

Other supports – Pets and Professionals.

Why did I put pets and professionals together? Should you see a counselor or get a dog? Or a cat? I am hoping you try both.

Both these groups give you something called “unconditional positive regard.” Meaning they should be in your corner no matter what, liking you as a person even when they want you to change.

With pets, we call this unconditional love. The dog comes over and licks you no matter how you are doing. They will, however, want you to get up and play even when you are depressed.

Guess what, playing with that dog, taking them for a walk will help your depression. And it may also take your mind off those cravings.

Counseling is a recovery tool.

Both group and individual counseling can be very effective. Group because you can hear how others are going through the same things. The verdict on online groups is still out, I suspect that as a part of your recovery tools they could be helpful. Just make sure you don’t try to do any heavy cutting with a hammer or a spoon.

Medication can be very helpful.

Mostly medication is useful for mental health issues. So far we have not found a drug that makes you clean and sober. Some are used to help reduce or manage the cravings. Lots of people stop using street drugs and then discover that they have severe anxiety or depression. They just never noticed this while getting high. For these folks, some psych meds, correctly used can be helpful.

Some people tell me medication has saved their life. Once the doctor found the right meds they began to have a good life.

Others tell me or write on the blogs, that the meds were worse than the disorder. Be careful about stopping meds suddenly. There can be side effects and withdrawal symptoms. But if your meds are not working or are causing other problems that are intolerable, please talk with your doctor. There are lots of things that can be done most of the time.

Meds by themselves, in my not so humble opinion, are not the whole answer. No pill will solve all your life problems. The med may allow you to face life again, but you still need to do the recovery work.

You need all the recovery tools you can get.

Self-help –self-expression – journaling, etc. pictures, collages, music.

Self-help books, Journaling, and other ways of expressing yourself are helpful. If you find you can’t write in a journal, try drawing pictures or composing songs.

Jobs – Paid or volunteer.

Something about having something to do and somewhere to go that is a huge boost to your well-being. Has someone told you that for you, work is not an option? Do not be so sure about that. In the first stages of recovery, you may not be ready for a 40 hour a week job. Still, that should not keep you from doing something.

If you go to meetings, make and pour coffee. Take out the garbage. Volunteer to help someone else. Something as simple as calling another recovering person each day (or emailing, blog posting, etc.) can get you back in the life game.

Supportive relationships are a big help in recovery.

By relationships, I do not mean only the romantic or sexual kind. Invest time in working on all your relationships.

In another post, I talked about being sure that your relationships are healthy. If they are not, consider how you could work on them to make them healthier or do you need to end some unhealthy ones.

People who have healthy relationships, others that care about them and encourage them, are more likely to stay sober and much less likely to end up in a psychiatric hospital.

I need to wrap this up. Relationships could easily be the topic of many posts or even a whole blog.

So how many of these recovery tools are you using? Are there any other things that I missed that work for you?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Just because you can does not mean you should

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You shouldn’t do everything just because you can.

One place many of us get off track is to start thinking because something is possible, we should do it.

This problem is common in the two primary life problem areas, Romances and finances.

You meet someone and they seem to like you. You feel some attraction back. A relationship is possible. Many people end up in relationships for no more reason than that the other person is interested. We fall in love because we think the other person might like us.   Just because this relationship is possible does not mean it would be healthy to get involved.

Not every potential mate should be your child’s parent.

Many a person’s baby’s father or mother became a part of their and their children’s lives for no better reason than that relationship was possible. We pick partners because we can have this relationship not because you should.

Pick your baby’s other parent carefully. You can break up with your partner but baby’s fathers and mothers are forever.

Don’t take jobs and spend money just because.

It is easy to sabotage your finances or your work life for similar reasons reason.

Lots of people drift into their work lives in the same way. You don’t know what you want to do. You know you need a job so when something comes along, you take that job.  Maybe the job is low pay. Maybe the working conditions are terrible. So eventually we get fed up, maybe even quit.

Just because you can get a particular job does not mean you should take it.

Don’t misunderstand me. If you need money you need to work. So sometimes we have to take a job that is less than the perfect job dream we have in our head. But please do not stop there. Think in terms of the rest of your life. What kind of career do you want? Are you working towards that?

What about you’re spending? Do you buy things because you can?

Many people have trouble with compulsive, emotional spending. You see something and you want it. You have the money or maybe the room on your credit card. The pleasure of the immediate purchase exceeds the happiness you might have from having more money in the bank or fewer, smaller bills.

Some of us drift through life always in debt, owing on cards and loans, for no better reason than that we bought things because we could not because we should.

Do you drift through life doing things because you can or do you focus on the things that you should do or not do?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Two David Joel Miller Books are available now!

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Casino Robbery is a novel about a man with PTSD who must cope with his symptoms to solve a mystery and create a new life.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Amazon Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

Want the latest on news from recoveryland, the field of counseling, my writing projects, speaking and teaching? Please sign up for my newsletter at – Newsletter. I promise not to share your email or to send you spam, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse, and Co-occurring disorders see my Facebook author’s page, davidjoelmillerwriter. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at Recommended Books. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com.

Without a dream life’s a nightmare

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Dreams and Nightmares

Dreams and Nightmares
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Dreams.

We start off life with all sorts of hopes and dreams, somewhere along the way we lose track of those dreams. The way of life becomes dark and gloomy.

If you don’t have a dream, a hope for the future, your life becomes empty and you feel hollow. Somewhere or other your hopes and dreams turn into the nightmares of adult life.

When life is a nightmare.

Finding your way from the nightmares back to the land of dreams, that is the work of recovery. The dreams you are looking for are not the fantasies of childhood but the solid dreams an adult should have of what can be and what they can become.

Rebuilding hope and recreating dreams is what makes a life worth the effort to live it. If you get nothing else from your recovery program then fully engage in the search for hope, the recreating of dreams.

My own philosophy of counseling is that I am a guide along the path towards that happy life we all need and deserve. I share the things I have learned from taking this walk we call life and I am blessed to be able to learn from others the lessons they have learned.

Sometimes in this journey, we have to walk through some very dark and scary places. We may struggle with monsters or demons. But always keep your eye on the light shining off on that distant horizon.

A colleague of mine recently described it very succinctly. You may have to walk through the valley of the shadows of death, don’t stop and camp there.

While you are walking through your daily struggles, do not get defeated by the dark shadows and the nightmares. Keep your eye on the bright spots.

What makes this journey of life with all the efforts that are required, something worthwhile is the dreams we create, the ones we are able to hold onto, and the companions with whom we share the journey.

Can you see your dreams on up ahead? What are you moving towards? What lessons have you learned about how to overcome the nightmares and make life worth the effort to keep trudging onward?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Switching addictions, can a drug addict drink Alcohol?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Bottles of alcohol.

Alcoholic Beverages.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Can or should a drug addict drink alcohol?

This comes up frequently in recovery circles. Typically after the person has drunk and had a bad result.

One saying, that may tell the story, is that if you scratch an addict underneath you find an alcoholic.

The great illusion of any addicted person is that the will find some other substance, some other process out there that will allow them to feel those same highs, to reach for a new solution to avoid their problems and be able to handle that substance.

Lots of addicts alibi that alcohol is legal so there should be no problem with their using it. Truth is that the legal drugs cause the most damage.

Alcohol is a drug, make no mistake about that. It alters thinking. Whether you have had a problem with alcohol in the past or not, alcohol will turn off the part of the brain that tells you “HEY STUPID, DO NOT DO THAT.”

For most people in substance use or abuse recovery, the drugs or the alcohol are not the problems. The drugs, alcohol, gambling, or addictive sex become the solution. The problem is that the user does not know how to live life without the thing or activity they have become dependent upon.

My recommendation is that if you are in recovery from drugs or any other addictive behavior you should avoid alcohol.

Alcohol is not the only substitute addiction that creeps up on recovering people. It is common for recovering people to switch addictions.

Often in groups, I hear from recovering people that they are trying to have fun without their drug of choice and they have been spending time at the local casino. That excitement of the risk of wagering is taking the place of the previous drug high.

No longer having to pay for drugs they take that leftover money and head for the casino. Recovering people can quickly find they have developed a problem with gambling, sex addiction or any other addictive behavior.

If you are in any type of recovery, be very careful about merely switching from one addictive substance or activity to another.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Fighting Boredom – finding things to do

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Is your life boring?

We can all slip into this rut from time to time. Day after day we do the same things. They stop being exciting, they stop being fun. Relationships can get too predictable and then the magic goes out of them. We begin to be bored.

Some people try to cure boredom by taking big risks or making drastic changes. You don’t need to do drugs, get a divorce, or run off to join the circus to put the fun back in your life.

Kids are likely to experience boredom.

Teens and tweens are especially prone to this boredom syndrome. Someday as grownups they will wish they had some downtime, some rest, and relax time. But now they will tell you that they are bored, that there is nothing to do in this town.

It is not just parents in small towns that hear these complaints. One reason they ring true and are so hard for parents to dispute is that we adults can get into some awfully boring routines after a few years of living.

So parents if your kids are saying they are bored, show, don’t tell, them how to shake that feeling. Start by looking at your life and if you are boring, try changing that first.

One quick way to change feelings is by changing habits. Here are a few simple ideas. I have confidence in you readers and look forward to some suggestions from all of you of things you have done or are doing to shake the boredom and start living again.

Artistic types need this a lot. We get in ruts and need to break into new patterns. So do people with very conventional lives. You, accountants, know you need a little excitement also.

Go a different way to work.

Altering paths forces you to look at different scenery. These new sights stimulate you and hopefully your imagination.

Try a new destination.

Change the store you shop at, go to a different library, or a new mall. Many cities have old towns or artist areas, check these out. They are not places you would normally shop but you will see new things and get the thinking and the imagination going again.

Cook or eat a new food.

We have an obesity epidemic. Average life spans are declining and much of this is the result of food being too available. Much of that instant gratification food is unhealthy.

Now is a good time to try your hand at cooking something new, something healthy, or just something you have never tried before. You have to eat anyway. Why eat boring when you can make food an adventure.

Healthy food may be an even bigger adventure because it takes thought and effort and results in a feeling of accomplishment when you get it done.

Meet a new person.

Not suggesting you take up living in singles bars. What are the activates you could get involved in that might bring you into contact with other like-minded locals?

School activates, church or temple, volunteer organizations, or any civic event can lead to making new friends. New friends are energizing and a great cure for the boredom blues.

Has someone ever helped a child do something?

How did that make you feel? Did you feel bad because the kid suckered you into helping them? Not really.

Try finding others you can help so you can feel good.

Also if you are in recovery, get a sponsor and let them feel good about helping you. Needing helps sometimes does not keep you out of the helping crowd.

Make a list and check things off.

Make lists of things you want to do someday, that proverbial bucket list or just things closer to home. Do you have projects that you have been meaning to get to ever since you moved into that house? They still are not done?

Would it surprise you to find that lots of people retire or sell the house and move away with all those projects never done?

If you start doing things around the house or in your own area, you will have some time to enjoy the results of those projects.

What would a tourist to your hometown do?

Many people have never been to a museum or seen the local tourist attractions unless a friend or family member came to town to visit and you had to take them around on a tour. Give yourself that tour.

Get moving, get doing, and see how your boredom runs away.

Now if you try to get into action and you find you can’t, that nothing is fun anymore, then you may have a clinical loss of pleasure. That is a symptom of depression in one of its flavors.

If you find you have depression or persistent sadness or whatever you chose to call it, consider getting professional help.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why you can’t make up your mind – Decisions.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Choice.

Choice.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Why is hard to make up your mind when you have multiple choices?

Choosing when you have multiple options can be difficult for several reasons.

There are two basic methods for making decisions, logical and emotional. As we saw in a previous post about Intuition neither way of making your choices is infallible.

Most choices are not clear-cut, all good or all bad. So we have to weigh the choices and then find some way of evaluating the good and the bad of each choice. When we get all done many of us fall back on our default mode to make our decision.

Not all choices are equal, so a fixed set of decision-making rules does not always work even though some people and some institutions adopt a systematic procedure for making those decisions. Below are some examples of choices

A good choice vs. a bad choice.

Which do you want ice cream or a beating? Ice cream good, beating bad, take the ice cream. Anyone having trouble making that decision?

Good vs. good.

At the party do you want cake or ice cream? This is a matter of preference, may take longer to decide but either is OK. It might be better if you could have both but that was not an option offered.

Good with the bad vs. bad with the good.

Your friend is having a party with cake ice cream and some champagne. You just went on a diet to get in shape for that reunion and you are trying to give up drinking. See friend and go off your diet?

You promised your workout friend that you would join her today at the gym. Last time you made an appointment she did not show.  Go to the gym and work out to lose the weight but risk her standing you up again?

Now add more good and bad.

There is this cute guy from work that may be at the party, so might your ex.

There is this other cute guy that you met at the gym but your ex’s new girlfriend is now working there.

The more pros and cons we add the more difficult it becomes to make a decision.

Remember that whether you try to choose rationally or emotionally you run into problems making that decision.

Rationally you never have all the info you would need. Who will show up where? You can’t know ahead of time and if you attribute probabilities to these events that still does not solve the problem.

Which would be worse? Running into your ex or his new girlfriend or both of them together?

One common approach to solving this dilemma is to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle put the reasons for choosing one in one column and the reasons for choice two in column 2.

Not much help is it. Is the risk of getting ice cream instead of cake more or less important than the risk of seeing your ex or his new girlfriend? Not all reasons are equal. We get into some calculus to solve this equation.

Worst of all by the time you get all the info you need and get the math done, the party is over and the gym has closed.

Also, choice decisions do not always s include all the alternatives. Make sure that the best choice is not left off your list. Also as with the cake or ice cream example, sometimes our action as in asking for both can alter the options available.

One last decision problem – time.

A dollar today is not equal to a dollar a year from now. Neither is exercising or eating cake. You could go to a party now and then exercise next week. A few weeks of that and you will not need your gym membership. You also will not be in top shape for the class reunion and that was the reason for your exercise and get a healthy program in the first place.

Sometimes you need to trust your gut.

This impossibility of getting enough info and then assigning probabilities and so on is why much of the time we humans use intuition. Based on past experiences and the degree of your preference you will choose one way or the other and then have to live the consequences.

One last factor you need to consider is the importance of your goal. You might do something distasteful for money. Say your boss asked you to go to a function and make a speech and your ex might be there. Would you do it to please him? Would you do it for $1.00 how about $1,000,000? The bigger the rewards the more you might choose one option over the other.

But what about the size of the negatives? If one choice might alter your life forever in a bad way would that affect your decision?

So these kinds of choices are very personal and reflect not just the pros and the cons or the chances one thing or the other will work out, they also reflect your personal goals and values.

Your goals and values shape your choices.

To make better choices on difficult decisions you really need to get to know yourself, your goals, and your values. Then pick what is best for you.

Any comments from out there? Have you had to make a difficult choice and how did you finally go about deciding.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

More on how to be happy

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happy faces

Happiness.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

What does happy look like?

Happy is one of those things we talk about, we all say we want it, but when it comes down to the directions on getting from here to happy, we are all fuzzy on just how you get there.

Does this look like happy?

It may well that you can’t get there from here. Maybe you need to first go somewhere else, like contentment and then you turn right, or is it left? And yes happy is right around the corner from contentment.

Happy may well be the last street after acceptance and serenity.

Since happiness is so hard to describe we might do better when we see it.

Here are a few photos that could start you on the road to becoming an expert on happiness. Knowing what to look for couldn’t hurt. We all used to know what happy looked like once, even if we never actually felt that way.

Happy Cat. Maybe, this is a Zen master cat and has mastered no attachment, or maybe this cat just doesn’t care.

Not sure how we would know if a cat were happy. Maybe by the purring?

I asked my cat but she is ignoring me.

Happy child, yes that looks happy.

There we have it. A Happy we can tell when we see it.

Children don’t try to hide happy the way some adults do. They haven’t forgotten what happy feels like yet.

Some people say they never feel happy.

Never feeling happy, that is some form of depression, somewhere between Persistent Depressive Disorder (The old dysthymia) and Major Depressive Disorder. It is the result of something that actually happened then that could be a stress issue, as in Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood.

We, professionals, have all sorts of descriptions for unhappy but nowhere, that I see, are their clinical descriptors for “too happy.”

We will just have to take the risk and try one more picture. Maybe that will help us recognize happy the next time it crops up.

There do you have it? Can you recognize happy the next time it greets you?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel