Tag Archives: By David Joel Miller

The voices in your head – depression, anxiety and fear – they lie

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

The voices in your head, depression anxiety, and fear – they lie
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Should you listen to those voices in your head?

You know the ones I mean, the doubt, the discouragement, the thoughts of depression, and anxiety. Those voices that tell you things will never be better. They say you can’t do this and you must do that. Those voices are maintaining your emotional and mental problems.

We all have those voices in our heads at times. The ones that tell us we must do something or that we will never be able to do something. How we interpret those voices makes all the difference.

Those voices in your head and you do not need to be psychotic to hear them, they arise from all sorts of things. They can be the voices of negative people from your past. Remember that those adults that told you depressing, hurtful things, they may have had an emotional problem also. It is not unusual for a depressed parent to pass those voices of despair down to their descendants.

Not all voices in our heads are negative. Sometimes they are telling us valuable information, memories from our happy experiences. But remember other times what they say are outright lies. How can you tell the difference?

Frequently, that thing we call a voice in our head is our own thoughts, thoughts heavily influenced by our emotional state.  When we are in a bad mood, down and dejected, those voices talk of doom and gloom, the tales of the depressed.

Some people take this to be the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Our thoughts are telling us we should or shouldn’t do or think a particular thing.

If you are more philosophical than religious you might frame this as a conflict between your conscience and your desires. If that voice in your head is telling you to go ahead and do it, you can get away with it this one time. That is probably your desires. If the voice says that what you are thinking about is wrong – that might be your conscience. But there are exceptions.

Others of us will interpret those “voices” in our heads, those thoughts that sound so convincing that they must come from somewhere else, as messages from God or our higher power.  If you get that thought, be careful to check out this message with your spiritual adviser. The God talking to you may be a function of your emotional problems.

Another source of those “voices in your head” is the things you have been told in the past. Under times of stress, and most of life is stressful, memories of what we have been told come back.

What we constantly need to ask ourselves is – are these voices telling the truth?

Believing that because you have a sudden thought, that you must do a particular thing, can result in a lot of problems.

More cognitive humans might interpret these “voices” as automatic thoughts. Over time the things we tell ourselves and are told become so a part of us that we think these thoughts as if they were facts. Those ideas are our automatic default ways of believing even when they do not match the facts of the current situation.

These voices in our heads become problematic when we lose the ability to dispute what they are saying. We do not need to believe everything that we think. What we tell ourselves may only be true because we say it.

If you find that those voices will not be silent even when you command them. If those voices take on a personality of their own, then it is time for professional help and probably medication.

But short of a true psychotic experience, we all have those recurring thoughts that might at times sound like voices telling us things. Whether those voices are the memories of what you were told as a child or are your own imaginings, remember that sometimes the voices lie.

Not only are some of our self-talk lies but what those old voices in your head are telling you, that may be lies also.

What has your depression, bipolar, anxiety, or other emotional problem been telling you? Are your internal voices telling you the truth or has your depression been telling you lies again?

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Men don’t only want one thing! Ladies you’ve been misled.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Sex?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

It takes way more than sex to keep a man’s interest.

The spring falling-in-love season is about over, the summer wedding season has begun. The divorce and break up season, that season is pretty much year-round.

Women who come for counseling and they mostly come during and after the breakup, repeatedly tell me, and remember I am a man, that men only want one thing.

Women seem to think that all men expect in a relationship is sex. They are so wrong. Men want sex, yes they do. It is a biological imperative for men to make that contribution to the continuation of the human race. But ladies if you think that is all it takes to keep a man happy no wonder so many relationships are in trouble.

It takes more than great sex to keep a relationship happy and functional.

For your edification ladies, men in after-the-break-up counseling, they say Women only want one thing. What they think women want is way different from what you ladies say they want. I will tell you about what men think is the only thing you women want in a future post.

What do men want other than sex?

Women seem to think, some of you anyway, that you spread your legs apart and the man should be happy. Then when he does not do what you want, you withdraw the sex and say he only wanted one thing. He was settling for the thing you offered but many men want so much more than just sex.

Some women use sex to get the man hooked – The old bait and switch.

Try taking your kids to the amusement park, let them ride the roller-coaster once. Then plan to spend the rest of the day looking at the flowers and the decor. How long till they feel cheated and want to go home.

For men, sex is symbolic as well as physical. If you love me you would want to do that. So they find it hard to believe you genuinely care about them if the sex is not happening. They think you should want to give them this gift. Women, on the other hand, want to feel loved before they are interested in sex. So we do the love dance, do you love me or not and each couple finds the time and place to complete the dance and engage in sex.

Some of you start at the end of the dance and then wonder why neither of you knows the steps to keep it going.

What else do men want?

Men want to know that they can make you happy.

In the courting stage, you let him know he was making you happy.  You laughed at his jokes, smiled when you saw him, and talked about the things he was interested in.

One day after you two are together, you stop laughing at his jokes, you don’t want to hear about his team or his interests, and if he leaves his socks on the floor one more time that will be the end of the sex.

Men hang in there for a while, some longer than others, but if nothing he does pleases you and then you stop telling him you love him in the bedroom, you know the rest.

Men want to be with someone who likes them.

All-day they are out at work. People are critical. then the man comes home and what does his partner and lover do? She tells him all the things he is doing wrong.

When you were dating he thought you liked him. Suddenly he is living with a person who thinks he is an SOS (sack of stuff.)

I know you ladies think you are being helpful telling him all the things he could improve on, but he knows he is not perfect. He just would like to come home to someone who could affirm he is a worthwhile person. He needs someone in his house, his castle, who thinks he is a great guy.

So ladies when you decide you no longer need to affirm his worth, that it is your sworn duty to tell him all his flaws, is it any wonder he goes looking for those affirmations from his therapist or his mistress?

So ladies, if you think all men want, is sex, you are putting your man on an emotional starvation diet. Eventually, you will get tired of giving him the sex and then things will be all over.

Men need affirmation to know they can make you happy, they need appreciation for what they do and they need to know that you still like them and want them. It takes a full course emotional meal to keep a man’s love needs fed.

There is that other secret men keep. Many men are convinced that women only want one thing and it is not always something men have to give. Next post the thing men say is “all women want” in the relationship and why this pushes men away.

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why Sunday scares me, believing nothing does not increase tolerance

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Faith.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Sunday is becoming more confusing than ever.

I am feeling a little scared each and every Sunday largely because of the way my neighborhood chooses to celebrate this day.

Actually, to be truthful, the whole weekend thing is scaring me. Weekends used to make sense but not anymore.

This uneasiness is not solely because of the number of religious observances that occur over most weekends but also because I see a shift in the dominant religion and I am not sure I can fully embrace this new faith.

Most of my neighbors have abandoned the small local church, synagogue, or other religious establishments in favor of monstrous temples dedicated to crass commercial consumption. The place of worship that seated one or two hundred has been replaced by the hundred thousand square foot place dedicated to the worship of a god known only by the name “More.”

All my neighbors seem to need to make weekly or more frequent pilgrimages to these palaces and they return with their vehicles laden with sacred venerable articles of the new faith in mass consumption. Buy more and the country and you will prosper.

The custom used to be to make donations to the work of the Lord, whatever particular lord or lady you chose to venerate, and then expect some form of blessing in the future.

Not anymore.

Now you load up your car with big screens, fashionable semi-clothing, and other shiny trinkets, and then having received your blessings in advance you make a legally binding promise to continue to pay your alms on the monthly installment plan.

The banks and credit card companies are only too willing to do the work of the Great God of Manufacturing.

I try to be understanding of this new faith. I am accustomed to the concept that the entire weekend may include religious ceremonies on Friday evening Saturday or Sunday. Some faiths have worshiped by day and some by night. Some even worship outside. Some get dressed up and some were nothing or next to nothing. A smaller few even pray.

But this newfangled faith in the God of Things has taken to conducting their sacraments, called doing business, at all hours of the day and night. Some temples to consumerism are now open 24 hours a day seven days a week.

Can any heavenly God without a distribution warehouse match those hours?

I had fully expected that the rapidly expanding multiculturalism of this world would lead to more tolerance (religious not chemical tolerance.) It has not.

My neighbors who consider shopping a religious duty are beginning to look askance at my reluctant consumerism.

I have the anti-religious approach of driving my car until the parts can no longer be found for her in the wrecking yard. In deference to Mother Earth and my local political guru, I do get her smog checked on a regular basis.

My neighbors are beginning to indicate that my older car is both a detriment to the neighborhood and some form of religious sacrilege.

There are in fact an entire constellation of religious artifacts that are beyond my comprehension. I cannot invoke any I-prayers on my I-tablet nor am I familiar with blue rays or any other colored rays for that matter.

I would like to find the freedom to practice my own religion in my own way but the nightly broadcast media tells me that I am not doing either my religious or civic duty because I have not made any major purchases this month.

I am willing to greet the usual assortment of religious proselytizers that occasionally reach my doorstep. Recently, however, there has been a radical influx of missionaries devoted to more opulent consumption who tell me I am shirking my duty by not buying a host of products from vacuum cleaners for the hardwood floor to weekly specials on USDA rejected beef.

I had expected more religious tolerance, but somehow my efforts at frugality are seen as undermining the common morals.

Clearly with church attendance continuing to decline and a host of new religions vying for our membership there is less, not more, tolerance on matters of personal belief and practice.

For those of you have not yet done so – go buy something before Sunday is over. I am occupied for the moment watching a little bird outside my window as he scratches through the lawn looking for free seeds and bugs. He has not yet gotten the message that the duty to spend is awaiting.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Alcohol and Drug tolerance?

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Drugs.

Drugs.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

When it comes to drugs and alcohol tolerance is not a good thing!

If your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor has begun to talk with you about tolerance and your drug use this is a bad sign. The concept of tolerance when applied to drugs, and alcohol is a drug also, is a very different idea than when applied to civil rights.

Alcoholic tolerance does not mean that you are OK with a drunk sleeping on your lawn. It also does not mean that you are good with sleeping on other people’s lawns on the night you are too drunk to get home. Tolerance for the ill person is a commendable thing. Building up a tolerance to a drug of choice is not.

If your body develops a tolerance for the drug, that is a serious problem.

From here on we will use the definition of a drug as “anything that goes into your body and changes functioning or thought that is not food.” So yes Alcohol is a drug and so are prescribed medications whether you have the prescription or not. Remember also that this is written from a counselor’s perspective so if you have questions of a medical or legal nature ask your doctor or lawyer.

Alcoholic tolerance is about the ways in which your body and your mind become accustomed to the presence of alcohol or another drug of choice. As a result of having lots of this drug in your system, you begin to change from the inside out.

Tolerance along with Withdrawal are two of the hallmark, identifiable characteristics of addiction or alcoholism. Doctors might define this as chemical dependency but the concept is essentially the same.

Tolerance is that natural adaptive skill your body has to resist things in you that are not normally there.

So the first time you drink you will have a low tolerance. Once the liver has experienced the presence of alcohol it will ramp up and begin to produce more of the enzymes that break down the alcohol. Each successive time you drink you will need more alcohol to feel as drunk as last time. Over time you will develop a tolerance that means you can “hold your liquor” better and better.

This ability to “Hold your liquor” or other drug is not a good thing. It indicates that your body is already changing as a result of use.

As you develop higher tolerance you will feel less drunk or high than before resulting in a need or desire for more of the drug to get that same effect that you used to get.

For some drugs, this is described as “chasing the high” as users find that they can never recreate that first using experience. Over time you will need more and more drugs to get the same or similar effect and the same amount you used to use will produce less and less of an effect.

This does not mean that the danger from use is declining. Just the opposite.

I have worked with clients whose blood alcohol content (or level) was above .32 (read as point 32). Since .08 is legally drunk in this state, that person is drunk enough for four people.

They were talking and walking around just like any normal person, or close to it. How? Because this person practiced drinking on a daily basis. Does that mean that they were OK? Not a chance.

While they may be able to talk coherently and even walk a line close to the way a non-intoxicated person would, behind the wheel they would hit anything that was out there, on the road or not. In that condition a, person who is driving has been known to drive right into the tail lights of a parked car not recognizing that the car was not moving.

People in this state of high tolerance can and do die without ever realizing the risks.

Lots of heroin overdose deaths are a result of this tolerance phenomenon.

A person has a certain level of Heroin use, over time they need to increase the amount they use as their body builds tolerance. One day they get arrested. They are in jail for a while, say thirty days. Over that time the body resets. Their tolerance to their drug of choice goes down.

Now they get released from jail. When they get home they find that packet of drugs they had tucked away. They use exactly the same amount of the same drug as they were using the day before their arrest. They overdose and if medical attention is not fast enough they die.

Why did this happen? Because over the time in jail while they were not using their tolerance declined.

So if you stay off the drugs for a while then your tolerance will decline and you can start over using a small amount occasionally? Lots of alcoholics think this way. Give them a year of not drinking and they think they are cured and can safely drink again.

What we are told is that once the body increases its ability to neutralize that drug of choice that increased capacity may take a vacation but it is still there. An alcoholic who has not had a drink for 5 years can develop the same tolerance and use pattern they had before they quit in days rather than the years it took the first time.

Tolerance even after a long period of not using comes back fast and strong.

The moral here is that if you have begun to develop tolerance or have used long enough to have this result you will probably never return to safe use.

This tolerance effect explains why some prescribed medications need to be increased in dosage after a period of use. Sometimes doctors have to switch meds if you build up too much tolerance to one medication.

Not every drug results in tolerance at the same rate. Some drugs can be used for years and little or no tolerance develops. With other drugs, tolerance develops so rapidly that if you use the drug one day it will have no effect on you the next day. I won’t tell you which drug that is but those of you who use it know what I am talking about.

I should also point out that most street drugs, drugs of abuse, are much more likely to produce rapid tolerance and the resulting addiction than most prescribed medications but there are exceptions to that rule.

When in doubt about the physical signs and symptoms of tolerance consult your doctor. If you are having behavioral or emotional issues as a result of using to the point of tolerance then consider treatment or counseling.

This discussion about tolerance has focused on changes in physical tolerance. There are also characteristic mental and emotional changes that can occur as a result of drug use. For more on those mental health issues look under co-occurring disorders in the list of topics this blog covers.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

4 Ethical Loopholes strangle therapists

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Ethical loopholes strangle.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

4 Ethical Loopholes Strangle Therapists – Part 1.

Therapists who violate codes of ethics harm clients; they also may lose their licenses or ruin their carriers. Often these ethical breaches start with thinking that there might be sometimes when it is OK to make an exception to an ethical standard.

Not following ethical guidelines can harm clients. Making exceptions to ethical codes can be fatal flaws.

Therapists are taught codes of ethics in school. We take exams that include questions on laws and ethics or may even need to take a separate law and ethics exam. Every few years most of us have to take a refresher course in law and ethics. Still, people violate these guidelines. Why?

Somewhere down the line, some professionals start looking for loopholes, exceptions to those ethical requirements. When they do this, put their head through that ethical loophole, too often they can get strangled and lose their licenses or lose the trust of their clients.

Four ethical violations seem to create the most problems for clients and therapists. Most of these violations start with the professional think that while this rule is a good one there might be times when someone, not them of course, but another therapist, might do this and that would be OK. Once you have been able to picture a time when there might be an exception to this ethical rule it is likely that you will cross that boundary and try to put your head through that loophole.

Most therapists think immediately about the ethical standard that says no sex with clients. They know that if you think that might EVER be OK then you are at risk to do it. While this is huge for therapists, it may not be the ethical violation that harms the client the most.

Here are the Big 4 ethical violations in their order of harm to the client

1. Not keeping what clients say confidential.

When I get away from other professionals, out in the community this comes up more than I thought it would. Look at the list of top posts on this blog. Month after month people search for information about what is and is not kept confidential. Unfortunately, I also hear too many stories about how a therapist told that client’s story somewhere, someone recognized them from the story and this has hurt them when a family member, friend, or boss found out.

Knowing that the way counseling helps is because of the relationship and that strict confidentiality is fundamental to that confidentiality, how do so many professionals cross that line?

The first stretch through this loophole often happens innocently. Here is a HYPOTHETICAL example.

The therapist is somewhere and is asked about a particular mental health disorder. “Is there any treatment for Trichotillomania?”

“Sure there is, the therapist says. “I saw a client recently with Trichotillomania. She has suffered a trauma and began pulling out her hair uncontrollably, almost unconsciously. I treated her using treatment “X” and she got better.”

So far so good. But the therapist wants to sound great, impress this person, and get more referrals. He or she is thinking maybe I should become the authority on treating trichotillomania in this town. So they go on to tell more.

This was a tough case you know. Her family is very influential in this town. Her father is a prominent politician in this town and he did not want this getting out in his district or it might affect his reelection campaign. That district on the “X” side of town is awful conservative.

Is there a problem now? Sure there is. This is way too much information and has identified that client to anyone who thinks about this for over 5 seconds.

One little story – what harm?

But the next time the story gets more elaborate and before long this clinician is talking about their clients all over. They even decide to warn their church group about that sexual offender that has moved in on the same block as the church. What harm can there be in helping people keep their children safe?

The harm comes first because they have violated that client’s trust and eventually someone will find out and then it turns major. The harm may also include attacks on that client. Sometimes that registered sex offender, the one that the counselor warned people about, what he did was when he was 18 he had sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend and her parents pressed charges. This couple since has gotten married but he could still turn up on a list of sexual offenders.

If this therapist has a private practice and people find out about this they may just stop going to see them. But if the clients are low-income and have to go to a government-funded clinic they may not be allowed to change therapists. They may just stop coming and they will be counted, not as victims of the system but as treatment failures and drop-outs.

You would think a profession like counseling would police itself. Not usually. The complaint in this situation is most effective if it comes from the client. But then the client already afraid because of the harm done to them, that registered sex offender or Muslim may be getting death threats at this point, probably just wants to escape the system.

Other professionals may hesitate to report this. It is their word against the others. Whistleblowers can and do get punished. Also because this happened to a client there may be minimal ways that this can be reported by another counselor without violating this client’s confidentiality again. All of these are ethical and practical concerns.

Oh my! I am past 900 words and have only talked about one of four ways ethical boundary violations hurt clients.

One caution here – Ethical guidelines are just that “Guidelines” not hard and fast rules. So any professional, at any point, is in danger and may have a problem with something. What I am talking about here are the big problems and the professionals who repeatedly break these ethical principles.

In the future, I want to talk about other ethical problems also. My plan is to talk about one of these problems each Friday for the next three weeks. This post was mainly aimed at counselors and would-be counselors, but then I thought others might be interested in the ethical dilemmas we confront.

Here are ethical issues number two, three, and four.

2. Thinking that it is OK to party a little. If you just chip on the weekends how can that hurt clients?

3. Dual Relationships, hiring clients to work for you, getting them to loan you money or loaning them money, especially getting into investments together.

4. Falling in love and getting into sexual relationships with clients. We all want to believe in Snow White and Prince Charming but if a therapist falls in love with a client who came to him with a mental illness, this may turn out more like a sexual predator than a prince.

Let’s look at these three problems over the next three weeks.

Since we are over on words today I will skip the links to other stuff, you know where to find me. Check the categories to the right for more on other mental health and substance abuse issues.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What will the therapist tell me about trust? Trust issues

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Trust.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay

What if I tell my therapist that I have trust issues?

Here is what I tell clients with trust issues. I am not too sure just what others may say and would encourage both professionals and clients to leave comments about trust issues.

1. Trust is not an all or nothing thing.

The mistake we often make is we either trust too much, trust completely, or do not trust at all. There are plenty of friends that I trust, mostly, with some things, but I do not trust every friend from work with the pin number to my ATM.

Many people who say that they have trust issues have a habit of jumping into a relationship without getting to know the other person, and then when they are let down, they feel this person is not to be trusted.

This pattern of moving into over-close and trusting relationships too quickly sets you up when the other person is unwilling or unable to meet your expectations.

Be sure in getting into a relationship, any relationship, and that includes friendships, that you take the time to get to know the other person, and find how much you can trust them and about what subjects.

This does not mean that you need to eliminate everyone from your life that you are not able to trust completely 100%. If you cut all the people, who are less than total trustworthy you may find yourself very alone. There are days I don’t even trust myself completely, but I like being with me anyway.

2. People who tell you things may believe them.

People say things, they think they are true but what they say may still be wrong. People often say that others have lied to them and as a result, they can’t trust anyone. This often happens when someone in a new relationship repeats things that others have told them. They believe what they say, and they may just be trying to be helpful but if the “facts” they have repeated turn out to not be true the other person who acted on the basis of those facts is likely to feel cheated or deceived.

Consider that the person telling you this may be wrong or mistaken and check the facts before you take action based on what someone else has told you.

3. Counseling is a corrective emotional experience.

For this relationship, to be helpful, you need to be able to trust the counselor. If you don’t, you need to look at why you are having difficulty trusting. Remember that no matter how much you trust that professional there are limits to what secrets they can keep. If you tell them you plan to kill someone they will not keep your secret. If you talk about child abuse, they will probably be required to tell that also.

Trust in this, and any other relationship should build over time based on how the other person handles the things you tell them.

4. Remember that people, even professionals can make mistakes.

Generally, professionals are “trustworthy, ” but occasionally we find one that is not. They may take unfair advantage of you. Take your time to get to know them and then make your judgment about how much you can trust them and with what.

This extends to friends and relatives also. We often have competing loyalties. Withholding facts from one friend can seem like dishonesty. Telling that person can violate the trust of another person. In romantic relationships, we tend to trust a lot when we want things to work. Later when the relationship goes sour, and that partner tells someone else our secrets we will feel betrayed and that our trust has been violated.

5. Most people have trust issues for good reasons.

The reason you have trust issues may well be that you trusted someone too much in the past and they let you down. If you have an experience in life of having your trust betrayed it is reasonable and normal to have trust issues with that and related issues in the future.

Remember that some people make a habit out of lying. They get what they want by not telling the truth. People in an active addiction get their needs met by misleading others. Sometimes the person you believed has lied so much it has become automatic behavior.

Consider who you are trusting and do they deserve your trust. Especially be cautious if this person has violated the trust of others in the past. What makes you expect to be the one person that they tell the truth to?

6. People who are not trustworthy often find it hard to trust others.

The person who tells me they are suspicious that their partner is cheating and who wants me to find out what others in their family are up to is often the person who has cheated or has done other things they do not want the family to know about.

If you are dishonest, it makes it harder for you to trust others.

Build your ability to trust by following these simple rules.

1. Pick people who are generally trustworthy.

2. Get to know them and build trust with them gradually watching what they do with little secrets before disclosing larger ones.

3. Make sure you are trustworthy. The old saying goes it is hard to con an honest person. Liars set themselves up to be deceived.

4. Make sure you are able to trust yourself most of the time. When you let yourself down be quick to forgive.

Here is hoping that you are able to overcome your “trust issues” and begin to trust yourself and others in appropriate ways.

David Joel Miller, LMFT, LPCC

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Is it the Bipolar or is it me? Confusion and self-doubt.

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Who am I?
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

The struggles to find you when you have Bipolar or another mental illness.

People who grow up with a mental illness have a difficult time finding out who they are separate from their disorder. The younger you are when the symptoms start the more difficult it is to find out who you are during those times the symptoms are at a severe point. People with other mental illnesses may experience this same confusion but it is easiest to illustrate by discussing the effects of Bipolar Disorder on self-doubt.

Youth with Bipolar disorder have a second set of tasks to navigate over and above those all teen’s experience. Finding you who you are is a necessary task of adolescence. Much of that sense of self is developed as a result of the experiences you have. For the person with Bipolar Disorder, the person who has those experiences changes depending on the severity of symptoms.

In the early stages of the disorder, the disease goes largely undiagnosed. The person who will someday get that bipolar diagnosis may spend 20 years or more struggling with out of control emotions before they discover that those unpredictable mood swings are a result of their disease, not some defect in who they are.

When you have symptoms, try to control them, but find you are out of control more than in, it is easy to begin to doubt yourself and to begin to hate yourself. Before receiving their diagnosis many youths with Bipolar Disorders have been led to believe they are “bad kids” and that they should be able to do things they find far outside their abilities.

The person with Bipolar Disorder will experience a large discrepancy between who they are supposed to be and who they are. Despite their best efforts, who they feel they are, will change depending on whether they are in a manic, hypomanic, depressive, or mixed phase.

The peak onset for Bipolar is between fifteen and nineteen years of age, precisely those late teen years when you need to establish who you are as a separate person from your caregivers and friends.

The earlier the onset of Bipolar Disorder the more difficult it becomes to define what is the disorder and what part of these feelings and behaviors are you.

Often the person with Bipolar will report that they don’t know how they feel. A given situation will make them feel happy one day and sad or angry the next. This creates extreme self-doubt.

Having a mind or body that betrays you can lead to self-hate. In the early stages of Bipolar Disorder, before the diagnosis, there is a high risk that you will come to hate yourself for having uncontrollable and unpredictable moods.

Clients sometimes report during a severe episode “This is not who I am.” They have the feeling that there are three or more of them, the depressed person, the manic person and sometimes there is that person that is them without the symptoms.

Someone with Bipolar Disorder may find that they shift between being an introvert and being an extrovert depending on the state of their illness. They can easily become confused as to which is the real them.

After a particularly manic episode or a really low depressive episode, the person with Bipolar Disorder may find themselves saying “That is not me, I don’t want to be like that.”

The result of all these conflicts in their self-image can leave a person in the early phase of Bipolar Disorder with negative self-beliefs. These beliefs are likely to persist into adulthood and then change slowly if at all. The person that they find themselves to be on medication or after therapy is a whole different person to the previous untreated person.

One risk for the undiagnosed person is the tendency to become a chameleon. Not knowing who they really are deep down they try to blend in and assume the roles of others around them. This results in an unstable self that is one way today and another tomorrow.

A common refrain is “I don’t like myself.” Or “I can’t do anything right.” Shaking these beliefs and sorting out who you are separate from your disorder is a difficult but necessary process.

Because of the mood swings between depression and mania the person with bipolar disorder faces unique challenges in finding who they really are separate from their diagnosis.

People with other mental and emotional problems will expertise these conflicts in varying ways. The key task is to learn that you are not your diagnosis and that your condition does not define who and what you will become.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Why the therapist doesn’t care about your problems- unit of treatment

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Counseling questions

Counseling questions.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Does it feel like the therapist only cares about the other person?

Sometimes you go for therapy, with a person you think of as “your therapist” only to find they don’t really want to talk about you or your problems. They are only interested in your family member’s problems. What is going on here?

One problem for therapists is defining the “unit of treatment.” A good therapist will try to explain this to you at the beginning, but sometimes they don’t, and sometimes in the crisis of the moment you don’t get the details. Let me explain a couple of situations where this may be occurring.

When one member of the family has been seeing a counselor and now they want the counselor to help them with their relationship with another family member. Let’s say the client is a twenty-something woman and she has conflicts with her mother.

Mom gets invited to the next session. Mom wants to talk about how difficult it is getting along with her daughter and how she had to raise the daughter all by herself and now mom’s depression has been interfering with her life. Mom would like more respect and caring from her daughter.

The therapist does not want to hear about mom’s history of problems with depression, her hard life, and all the times the daughter disrespected her mother. The therapist wants to talk about their last fight and how mom could better support her daughter by being more understanding of the daughter’s mental health problems. What has gone wrong here?

The therapist is the DAUGHTERS therapist.

The unit of treatment is the DAUGHTER. They are not going to spend time on mom’s problems. If mom needs therapy then she needs to get her own therapist.

In this situation, Mom is a guest in the daughter’s therapy session. This can sometimes be referred to as a collateral session. A collateral session is all about how the guest can help the identified patient. If you ever get this kind of invite you should ask some questions. Is this for both of you to work out problems or are you only there so that the other party can tell you why you hurt them and they are expected you to do something to help them?

As a guest, you do not get confidentiality. You are not the therapist’s client and if you disclose that time you did something wrong you may get reported even if this is not a mandated reportable situation. Also if the daughter has told the therapist about things she has done in the past to the mother, like steal her money and forge her signature, the therapist can’t break confidentiality and tell mom.

Another situation that causes a lot of confusion is when a person is being seen for individual therapy and then asks their partner to join this. Say the woman above now wants to do some sessions with her husband.

Is this a request to stop individual therapy and begin couples therapy? Or is this an effort to bring the partner in to learn how to be more supportive and helpful to the wife?

This is an awful situation for a lot of men. They have talked with me in individual sessions repeatedly about how they went to a session with the wife and felt bushwhacked. The therapist, sometimes with a very feminist point of view, spent the session telling the husband how it was his fault, that all women are oppressed by their husbands and he is to blame for their marital problems.

Now any good marriage therapist knows or should know, that taking sides is likely to make the conflict between the partner’s worse and is not going to help the relationship. We should always be neutral. But if you have spent months listening to a client tell you all the awful things their spouse does to them, it is very tempting to turn this into a “heart to heart talk” by creating a safe place for your client to tell their spouse off.

This kind of session usually ends up in a blowout argument and possible violence or an end to the relationship. Counselors who do this sort of work should warn their clients to come in separate cars because after beating up on one of the partners there is no way that person is likely to give in say it was all my fault and go home to do as told.

If you go to a session with your partner’s therapist and this is not to begin couples therapy, expect it to be ALL about them and not you. A few therapists can handle this well and help the couple or family work some things out, but just who is here for treatment should be clarified at the start of the session.

The last example I will give is the parent, usually mom, who takes the child for therapy. They expect the therapist to help them cope with raising this defiant, belligerent child. What happens is that the session becomes all about how mom can be a better more nurturing parent and what the developmental needs of the child are at this age. She is instructed to spend more time reading to her child, help him with his homework, and make sure to walk him to and from school to increase his sense of security. The sessions are all about the child.

Never mind that mom does not sleep nights because of the nightmares from the abusive violent relationship or that dad is away in prison for what he did to mom and child. Mom also wants help with how she as a single parent is supposed to work two jobs to support her kids and still do all this with the identified patient child. As much as she loves this child and knows he needs her attention she has three others who also need attention. What has gone wrong here?

The unit of treatment is the child, not the family.

Mom gets only the help that relates to her ability to help her son. Now sometimes the therapist will shift the focus and start helping mom. The risk then is that the therapist will side with mom and spend the sessions beating up on the child, telling him he is a bad person and that everything is his fault. A good therapist will balance all these needs and help the whole family but this is a difficult task.

There are a whole lot more issues around children in therapy we need to look at. Can they consent, do they get confidentiality, and if so how much? Can an 8-year-old really consent to treatment? Is telling him he is the bad child an institutionalized form of child abuse?  And do we sometimes abuse the parent to make the child feel better? This post is running long and I need to leave those issues for other posts.

My conclusion is that there are good therapists who do a great job and not so good therapists who don’t do a good job of juggling these issues. Any time more than one person walks into a consulting room there are conflicts about whom we are helping and how we should be with the others.

Have you ever been to a therapist who just didn’t seem to care about your problems?

Related articles

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

Would a Genie help? Happiness by magic

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By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Happiness by magic wand.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Magic is about to happen.

In this quest for a happy life, it is easy to get confused, lost, and turned around. Sometimes we stumble over an obstacle or two or even end up in a deep hole. We lose sight of where we are going and get stuck in just getting by each day. The solution to our problems may be just around the other side of that big rock over there or behind any tree but if you are tired and discouraged, then it is hard to keep going.

Time for the Genie

Genies are magical creatures that can clap their hands, wave a wand, and change things instantly. Wands used to be exclusively for use by fairies but that was back when fairies were predominantly heterosexual. These days Genies have taken up using magic wands. Wands appear to work regardless of your sexual preference.

So imagine with me that you have just encountered a Genie carrying his magic wand. Because you and you alone have seen him he grants you 3 magic wishes. You must use them now or lose them. There are no “do-overs” and wishing for more wishes is not allowed.

What would you want?

This magic wish question is helpful in discovering our real desires. Not the things we say we want or the things we know we are supposed to want, but what do you really want?

I have asked this question of people young and old, on crisis psychiatric units and in residential treatment. The answers I get are amazing.

Some children list things – lots of things, that new video game and a better smartphone and – and –and. Other kids say things like “I wish my parents didn’t fight.” They want a safe place to live or food to eat. They are wishing for the things that are the necessities of life in my book.

So what three wishes do you have for this Genie?

Write those wishes down. Pull out the list of values you made earlier. If you are just joining us we made a list of values, things that really matter to us earlier. You can look back at that post if you chose.

Make sure these wishes are consistent with your values. Now keep that list of wishes. Take it out on a regular basis and see if you are any closer to these goals. Be forewarned that just accomplishing a goal will not make you happy. Happiness is an inside job. But you will never move forward if you don’t have a clear vision of where you want to go.

An example of progress towards happiness may help.

Let’s say that your values were that you wanted to have a better relationship with your kids. Your religious and spiritual values are really important to you. Right now you are stressed out from work and overcome with bills. That financial and job stress is making you so upset that you can’t really be present when you are with your kids. You find that when you are around them you are short-tempered and grouchy. So two of your wishes to the Genie were; that you had a less stressful job and that your bills were paid off.

Now you need to have a conversation with the Genie.

He could eliminate the job stress by getting you fired. No job, no stress – is that what you want?  Or he could give you some magic herbs that reduce stress. Careful here, lots of people opt for the herbs. You say herbs; the Genie has done his work and is gone. Now, what happens when the herbs run out? Lots of people reach for drugs or medications to relieve stress and discover they have become dependent on them. We call that addiction.

He could solve the bill stress. Get you evicted, no home, no more water, and power, or rent bills. Is that what you had in mind?

What else could the Genie do for you? Maybe he teaches yoga and meditation part-time. He could teach you relaxation techniques. Or he might also moonlight as a CBT therapist and teach you how to avoid “stressing yourself out” over work. Learning ways to reduce your stress at work might be just what the Genie ordered.

The Genie could also get you transferred to another department. But you don’t need him for that. You can put in for that transfer all on your own.

So what you have done here is develop a list of things that you would like the Genie to change. You have also thought about the how, the way in which you want him to make the changes.

For each change you want the Genie to make in your life, record the way in which he would do this and the steps that would take.

You might decide you want a new career. You need more education and training to get that new job. That means going back to school, which means applying to get in and taking a placement test. Don’t overload yourself. You did not give the Genie a time deadline to get this done. You just want him to start making the changes and so you need to know what the steps are that will make up those changes.

Wait – before you run out the door and start making all these changes. The Genie is trying to tell you something.

You are at the crossroads in your life and there is always danger at the crossroads. You need to hear what the Genie says about those dangers.

Next post I will tell you what the Genies warning was.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel

What is Situational Memory?

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6

By David Joel Miller, MS, Licensed Therapist & Licensed Counselor.

Memories.
Photo courtesy of pixabay.

Situational memory.

Situational memory sometimes called “Environmental context-dependent memory” refers to an ability to remember information when in one situation that you are unable to remember in another.

This condition is a lot like state-dependent learning but involves location rather than drug level in the bloodstream as the cause of difficulty in retrieving previously learned information. The existence of situational memory raises the question “Does situational memory influence recovery for those who have been in residential treatment or the hospital?”

Do rehab classes while someone is incarcerated result in knowledge they can use after release?  A simple example of the problem:

During the course of the week, I use several different computers in offices at varying locations. Sitting down at a particular computer workstation “cues” the memory for the password that is needed at that site. From one office I emailed myself a password-protected file that needed more work that night. Once home I found I was unable to remember the password.

The following day, back at the original location I was able to quickly open the file without hesitation despite the lack of anything in the room that contained or reminded me of the password. Simply moving from desk to desk cued my memory for the password.

In a classic example of this phenomenon, researchers found that students who were taught deep-sea diving skills in a classroom on dry land were unable to remember the skill once in the water (Godden, D.R.; Baddeley, 1975). To improve recall the skills needed to be learned under realistic conditions. The effect of context on memory has been one criticism of separating recovering people from their real work environment for treatment.

Do skills learned in rehab or hospitals continue to be remembered after return home?

Current practice is to include ongoing aftercare or relapse-prevention classes after the recovering person returns to the community. Situational memories may also affect those who suffer from PTSD.

Veterans who return to the scene of their service are likely to be “flooded” with returning memories. Watching a motion picture that includes events similar to these memories can also revive painful memories. Treatment for anxiety-based disorders which are triggered by re-exposure to places where a trauma occurred, especially obsessive-compulsive disorder, is likely to use an Exposure and Response Prevention method in which cues to the original memory are invoked while the person is supported in tolerating the distress this causes.

Situations, where we move from one location to another, can result in cases of situational memory or situational forgetting the “Doorway Effect.” Being cognitive misers we humans tend to save memory space by only retrieving knowledge in a situation where it is likely to be needed. Solutions to situational forgetting include over practice and rehearsal of skills and creating secondary memory assistance in the form of written lists or reminders placed where we will see the needed information when needed.

Many people in recovery display the serenity prayer or the twelve steps as a reminder to use their recovery skills in all situations.

It is not just the external situation that affects memory, the internal situation makes a difference also. Depressed people remember mostly negative depressing events. Laughing, smiling, and telling jokes, reduces the ability to access depressing memories. The neighborhood you are in when you are in your own head comes with a landscape full of memories. Since memory has situational components, avoiding the place in which you learned something can result in forgetting of the things learned there.

Recovering people are well-advised to avoid old people, places, and things. Anything that cues urges to use or to engage in other behavior that interferes with recovery can be reduced by substituting new positive cues for the old negative ones.

Staying connected with David Joel Miller

Seven David Joel Miller Books are available now!

My newest book is now available. It was my opportunity to try on a new genre. I’ve been working on this book for several years, but now seem like the right time to publish it.

Story Bureau.

Story Bureau is a thrilling Dystopian Post-Apocalyptic adventure in the Surviving the Apocalypse series.

Baldwin struggles to survive life in a post-apocalyptic world where the government controls everything.

As society collapses and his family gets plunged into poverty, Baldwin takes a job in the capital city, working for a government agency called the Story Bureau. He discovers the Story Bureau is not a benign news outlet but a sinister government plot to manipulate society.

Bumps on the Road of Life. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, low motivation, or addiction, you can recover. Bumps on the Road of Life is the story of how people get off track and how to get your life out of the ditch.

Dark Family Secrets: Doris wants to get her life back, but small-town prejudice could shatter her dreams.

Casino Robbery Arthur Mitchell escapes the trauma of watching his girlfriend die. But the killers know he’s a witness and want him dead.

Planned Accidents  The second Arthur Mitchell and Plutus mystery.

Letters from the Dead: The third in the Arthur Mitchell mystery series.

What would you do if you found a letter to a detective describing a crime and you knew the writer and detective were dead, and you could be next?

Sasquatch. Three things about us, you should know. One, we have seen the past. Two, we’re trapped there. Three, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to our own time.

For these and my upcoming books; please visit my Author Page – David Joel Miller

Want the latest blog posts as they publish? Subscribe to this blog.

For videos, see: Counselorssoapbox YouTube Video Channel